Braxton

I almost lost out by playing along. I’ve always known what I wanted. I’ve never made it a secret. I’ve just known when to back off and when to pursue. After all, I knew I was dealing with a scared rabbit. I’d just considered her my scared rabbit for so long, I lost sight of everything else.

I never thought I’d get the chance to rip the motherfucker apart that scared her. I was too young. I thought the opportunity had alluded me.

Yeah, there are a lot of reasons I won’t be playing along with share time. If this Carmen chick sticks around, then maybe she’ll hear about us on her own. She just won’t be getting a candid moment with me and my lady.

We’ve done too much to share in public. Our secrets are our own. Sure, I don’t think for a second, my brothers are naïve to all I’ve done for my happily ever after. Shit, as always, they were there to make sure it was all done without a trace.

My flesh and blood watched me charm my way into my beauty’s heart. Then set fire to her demons, literally. So nope, Ry can kiss my ass.

I’m not telling that girl shit. My wife is my wife. I love her and that’s it.

“Come on, Brax. Stop being a tool,” Ry huffs.

“Fuck off,” I grumble back. “We didn’t even want a public wedding. Why the fuck would we announce our fucked up shit to everyone?”

“You’re not announcing it to everyone. Just tell he—” Ryan tries for the millionth time, before I cut him off.

“For what?”

“I need her to see that we’re not so different. Things between us can be great, if she lets that guard down. Fuck, man, she thinks I’m out of her league,” Ry sighs and rubs the back of his neck.

“Well, she’s not as bright as I thought. Clearly, you’re the fucked up party in the equation,” I smirk.

“Fuck you,” Ry hisses.

“I’ll pass. You’re not my type,” I chuckle dryly.

“You’re seriously not going to do this for me,” Ry sighs, narrowing his eyes at me.

I don’t have to think about my answer. I look my brother right in his golden eyes that are just like mine. With a straight face, I tell him straight, no chaser.

“Fuck no.”

“Bro,” Ry groans.

I hold my hand up. “No.”

“Braxton, come on,” Ry pleads.

“You shouldn’t go promising things you can’t deliver on,” my wife says, as she walks up and places her forearm on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around her waist, kissing her forehead.

“Seriously? I thought you’d talk him into this for me. Come on,” Ry pleas.

My wife shakes her head. “Nope, we have good reason not to want to. Come on, Ry. I think it’s cute what you’re trying to do, but us telling our story can only hurt people, not help.”

Ry presses his lips, I can see the wheels turning in his head. I’m shaking my head, before he can get to his final thought. I’m not trying to hear it.

I heave a heavy breath. “Ry, I had to let a lot of shit go to get where I am, to where we are. Leave the past in the past. We’re not going to do it,” I demand.

“But have either of ye have left it in the past?” my mother chimes in out of nowhere, causing me to groan aloud. “This Lass was just weeping and ye’ve bent yer father’s ear enough about something being off. I say it may do ye both a bit of good to do this.”

I look to my wife and she averts her eyes from mine. We will finally have a talk about all this later. We have a tendency to avoid hard topics.

“Mom,” I try.

“Don’t mom me, ye little shit,” Mom snaps.

“Cass,” Dad appears and I nearly curse.

Not that I had much of a chance against mom, but these two together will have me spilling my guts in the next twenty seconds. I squeeze my wife’s waist, bracing us both for this. Our truth brought heartache to everyone.

Like I said, we tried to contain our shit, but my family is nosey as fuck. Especially, after what happened with Toby and all his secrets. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful. They were they, when we needed them most.

However, I’m relieved when dad speaks up. “Somethings are too dark to be brought to light,” he holds his hand up, when mom goes to protest. “The problem these two are having will benefit from them talking to each other, not to anyone else.”

Mom places her hands on her hips and glares at dad. He’s going to get the tongue lashing of the century, when no one else is around. It’s something I’ve always respected about my parents. My mother doesn’t hold her tongue, but when it comes to dad, she’ll go but so far in front of others. Their real fights happen in private.

“He’s right,” I look at my wife, as she sighs the words. “I’ve been talking to your mom, but I think it’s time I talk to you.”

“Fine, you guys don’t have to tell her everything—” Ry starts.

All heads whip in his direction. “Shut up, Ry,” we say collectively.

“You know, I expected more of you two,” Ry huffs and his words sting.

It isn’t the first time we’ve heard them hurled our way. Like I said, a lot of people were hurt behind the events that led up to my marriage. Some deserved it, some didn’t.

“Listen, Ry,” Heather says, with tears in her eyes. “We’re just not ready for something like this. We need to work on us. Maybe someday we’ll be able to handle sharing, but today won’t be that day.”

“Or this week, this month, this year,” I add firmly.

Ry’s eyes soften, as he looks at Heather. I see some of the determination leave his eyes. For once, my little brother is going to do something that’s not for himself.

“Fine, but I made her a promise. Will you guys give her something? Just tell her about your wedding or something,” he pleads.

“I need to have a talk with my husband. Maybe after we talk, we’ll come find you,” Heather shrugs.

“Now, can we get back to the party? I was trying to enjoy my niece and nephew’s birthday,” I grumble.

“The wee ones will not be missing ye. Go talk, now,” Mom demands.

I press my lips, but I don’t argue. For one, there’s no arguing with Cassy Black. Two, she’s right, it’s time that Heather and I fix this.

* * *

Heather

Braxton wants to move forward with our lives, but I’m so stuck in the past. I’m paralyzed every time I try to tell him what I’ve been keeping from him. It’s only a matter of time before he figures me out. Braxton sees everything when it comes to me.

He has been so patient with me. For years, I’ve felt ruined. The damage has run so deep. Somehow, Brax has always seen through all of that.

All of the guys are smart, but Brax has had this wisdom, since he was a little guy. Where others may think, he’s just pure nuts, I know better. Braxton has always been a grown man in a young body.

It’s what made us kindred spirits. He lit an eternal flame between us when we were just kids. Not in the passionate way we found later in life, but in a bonding of souls kind of way.

I don’t know. You have to know the truth, the whole truth, to understand what I mean. Even back then, I knew something was different about my relationship with Braxton, as oppose to the one I had with all of the other brothers.

“It’s always been you and me,” Brax says softly, as he reaches to lift my head with his fingertips.

I look up into his golden eyes. They’re so gentle. Something I know I’m the only one to receive. Brax gives everyone else humor or he can be a bit of an asshole. Well, that used to be true. Now, I see that look in his eyes when he holds one of his nieces or his nephew.

Braxton loves those children. It’s one of the reasons he’s been asking for some of his own. I understand his longing. There’s an unbroken part of me that wants the same thing.

There’s just so many shattered pieces covering that part up. I still find myself learning to breathe again on a regular basis. Brax has done so much to make that easier for me, but the damage is still there.

“I’ll love you through all that hurt, Baby,” he says, as if reading my mind. “I see it. I won’t dare to say I understand it. No one can do that but you. I just need you to know I’m here if you need to explain it. When you need to explain it.

“All the shit I’ve done, I did it so we could have this,” he waves towards the house, where TJ and Lulu are having their third birthday party.

“I want this for us. A happy life. A family. A safe place for you to always call home. You shouldn’t be so afraid to have this,” his words cut off, sounding pained.

“I know,” I choke out. “I want all that too, but what if I don’t deserve it?”

I see anger flash in his eyes, not aimed at me, but it blazes for me. Braxton knows I’m damaged. He understands that it runs deep.

“Why wouldn’t you deserve it?” he says tightly.

I lock eyes with Braxton and stare deeply into his soul. I’ve never told him what really happened to me. He has always been so intuitive about the situation. I’ve never had the courage to tell him in detail.

“You know what I’ve done,” I whisper. “You know the things that have happened because of me.”

Brax moves in closer. “I know what we’ve done. What I would do again. Why would that keep you from deserving to live? Why wouldn’t you deserve happiness?”

A ragged breath drags from my lungs. My body trembles with chills, despite the warm breeze. My heart grows heavy in my chest.

“It all still haunts me. It’s more than just that night. I…I sometimes think it’s all my fault,” I reply.

Braxton’s jaw ticks. I can see his eyes harden. I know the amount of restraint it’s taking for him not to lose it. His temper has never been his strong suit.

“What happened to them was not your fault. I swear to God,” he pauses, raking a hand through his cooper-blonde locks. “I don’t know all of what he did to you, but I know that shit wasn’t your fucking fault either.”

“What if what happened to me was my fault? I should’ve said something when it started,” I say shakily.

“You were a kid,” Braxton says gently, stroking my cheek. His eyes ponder mine thoughtfully. “I wish I knew what happened to you so I could know how to fix this.”

“Do you really want the answer to that? Are you sure you’re ready?” the words tremble off of my lips.

I fear his answer as much as I fear telling him the raw naked truth. On one hand, I dread telling him my reality, I know it’s going to send him over the edge. Although, I’m also deadly terrified that he won’t want to hear it. I’m terrified because I need to tell him. I can’t hold this in any longer. All of the guilt and secrets are choking me.

If Braxton doesn’t want the truth,—I just don’t think I’m ready for that type of rejection from my husband. Brax has been asking me to open up, but if he’s not ready for me to open up that far, I think it will kill a part inside of me.

“Thank, God,” tumbles off of his lips. “I never wanted to ask, but I’ve wanted you to tell me for years. You told Wyatt. I just always thought at some point you’d open up and tell me.”

I shake my head at him and look away. “I never told Wyatt. He sort of guessed on his own. Once he figured it out…Until my dad, I’ve never been able to tell anyone everything that happened,” I pause needing to catch my breath.

I turn away from him again. Again, Braxton reaches for my face, turning it back towards him. I press my lips, but push forward.

“I’ve never told anyone what that monster did to me, what I went through.”

“I promised you, me. That comes with all of me. My heart, my love, and my ears. I will listen, whatever you want to share with me, I will listen and lock it away with all of our other shit. Maybe talking it all out will release us both.”

“Then, maybe we should go inside. This is going to take a while and I know I’m going to fall apart,” I utter.

Before my words are out of my mouth, Brax has me lifted in his arms, heading for the house. My heart races as I remember doing this before. We’ve been here, done this.

We’ve been through so much. I used to see Brax as a baby, one of the little kids. In this moment, I feel like a baby, safe and secure in his arms.

Surprisingly, it’s the one place that I’ve always felt that way. Safe. I’ve never questioned that fact. It’s always been second nature for me. I think I’ve always questioned why, or how, but then, I always remember the beginning.