“I can’t, I can’t find it!” Bria said, pacing the room frantically. “Savvy, help me! We don’t have that much time left.”

“Seriously? Where was the last time you saw it?” she asked, throwing herself on the couch and dipping her head behind it. “Ow!”

“What, did you slam your head against the wall?” Bri asked, running to her.

“Yes!”

The two of them laughed hysterically, and then Bria went around looking for her veil.

“What does it look like?” Savannah asked, seemingly confused.

“What do you mean? You picked it out with me!” Bri yelled, throwing her hands in the air. She ran around the hotel room like a crazy person, occasionally falling over a bunch of times, and when she realized that all three of her bridesmaids were looking at her like she was insane, she finally stopped and looked around.

“Got it!” Savvy said, pulling it out from under a pillow. “See, I never really understood why hotel pillows are so fucking big!”

Bria sighed in relief. “Yeah, I don’t get it either. Wait, be right back.” Her head was all over the place. She went into the bathroom and positioned herself in front of the bureau mirror and took inventory. Makeup was minimal, reserved to a sweep of mascara. Too much coily hair, but what else was new? Lips could use some gloss. She licked her bottom lips giving it a wet shine.

“Oh, no!” Savvy said, following her into the bathroom. You’re not going minimal this time, we’re giving you a makeover.

“No, no,” Bria resisted, shaking her head violently. I don’t want to look like I just stepped out of the uncool part of the eighties.

“Are you saying I can’t do makeup?” the redhead asked, pointing to her own face. Bria had to give it to her, she did look pretty good in makeup. She just wasn’t a makeup kind of girl. “For God’s sake it’s your wedding! You can do better than that!”

Bria could feel the mascara dry up on her eyelashes. She bit her lip, pulled out a chair and slumped down it. “Fine,” she said, shrugging like a little kid. “I’m all yours.”

Savvy’s eyes lit up. Immediately she started sorting through the makeup, shuffling through all the tubes, boxes, and jars. Everything was beige and red, and even Bria had a hard time distinguishing them, but Savvy seemed to know exactly what she was doing. She often called herself an artist, but Bria wasn’t convinced even though she often complimented her on her makeup. She never seemed to believe that she had done it herself.

“Come on, Savvy, this is taking too long,” Bria said, throwing her head back and giving her those puppy dog eyes. “We’re gonna be late.”

“Quit your whining,” she said, waving her brush around like it was a magic wand. “We just need to make those cheekbones pop, so ta-da.” Her brush was shimmering with a strange glittery substance.

“What is that?” Bria asked.

“Ari, have you been living under a rock for the past five years? Do you seriously not know what highlighter is?”

“Oh, nevermind. All them Instagram models are wearing it now,” she said. Bria remained stiff for what felt like an eternity, tolerating Savvy as she tugged at her hair, pinched at her cheeks, and sprayed her face with weird dewy sprays. “Can I at least have a look in the mirror?” she asked, trying to swivel around in her chair.

“No!” Savvy said. “You’re not allowed to look until I’m done.”

Bria closed her eyes again and retreated to her happy place. That altar. Her father had been dead for over fifteen years no, and even though she had stopped thinking about him with as much anguish, today, it all came rushing back to her. She wished he could walk her down the aisle and hand her over to the love of her life, but deep down she knew he would always be there for her, watching over her no matter what she did. Soon her eyes started tearing up but she told herself to get it together because she wasn’t about to get married with streaks of mascara running down her face. She wasn’t Avril Lavigne’s sixteen year old look alike anymore.

“Alright, I’m done,” Savvy said, taking a step back and smiling at her. Bria spun around in her chair. With makeup, she no longer had her father’s eyes. Even though she loved him more than anything, it was his eyes she feared; the cold blue windows into nothing at all. She saw a pretty line in deep expression over the top and the thinnest layer below - that alone was enough to make it bearable to look in the mirror and take those eyes to be her own. Her cheeks shimmered with glitter dust and her eyebrows, which she had always hated, were now thick and full.

“Wow,” she said, barely able to contain her excitement.

“I know, you look like a bride now,” Savvy said, folding her arms across her chest and nodding approvingly. Bria observed herself in the polished silver mirror. Her strawberry blond curls contrasted with the purple of the amethyst eyeshadow beautifully. The kohl made her eyes brighter than usual. She wore a satin dress, edged with white frills. Pearl earrings were fastened to her ears and a pearl headband completed her beauty preparation. Savvy was with her every step of the way. She went wedding dress shopping with her, booked all her appointments, she even went cake tasting with her, well, only because she loved cake. “Who d’you think is gonna catch the bouquet tonight?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at Ari.

“You, you’re gonna catch it.”

“My God, have you met me? I’m never getting married.”

Bria chuckled. She knew Savvy wasn’t the marriage kind of girl, but who knew, really? Bria couldn’t believe she was getting married herself, in fact, a couple of days ago, she got cold feet. She remembered she couldn’t sleep because her mind was buzzing with thoughts; what if Kade was a serial marrier? This guy went around proposing to women, making them have his babies, and then breaking their hearts? What if five years down the line he, too, fell out of love with her? What if she wasn’t any different after all?

Bria tossed and turned in bed, trying to ward off these thoughts because they meant nothing. She trusted Kade with all her heart, he would never do that to her. Right? She drifted back to sleep, only to slip into another redheaded nightmare. She saw herself driving a car, going a thousand miles per hour. When she checked the rear-view mirror, she realized that her hair had turned red and that she was losing control over the car. Bri would always wake up at the part where her car skids off a cliff.

She sat up in bed that day, wondering if she was making the wrong decision, if she was just another Scarlett to Kade. “Remember to follow your heart,” her mother, who died six years ago, would always say.

“That’s pretty cliche advice to give,” she would always tell her, but now she realized the weight of that string of words, how daring someone must be to live by them. She wondered if she was daring enough, or if she was just stupid. She prayed that she was making the right decision and that Kade wasn’t wrong for her after all.

The next morning she heard a knock at the door. When she looked out the window, she realized it was still dark, that it was barely dawn. She snuck down the stairs, opened the blinds and saw Kade, who was standing in the driveway, a bouquet of flowers in his gloved hand. “What are you doing here? It’s not even five AM yet,” she told him.

“I know, just let me in,” he said. “I just realized that we can go see Bohemian Rhapsody.”

“What, now?” she asked with her head cocked to the side.

“Yes, now! Let’s make it a date,” he said, holding out the bouquet like a torch. “It’s a bit cold, so I brought you an extra jacket.”

Bria just looked at him, bewildered by his ways. “You’re crazy, you know that?” she said, shaking her head from side to side.

“Come on, I’m just here to add some spice to your life,” he said. “Besides, it’s Queen, man! Rami Malek is playing Freddie Mercury.”

“What, no way!” Bria said. If it was one thing they had common, it was that they both loved Queen. On the way to the midnight theater they played Bohemian Rhapsody, singing along to every word. “Mama mia mama mia mama mia, let me go!”

Bria remembered losing herself in all of this, feeling like the whole world was warm, bright, and blissful. Happiness seemed to be in everything; it was in the rain, cool and fresh, just as deeply as in the sunshine, for they brought forth different emotions. Happiness was enjoying the moment with the person she loved, being present for the gift that was living and allowing it to become intense. Her feelings for Kade were growing more and more intense by the second and she wasn’t doing anything to stop it. Deep down it just felt right, so Bria decided to stick to her mother’s advice and follow her heart. That was her sign, right there. She never had a single nightmare ever since and even in her dreams, her hair remained golden and ashy, and devoid of everything Scarlett.

“What are you thinking about?” Savvy’s voice penetrated her consciousness. “You’re not getting cold feet again, are you?”

Bri rose to her feet and took off her bathrobe. “Far from it,” she said with all confidence. “Come on, help me get ready. I’m getting married today!”

* * *

“Ava, come on, let’s get you into your dress,” Kade said, squeezing some hair mousse onto his thick black mane. Ava scurried away from him and he started chasing her around the room as always. “Come on, Ava. Please don’t give me a hard time,” he said, clawing at the air, trying to catch his little devil. She jumped from bed to bed, even tried to climb up the closet. “Oh my God, you’re just like I was when I was little,” he said, barely able to keep up with her. Sometimes it felt like God was getting back at him for being such a difficult kid. After almost thirty minutes of chasing his daughter around the room, Kade finally got her into her dress. “D’you wanna twirl for me?” he asked her, but she frowned and toddled away from him. Ava hated dresses and everything girly, and even though Kade did his best to tempt her with glitter, sequins, and princess fantasies, the girl just wanted her soccer ball. Ava had no interest in dresses or tutus, which Kade admired but also found frustrating.

“I don’t like this dress!” she said, stomping her feet against the floor.

“Alright, um, what do you want to wear, instead?” he asked her. Straight away Ava pointed to his bow tie, which he was wearing already. “My bow tie, you want my bow tie?” he asked her. “Of all the things you could’ve picked, you choose the only thing that makes me look remotely like a groom?”

Ava whined relentlessly, until Kade ended up taking it off and giving it to her. “You want me to help you put it on, too?” The toddler nodded and turned around. “Oh, now you do a twirl for me!” he said. He spent the next two hours putting products over his hair and doubting his appearance in the mirror. He flexed his arms a couple of times before finally talking himself into getting dressed.

Today was a big day for him. “I don’t want to end up like Ross, I do not want to end up like Ross,” he said to his friends over beer the other day. They had thrown him a mini bachelor party, brought in a stripper ... or two, but in the middle of it all Kade was busy getting cold feet.

“Didn’t Ross get divorced like three times?” Dave, his friend asked him, staring at him through heavy-lidded eyes. Dave was pretty much the alcoholic in the group, and by eight pm, he was already five beers in.

“Your point being?” Kade said, his eyes wide. Dave burst out laughing and then slouched in his chair and lit a cigarette.

“First of all, you never got a divorce, and second of all, you’re getting married to your high school sweetheart. The rule dictates that high school sweethearts never split up.”

“Careful there, Dave, you’re freaking him out even more,” Ron, his bearded friend said. Kade chuckled and chugged his beer. He didn’t remember getting this freaked out before marrying Scarlett, in fact he didn’t remember getting this freaked out over anything. Ever. He wondered if she, too, was getting cold feet. Nah, he thought to himself. Bria never gets freaked out over that stuff.

“What if I become a serial divorcer or something?” he said, rising to his feet and chugging what was left of his beer. “What if I make her so miserable, that she’d want to get a divorce? What if we have kids and then she tries to gain custody? Of course the court will sympathize with her because I have an entire history of failed marriages under my belt!” Kade must’ve gone on and on like this for what felt like hours. Of course, to him it felt like a mere twenty minutes, but to his sober friends, it didn’t look like he was stopping anytime soon. “Ari’s just fantastic, you know that?” he turned to Cinnamon, one of the strippers. “She’s just great, you know? She cooks me breakfast every morning, even when I’m just lazy. She takes care of my Ava. I have a daughter, you know that?” Kade went on and on about how difficult it is to braid hair. In fact he talked for so long that Cinnamon and Destini had to rotate, taking shifts at the chair next to him, giving him advice on how to raise his daughter. When Kade woke up the next day, he cursed himself for taking parenting advice from two twenty-year-old strippers.

“Ava, are you ready?” he yelled. Well, well, well. Look who disappeared.

It was like a heat wave had flown into his body. The room door was open and Ava was gone. Already, Kade began to hyperventilate. “Fuck!” he spat, stumbling out into the hallway and checking the time. He needed to be down there in twenty minutes. “Okay, calm down, Kade,” he said to himself, taking the elevator down to his mom’s room. “I can’t find Ava,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“You heard me, I can’t find her!” he said again. Carol blinked slowly, her fake peacock lashes clumped together and caked in black paint. “Can you help me out?”

“Boy, I can’t believe you!” she spat. “Who in their right mind loses their three-year-old in a hotel?”

“Well I hate to break it to you, mom, but that was you exactly twenty-three years ago,” Kade said. When he was five, Carol lost him in Disneyland and after about seven hours of running around, questioning people, crying hysterically, and fainting at least a couple of times, she found Kade playing with the swans.

“Hey, that was the worst day of my entire life. Don’t you dare bring this up ever again!”

“Alright, mom. Now, will you help me find her?” Kade asked, looking like he was about to cry. What a great way to start the day; missing bow tie and a three-year-old on the loose. “Maybe I should call Ari, tell her to help me out?”

“Don’t you dare!” Carol said, her eyes wider than he’d ever seen them. “Let the bride get ready in peace. You’re not about to make her clean up after your mess.”

Kade nodded and called the elevator up to the fourteenth floor. “I’ve got, what, thirteen floors to go?” he said, already feeling his muscles getting tense. “You know I told you we should get her a cellphone.”

“Don’t you try to blame this on me, boy!” Mrs. Carlson said, her eyebrows furrowed. The two of them ran up and down corridors, knocking on people’s doors, asking about a mischievous three-year-old girl with a bow tie. Kade felt himself getting more and more frustrated by the second. “You know what, I need to call Bria, right now,” he said finally.

“Oh, no. We’re gonna keep knocking,” Carol said. Two floors down, eleven to go.

“This is ridiculous,” Kade muttered through clenched teeth. “How are we gonna find her like this?” Carol knocked on yet another door, only to hear a familiar voice.

“Who is it?” Bria inched the door open and peered outside. The moment that she caught Kade’s gaze, she slammed the door in his face and disappeared again. “Kade, what are you doing here? You’re not supposed to see me!”

“I didn’t know this was your room!” he yelled.

“Are you looking for something?” The door inched open again and Ava came tumbling outside like a beach ball. Kade heard Bria snicker and then he shot his daughter a look.

“Why are you here? I was worried sick about you.”

“She likes Bri more than you!” Savvy’s voice echoed; it made Kade cringe. Yep, he still didn’t like her.

“I can see you, Mom,” he said, trying to ignore the fact that his mother had been laughing at him since they got there. “Did you know Ava was in there?”

“Yep,’ she nodded. “Just thought you could use a parenting lesson: How Not to Lose Your Child.”

Kade rolled his eyes. Suddenly it felt like he was thirteen again, but he couldn’t think about that right now. He couldn’t think about his mom or the fact that he lost his daughter for five minutes. All he could think about was the fact that, fifteen minutes from now, he was getting married to the love of his life, the woman he should’ve been with all along.

The wedding was a small affair. The couple had booked a small garden, so small that it literally resembled a green patch all the way up from the fourteenth floor, and invited only a few people. When Bria counted the invites, she realized they had only told ten people. The first thing they thought of as they were sending out the invites was, We need more friends.

“Is he down there?” Bria asked, peering through the window. “I see someone standing there but I’m not sure if it’s him.” Savvy peered over her shoulder and smiled.

“You can’t tell if that’s your man standing at the altar or not?” she said. Savvy was probably the sassiest girl Bri had ever met. She glowed in a red sequin dress -something Bria would never wear herself- but somehow she made it work. Her hair was pulled back in a sleek ponytail and her skin shimmered in a light bronze.

“I’m not wearing my contact lenses, okay?” Bri said, squinting still.

“Yep, it’s him, alright,” Savannah said, patting her on the shoulder. “We gotta get you down there, stat.”

* * *

Ava was their little flower girl. Bria gave her a little nudge towards the altar and that was her cue to waddle down the red carpet with a little basket full of wild flowers. She threw the petals onto the floor, almost stumbling over a couple of times, and then when she saw her dad she walked a bit faster, until she ran straight into his arms.

“She’s getting better at this whole walking thing!” he yelled. A wave of laughter rose from the small crowd. Bria’s bridesmaids straightened out her veil and the train of her dress and she was ready to go. Every bridesmaid wore a simple dress of soft sage green and a crown of baby's breath on their heads, the tiny white flowers glowing softly in the late winter light. With their hair loose and in simple canvas shoes, they were like spirits of the forest. Each one of them wearing a smile that could rival the sun above. Before the ceremony started they had been calm, yet now their energy came to the fore and they couldn’t stop squealing. Then finally, Bria stepped out.

With her face to the sun, her golden hair blew in the wind, fanning out behind her. Her dress was simple, clean lines, cream with a lavender waistband and bow. As she held the bouquet her hands twinged with sweat. She was more nervous than ever before. Her heart ran with legs like a sprinter. Her eyebrows frowned in worry and impatience. She glanced at the bouquet ready to keep well away from the plants which were still beautifully deadly. They carried an otherworldly trance. She gulped. It was nearly time. Then the music started playing.

The first thing she saw was Kade. She saw him clearly now; he was wide-eyed, almost gleaming. His pearly teeth showing through his smile. This feeling was like nothing else.

“Honey, when you walk down the aisle, you’ll get a weird feeling,” her mother had told her once when she was nineteen. “It’s not even butterflies, it’s something a little different. It’s more ... intense, like your world is spinning out of control. Don’t be afraid of that feeling, embrace it. Because if you love that man, that man standing at the altar, then just know that this is just the beginning of something wonderful. Bria, sweetie, you’re in for a wild ride.”

Her eyes started swelling up with tears at the recollection of those words. They then settled on two empty chairs, placed tactfully in the front row in honour of both of her parents. She didn’t know if it made her feel any better, but it made her feel something. Were they watching over her? Did they know she was happy? Did they know she was gettig married to “sweet little Kade” from high school? A million questions were zapping through her mind, but she remembered to breathe and move on, breathe and move on. Savvy took her arm and the two of them glided down the aisle like supermodels strutting down the runway, or at least that was what Savvy looked like.

“Slow down,” Bri whispered, her eyes fixated on Kade’s. The truth was that he couldn’t control himself. He stepped down and ran to her. And the two of them met halfway.

“You look wonderful,” he said, kissing her on the cheek. There was the scraping of chairs as folks got up for a standing ovation and the happy couple made their way back to where the Priest was standing. “Sorry about that,” Kade beamed, but inside he had no regrets.

“Hey, Ava!” Bri said, motioning for her to join them at the altar. “Father, can she stand with us?” The big-bellied man smiled and nodded. “Come on, now.” Ava charged towards them, throwing rose petals into the air. Carol thought that this was probably the purest sight she’d ever come across. The three of them stood like a family and the couple exchanged vows. Bri scanned the people’s faces and when she came across Savvy again, she found her crying. She mouthed an “I love you” to her and then Bria felt her heart melt, and her legs wobble underneath her. Everything felt right, everything felt whole. Everything was the way it should be. A chilly autumn breeze came over them, caressing Ari’s face like a tender hand and then spiraled around and flirted with the guests’ hair.

The green flags of the trees had become sepia toned, waving in the southernly wind. Within the multitude of soft chocolatey browns, there was gold shining through, and a blush that brought summer fruits to mind. The leaves danced from branch to ground, each a colourful flag without strings or pole, free to roam. Bri felt the breeze, rich with the aroma of the earth, the keeper of the seeds for the springtime to come. There was a calmness, as if all the gold, berry-reds and browns that fluttered about were a cozy quilt, bringing them the same peace as the nighttime. It was the time she once again saw how the trees were clad in the many hues of the soil, saw how their bark was their fingerprint, speaking to her of beauty in their silent way. It was a special day today and would forever be in her head.