Julie woke to the sound of someone beating at the door the next morning. The day before had been awkward at best. Her new intern seemed to have a thing for older women, or at least for her. She kept things incredibly professional, but Cade hadn't made it easy. His attention made her feel attractive, but not in a way she really needed, appreciated. Being the object of someone’s unfounded lust was a little disturbing and yet she could feel herself slipping into the immaturity of looking forward to it.

"What? Damn..." She got out of bed and pulled her long hair into a high bun before slipping her robe over her shorty shorts and tank top. Whoever was at the door wasn't coming in, so no need to get dressed.

The last person she expected to see was Simon, and yet it made perfect sense that he was there. He promised to come get his stuff, but she hadn't taken him seriously.

"Hey. I brought you a coffee just like you like it." He winked and slipped in, walking past her and into the kitchen like he still lived in the place.

"Come on in," she mumbled and shut the door before pulling her robe around her and tightening the strings. "Are you here to get your stuff?"

He stuck his head out from the kitchen and smiled. "I am. You asked me to and I want to show you that I respect you. But..."

"But what?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips and tilting her head.

"But, you have to help me. I'm not suffering this alone, though I deserve to." He picked up the cup and handed it to her. "For you."

She took it and let her eyes move down the length of him. His white t-shirt fit really good on top of his low cut blue jeans. The sandals were a bit off for the cold weather, but he had taken very little from the house, so surely he was running low on clothing options. His glasses were perched on his nose, which meant he drank too much the night before or hadn't slept well.

She preferred him with his glasses. It left him looking dignified and yet sexy as hell. Like the good boy who pretended he wouldn't when you damn well knew that he would. And Simon always did.

Stifling a shiver, she lifted her coffee to her lips and took a tentative sip. "Delicious."

"Good. I'll grab the boxes from the truck I borrowed and we'll get started. I'll be out of your hair by lunch." He moved past her, his eyes remaining on her face.

"Okay. I have the afternoon shift at the hospital." She took another sip and glanced over her shoulder, thinking he might check her out from behind. He didn't.

"Me too," he called from a distance. 

"What the hell?" she grumbled and set the coffee down before tugging the robe off. It might be stupid, but getting Cade's unwanted attention left her craving Simon's desire. He was her age and knew her backward and forward. Being with him made far more sense.

Am I thinking of being with Cade? Hell no! She turned as he walked back in, his thick arms wrapped around a big package of empty boxes.

He paused and took her in before shaking his head and putting the package down. "Got some scissors?" He moved toward her and again kept his eyes on her face.

"They're in your office where they always are." She reached out and brushed something off the front of his shirt. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Me too. I acted out of desire and need. I shouldn't have attacked you like that. Forgive me." He winked and turned, walking to his office and leaving her standing there.

She hadn't meant anything about him attacking her. She wanted the passion, the heat. The apology was for turning into a spaz. She let out a long breath and went back into the kitchen. Maybe it was for the best that they couldn't seem to get on the same page. As much as she missed him, it wouldn't take anything to tell him to leave his shit and move back in.

"I don't see them, ba... Um, I mean Jules—Julie. Can you come see if you moved them?" he called from down the hall.

Not even calling me baby anymore. Is he trying to move on? The thought struck her wrong and though she knew she was being ridiculous, it didn't matter. A soft growl left her as she walked to the office and stopped beside him as he sat in his big leather chair.

"Bottom drawer on the right where you always keep them." She turned and bent over, knowing her ass would be in his face. She pulled out the scissors and turned to hand them to him.

The expression on his handsome face caused her to let out a soft exhale.

Good, he was still attracted to her. "Did Elijah tell you that he gave me an intern?" She let the sarcasm she felt bleed into her voice.

"I think he did. Something about the kid being important to our programs? Daddy makes a lot of decisions on the board and Elijah wants his ear." Simon glanced down and absently licked at his lips.

"He's a pain in the ass."

"That's not good. Want me to talk to him?" His eyes moved up to her face as he smiled cheekily.

"No. It would make me seem incompetent to send in my husband to talk the boy off the ledge." Julie laughed and walked from the room as Simon followed her.

"Off the ledge? Is he manic about his work or something?"

"No. He likes older women. A lot." She stopped at the fridge and opened it, leaning over and pulling out bacon and eggs. Simon's hand skimmed by her rear as he moved into the kitchen.

"Were you apologizing for the sex yesterday or your tears at the end of it?" His voice was soft, and damn him if he didn't take the bait over the younger man pursuing her. He never had been the jealous type. Why was she pushing it?

Idiot.

"For breaking down. I..." She paused as she put the stuff on the counter. "I just didn't want you to go."

"You forced me out of the room. I would have stayed all night wrapped around you." He moved closer, reaching out and touching her shoulder.

"That would’ve been a bit awkward on the examination table.” She laughed and then turned serious. “I know. I'm really confused right now, Simon. I feel like I need a lot of space and more forgiveness for being crazy than anyone should have to give."

He turned her and held onto her shoulder. "There’s nothing to apologize for. I'll do what you want and take what you give. I'm not going anywhere until you make it completely obvious that there’s nothing left for me here with you. Until then... I'll back off and move close when you pull me close. I love you."

She nodded and turned, pulling from his hold as she began to work on breakfast. "I'll help you pack after I get breakfast made. Over easy?"

“Yes, ma'am. I'll leave the bedroom for last. Maybe by the time we get there, you'll not want me to go." He chuckled and walked out of the kitchen.

She already didn't want him to go. Having him there made the place feel like home again. Without him it had been lonely and quiet, depressing. The sound of his eighties music made her smile and she decided to just go with the good emotions that were working their way into the center of her.

The decision was hers to make and he wasn't pressuring her to make it soon, or ever, really. She would, but not until she was completely sure she could live with her decision.

She finished making breakfast and took their plates to the backyard, the weather a little chilly, but not too bad. Walking to the bedroom, she got a pair of fuzzy socks and slipped into a pair of his flannel sleeping pants. The sound of him singing drove a spike into her chest.

He couldn't leave. People made mistakes and she didn't want anyone else in her future. But what kind of woman allowed her husband to stay after he cheated on her? What did that say about her? To her?

"That people deserve more than one chance." She shook her head and moved to the spare room where his trophies were. He was on his toes, pulling down a box of their wedding stuff with his t-shirt off and jeans fitting beautifully. He turned and smiled at her as he stopped completely.

"Leave that box alone. I don't want it to go anywhere." She swallowed hard and nodded toward the door as tears filled her eyes. "Breakfast’s ready."

"Oh, Jules. Don't cry, baby." He put the box on the bed and moved across the room, wrapping her in a tight hug as she began to weep.

"I can't help it," she mumbled between soft cries. "I'm so hurt by what you've done, but I don't want another man in my life."

"I can make it up to you, baby. I'll spend forever trying." He pulled back a little and took her head in his hands.

She looked up, hating the concern on his handsome features. Without thinking too much about it, she pressed against him and lifted to her toes, capturing his lips and rocking against him.

The strength in his arms combined with the warmth of his tight embrace forced her to relax against him. He made love to her mouth slowly, fully, before pulling back.

"Breakfast’s ready," she whispered as she adverted her gaze from him and pulled back a little.

"Good. I'm starving." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and moved them toward the living room and out onto the patio.

She took a seat and tucked her legs underneath her, hoping like hell she could get through the rest of the time with him without making love to him again. It seemed the only safe thing they could do. Talking would lead to reconciliation, which was good, but she just wasn't ready for that.

"How are you feeling? Physically... since we lost the baby?" He reached out and touched her wrist. "I don't mean to be depressing, but I just need to know you're healing."

"I'm good. My body’s back to a hundred percent. My heart hurts, but I know there will be children in my future. I just need to figure out where to go from here and then things will settle down. Too much lately, you know?" She picked up her fork and realized how odd it was that she was half confiding in him when he was the problem.

"Can I tell you something without upsetting you too badly?" He picked up a piece of bacon and ate it in two bites.

"Depends on what you want to tell me." She cut her eggs and took a small bite, watching him closely.

"This thing that happened... it had nothing to do with you not being enough. You're so far beyond anything I could dream up. You’re wicked intelligent, passionate, brave, strong, beautiful and incredibly sexy."

"Then why?" Her lip quivered, though she tried hard to keep herself in check.

"Because I lost you a while back. It was stupid of me to try and take my sexual needs to someone else. I hated it the whole time I was—"

She cut him off. "Don't. I don't want to hear any part of it."

"Of course. All I'm trying to say is that this is all on me and I take it. Don't let it be about you. I just needed you and I couldn't find you. I would do anything to have you forgive me, Jules—Julie. Anything."

She nodded and leaned over her plate, letting her legs drop. "If I figure out what will bring an end to the nasty cycle in my head of seeing you fuck Pam... I'll let you know."

They ate in silence, packed most of his stuff and he left without another touch. Without too many more words.

Julie closed the door behind him and slid to the ground, letting herself lament over all that seemed to be lost. Did anyone really ever heal from such a painful death?

"The day hope died," she mumbled between her fingers and through her tears.