Chapter 12
Laiken
As I clung to his waist on the bike, more memories resurfaced. His bike was the first, and last, motorcycle I’d ever ridden on. So many times had his bike taken me away from my abhorrent household. So many times had his bike rescued me from my mother. His bike became synonymous with freedom and happiness and joy when I was with him. I would hear him rumbling down the road, and my skin would pucker. I would hear him strike it up in the parking lot of my school building and a smile would cross my face.
And his bike still had that same effect.
Throwing my leg over the back of his bike, I slid my arms around his waist. I could smell him. Every single scent he had on his body. The smoke from the bar and the beer on his breath and the cologne he swore he never wore. I laid my head against his back as we roared off down the alleyway. Away from the police cars and the illegal activities and the flashing lights.
I was in disbelief. I felt the rumbling of Jace’s bike between my legs, and I shook my head. The streets and the trees were whizzing by our bodies while the wind whipped around our legs. When I entered the bar that night, the last thing I expected was to come face-to-face with my sordid past. To be reminded of the things that once were. The things that once brought me happiness. The one thing I would’ve never expected from a night like this was to find myself wrapped around the one man I couldn’t let go.
And now that I had my arms around him, it was going to make that concept even harder.
But I loved the feeling of him. I had missed the feeling of him. The chiseled abdomen I clung to when I was younger was still there, and the breadth of his strong back was still supporting my cheek. My thighs were pressed into his as I straddled his bike… the same one we’d ridden together on so many occasions. We’d made love on this bike. More times than I could count. I’d sucked his cock, and he kissed me from head to toe. We tainted alleyways with our professions of love and spilled cum onto the grounds of cities we got lost in.
This bike held special memories for us, and I could feel myself drowning in them.
We drove through the back streets of Henderson, trying to get away from all the drama. My hands began to roam up his body, feeling the divots and peaks of his chiseled form. I felt the heat growing between my legs as my body responded to his movements. The way he leaned into the turns and the way he mindlessly scooted back into my body. I clung to him as we rode in the dark, our bodies magnetized to one another as I tried to talk myself out of the one thing that was racing through my mind.
My lips were so close to pressing in between his shoulder blades.
I hated that I wanted him. I hated that after everything he put me through, I still cared. I hated myself for growing warm for him. I hated my body for wetting itself for him. I’d encountered more men in my line of work than any other gender to speak of, and never once had I felt this pull towards them. Never once had I felt the desperate need to cling to them. Or hold them. Or scoot closer to them.
Like I was doing now. With Jace.
As much as I wanted to keep denying my want for him, I no longer could. My body was betraying me with every turn we took. Every road we turned onto held another secret. Another signal that my body threw out to show me that I wasn’t going to win. To show me that my logical mind wasn’t going to rule this scenario. And the, a terrifying thought occurred to me. One I tried to stifle by screaming at myself inside my mind. But as my hands ran back down his abs and sat dangerously close to his cock, I found my lips silently whispering the phrase.
“I love you, Jace.”
I still loved him. I had convinced myself I had stopped, but that wasn’t what had happened. Every time I compared a man to Jace, I was convincing my heart that Jace was still the best. Every time I shrugged off a man’s advances, I was giving Jace power over me. Every time I turned down a man’s want to go home with me, I was leaving myself open to the idea that Jace would come knocking on my door.
And now that I was here with him, I could no longer deny what I was doing.
The lights of Henderson passed us by as I closed my eyes. I could feel Jace’s heart beating in his back. I could feel it strumming against my cheek. My arms tightened around his body, and my legs pressed mindlessly into his. Arousal was pooling in my underwear, and my tits were rising to peaks I didn’t want to acknowledge. The way Jace moved with his bike… it was like he was a part of it. One of the gears or the motor or the oil running through the pipes. The road thundered underneath us as Jace had our getaway quick, and soon the sirens of the corners of Vegas could only be heard echoing off the recesses of my mind.
Everything smelled and felt so familiar. From the way, Jace’s muscles twitched to the way the rubber on the road smelled. I could feel freedom sinking beneath my skin. I could feel those phantoms pangs of wild nature thrumming throughout my body. This bike could take me anywhere. Jace could take me anywhere. All I had to do was lift my lips to his ear and whisper, and it would be all mine. We could travel to California like we did one weekend after my mother called me worthless. We could travel into Mexico and bask in the sunlight like we’d always talked about. We could travel to Utah and ride up to the tallest peak in the state.
Then we could make love underneath the setting sun before we set up camp.
There were so many things we promised to do together. So many things we dreamed about in between the lies and the fighting. When I wasn’t reminded of the fact that he was ashamed to have me in his life, we talked of road trips and dingy motels. Crossing the country to see New Year’s Even happen in the brightest city the U.S. had to offer. We talked about traveling to Florida and having actual key lime pie and venturing to New Orleans and seeing who could hold out the longest during Mardi Gras.
We were wild and free and not tied down by adult responsibilities. I had my whole life ahead of me when I’d met Jace, and by the time I fell in love with him, I could see him at my side. Walking me through life and supporting me through the hard moments.
But despite all of that, it was hard to ignore his lies. It was hard to swallow the fact that he didn’t want me meeting his friends. It was hard to be left in the middle of the night or early in the morning, only to be told he’d be back soon without letting me know where he was.
It was hard, and it got old fast.
That was the first time we’d ever fought. One of our bike rides was interrupted by a phone call he received. I could tell it was urgent by the way he spoke, but instead of taking me with him or filling me in, he simply dropped me off at my place. Gave me a quick peck on the cheek and told me he’d be back soon.
He was gone for four days before I heard from him, and the lies flowed forth ever since that moment.
I felt the bike slow down before we pulled into an abandoned parking lot. He pulled off into the shadows behind an abandoned building and brought his bike to a stop. He put the kickstand down and shut the engine off, and I scurried away as quickly as I could. I needed to breathe something that wasn’t tainted by him. I needed to get my hands away from his rock hard form. I needed to keep my eyes diverted from his, and I needed to focus on what the fuck had just happened.
He almost killed a man tonight.
“We needed to get away from the bar,” he said as I slid my helmet off.
I scoffed and shook my head as the hazy fog of his musky scent slowly lifted from my body. We were in a part of Henderson I recognized. A part of the town that had flourished when I was a child. But now, it was worn down. Abandoned. Forgotten and overgrown with weeds. My eyes took in the dark scenery before me as broken windows cast jagged shadows on the walls of abandoned homes. I saw the playground I used to play in, the swings rusted and the merry-go-round bent and cockeyed. I saw the old gas station that used to sell one-dollar slushies, its doors were torn to shreds and the walls spray-painted with gang signs.
I looked up the hill behind us and saw an old and abandoned diner. Reminiscent of the one Jace and I used to frequent.
“Is that…?”
“Yep. That was Sassy’s Diner. Don’t worry, though. They didn’t shut down. Just moved.”
I nodded as my gaze slowly panned back over to Jace.
I had no idea how I needed to feel at that moment. Was I supposed to be sad? Upset? Scared? Defeated? I was turned on. I was ready to hop his bones and recreate our fondest memories on his bike. My eyes raked over his tight shirt, his chest swelling as I looked back up to his eyes. He loomed in the shadows as the darkness cast jagged outlines upon his face.
But his eyes.
They were always softer than the rest of him.
But instead of settling on that, I settled on anger. He had dislocated a man’s jaw with one punch. He almost choked the fucking life out of him. He barged back into my life thinking he had some sort of claim on me, and that needed to be addressed.
No matter how much fire coursing through my veins was setting my body aflame.
“What the hell was that, Jace?”