Maddox sat in his truck and stared at the house for a minute in complete silence. The front door was shut. The visiting nurse was paying her afternoon visit. We stayed for most of it, until Ada insisted we leave. I could have told Maddox we’d call her. We’d come back tomorrow. She wasn’t a far drive from Hundred Falls Valley. But that would have done nothing for him. I finally had another few pieces of his puzzle put together. To see this side of Maddox made my heart swell.

He swallowed hard and cleared his throat. He grabbed the steering wheel.

I grabbed his hand.

Maddox looked at me. His eyes were glossy. Those super dark eyes shining right at me.

I nodded.

There were no words.

I peeled his strong hand off the steering wheel and kissed his palm. I rubbed it against my cheek.

I loved him. I couldn’t believe it happened the way it did. The wild ride was just getting started. But I loved him. And wherever the ride was going, I’d be there.

Maddox put the truck into drive and started to go the opposite way from home.

Again, I didn’t question a thing.

It wasn’t until he sat at a stop sign well beyond the law requiring three seconds did he start to talk.

“There’s a reason why I don’t like cameras, Hazel. A really good reason.”

“Okay.”

“There was a time when I was followed by cameras. When I was the go-to guy in that tragedy that Ada started to talk about. I was the one…”

Maddox started to drive again.

A few minutes later he pointed to my window. “See, there’s a trail there. It was a walking or running trail. And it ended at the end of the road before crossing the street and continuing. There the trail would go to another town. I guess they were going to connect that trail to another, blah, blah. But off the second trail was where I would hang out. Myself and my buddies. We all had nicknames, too. Mine was Daw.”

“Daw?” Hazel asked.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it. But was always me, Slimy, Nickel, and Night. Night was more or less the ringleader of our group, adding and taking away members. A total asshole. But they were all the family I really had. We lived in the woods. Riding dirt bikes, getting into trouble, fleeing from the cops by using the trails where the power lines run up to the highway. But there was this ridge. It was work to get to the top of it. At some point there was, my guess, train tracks that went across it. There was the same exact ridge directly across the river. You couldn’t get to it though. And the drop from the ridge to the river was huge. Hundreds of feet. The thing to do was to stand at the edge and look down. See how long you could stare down before you got sick. It was that scary. Even for a guy like me. I’d look over that edge and my knees would instantly start to shake.”

Maddox kept driving, taking me to the end of the road. Then he turned right and swung a quick left into a dirt parking lot. He went to the very far end and stopped the truck. He turned the truck off and left the keys dangling in the ignition.

“Right through there,” Maddox said. “That’s where the ridge is. The river is to our right. We would drink in the woods. We would party. We would fight. We would fuck. It was our place. We found a creek and would hang there. Set up camp, even. There was a blueberry field there, too. These hidden gems in the mix of our messed-up lives. Night never appreciated that. He was all about fighting. Stirring up trouble. Taking his anger out on anyone he could get to. I never belonged in that world and was getting out. When I met her, I knew: it was a way out.”

Maddox turned and reached for my hand.

“I loved her. Not like the way I love you, though. But if you want to know this story, then you need to know that I loved someone else.”

“I understand,” I whispered. “You don’t have to be afraid near me, Maddox.”

He laughed. “Isn’t that what I usually say to you?”

I felt heat rush to my face. Here he was telling me his story and I hadn’t told him all of mine yet.

“What happened, Maddox?”

“It was one of those fast puppy love things. We just clicked. Her parents hated me. The more they kept her away, the more we got together. But then she started having other boyfriends. A kiss here and there. Touching. I don’t even know what else. Soon she had my heart twisted up. I couldn’t figure out what to do. I loved her and wanted her. But she kept changing. She kept getting…darker. That’s what I realized later. She was getting darker. I could have walked away but I wanted to save her. I wanted to help her. I wanted to know what was happening to her. Then one night she said she wanted to see me. I dropped everything for her, time and time again. That’s what Ada meant when she mentioned my being unfocused? That was because of her.”

“What was her name?” I asked. “You keep saying her.”

“I haven’t spoken it in years. I haven’t even thought it in years.”

I slid closer to him across the long front seat of the truck. “You can trust me, Maddox.”

“I know I can. Saying her name makes it real again.”

“You’re not alone this time,” I whispered.

Maddox looked at me. He swallowed hard. Then he whispered, “Ava.”

I nodded.

“Ava,” he said. “Ava. She captured me. I wanted to break out of this town and take her with me. So that night I went to meet her at the top of the ridge. My vision was to make something happen. Save her from whatever was hurting her. Her parents were just…I don’t know. It’s hard to judge now compared to when I was nineteen, you know? Her stepfather was overbearing and I think he hated the fact he wasn’t her real father. He was loud and to me, he could be violent. Her mother loved to work and I don’t think she really wanted to be a mother. But what I didn’t know about Ava? She had gotten tied up with another guy. A really bad guy. An asshole. A guy who would hit her, hurt her. And it was all done in a way I never knew. I never forgave myself for that. Not being able to see it, know it, and stop it. That there were times when I’d be with Ava and she would have secret bruises from the attack of another guy. A guy who had no soul, no heart, a piece of shit who let his anger out on women. I say the word women because she wasn’t the only one he was with. Ask me how I know that, sugar?”

I felt a little shaky myself. Maddox was gently touching on triggers that made me uneasy. In a weak voice, I whispered, “How did you know that, Maddox?”

He looked me in the eyes. “The other guy? It was Night. My buddy. My supposed best friend.”

“No.”

“Yeah. He was always the one telling me to not be committed to Ava. Telling me to have something on the side. Saying that because she was acting weird I didn’t need that. Or better yet, suggesting to me that I hit her. Put her in her place.”

“Maddox…”

“And I would never even think it. But that night, it all came together. She was sleeping with Night. They both stabbed me in the back. For her, she was a victim and too afraid to ask for help. Until that night. By the time I got there, she was alone. She was bleeding. He hurt her. That’s when she threw a note on the ground. And she opened her arms. And she fell back off the ridge.”

Maddox looked out the windshield. I felt like the temperature in the truck had dropped twenty degrees. I had chills everywhere. I squeezed his hand and covered my mouth with my other hand.

“I got to the edge,” he whispered. “I couldn’t see her. I called for help. They took forever to get there. I guess they were having a busy night. By the time they got there…fuck. Fuck this. Fuck all of this.”

Maddox threw open the door and got out of the truck. I tried to grab for him but he was gone. He left the door open, a beeping sound coming from the truck as a reminder that the keys were in the ignition.

He walked to the front of the truck and leaned against it.

I let out a sigh.

I let it sink in. He watched the woman he loved jump to her death. Because she was being abused by his best friend. Which meant he never got his answers or his closure. He never got to hear her explain anything. All he had was the letter.

I couldn’t just sit there forever and wait.

I pulled myself across the seat of the truck and slowly climbed out.

As I walked to the front of the truck, Maddox slumped down. He fell to his ass and sat there.

So, I joined him.

I put my arms around him and pulled, wanting to hold him and hug him. But he was so big, so strong, one million percent man.

“What happened after that was the rumors. See, I never told anyone about the letter. About her truth. I didn’t want that to be her lasting memory to people, you know? I wanted everyone to remember her as she was. At first, I started to get heat. They were blaming me. Saying I pushed her. I had to talk to the police. To psychologists. I went through hell. The rumors kept spreading. That she jumped. That she was pushed. That we were arguing and she jumped because of that. That she was pregnant. That I wanted her to kill the unborn baby. Then there were rumors she was drunk and messing around the edge and fell. That she was high and wanted to fly. I mean, it was endless. And because it was a small town and such a big thing, other towns got involved. I had people following me, Hazel. Taking my picture. Writing stories about me. My great aunt Ada used so much of her money to hire lawyers to go after those people. I felt like it would never fucking end.”

“I’m so sorry, Maddox. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“I had to get out of here,” he said. “So, I did. I got out of town and away from the noise. I worked shit jobs, drank all my money away, and got into more fights than I care to admit. But if I got really drunk, I would draw. Go figure that. Blackout drunk and I’d wake up to drawings all around me. That’s how I got into tattooing. Picked myself up one day, but she’s forever gone. Nothing I can do about that. So, yeah, that’s the story. That’s the camera story. I got arrested once for punching someone with a camera. Guy just kept following me. Shouting things. I lost it.”

“You know if you released the letter…”

Maddox looked at me. “I’ve given up. I’ve decided that everything I know about time is a lie. I cannot be a prisoner to my own sorrows, my own doubts, in this hell that has overcome me. I will make excuses for my failures. For the pain I’ve caused to those around me. For the pain I caused you. I don’t know why I did what I did and why I did it for so long. You kept coming back. You kept showing me the light. I was the darkness. I would forever be the darkness. Nobody wants that. It started long ago. Long before you. You were my comfort. You gave me the last little bit of hope to keep going for as long as it lasted. But this is not you. This is me. It began with my father. It continued with my stepfather. And it ended with your friend. I can’t believe this. To let this happen…”

Maddox cleared his throat. He rubbed his jaw.

“That was…”

“I have it memorized,” he said. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read it. Trying to make sense of it. Trying to place the blame so I could find peace.”

“There is no blame,” I said. “Unless you blame your friend.”

Maddox slowly nodded. “Yeah. But no matter what, I’ll never know the answers. So that’s part of my life I just step over. That’s why the second I saw you, Hazel, something mattered again. And that guy attacked you. That guy broke your camera. I’m not buying my way into your pants. Or your heart. I just wanted to buy some time to make up for what I fucked up with Ava.”

Maddox blinked fast.

A man so strong, so beautifully built, the scruff on his face, the tattoos on his arms, and he was crying.

I touched his face and pressed my thumb to the corner of his eye, stealing his tear.

“I love you for wanting to save me,” I whispered. “But you don’t need to save me.”

“But I can’t let you get hurt. Not again, sugar. I can’t let someone make you feel any less than the beauty you are. I won’t allow it.”

“And I can’t let you get involved in a part of my life.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Maddox said. “My life? Your life? We’re tangled up now, Hazel. We’re like two pictures melted together by a flame.”

I let out a breath. “Maddox, nobody has ever talked to me like this. I don’t know…”

“You only need to know how I feel. I’m telling you how I feel.”

Maddox slipped an arm around me and pulled me close. We sat there on our butts, staring forward at the trees. I had his entire story. My heart twisted and ached as I imagined a young woman jumping to her death because she felt a pain. A pain that I understood. I wished I could have known her.

I caught myself choking up.

Then Maddox said, “Okay, sugar, I’m done here. I’ve spent my time. Let’s go home.”

Maddox stood and helped me to my feet. He hugged me, kissed me, pinned me to the front of his truck. The kisses were deep, wild, a crazy passion that I didn’t know could be real. He thrust at me, opening my legs, the force of his body pressing hard against mine. I lifted my left leg and wrapped it around his body. His hands grabbed my ass and picked me up. I felt his thickness getting thicker, harder, making me wonder if this was going to happen in broad daylight.

Crazy as it was, I would have let him.

Then he stopped. I sucked in a breath. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“What? Thought what?”

“You, sugar. You’re fucking everything to me.”

Maddox brushed his lips to mine and then left me dangling.

I got into the truck and he started to drive.

That’s when a question came to me.

“Maddox, if I ask something, will you answer it?”

“Try me.”

I stared ahead and felt a cold shiver go through my body. It was a little weird how twisted our lives actually were. Taking a different route back to Hundred Falls Valley meant going on a road that I refused to ever be on again. A road that changed my life. A road that held my biggest secret. A secret that I would eventually have to tell Maddox.

But first… this was still about him.

“Hazel?” he asked. “What’s your question?”

“Your friend or whatever,” I said. “The guy you called Night. Did you ever get closure with him about what happened?”

I saw his grip on the steering wheel tighten.

My heart raced.

“That’s the even more fucked up part, Hazel, because that same night, he died, too.”