Becca walked into the kitchen to find it empty. She tossed her coat onto a chair. Before heading into the living room, she took a deep breath to steady herself and then turned on the oven. It was a stall tactic to go ahead and remove the cinnamon rolls from the fridge, but they needed to come to room temperature before baking. She glanced at the clock. It was already eight thirty.

Turning toward the door, she jumped.

“Hello, Becca,” Brian said. He stood there casually, hands in his pockets. But she knew better. Especially the way he ran his eyes over her body, taking in her manly shirt, no bra on. Her hair had to be a mess, and her eye makeup was probably smudged.

“So you slept with him.” It wasn’t a question.

She didn’t even consider lying or playing semantics. What she’d done was as good as sex, and she’d stayed the night. “I did.”

“Didn’t take long.”

“What do you want me to say, Brian?”

“I guess there’s nothing for you to say. I just hope you’re smart enough to realize he’s using you.”

“Don’t do this. Please.”

He stepped closer. “You do realize that. Don’t you?” He lowered his voice to a harsh whisper. “Hannah got engaged, and he wants to either make her jealous or get an easy lay.”

Fury bubbled inside her. At him for trying to hurt her, and at herself for wanting to ignore the reality that he could be right. “I don’t believe that. But either way, it happened. I never expected you to show up here. I would never want to hurt you like that.”

He gave an unamused laugh. “Yeah. Guess him playing you is irrelevant, because you fell for it. I guess the joke’s on me for missing you. Wanting to try again.”

“Brian . . .” she whispered, unsure of how to respond to that. Did he really feel a second try would work? Or had he just been lonely? “We discussed this. The fact that we both kissed other people is a huge red flag. Something wasn’t working with us.”

“Becca, let me tell you what wasn’t working in our relationship. The fact that you’ve spent the entire time harboring a secret crush on someone from your past. That’s all on you. I used to think I was being paranoid feeling like you weren’t all in, but now I know better.” He turned toward the window, hands resting on his head in frustration. When he looked back, his expression was etched with pain. “Damn it, Becca. Despite that shit, I do love you.”

“I love you, Brian. That’s the truth. But . . . sometimes things happen.”

“Like fucking another guy? That just . . . happens when you love someone else?”

“We’d broken up. Don’t make me the bad guy when we ended things mutually after both kissing other people. Both of us.”

Walking over to her, he put a hand on her face. “Don’t let this break us, Becca.” His forehead settled against hers and he inhaled deep, his eyes pinching shut, nearly in agony. “God, I smell that bastard on you.”

Tears sprang to her eyes, because what had she done? This man had been by her side for two years. They hadn’t been perfect, far from it. But until recently things had been good. Okay. Things had been okay. Maybe they often spent evenings apart because she had papers to grade and he had accounts to update. But when they were together, they laughed. Kissed. Made love even if it didn’t blow her mind the way last night had. Part of that had to be just fantasy becoming reality. But was that sustainable? And what if Brian was right about Jase being jealous of Hannah becoming engaged.

Glancing out the window, she saw Jase with his hands around Hannah, holding her head to his chest. Oh God. What were they talking about? Was this enough to set Hannah off to reveal her true feelings for Jase? That could be what he’d been waiting for. It hurt to imagine that he’d possibly considered her second best.

She let her hands slip around Brian. Did he feel as good? He felt . . . safe. Reliable and comfortable. She could build a life around that kind of stability, couldn’t she? Except . . . “Why did you kiss another woman?” she whispered.

He opened his eyes and stared at her. Then his hands threaded into her hair. “Because she seemed to want me, too, Becca. It’s that simple. It wasn’t about her or what she looked like. It was how she made me feel.”

“Did I ever make you feel like that?” She asked quietly.

His beat of silence told her more than his words ever would. Finally, he said, “Of course you did.”

She considered that. Jase had made her feel wanted that night beside the bar, pressed into that brick wall. And, sure, Brian had made it clear in the begging that he was into her. But the passion had never been the same intensity of what she’d experienced with Jase. Maybe that was her fault, though. “But Brian, relationships have ups and downs. How do I know you won’t kiss every woman who makes you feel sexy and exciting? What if we were to get married and in twenty years we drift apart a little? Not give one another enough attention? Does that give you permission to kiss a girl who does?”

“No!” He shook his head. Grabbing her hands. “No. I realized that night after you left that I’d ruined things. But I was also so damn mad at you for kissing Jase. Of all people. It fucking gutted me.”

She couldn’t deny that. He was right. And that was her fault.

The kitchen door opened with a whoosh of cold air and they both jerked over to see her father walk in, eyes wide. “Merry Christmas, Becca. Brian.” Her father stepped over and put a hand out to Brian, who took it, giving it a firm shake.

“Merry Christmas, Tim. I hope you don’t mind me just showing up.”

“Of course not. You know you’re always welcome here.”

The door opened again, and Hannah stepped in tentatively. She held the door open; Jase stepped in behind her. His eyes locking on Becca instantly.

“Everybody doing okay?” Tim asked, hanging his hat on a hook then stepping over to the coffee Hannah had obviously made earlier.

Becca felt Brian snake an arm around her waist. Her eyes jerked to Jase, who hadn’t missed the action. His own gaze narrowed and flickered to hers.

“Everybody’s good, Daddy,” Hannah said, giving Becca a tentative smile.

“Good. Where’s Jonas?” Tim asked.

“He’s watching television in the living room. I’ll go check on him.” Hannah scurried off, leaving Becca alone with her father, her ex, and the man she’d just slept with, who had just stuffed his hands in his pockets, staring at her.

He cleared his throat and then spoke in a deep scruffy voice. “Becca, can we talk outside a minute?”

“I don’t think so,” Brian said, shocking them all. Becca saw her father jerk around from filling his mug at Brian’s tone.

“I didn’t ask you,” he practically growled. “I asked Becca.”

“I thought Hannah said everybody was okay.” Her father stepped closer, somewhat between the two men. Becca pulled away from Brian and stood closer to her dad. Not because she was afraid, but it felt more neutral.

“Everybody is fine, Dad.”

“Doesn’t appear that’s true, Becca. What’s going on?”

The last thing she wanted to do was explain the details to her father, so she stepped toward the door and glanced over her shoulder. “Brian, please. I’ll be back.”

Walking outside, she felt a large fuming male hot on her heels. The minute they made their way down to the row of parked vehicles, she turned. And he didn’t hesitate.

“So this is happening? You’re shutting me out for him?”

“What do you mean? I said no such thing.”

“You didn’t have to, Becca, because you didn’t say the opposite. You didn’t tell him to leave. That you’d just spent the night with me. Let me . . . goddamn, what I did to you.” He stepped closer, almost grabbing her, but he didn’t. “What we did was good. Really fucking good. And you know we weren’t done with one another.”

Her heart had been pounding at his words, until that last line. That had her heart sinking. “I know. But we would be, eventually.”

His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

“We’d be done with one another.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m just so confused right now. Forget I said anything.”

He sighed, then shook his head lightly. “Neither of us knows what the future holds, Beck. Can I promise you that this thing will turn into forever? Of course not. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it to see what this is between us. Because it is something.”

“I agree, but . . . I also have a man inside that I was with for two years, telling me he loves me.”

He ran a hand down his face. “So, what are you saying? Don’t do him any favors. No man wants to be chosen out of pity.”

“Of course not, but . . . I just need some time. This happened so fast. He and I were both unfaithful. Part of me feels like I owe it to him to slow down and think things through.”

He stared at her for a long moment. Finally, he lifted his arms to his sides and began backing up toward his truck. “You do that. But I’ll tell you the other thing no man wants to be, and that’s a woman’s backup choice. But I’m glad we cleared the past up and can be friends now.” He turned hard and began walking around the front of the truck.

“Jase, wait. Please don’t go like this. It’s Christmas.”

He got to the door of his truck looked at her over the hood. “Merry Christmas, Rebecca. I hope you get exactly what you wished for.”

She bit down on her bottom lip as she watched him climb into his truck, back out, and drive away.