“You better come inside.” Tanner sighed. Lars felt a weight in his chest. The sick feeling in his stomach like he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear, and it was going to make him upset was also present. He followed Tanner inside and sat across from him at the table. Tanner drummed his fingers on the red and white checkered table cloth. Lars had tried to find things as authentic as the original décor, and Marden’s was the best store to find stuff like the new tablecloth.

Lars waited, knowing Tanner would begin talking when he was ready, and he watched as Tanner seemed to sort his thoughts out in his head.

“That summer I left, before the fight. I came out here one afternoon and found Ollie and his friends had trashed the place.” Lars shifted in his seat, already having an idea where this was going. “They found the loose floorboard, you know, where we kept the magazines and stuff.”

Lars’s fists clenched an unclenched on the table. He wanted to grab Tanner’s hands so badly, but he wasn’t sure how it would be received.

Tanner continued, giving his hands a glance but then looking away. “They roughed me up pretty good. They made sure the bruises were no where anyone would see them. Told me to leave town and to convince you that the reason I was going was because I didn’t want to be here anymore. They told me if I didn’t leave, they would have done worse to you.”

Lars was leaning so far forward in his seat, trying to contain his emotions, that he was almost nose to nose with Tanner. But he bit the inside of the cheek to force himself from saying anything.

“I cleaned up the cabin before you got back. Put it back to rights and scrubbed the graffiti off the walls. I took a bath in the creek to wash off the blood and other stuff and waited for you to get back. Well, then you know the rest of what happened. The fight and all.”

Lars let out a long, slow, frustrated breath. He had always feared a hate crime like this would happen, he had never figured it would happen to him or Tanner.

“Why didn’t you report it?” He asked, already knowing the answer. Ollie’s Dad would have laughed him out of the station despite Shirley’s sway with the town council. Tanner didn’t answer so Lars asked the next question that was burning in his mind. “Would you have stayed? If that hadn’t happened. Would you have stayed with me?”

Tanner looked at him and his eyes were full of such sorrow and heartbreak, it stole Lars’ breath away. He didn’t have to utter the singular yes for Lars to know he would have in a heartbeat. It was with the next heartbeat that had forced him to go for Lars’ safety. Lars hated Ollie with renewed vigor and he wanted nothing more than vengeance, but it was easier to want it than to act on it and he had been raised better than to do so. Ollie would get his time, that he was sure of, but in that moment, he hated himself more for not having seen it.

He was up and out of his chair and sank to his knees in front of Tanner, leaning his forehead against his chest.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me? We would have dealt with that together!” He knew the answer why. Tanner, in his own selfless way, had done what he thought best, and he had done so quietly, as was his nature. He hadn’t wanted Lars to get hurt, so he did the one thing that he felt was the best way to ensure that didn’t happen. “Why didn’t they say anything all those years? They knew it tore us apart, but they never once let on that they were the reason for it.” He cried. He couldn’t help the tears that stung the back of his eyes. He knew that life wasn’t fair and that there were cruel people in it, what astounded him was the quiet reserved way that Tanner had been the hero, protecting him from that cruelty. His tears weren’t tears of sorrow for all the time he had lost, they were for relief. Something that had been tight in his chest, finally broke and the immense relief of pressure, the knot that caused the heartache, was finally undone, and he felt like he could breath again. Tanner had loved him and stayed true to him. The thought alone was enough to make him smile through his tears. It meant more to him than any gift he had ever received from anyone. To have performed such a selfless act of love, out of concern for him? Lars knew now the true depth of how deep Tanner’s love for him ran and he was so grateful to be given such a gift.

“They knew you would come down to Miami and look for me if they did. It was better to watch you suffer and remain quiet about it, then to rub it in your face.” Tanner said quietly. Lars felt his fingers running through his sandy hair, and he was grateful he wasn’t pushing him away. It felt so good, so natural to be back in his arms and he needed that now more than ever.

“What made you come back?” He whispered, almost afraid to hear the answer. So many revelations had been made in the last half hour that Lars wasn’t sure if he could handle anymore info bombs.

“I learned the hard way that there are worse things to deal with that someone’s homophobia and that there are worse places to be than away from home for so long.” Tanner replied.

Lars picked his head up, searching his gaze. What had happened? Tanner sensed the question in his eyes, but apparently, he wasn’t ready to divulge that story yet, because he silenced Lars before he could ask it, by giving him his own welcome kiss. His lips lingered a touch longer than Lars’ had, and Lars leaned into it, wanting more but he murmured,

“It’s almost eleven. We promised Gram the opportunity to stuff us full of brownies, and you’ll need to get cleaned up before heading in to the pub tonight.”

Lars hated the feeling like he was being dismissed, but Tanner had divulged so much already. He blurted,

“Will you come to the pub tonight?” He was hopeful, but Tanner shook his head.

“I can’t. I have to start patrolling the bay. They don’t want me on until after the storm, but I want to get a feel for the harbor before the storm blows in so if I have to go out, I have a sliver of an idea of my bearings.”

Lars felt his heart sink. So, they were still blocking each other with some unseen barrier. Some haunting of the past that was in their way. It was a miracle that Tanner had divulged the real reason he had left all those years ago, and Lars was loath to push him to the point of retreating into himself, so as he stood he said, “That’s a shame, because I missed you too Tanner.”

It was a silent trek back to the house and when they got in, Shirley took one look at them and ushered them into the kitchen to sit near the woodstove.

“You two look a fright. What have you been doing? Wrestling in a heap of coal?” She asked.

“The cabin is in pretty rough shape.” Tanner informed her.

“Well I would think so. It’s been years since anyone has been down there.” She said. She was out of her stained house coat and into a pair of slacks and a new sweatshirt that had a picture of Maggie Smith, another actress, smiling and the caption read, “Best thing about getting older, knowing someone is an asshole before they speak.” Lars found himself giving her a weak smile, but her eyes darted between him and Tanner and she ushered them to sit down. “I suppose it would make the two of you feel good to fix it up. I imagine the furniture is useless.”

“Yes, Gram. The bed and the sofa were mice infested, so they had to go. The floor boards need to be replaced and the roof patched in some places.”

“Oh good!” She exclaimed clapping her hands together. Tanner raised an eyebrow. “I just mean it has been a long time since a home improvement has been done around here. It will give you boys time to catch up again! My account at Harrison’s Hardware is in good standing. Get whatever you need to do the repairs!”

“Gram…” Tanner started but she gave him a withering stare that would put Englishwoman Maggie to shame.

“Don’t you sass your Gram. I want that cabin fixed up and you’re just the man to do the job. It will make your old Gram happy.” She said with finality. Lars tried not to snicker, but he was grateful for the interference. It meant he would have more time with Tanner, whether he had planned on it or not.

“Thank you for the brownie’s Gram. I need to get home and shower before opening up.” Lars stood.

“Nonsense. It’ll be past midday by the time you get home and then get down to the pub. Shower in Tanner’s bathroom. I’m sure he’s got some jeans and a shirt you can wear. You’re about the same size.” Her hazel eyes twinkled. Lars scratched his chest uncomfortably as Tanner cleared his throat. It was one thing to trade t-shirts as teenagers in high school, it was another to do it as adults.

Lars opened his mouth, but she swatted at his arm, pushing him towards the stairs. “Go on with ya! You smell like mold Lars Pearson! You too Tanner. You can’t go into the station smelling like that. People will think you’ve risen from the dead and decay down in Florida and returned home to muck up our clean air. Get Lars some clean clothes and then it’s your turn. Lars can give you a ride into the station on his way in town.”

Neither man thought it would be fruitful to argue, so they made their way up the stairs to Tanner’s old bedroom. The house was large, with very few rooms being occupied now, but when Lars stepped in the room, he took note that nothing had changed since Tanner had gone away a decade ago. The same stack of musty old Goosebumps were piled in the corner. The same single bed which had a new dip in the middle where Tanner had once again taken up residence was in the middle of the room. The only change was the duffel bag in the far corner, with evidence of a man’s wardrobe instead of a teenager. The bureau was still untouched on the far wall and the blue and white curtains, still pristine and clean hung from the windows.

“Any chance we can make a break for the back door and sneak around to the front?” He asked Tanner, grinning. He glanced in the tiny bathroom, and noted the aftershave, cologne and toothbrush on the counter. A couple of towels hung on the rail and the back of the toilet tank sported a lacey crocheted doily that was as out of place on the toilet, as it was in the domain of a man’s bathroom.

“And risk missing out on pockets crammed full of brownies for the day. Not likely. Might as well accept out fate and get it all over with or she’s likely to drive into town looking for us.”

“Fair enough.” Lars agreed. He walked into the bathroom, feeling out of place and small in the private space. Tanner handed him a towel and washcloth and turned the water on, not that Lars had forgotten how to work the spout, but the hot water began steaming up the bathroom.

Tanner pointed to the soap and shampoo then looked at him and neither said anything in a long awkward moment of silence, before Tanner seemed to remember that watching him strip was not something that had happened in a long time. He jumped and stepped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him, and Lars leaned against the door for a moment, imagining Tanner was on the other side of it, doing the same.

Being in his space somehow seemed more intimate than the frantic times they had been together as teenagers. He looked around the small room and the thought popped into his head that he was literally about to wash himself with eau d’Tanner. He was going to smell like his soap and be wearing his clothes that also smelled like him, and he was instantly hard as a rock at the thought. His fingers shook as he unbuttoned his own grimy jeans and let them drop to the floor. He swore to himself the only way he was touching the hard on that sprang free down below his waist, was to wash, and then he was going to stuff himself back into his pants until a more appropriate time to deal with it. He didn’t think he was going to get away with just willing it to go down. Not this time.

He stepped under the hot spray and groaned, fantasizing that he felt Tanner step in behind him and begin to stroke him by reaching around with the slickness of the soap. He washed quickly, gasping when his own palm grazed over the length of him, hitting every nerve on the way up and down. He gritted his teeth in frustration and then gratefully let go before he took the feeling to a whole other level. The spray trickling down over his body didn’t help with the tantalizing feelings along his skin, but he dunked his head under the water, letting the rivulets run down onto his scalp. He ran the shampoo through his hair and lathered it up, enjoying the massage of his scalp because it seemed to clear his thoughts despite his body’s uncontrolled reaction.

When he was done, he stepped out of the shower and was just reaching for the towel, not having heard Tanner walk in to set the clothes on the counter. He heard him gasp and he opened his eyes to find Tanner standing there, clutching the clothes and staring at him, open mouthed. Tanner’s reaction was just as visceral, just as instant. Lars could tell by the bulge in his jeans that he had a raging hard on. He grabbed the towel from the rail and swiftly tied it around his waist as Tanner plopped the clothes down on the counter and scampered out the door. He didn’t know why he had the urge to cover up. It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other naked before. Perhaps it was just that they hadn’t seen each other naked as full-grown adults. They had been eighteen when they had been with each other first, but they were still developing and now they had muscles and were toned in ways that had only been on the brink of developing before.

Lars glanced down at his own cock and swore. He grabbed the jeans and there was nothing for it, he winced as he shoved his legs in them and then stuffed himself into them. They were a little tight, as Tanner was marginally shorter than him, and it made for his current state of arousal even more uncomfortable. He managed to zip himself into them without catching the zipper on anything important, for which he was grateful, and he was also thankful the plaid button up shirt Tanner had brought him, hung down over his hips, covering most of the problem at hand, or not in hand as the true issue was.

Lars took a deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom to find Tanner standing at the window. He could see the crimson creeping up the guys neck and he refused to turn around, so Lars spared him the awkwardness and said,

“I’ll meet you downstairs.”

With that, he turned and walked out the bedroom to go wait out having to face Tanner again. When he finally did come down, it was ten minutes later and with that impenetrable passive look on his face that Lars was beginning to hate seeing. He preferred the time when they had told each other anything, even if it was embarrassing. This was just a mask, another barrier Lars had to work through to get to his best friend.

“Ready?” He asked, and Tanner nodded, kissing Shirley on the head as she shoved baggies of baked goods at him.

“Gram, I’m skinny and need to beef up a bit, not become the next Pillsbury Dough Boy.” He chastised lovingly. There was the hint of the mischievous Tanner he had always known. He had always known when to tease Shirley and when not to test her patience.

“As hard as you work, you’ll probably just burn through it anyway. Can’t I convince you to take my shea butter hand lotion? Your palms are so rough dear. You should wear gloves when you work the ropes on the docks. Do you have a nice pair of gloves? Could drive in to town later and get you some.” She pressed.

“Gram, I have gloves I promise. Please promise me if the storm hits early, you won’t go out into it. Promise?”

“Tsk, now Tanner. I’ve survived these Maine winters for eighty years now. Don’t tell me…”

“Gram, please.” He begged. She seemed to sense he really needed her to say this, so she nodded and patted his cheek.

“Alright dear. I won’t go out into it. You promise you won’t go sailing in it unless you absolutely have to. Ok?” He nodded and pulled her into a hug and then she turned and hugged Lars. She smelled like cinnamon and sherry and he wondered at what point she had sneaked a glass. He knew Tanner hated that she had anything to drink, but he figured at her age, why not enjoy a few of life’s luxuries.

Tanner followed Lars out to the Camaro, and he noticed out of the corner of his eye the thin smile on Tanner’s lips as he ran his fingers over the hood of the car. Lars said nothing but headed around to the passenger seat, not something he did now that he was the owner of the beauty and he tossed Tanner the keys. He caught them, but only just as he looked at him in surprise. Lars got into the passenger seat and as Tanner climbed in behind the steering wheel, Lars grinned and said,

“Keep her on the road if you can.”