“Are you sure you’ll be okay? I’ll just call off. I don’t want to leave you,” Allyson said. She sat across from me at the kitchen table of the apartment we once shared together.

“You already called in to work yesterday. I don’t want you to get into trouble on my account. I’ll be fine,” I assured her. I picked absently at the buttered wheat toast Allyson had made me for breakfast. She insisted that I eat, but I had zero appetite.

It had been over two days since I’d seen or spoken to Alexander – two days of agony, worry, and crying. After Hale and I got Alexander to bed on Saturday night, all the strength I displayed at the club left me and I completely broke down. The man I loved, the self-assured, confident, and beautiful man I knew, had been reduced to a hurtful drunk person that I didn’t recognize.

The fact that he went to the club to forget about everything, even me, was almost too much to bear. But the idea of him turning to her ripped my heart into a million tiny pieces.

Sasha’s words had been on repeat in my mind since that night.

“It’s too bad you interrupted us so soon. He would have been fucking me in a matter of minutes. But he’ll be back. They always come back. You’ll never be enough for him.”

Deep down, I knew I got there before anything happened between the two of them. However, I couldn’t help but wonder about what she said and about what would have happened if I didn’t arrive in time. I also worried that her words about me not being enough for him rang true. Alexander said that he didn’t need the club as an outlet anymore, but what if he did?

Because of that, and because of the way he had deliberately tried to hurt and frighten me, I needed time to think. Hale understood this and offered to keep watch over him on Saturday night. He suggested that I go to Allyson’s for the night, so I did. Although, one night ended up turning into three. Now, it was Tuesday morning, and I had yet to hear from Alexander. There had been no phone calls from him. No texts. No emails. Just nothing.

“Anything new from Hale or Justine?” Allyson asked.

“Not yet today,” I responded. “The last text from Hale came last night. He said that Alex was okay and was still sorting things out.”

“Yeah, well he’d better sort out some kind of apology to you soon before I get my hands on him. I still can’t believe he hasn’t returned your calls.”

“Me either, Ally,” I said sadly.

My eyes burned, threatening a new wave of tears. I didn’t want to worry Allyson anymore, so I blinked them back, surprised that I even had any tears left.

“I’m going to stay home today,” Allyson insisted again.

“Ally, don’t be ridiculous. I feel guilty enough over the fact that I’ve called in to work two days in a row. Don’t add to it. I’ll be okay, really. In fact, I’m going to shower and try to get some work done from home today.”

I didn’t add that the reason I wasn’t going into the office was because I couldn’t risk running into Alexander. She already knew that. I wasn’t avoiding him, but simply doing as requested. According to Hale and Justine, Alexander needed space. If that’s what he needed, I could give it – even if it killed me in the process. I just hoped he didn’t need space for too much longer. As upset as I had been, I missed him so much. Every time my eyes closed, he was there. I felt empty without him, lost in a black hole of misery. I wasn’t sure if I could go on living this way for much longer.

“Promise to call if you need me? Even if you just have to cry it out for a minute, I’ll listen,” Allyson said, her expression full of worry.

“I promise. Now get out of here before you’re late,” I scolded.

“Love you, doll,” she said, her voice full of compassion. Coming around to my side of the table, she gave me a fierce hug. Once she broke away, she walked to the front door and grabbed her coat off the wall hook. “He’ll come around. I know he will. He loves you too much not to.”

I smiled weakly at her.

“I know.”

After she left, I sluggishly made my way back to my old bedroom. I glanced at the foot of the bed and saw my laptop sitting open. Waiting. Just waiting for Alexander to respond to my email. While he hadn’t responded to any of my texts, maybe he had too much to say and replied to my email instead. Hoping for a response, I sat on the edge of the bed and opened my inbox.

Nothing.

What if he misunderstood what I said? Had I said the wrong things? Should I have said more?

I knew I should have followed him when he left the nursing home. I never should have let him go off alone, but I didn’t know if he understood my regret. Feeling unsure about the words I had written, I clicked on the email that I sent to him on Sunday night.

I meant what I said in the email, even if I did sound like I was close to begging. However, I didn’t particularly care. I knew we both screwed up Saturday night, but this time I was willing to shoulder all the blame. It was as if he were my air, and I felt like I was suffocating without him.

Closing the laptop, I stood and went into the bathroom. I turned on the faucet in the shower, barely registering what I was doing. Everything I did over the past two and half days seemed to be in slow motion, like nothing more than a measured blur.

The bathroom mirror began to cloud with steam as I stripped out of my sweats and t-shirt. Climbing into the shower, I pressed my forehead to the tiled wall and allowed the piping hot water to flow over my back. I imagined it was rinsing away all the pain and agony I felt during Alexander’s absence.

I washed my hair and body methodically until eventually the water began to run cold. Stepping out of the shower, I dried my body and wrapped my hair up in a separate towel on top of my head. Moving over to the sink, I watched the clouded mirror begin to clear and my gaze fell on my reflection. There were dark shadows under my eyes brought on by lack of sleep. But they also had a hollow look that I didn’t recognize. My cheeks were flushed from the heat of the shower, a sharp contrast to the rest of my pale, almost ashen colored skin. Dropping the towel, I looked at my naked body in the mirror.

I recalled a time when I would critique my reflection, judging all the flaws and imperfections. I wasn’t overweight by any means, but I would still feel self-conscious about my behind that I thought was just a little too big, or my breasts that were slightly too voluptuous. I didn’t do that anymore, as Alexander taught me how to appreciate my body. He made me feel beautiful. Treasured.

I ran my hands slowly up my hips, past my breasts, until my arms crossed my chest and a hand rested on each shoulder. I stared back into my own eyes through the mirror. They looked tired, devoid of the spark and fire that Alexander always said I had.

This isn’t me.

I was not the type to just sit and wallow and wait. I wasn’t pitiful. I was strong. I was a fighter. And it was high time I fight for Alexander. For us. Letting him walk away was a mistake and I knew it. Now, he had taken enough time.

What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if it’s all too much and he doesn’t want me anymore?

I pushed the thoughts aside, not wanting to think about the what-if’s. I needed to take back what was mine. Resting my palms against the edge of the counter, I leaned in toward the mirror.

“You can do this,” I said to my reflection.

Feeling suddenly reenergized with a sense of purpose, I quickly bent to scoop up my towel from the floor. Wrapping it around my body, I made a dash for the bathroom door. I didn’t know where Alexander was at that exact moment, but I was confident Hale did. The faster I got dressed, the faster I would be able to get to him.

I threw open the bathroom door in a rush, only to smack hard into the chest of someone on the other side. I staggered and they grabbed my arm to steady me. I looked down at the hand that gripped my arm and froze, unable to look up. I didn’t have to. I knew who it was. I would recognize the strong lines of those fingers anywhere. I closed my eyes and breathed deep, knowing I would inhale that familiar sandalwood and all male scent that never failed to make me weak in the knees.

I slowly lifted my head and ran my eyes over the features of the man who held me in his grasp. Two days’ worth of stubble marred his skin, but he was still raw, potent, and gorgeous as ever. My gaze settled on the hypnotizing sapphire blue eyes that I adored so much. The vulnerability revealed in them was laced with just enough ruthlessness to let me know he was back. Gone was the man I found in the club. Standing before me was the man I fell in love with.

“Alex,” I whispered.