Chapter 19
Snake
I rode around town for a while before I headed back to the lodge. I needed to clear my head if I was going to go back to that stuffy place. I had allowed myself to leave it behind, mentally and physically, for an entire night. I had crash-landed right into the body of the woman I could never let go of. To say I was distracted was the understatement of the fucking century. I couldn’t concentrate on the road ahead of me; I couldn’t concentrate on where I was going.
I couldn’t even concentrate enough to give a fuck about the club… and that shit was a first for me.
But as lunchtime approached, I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I had several missed calls, and text messages from both Fox and Talon, who I assumed was checking in on me because of Gemma. I gritted my teeth and left the calls untouched as I headed back to the lodge. I knew Mac would be pissed, but I didn’t care. I knew everyone would be pissed, but again… I didn’t even care. All I wanted was to fall into bed, sleep this bullshit day away, and then make actual efforts towards forgetting Laiken.
It was time I fucking moved on anyway.
“Where the hell have you been!?”
Fox’s voice boomed over my body as I ripped my helmet off my head.
“Back the fuck up,” I said.
“Where the hell were you last night!? You told me you were going to some bar and then you just don’t come back!?”
“Sorry I worried you, sweetheart,” I said. “Daddy was a bit busy.”
“This shit’s fucking serious,” he said. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”
He grabbed my coat and pulled me towards him before I shoved him away. I balled my fists at my sides as he came at me, his fists flying and his gaze fiery. I ducked every time he swung before I connected my fist to his gut, doubling him to his knees as he gasped for air.
“Didn’t realize you liked it rough, shnookums,” I said with a growl.
“You could have been killed,” Fox said, gasping. “And none of us would’ve ever fucking known.”
“He’s right,” Mac said as he came up behind me. “Now, can you stop beating up on your partner? I believe that’s called ‘domestic abuse.’”
I slowly turned around and took in Mac’s stare as he puffed his chest out. Fox was groaning as he got off the ground, a sound that rose a smirk on my cheeks. I wasn’t about to let this club push me around. I was a big boy, and if I got myself into shit, I owned up to it. I didn’t run like a little pussy to my mommy so she could defend me. I cleaned up the messes I made.
“You can’t keep me cooped up here any more than you can keep us all safe,” I said. “That lodge? It’s not protecting everybody. If anything, it congregates us into one fucking place. One perfectly-timed attack and we’re all fucking slaughtered.”
I felt someone grab my shoulder and rip me around, which brought me face-to-face with Fox again.
“You don’t get to make that fucking decision,” he said. “You don’t get to go off on your own, worry us fucking sick, not pick up your phone, and expect us all to calm your damn sister down.”
“I figured she had Talon for that now,” I ground out. “Why the fuck is it my job anymore?”
“You’re a selfish asshole, Snake. You always have been. And up until now, I’ve put up with it. Stomached it when Mac partnered us up for jobs. But you’ve put us all at risk, and you don’t even fucking care,” Fox said.
“And if I don’t?” I asked.
Fox took another swing at me, and I ducked before I took him to the ground.
“The two of you cut it out. Now!” Mac yelled.
But I was rolling around and wrestling with Fox as he connected a fist to my face.
“You’re a fucking prick, Snake!”
“You’re a pussy, Fox!”
“You’re pointless to this club and pissed that Talon can protect Gemma better than you can!”
“You’re gonna pay for saying something like that.” I brought my fist down on Fox’s face before Mac ripped me off him. Fox was holding his eye as people started to trickle out of the lodge, trying to figure out what the hell the commotion was all about.
“I’m the one who kept Gemma away from this lifestyle,” I said. “I was the one who kept her sights on school. I was the one who shielded her from the pain my father rained down on our fucking family, and I was the one who hid from her the pain of our mother’s death. I had shielded her from fucking everything. It wasn’t until Talon descended in with his cock hanging out that Gemma got pulled into this shit. And now? It’s my fucking job to fix it!”
“Well, you’re not gonna fix it by wandering away from the compound and screwing other women,” Fox said.
“Can’t you tell by his attitude?” Talon asked as he walked up. “I don’t think he got laid last night.”
I connected my wild stare with Talon, whose eyes were looking me up and down.
“Glad to see you’re alive,” he said.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said as I shrugged Mac off my body.
“Church. Now,” Mac said. “Talon, go get Hawk. Meet us in the shop as soon as you can.”
Blood was surging through my veins. Just looking at that damn compound made me sick. All of us cooped up in there, cowering away like pussies while we waited for The Devil Saints to make the first move. The DEA was up our ass, Laiken was a fucking cop, The Devil Saints wanted to wipe us off the face of the fucking earth, and Gemma was wrapped up in all of it.
There was no control. There was no plan. There was just chaos.
And it made me sick.
I kept my distance from Fox as his eye began to swell. We made our way into the shop and put all of our phones into Talon’s magic case thing. I didn’t know what it was, I didn’t know how it worked, and I didn’t give a shit to figure it out. All I wanted was to get us out of this situation so we could get on with our lives.
I just didn’t know how the hell we were going to accomplish that anymore.
“Got Hawk,” Talon said. “We’re ready.”
Hawk took one look at Fox before he whistled and shook his head.
“Maybe I wasn’t clear on the rules for this little reunion at the lodge, but everyone is to be back every fucking night,” Mac said.
“You can’t keep us cooped up like this, Mac. It makes us look like fucking pussies. It’s stressing everyone out.”
“The only person complaining about it is you, Snake,” Talon said. “Everyone else is fine.”
“You sure about that? Because I’m pretty sure it was you last week who got into that fight with Syd,” I said.
“You did what?” Hawk asked.
“Now you’re just stirring up shit, Snake,” Fox said.
“No. I’m trying to point out something to Mac. Everyone’s getting restless. We’re family, but even family gets rough when we can’t live our own lives. You’re trying to coop us up like children without putting forth a plan to fix this shit. You’re our President, Mac. It’s not a good look when you don’t know what to do,” I said.
“What did you and Syd fight about?” Hawk asked.
“Yeah. Why don’t you tell Hawk why you were yelling at his wife,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter,” Mac said. “Snake, I get your point. But we’re stronger when we’re together. If Hawk and Sydney and Emery are in their home and Hawk leaves, who’s there to protect them? No one. But, if Hawk leaves the compound to go get something, all of us are there to defend them if something happens,” Mac said.
“I can’t come back to this lodge every night, Mac,” I said.
I felt myself crumbling in front of the guys as I drew in a shaky breath. I sat down in a chair and put my head in my hands. Images of Gemma bleeding out ran through my mind. Images of seeing our coats doused in blood shook me to my core. I felt my breathing shallowing out as gunfire echoed off the corners of my mind, pulling me back into a moment in our history that had altered me as a young boy.
That turned me into the angry man I was today.
“I don’t know what The Devil Saints are going to do,” Mac said. “But I’m not willing to take the risk of them finding out where my club lives and taking them out. Beast is unhinged. We have proof of that. Keeping us all here lowers the risk that Beast will go after us individually.”
“Which means he’ll just formulate a plan to take us out altogether,” I said.
“But that buys us more time because it’ll take more time for him to figure that shit out,” Mac said. “Which is what I’m doing all damn day instead of gallivanting off and finding some nice piece of ass to lay.”
I panned my gaze up as I stood to my feet. Mac’s eyes were locked on me as everyone stared me down. I wasn’t going to win this fight. As much as I wanted to and as much as I needed to, this wasn’t my fight to win. Mac was right, in his sick and twisted way. He was trying his best to keep us safe, and when I didn’t come back last night they probably all assumed I was dead.
I sighed heavily as my clenched fists slowly unfurled.
“Okay,” I said. “Back every night. Got it.”
“And no punching your club members,” Mac said. “That’s just unfair. We all know you have the meanest swing on this club.”
“And don’t you fucking forget it,” I said.