“Hey baby girl,” Nikki comes into my bedroom with Tasha in tow. She sits on my bed and caresses my forehead. “How are you feeling?”
I shake my head as Princess Nokia plays in the background. I remember Savior once said how she was his favorite rapper and how I would like her style. I never did listen to her while we were together and now I’ve been listening to her on repeat since our breakup. How messed up is that?
I’m on Day Three After Savior and it feels just as horrible as Day One. I’m unofficially on a liquid diet because solid food and my stomach don’t mix. I quit my internship and turned everything in. I purposely went after hours so there wasn’t a chance of running into anybody.
I tossed my phone and purposely changed the number so there was not a chance of Savior getting a hold of me. The last 72 hours, he didn’t attempt. No emails. No phone calls. No texts. It was if he disappeared back into the air.
I feel guilty about everything. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe Savior was telling the truth. The look in his eyes didn’t signal a liar and I can admit he was pretty honest with me about everything else. Maybe this whole “arrangement” was a big mistake from the start.
I’m on semester break for the next few weeks and have nothing but time on my hands. Every time I go to sleep, I see his face. Every time I take a shower, I feel his arms around me. The worst was when I turned on the radio in the Beemer, and I heard a Wu-Tang song.
It felt like my heart was taunting me, telling me how stupid I was to break up with him while my brain was keeping it mute and cute. Sure, I may have my Granny’s home, but what’s the point of having a home when there’s not the love of my life in it?
“Are you able to eat anything?” Nikki asks. “You need to get out and get some fresh air.”
“I don’t want to leave.” I mutter. My stomach is twisted in intricate knots and hurts just as much. “I’m fine where I’m at.”
“No, you’re not.” Nikki pulls the sheet off me and is briefly surprised to see I had clothing on. “You need to shower, get out of the house, and get on with your life. I’m sure Savior has moved on with his.”
If he has, I don’t know about it. The Google alerts on him didn’t mention any new girlfriend or even the move out of his dad’s firm. I’m not sure what’s the truth anymore.
“Look at it this way,” Tasha adds, “it wasn’t like you two were going to get married and have babies. Maybe he did you a favor by not taking over the home. You’re better than a liar and a schemer, anyway. I just know he was planning to kick me and Junie out!”
“If Savior wanted the home, he wouldn’t have gotten with Keisha to do so and he wouldn’t have subjected her to his bullshit family, neither. Another thing, does Junie actually live here?” Nikki asks. “Because I don’t recall hearing about him paying rent.”
“He pays when he can,” Tasha defends. “He’s an unofficial resident here.”
“Oh, so you both of you broke niggas are living off Keisha,” Nikki’s hood side comes out in full-force, “got it.”
“Excuse you!” Tasha comments.
“No, I won’t be.” Nikki replies. “You’re happy Savior’s out of the picture because it means you can stay here, rent- and bill-free longer. What if Keisha decides to sell the home, after all? Then what, Tasha? If you paid the same amount of attention to your life like you do always getting high and staying on IG, you’ll be so far ahead of the game right now.”
“I smoke weed because I want to and it makes me feel good.” Tasha brushes a braid over her shoulder. “Maybe your uptight ass could use a toke and loosen up, shit!”
“If the shit you have will make me lazy, full of excuses, and lethargic, no thank you.” Nikki states.
“I don’t have excuses!” Tasha defends. “I have life inconveniences like everyone else.”
“Okay, what the hell does that mean?” Nikki turns to me and then back to Tasha. “I swear you woke niggas need to take naps.”
“Guys, guys, guys…” I play referee. Nikki and Tasha never liked each other and only tolerated each other because of me. They are always one insult away from pulled-out weaves and hair extensions on the floor. “It’s fine. I’m getting up.” I stand up and gather some fresh panties and a bra. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes, okay? Play nice until I get out and then I’ll be ready to go.”
~~~~~~
The three of us spend the day – drama-free – at the Crenshaw Mall. We weave in and out of stores without a care in the world. Well, maybe Tasha and Nikki walked around without a care in the world. My mind was tormented with thoughts of Savior. I wonder what he was doing. Who was he with? Was he just as miserable as I was or was it another weekday at the firm for him?
After shopping, I went home, packed a few days of clothing, and headed to my daddy’s house. I was able to keep it together in public, but in private, I fall apart all over again. I walk inside my daddy’s home and go straight to his office. He looks up from his computer and his face is stoic. He sees my bloodshot eyes, the mascara running down my cheeks, and hears my nose full of snot.
My daddy is a simple man so he only asks the right questions. “What do you want me to do?”
“I need to disappear for a bit, just long enough to graduate and then I’ll be in college.” I sniffle.
“Appearance and location?” He asks and I nod. “Got it, ‘Face.” He motions me over to him and I don’t hesitate to run. I climb into my daddy’s lap and bury my head into his shoulder where I cry my eyes out.
~~~~~
I can always tell I’m in a different environment based on the type of restaurant that’s in the neighborhood.
As I hold the heavy leather-bound menu at Sentiment, I look over the dish selection and it feels like it’s a completely different world, despite it’s just directly across the street from USC. I wonder what the intention was with that.
“Have you decided what you want to order?” My girlfriend, Dominique Ferguson, asks me. She’s tall and thick, somewhere between a Rihanna and Beyoncé body type, and has her own dance studio on Wilshire. She just happens to be married into one of the world’s richest families.
“Oxtails, huh?” I stare down at the selection. Apparently, British men like oxtails? “Since when did this happen?”
“Since I introduced it to him when we were dating and well, that’s all she wrote.” Dominique cackles. The server comes by, takes our order, and quickly leaves. “How are you doing, Keisha?”
“I…” I shrug. The last several months have been a blur. I’m in the process of growing out my hair and I’m sporting a teeny-weeny Afro. I’m still staying with my daddy and Ashley has officially moved back in, along with my brothers. I have my own room and plenty of privacy in the palatial estate but I feel so empty.
I’m graduating in a few days and I’ll be off to USC just right across the street come this fall. Maybe being involved with college will distract me from anything Savior. “I guess I’m doing okay.”
“Has he tried contacting you?” Dominique asks and I shake my head. “Not even a single attempt?”
“I changed my number and closed my email. He hasn’t swung by the house.” It was like I never existed at all. I don’t know if I’m more devastated at the fact he didn’t even try to contact me or the fact he listened to me when I told him to leave me alone for good.
I wonder how I would’ve reacted if Savior at least attempted. Would I be happy? Would I be angry? How would I have reacted?
“I’m probably the last person you need to hear this from but I did some snooping around and Ian helped me,” Dominique begins, “well, I bribed him into helping me. It’s funny how quickly a man will change his mind when you suck his dick a few times.” She smiles. She pulls out a manila folder and slides it over to me. “Here’s something you need to look at.”
I glance down at the manila folder and back up at Dominique. “What’s this?”
“Savior’s truth.” She takes a sip of ice water.
My eyebrows rise and I open the folder. My heart is stunned when I read the contents of the envelope. There’s a high-definition picture of Thomas meeting with the city’s mayor about developing land in Inglewood, creating luxury condos and apartments. Most of the people Thomas is pictured with are Asian foreign investors.
The next page reveals Savior had his own project, creating low-income and affordable housing in the same block. Savior met with members of the city council, community leaders, and real estate developers. Savior was going against his father.
My memory jogs me to the fateful day when I witnessed Savior and Thomas fighting. I wonder if they were fighting over the development. I also wonder if Savior leaving his father’s firm played another part in the discord.
There’s still an unexplained question – how could someone who was such a champion for civil rights be so against everything he ever stood for?
The question is answered for me as I flip through more pages – money. Thomas saw the financial crisis of the people he was helping and profited off it. He’s an investor of several payday loans and on the board of directors of an international bank that caters to low-income folks.
The night of the gala becomes increasingly clear. All three sons seem almost disgusted with their father and rebelled in many ways that night. They were only there for show. My heart is broken upon receiving concrete evidence. I pushed Savior away and lost the best relationship of my life. There’s no way this can be made right.
After Dominique and I had lunch, I walk back to the Beemer and see a Mercedes pull up next to mine. Two men get out but I’m not paying any attention to them. I just need to go home and cry.
“Keisha?” Marc turns towards me and greets me with a hug. “Sista gal, where have you been? You were there and then you poof! Disappeared!”
I hug Marc back and give Paul a hug as well. “I’m doing well. Just busy. Trying to graduate, you know?”
“I hear that, I hear that.” Marc turns to Paul. “Yo, I need to holler at Keisha for a minute. Get us a nice table.”
“Not a problem.” Paul salutes me and I return the favor. “It’s great seeing you, Keisha. If you need a recommendation, holler at me!” He heads inside.
Marc waits for Paul to be out of earshot before he speaks to me. “So, what did you do to my boy?”
I shake my head. I’m sure Marc knows everything that went on between me and Savior. I’m tempted to ask him how he’s doing but I keep mute. “Things just didn’t work out.”
“They need to.” Marc states. “He’s a mess, you know? He’s all over the place. Professionally, he’s never been better. He’s finally had enough of his dad’s shit and is starting his own firm. Me and a few others are leaving to join him at the end of the month.”
“Good for you, Marc.” I’m happy to hear that. I think Savior and Marc will have a very successful firm. “I know it’ll be fantastic.”
“Fighting the good fight is never easy but it’s always worth it.” Marc grins. “Listen, Savior has a good heart and he’s not like his father. Maybe his approach was wrong, and maybe he needed to fine-tune his feelings a bit more. But lying and deceiving is not his M.O. He wouldn’t buy you a car if that was his end game.” Marc lets out a small sigh. I don’t know if he was speaking for Savior or if he just wanted to give his two cents in what was going on. I appreciate the message either way. “Listen, it’s not my business to say anything but I do know my boy was sprung over you and still is. If you two can find a way to make it, do it.”
It’s words I needed to hear but the timing might be off. “It’s too late.”
Marc begins walking towards the restaurant. He turns around and smiles again. “It’s never too late to do the right thing.”