Chapter Two
Hailey
My impatience was mounting as I sat in an auditorium waiting for a callback. Thankfully, I at least had some company, even though my company just so happened to be my acting agent. She wasn’t so bad, though; a little bossy at times, but generally good to be around. Jillian always had my back. I could always count on her to look out for my best interests, and in the acting industry, that was a good thing to have.
I looked over at Jillian talking rapidly into her phone and smiled. She was a thin woman with brown hair and pretty green eyes. She was attractive, but she always wore these horn-rimmed glasses that were too big for her face; no matter how many times I told her to take them off, she insisted they suited her just fine. I guess I had to admit that they did suit her eccentric personality. How could you not have an eccentric personality working as an acting agent? How else would you survive all the madness around you?
I looked down at my nails and willed myself not to bite at them. The waiting was making me feel anxious. We were waiting to hear back from a small-time producer in LA working on a new reality show. It could be my big break, so I was willing to wait anywhere if that’s what it took. Normally, we wouldn’t be waiting around in an auditorium, we would just wait nervously by a phone somewhere, but whatever. If that’s what the producer wanted, I would do it.
Jillian got off the phone and turned to me. “Stop looking at your fingers. You realize when you bite them you look like you haven’t eaten in days? It’s like watching a pack animal find its first meal.”
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Jillian had a way with words, and she sure didn’t mind speaking them. “Yeah, thanks, I got it.”
“Never mind the fact that pretty nails are something an actress should have.”
I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, I said I got it, Jillian. I wasn’t even biting them; I was just thinking about biting them. Can you really blame me? I’m dying here. What’s taking him so long?”
She looked around. “You know how it is. Just be patient. This is a great opportunity for you. Reality shows have made some pretty big stars. Just look at the Kardashians.”
I groaned. “I think a sex tape did that.”
I sat there thinking about what it would like to be on a reality show. They were certainly popular these days, and they seemed to get crazier by the year. It wasn’t exactly acting; I would essentially be playing myself, but I didn’t care. The exposure would be huge.
I had gone through so much just to get to this point, which wasn’t very far in the acting industry. This had to be my big break, or it would all be for nothing. I didn’t want to think that I had come so far just to fail. I was starting to get a panicky feeling about my life, especially my career. I was starting to think that maybe my dreams weren’t worth all the nonsense. What if I never made it? I didn’t even want to think about it.
But I had to be realistic at some point. I didn’t want to be a B-rated actor. I wanted to go all the way up like Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston to work alongside leading men like Ryan Reynolds and Brad Pitt. I was still young, but in Hollywood, you couldn’t wait forever to be an actor. Being as young as possible was important.
The thing that made me panic the most was the fact that I had made a huge decision that year to drop out of the theater program in college to make the big jump in my acting career. When I thought about my parents, I cringed every time. They had absolutely freaked about my decision and were sure that I was ruining my life. I was determined to prove them wrong. The process of doing that, however, was going very slowly.
I would die if I had to go back to them with my tail between my legs, admitting that they were right. The thought of that scene made me instantly want to throw up. No, this had to work; it just had to.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jillian trying to straighten out her glasses. I slowly turned to her and smiled. She was always messing with the glasses; they were much too big for her face, but she was never going to get rid of them.
“Don’t you say a damn thing,” she stated.
“I can’t help it. They are so big.”
“No, they’re perfect.”
“If you say so. I can’t believe I’m here.”
“This is a good thing, Hailey. This could be exactly what you are looking for, and we will max out the exposure, I promise you that.”
“I know, and thanks for waiting with me here.”
“Oh, of course. It’s not like I have a long list of clients waiting n my office for me.” She rolled her eyes.
I laughed. “But I’m your favorite, right?”
“Of course,” she said.
I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. She was so businesslike all the time that I wasn’t sure if she was cracking a joke or just being straight with me. I didn’t care. I was glad she took time out of her day to be there because I would have been far more rattled without her by my side.
“God, we should have got coffee before we got here!”
“Oh yes, that’s what you need, Hailey: more caffeine. You’re practically jumping out of your chair already.”
“But it relaxes me.”
“Just chill out. You are going to start making me nervous. This is a process – there are no overnight successes anymore. Look at George Clooney; it took him half his life before he became as big as he is now. We thought he would be stuck on Roseanne forever.”
“Oh yeah, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear, Jillian: that this could take me forever.”
“I didn’t say that it would take you forever, Hailey. I said that these things take time. You could find your big break tomorrow; you just never know with these things. But I believe in you; I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. You will be the one who makes it. I’m sure of it.”
Just then a door opened, and a woman came out. She had been the one that had taken the original roll call, and now she was coming back to announce who had been chosen for the reality show.
My heart was in my throat as I watched her approach the group of us waiting. I was dying to know what she had to say, but it was also terrifying to find out. I was desperate for the role, and it scared me to think that I might not get it.
The woman had a list in her hand and she started calling out names of the people that were going to be on the show. I held my breath as I listened. As she was calling out names, there were girls and guys screaming out, excited to hear they were chosen. The excitement was contagious as I waited anxiously for my own name to be called. It would be so wonderful to be part of the show, just watching the people around me jumping up and down. I wanted to be with them, to be excited about the future, as well.
The woman finished the list without calling my name. I sat there in stunned silence as she asked the people on the list to follow her and then thanked the rest of us for our time. I continued to stare straight ahead, scared to look at Jillian. It would make it real, and I didn’t want it to be real.
What was I thinking, dropping out of school? It wasn’t going to work out for me. Tears began to well up in my eyes, and I fought hard to not let them spill down my cheeks. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry.
“Hailey?” Jillian put her hand on my knee, and I jumped. I stared at her in a daze and couldn’t fight the tears any longer. They poured down my cheeks, making me feel even more foolish.
“C’mon, let’s go.”
I stood up with Jillian and started to make my way out of the auditorium. As I was walking by other people, I noticed that I wasn’t the only one who looked crushed. I wasn’t the only one feeling disillusioned about the ordeal. Everyone there was banking their lives on that reality show. Failure. The whole day had been one big failure, and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next. I had no other prospects. I just had to go back home and wait for another gig to spring up.
We got outside into the sunlight, and even that couldn’t cheer me up. Jillian almost ran into me when I stopped suddenly in front of her. “What are you doing?”
“That’s exactly my thought.”
She looked confused as she adjusted her glasses. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about my life, more specifically, my career. This is stupid. I need to just quit. Find a regular job, go back to school. I don’t know, but I can’t keep doing this.”
“I can’t believe you are saying this. This is your dream. You can’t give up now.”
“When do I give up? When I’m middle-aged and doing Vaseline commercials?”
Jillian rolled her eyes, “You are 22, Hailey, you are pretty young to be this jaded. Shouldn’t you be optimistic with stars in your eyes?”
“Maybe, but you don’t have two parents who think that you screwed up your life. I get almost daily calls from them, trying to talk me into going back home and getting back to school.”
“Do you know how many actors out there have the same issue as you? Do you really believe all those Oscars speeches where they thank momma for always believing in them? C’mon, half those parents probably laid awake at night worrying themselves sick about their children.”
I stared at her feeling like shit. I just wanted my life to start. I didn’t expect to be in the next blockbuster – I knew I had to pay my dues – but nothing was coming my way.
“I don’t know what to do, Jillian. I’m scared.”
She sighed. “I know what you’re going to do. You’re going to pick yourself up and wipe those silly tears away. Things are going to be okay. I know it’s not easy and that you are putting yourself out there. Getting rejected is not fun, but you are beautiful, Hailey, and talented. We will find the right role for you.”
“You really think I shouldn’t quit?”
“No, quitting isn’t going to work, Hailey. I know you’re feeling bad right now, but that’s an easy fix. Just go out and get laid.”
I burst out laughing. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”
Jillian pulled me in for a hug, and it felt nice to be held. I was feeling instantly better, especially knowing that my agent believed in me. It was her job, but she had a reputation for taking on people who were a success. She thought it was pointless to have clients she couldn’t sell; it was no way to make money. With her behind me, how could I fail? Things were going to be okay; I just had to believe in myself as much as Jillian believed in me.