The first guy that grabbed me was named Jonesy. He told me his name as I tried to punch him in the face. The other officer, Smack, went after Mitch first, then to Maddox. Jonesy picked me up and carried me out of the apartment. He took me to the first-floor landing, put me in a corner, and put his hands out for me to see.

What was I saying? I had no idea.

But Jonesy managed to calm me down somehow, and I was able to tell him everything that had happened.

When the EMTs arrived and took a stretcher up the stairs, I started to freak out again.

Jonesy touched my shoulders. “Hey. How well do you know Maddox?”

“What? Why?”

“You know how tough he is.”

I nodded.

“He’s one of the craziest people I know. And if he loves you as much as you love him, he’ll be okay…okay? Let’s get in my car and go for a ride…I want to hear everything else that happened.”

My lip quivered.

Then I blurted out something crazy.

“I killed a man!”

“No, you didn’t,” Jonesy said. “He was still breathing in there. You hit him though?”

I was confused for a second until I realized Jonesy thought I was talking about Mitch.

“Not him,” I said. “There was another man. I killed him.”

“Wait, there were two men here?” Jonesy grabbed the radio on his shoulder.

“No!” I yelled. “Years ago. A man who hurt me. I killed him.”

Jonesy looked around. “Okay. Hazel. You’re in shock. You need to come with me. We’ll get a head start to the hospital. I promise I won’t leave your side. Ever. Okay?”

“Please don’t put me in jail until I see that Maddox is okay.”

“I promise,” Jonesy said.

He slipped his arm around me and walked me out of the apartment building.

I got into the front seat of the police cruiser and looked at my apartment building. Then I grabbed the door handle, wanting to get back out. Wanting to see Maddox one more time. Just in case…

“He’s going to be okay,” Jonesy said. “And as far as that other guy goes, once he comes to, he’ll be arrested. I’ll communicate the whole thing to my partner, Smack.”

“Why do they call him Smack?” I asked.

“Because if you get on his bad side, he’ll smack you around. He doesn’t like bad guys. And someone who put their hands on a woman? That guy up there is better off knocked out right now.”

I nodded.

I was still shaking.

Jonesy started to drive.

Each second took me more and more away from Maddox.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I told Maddox not to get involved.

But I let him in.

And he let me in.

All because of my fucking camera.

For the first time in my life…I decided I would never take another picture again.

* * *

A few hours later, Maddox was in surgery. That’s all I heard. All I needed to hear. The medical and technical terms of what the knife did didn’t matter to me. What mattered was that he was in surgery, and it had been hours since I’d last seen him.

I had to sit with Jonesy and Smack and retell the entire situation one more time.

Mitch was taken to a different hospital, police with him, and he came to shortly after arriving. Of course, he tried to tell a different story than what had really happened, but once Maddox was able to give his side, Mitch was done for. Not to mention what I started to tell Jonesy and Smack about what Mitch had done to me before. Oh, and the kicker? It turns out that Mitch had a couple outstanding warrants from two other states for assaults on women.

He was done for.

“Another round of caffeine?” Jonesy asked as he handed me a cup of coffee.

I sat on a bench across from a pale white wall.

I took the coffee. “Thanks.”

“How about something to eat?”

“Vending machines aren’t appealing right now,” I whispered.

“Here,” he said. He took some protein bar out of his pocket. “I always carry a few with me. Trying to keep myself in some kind of shape.” He sat down next to me. “I want you to eat that, and then I want you to carefully think about what you said to me in the apartment. You were in shock. But you said something about killing a man.”

I stared down.

“To me, that was just panic talking,” Jonesy said.

“No,” I said. “It’s true.” I looked at Jonesy. “Years ago. I had a boyfriend who was doing the same thing that Mitch was to me. I keep letting it happen…”

“Maddox would never hurt you.”

“I know that. But I hurt him. Look what I dragged him into.”

Jonesy grinned. “You didn’t bring him into this. Believe me. I’ve seen him walk away from a lot in life. So, if he came to your place looking for you…he wanted to be there. He wanted to do this. And he’s going to survive this.”

“But can I?”

“That’s up to you.”

I then told Jonesy the story about Lance. How he was punching me. How I got angry. How I grabbed the wheel and made the car lose control. How the car slammed into a tree right after I got out of it. How I ran away, afraid that Lance was dead or that he was going to make it and then find me to kill me.”

When I finished, I ripped open the wrapper of the protein bar and ate it. It tasted like blueberries and stale milk. I didn’t know how people ate that stuff all the time.

A long minute passed before I looked at Jonesy again.

“So what happens now?” I asked.

Jonesy looked at me. “When I was a kid, my mother dated this guy. Ricky. He would bring me a pack of baseball cards. Then he’d go upstairs and…well, he’d beat the hell out of my mother, and then… Well, I’d just sit there and flip through these fucking baseball cards while hearing that upstairs. And no matter what we did, it kept happening. That’s what made me want to be a cop. To stop shit like that from happening. Because finally, my mother had enough. So, Ricky came over one night. Gave me baseball cards. He got to the top of the stairs. She was ready. She hit him with a bat and knocked him down the stairs. Broke his neck.” Jonesy looked at me. “She was arrested. Put on trial. She was found fucking guilty. My mother. Guilty. When she was the one wearing the scars.”

“Jesus, I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Ricky walked away and left the state. My mother did almost two years in jail and was never the same.”

Jonesy then stood up. He rubbed his jaw. He looked back at me.

“I’m glad you pulled that wheel,” he said. “If the police report shows he was drunk and hit a tree, then that’s how it stands. I won’t watch someone go through what my mother did. You and her are strong fucking people for going through that. Now, never talk about it again. You wouldn’t go to jail anyway, Hazel. A good lawyer would defend you, and it would all get washed away and be waste of time and money. Focus on the present right now—focus on Maddox.”

“I just want to see him.”

Jonesy nodded. “Let me go check and see how things are going.”

Jonesy walked away, and I watched him.

The town of Hundred Falls Valley was home. St. Skin was home. I felt home. I felt safe. But I also felt alone. I was completely open and exposed, but without the one person who could make me feel okay about it all.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jonesy grab a doctor. The doctor stopped and faced Jonesy. I could sort of read his lips and saw him say the name Maddox.

I stood up.

Before I could take a step, I saw the doctor begin to shake his head.