It was nearing four o’clock on Saturday afternoon. Allyson and I had been shopping for hours. Surprisingly, we both found dresses for the grand opening of Matteo’s restaurant in record time. I settled on a floor-length dress of royal blue chiffon. My neck and collarbone would be exposed enough to show off the triskelion necklace Alexander bought for me after we first got together. I hadn’t worn it in a while and I knew he’d be pleased to see it on me. Allyson found a yellow silk dress that hugged her curves in all the right places and complimented her golden hair beautifully.

By eleven that morning, our dresses had been charged to Alexander’s account at Bergdorf Goodman on Fifth. Afterward, we hit up Murphy’s for an early lunch and to catch up on each other’s latest gossip. By one o’clock, our appetites for both food and girl-talk had been appeased and we were on our way. We had been browsing wedding dress boutiques ever since.

“What about this one?”

I looked up to see Allyson holding out a long white satin dress that was full of lace and frills. The train on the wedding gown had to be at least a mile long. Why she continued to gravitate toward flounce and extravagant beadwork was beyond me. The last thing I wanted to look like was a bedazzled cupcake. I wanted a more classic look. Plain. Simple. With a shake of my head, I pressed my lips together and frowned.

“There’s too much going on. I’m looking for something simpler,” I told her.

“Krys, this is about as simple as it gets!” she exasperated loudly. “You’re engaged to a billionaire. I don’t think simple is going to work.”

“I already told you. Alex and I decided to go with a small wedding. Neither one of us wants an extravagant affair, Ally.”

“What does your mother say about that?”

I rolled my eyes.

“I haven’t told her yet. She’s still trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m engaged.”

“I figured as much,” Allyson laughed. “I went down to the main office for the apartment building this past Tuesday to pay the rent, only to discover that Frank already paid it. I think your mom still has hopes of you moving back in with me.”

I sighed.

“I’m sorry, Ally. I’ll talk to my stepfather about it.”

“I’m not sure if it will do much good, at least until the wedding day and you actually say the words ‘until death do us part’. Speaking of which, how small of a wedding are you talking about here?”

Grateful for the opportunity to stop talking about my mother, I casually walked over to the row of bridesmaids dresses. I tossed Allyson a small, yet knowing, smile.

“Oh, I don’t know…” I innocently trailed off.

“Krys, seriously. I mean, all of New York is going to want to have a front row seat to this. You have to know that.”

“Well, it won’t be that small of a wedding.” I paused and looked meaningfully at her. My subtle grin turned into a beaming, earsplitting smile. “It will be big enough to have a maid of honor.”

She looked genuinely shocked and I thought she might drop the gaudy dress that was still in her grasp.

“Me? Really?”

“Of course, you! Who else would I have asked, silly?” I laughed.

“I don’t know. I just assumed that Alex would want his sister,” she said, still sounding shocked. I didn’t understand her surprise. I would never dream of a wedding where she wasn’t by my side through it all.

“Well, you know what they say about the word assume,” I joked. “Honestly, Alex and I haven’t even talked about it. Who I choose for a maid of honor is my decision. You’re my best friend and like the sister I never had. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Allyson beamed and her eyes filled with tears of happiness. Unexpectedly, she screeched loudly from excitement. Scrambling to hang up the dress in her hands, she fumbled for a moment before eventually dropping it to the floor.

“Screw it. The dress is ugly anyway,” she pronounced. She hurried over to me and threw her arms around my neck. “You’re getting married! I’m going to be your maid of honor!”

She screeched again. People around us stared. The unexpected commotion drew the attention of a nearby saleswoman. She pursed her lips in disapproval when she saw the wedding gown tossed haphazardly on the floor. I was fairly certain she wasn’t accustomed to having her overpriced wedding dresses trampled. Hale and Samuel, their watchful eyes never far away, peeked out from whatever corner they had been hiding in. My eyes briefly met Hale’s. Once he realized everything was okay, his lips formed a subtle smile. Although he never voiced it, I knew he was happy that Alexander and I were getting married too.

I returned Allyson’s fierce embrace before pulling back to disentangle myself from her arms.

“Yes, I’m getting married,” I said and laughed. “But I’ll never get a dress if you keep tossing them on the floor. You’re going to give me a bad rep and no boutique will let me through their doors.”

I was only joking, but Allyson looked horrified.

“Oh my god!”

She quickly turned around to see the saleswoman replacing the wedding gown to its proper place. Allyson apologized profusely, but was rudely brushed off by the stuffy woman. After the dress was once again hanging, the woman walked away. Perhaps I had a case of shop-til-you-drop syndrome setting in, but her poor attitude rubbed me the wrong way. In that moment, I decided I was done with boutiques. Alexander’s tailor came to mind.

Maybe I can find a good seamstress and have a dress custom made.

That was definitely an idea to consider. I was confident that Justine knew of one. I made a mental note to ask her and turned my attention back to Allyson.

“Come on Ally, we should get going. I want to make sure I have enough time to get ready for the party tonight.”

“Yeah, me too. I’m really looking forward to it. You definitely need to look your best, especially since Matteo named the restaurant after you.”

I narrowed my eyes. There was something off about her tone, but I couldn’t place it. In fact, she always acted a little off whenever Matteo’s name was mentioned.

“Does that bother you?”

“Of course not. I mean, it’s not really named after you. It was named for Alexander’s undying love for his angel,” she joked, drawing out the words with exaggeration and laughed. “I think the story behind it is incredibly romantic, actually. Why do you ask if it bothers me?”

“It just seems like you and Matteo have been spending a lot of time together, that’s all,” I observed.

“He’s a nice guy,” she said offhandedly.

“Oh, come on, Ally! You’re talking to me, remember?”

“Okay, okay. So he’s more than a nice guy. I am female after all,” she added wryly. “I know a prime piece of eye candy when I see it.”

“And?” I pressed.

“I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. I just get the impression that he comes from a family where the women stay home and cook all day? Do you know what I mean?”

I eyed her quizzically.

“No, I don’t actually.”

“Let’s just say that I don’t think his family would appreciate him being with someone like me, someone who’s an active member of several women’s rights organizations. His family is super old school Italian,” she tried to wave off.

I arched a brow. I knew my friend and I could sense her conflict, almost as if she was second guessing her beliefs. That wasn’t like her. There was more to this than just Matteo’s old-fashioned family.

“His family isn’t him, Ally,” I pointed out nonchalantly. Allyson sighed.

“You’re right. He isn’t his family, but he is the forever type. Like, the settle-down-and-have-lots-of-babies kind of guy. I’m not ready for that sort of thing. Not for a long time,” she paused and flashed me a devilish grin. “For now, I’m content leaving all that to you.”

“I don’t know about the baby part,” I laughed. “Alexander and I haven’t even broached the subject yet. I’m sure that’s a long way off, if at all.”

“You should probably have that discussion before you tie the knot. Just saying.” She shrugged.

“I suppose you’re right, but I’m not entirely sure what I think about having kids. I wouldn’t even know how to bring it up to him. I’ve barely just gotten back on my feet. I have so many plans. Alexander, my career…I just can’t imagine taking on anything else at the moment.”

We walked toward the exit of the boutique. Samuel held open the door for us. Hale trailed behind in our wake. If I turned around, I was sure I’d find his observant gaze taking in everything around us. I envisioned them following a smaller version of Alex or myself wherever they went. School, dates, proms. No privacy. They’d be shielded and protected from the world, yet there would always be somebody watching. While I had begrudgingly grown accustomed to it, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to subject my children to that.

If. If I have children.

And it was a big if.

I shivered, finding just the mere thought of being responsible for another human absolutely terrifying.

* * *

I stared blankly at the news article on my computer screen. It was the one Hale emailed to me around noontime. I read it over at least one hundred times since receiving it. I didn’t need to read it again. I had already committed every word to memory. It hadn’t been published yet, but I knew it was only a matter of time. The draft that sat open on my computer monitor was from The City Times. It was the story Charlie gave to that relentless reporter.

I wanted to be angry. I wanted to lash out, to hurt someone. But I couldn’t get past the shock of what I had read.

Why didn’t Justine tell me?

I picked up my cell phone and dialed her number. It went straight to voicemail. Again.

I glanced up at my computer screen and scrolled to the top of the article. I pushed the computer mouse away, not wanting to see the words any longer. Instead, I stood up and went to the window. I stared out at the city, the East River coming in to view. The sun was low in the sky and glittered off the water’s surface, but I wasn’t really seeing it. My head was too full of childhood memories. They flashed fresh in my mind as if they only happened yesterday.

"Justine! What happened?"

"I don't know," she says through her sobs.

"Why do you have dad's gun?"

"Mommy's going to be so mad. I ruined my shirt!"

I shake her.

"How did this happen?" I ask her again.

Her face goes blank and she looks strangely at me through vacant eyes.

"Alex, do you know where my blue dress is? The pretty one with the flowers. Mommy likes when I wear it."

She didn’t answer my question then, just as she wasn’t answering my calls now. My sister knew. She knew the whole time. Her betrayal sliced through my heart and tore at every fiber of my being. I racked my brain trying to come up with a reason for her deceit, but I came up empty handed. I thought about the years I spent searching for an answer, searching for her, never knowing that the answer lied with the one person I thought would never betray me.

However, when I thought back, I should’ve suspected. I should have seen the signs. Her paranoia over a media circus was always over the top. I recalled the last time she came to me, fearful that Charlie would leak our secret past – the one I had successfully buried to protect her.

“It’s bad, Alex. He’s been making threats.”

“What do you mean? What threats? I’ll kill the fucking bastard if he touched you again!”

“No, he didn’t hurt me – at least not in the physical sense. He’s been calling… a lot. I thought about just having his number blocked, but I was afraid to because of what he’s been threatening. It affects both me and you.”

I had been so angry with Justine that day for interrupting my interview with Krystina. The fear in her eyes was the only thing that gave me reason to pause. She had been crying and shaking so badly, so I had been forced to set aside my anger. She needed my support, not my fury.

“It’s alright. It doesn’t matter what his threats are. He can’t do anything to me. And I already told you – I won’t let him hurt you anymore.”

“No, no! You have to listen to me, Alex! Damn it! This is why I’ve been blowing up your phone. He’s threatening to expose us – our past!”

“And how would he know about our past, Justine?”

“Because…cause I told him! I had to tell him. It was part of my therapy a long time ago. And now, all these years later, I’ve barely made peace with everything. The last thing I want is a media circus. I couldn’t handle it, Alex. I just couldn’t.”

I shook my head. If only I had looked deeper into her fears. I believed she was terrified of the press because she didn’t want to relive it. Never did I think it was because she had something to hide. Yes, I had my own personal motivation to keep the past hidden, but it was never as strong as my will to shield her. I did all I could to erase what had happened. I gave us a fresh start, devoid of anything and everything that could link us to that terrible time in our lives. Everything I did was for her. It was always for her.

A quiet beep tore me away from my thoughts. It came from the alarm panel on the wall. Someone was coming up the elevator. I glanced at the cell phone that was lying on the desk. There was a text notification. I picked it up and swiped the screen.

By issues, I meant with the media, but I didn’t need to explain that to Hale. He knew without my saying. He read the article and knew to be on high alert. I set the phone down and reclaimed my seat behind the desk. My muscles were tense and my nerves were shot. I ran my hands over my face and took a deep breath.

I needed to show the article to Krystina before we left for Matteo’s party. I didn’t have a choice. In the off chance it was leaked, I didn’t want her to be blindsided by any of the reporters attending the event. My eyes darted to the clock at the top of my computer screen. I didn’t have much time to explain things to her. The doors opened at seven, and we couldn’t be late.

“Alex, I’m home!” I heard Krystina call from the foyer.

She knew that both the alarm system and Hale always alerted me to anyone’s arrival, yet she always made her presence known upon returning home. Sometimes I wondered if it was her subtle way of ignoring the security around her. Whatever it was, I loved that my name was the first thing I heard from her lips when she came through the door.

“I’m in the office, angel,” I called back.

When she came in, her arms were laden with packages.

“Wait until I show you the dress I got for tonight!” she exclaimed with excitement.

“Shit!” I swore and hurried out from behind the desk to help her. “Why didn’t Hale or Samuel bring this up for you?”

I freed her arms of the shopping bags and set them on the leather sofa in the office. She waved me off dismissively.

“Oh, stop it. I’m perfectly capable,” she chided. “Here, let me show you.”

Her cheeks were flushed with delight as she began to tear through the packages. Clearly, she enjoyed her day of shopping.

And I’m about to ruin it.

I wanted her to continue enjoying this moment, even if it was over something as simple as a dress. She deserved it. I wanted her to have the opportunity to slip in to something new and model it for me. I envisioned her curves twirling in front of the full-length mirror as she inspected her reflection. To me, it didn’t matter what she wore. That killer body of hers could make anything look sexy.

I briefly toyed with the idea of not showing her the article until after the party. The way she was acting was so very normal, and it came at a time when everything in my world seemed to be at odds. I hated to be the one to break her mood, but I knew I had to.

What I had to tell her could not be sorted out in just one conversation or through a few hours of heart-to-heart communication. This would take time, patience, and finesse, as I didn’t know how she would react.

Reaching for her arm, I stopped her from rummaging through the packages and turned her to face me. I paused, suddenly hit with enough anxiety to film my skin with a sheen of sweat.

“No, angel. That has to wait,” I told her. I led her over to the chair in front of my desk. “Sit down. We need to talk.”