Chapter 17
Snake
Officer Riley!? Fuck. Laiken was a cop? I mean, I knew she had ambitions and shit, but I figured since she was in town she ended up doing something different with her life. But a cop? In town? With the DEA snooping around and shit? What the hell had I gotten myself into? Had I known that shit this morning when I got up, I would’ve never put my phone number in her phone in the first place. Had I known she was a cop, I wouldn’t have messed with her last night. Not one fucking bit. The last thing I needed was to be tangled up with some fucking government-employed asshole.
Holy shit. I’d really fucked up this time.
I knew I loved her. When I got up this morning and saw her face lying next to mine, I felt that flutter in my heart. That sappy bullshit stuff people talk about in books. My palms started to sweat, and my dick began to rise to life. I debated on whether or not to wake her up with it, for fuck’s sake. I’d let her stay over, and when her body was pressed into mine, I could feel my soul reaching out to her again.
Just like it had all those years ago.
But her being a cop was dangerous. Especially a cop here in town. With the DEA poking around and tailing The Devil Saints, it was only a matter of time before she figured out what the fuck was going on. Adding a cop into all this shit would bring more heat to me and my club, and shit would hit the fan. Beast would probably come out of the woodwork again and rain his hellfire and damnation upon all of us, and I wasn’t sure if we would survive another attack like that.
Another attack like the one that happened six years ago.
But the thing about Laiken was that she was relentless. Smart as a fucking whip and stopped at nothing until she dug to the bottom of something. When she was yelling at me last night, it didn’t shock me one bit that she’d done all that stuff. Going through my phone and smelling my clothes. Most men would’ve thought she was a crazy bitch, but that only showed me how intelligent she was. I didn’t even know she was doing that kind of shit while we were together!
She was relentless, she was intelligent, and she was sneaky. And with a cop, that was a dangerous combination.
I had no choice now. I had to cut her out of my life and for good this time. It didn’t matter how much I loved her and I didn’t matter how much I wanted her. Right now, every move I made affected the club. Every woman I sank myself into and every person I brought back with me had repercussions. And this woman-- with her job and her skills and her personality traits-- was dangerous as fuck for the club.
The ride back to her place was silent. She gave me directions to a place she was renting in town, but other than that the ride was silent. Her arms weren’t as tight around my stomach any longer, and her hands weren’t as curious about my body. She wasn’t pressing herself into me, and her head wasn’t resting on my back. All of the signs that screamed that she wanted me last night were gone in the blink of an eye, and it torched a part of me inside.
A part of me Laiken would always hold.
I hated it. I hated every fucking part of it. I wanted to go back to last night. Back to when things were a little less complicated. Not by much, but enough for us to entangle ourselves in one another. I was with Laiken, and I was already daydreaming about when it was good between us. I could remember how her hands roamed along my abs while we rode back to my place last night. How eager she was to get me out of my clothes. Her body pulsed for me last night. She had craved me last night. But now, I was obsolete.
Unimportant.
An obstacle she now needed to get rid of.
I wondered if she regretted it. Regretted coming back and sleeping with me. I could never regret being with her, but I could understand if she did with me. The moment I opened my eyes that morning, I knew I was looking at everything I ever wanted. The slivers of light streaming through the breaks in my curtains illuminated her features. The soft swell of her cheeks and the rosy red tint of her neck. There was a stream of light running just over her breast, captivating me with her nipple’s pale pink color. There wasn’t a single thing about her that morning that hadn’t taken my breath away. That hadn’t reminded me of all the shitty things I’d done to push her away.
But now, I knew it was for the best. I knew that pushing her away for good would not only keep my family safe; it would also keep her safe. She would hate me, and I knew that whatever shot at a second chance I thought we had would be gone. But I didn’t care. I knew I was doing the right thing by both facets of my life.
No matter how much it fucking burned me inside.
As we rode through town, I felt her body grow weaker and weaker against mine. Soon, she was hanging onto the handles beside her hips instead of my body. She had removed herself completely from me as she called out directions, seemingly oblivious to how she was affecting me. I could feel my chest tightening. I could feel my heart shriveling up. I could feel my anger returning in twenty-foot waves that were ready to crash down onto the shores of The Devil Saints.
Had it not been for their bullshit in the first fucking place, maybe I would’ve had a second shot with Laiken.
“Right here,” she said. “The one with the red door.”
I pulled into a small driveway attached to a quaint little home. It couldn’t have been larger than a two-bedroom home, but somehow it suited Laiken. Just enough for her to spread herself out without worrying about her shitty fucking mother. Just enough for her to feel like she had a home in a place she had run from so quickly after college.
“Can I just… ask you one thing?” I asked.
“What,” she asked as she slid off my bike.
“Where did you go? You know, after our fight.”
She slid her head from the helmet and handed it to me. I put my feet on the ground and balanced my bike, taking my spare helmet from her hand. Her eyes locked onto mine and studied me, debating on whether or not she should answer my question. And I couldn’t blame her if she didn’t. It wasn’t like I was jumping at the ready to give her any answers to her questions.
Even though she did deserve them.
“Los Angeles,” she said. “Went in and graduated from the police academy and worked with the LAPD for a little while. Got transferred here when Mom got sick.”
“Is she okay?” I asked.
“Do you fucking care?” she asked.
“I do.”
“Well, she’s not.” I hated every single part of this. I could see her walls crashing down between us. The iron gates were dropping, and her drawbridge was being rolled up. Every defense mechanism she had was being pushed to the forefront, and it only increased the distance between us I thought had been fixed last night. She was standing right there. Within arm’s reach. If I reached out for her, I could touch her. Take her hand and even bring it to my lips.
But it felt like she was miles away. A mere phantom of the woman I remembered. The woman I cherished.
The woman I loved.
“Well, if you ever need me-”
“I won’t,” she said.
“I’m just saying, if you ever-”
“Goodbye, Jace.” I watched her turn her back on me and start for her front door. My eyes danced around her body, taking in every last bit I could. The sway of her hips and the tousled aspects of her hair. The way her shirt fluttered around her arms and how her back stood tall. I sat there on my bike, clutching my spare helmet, and waited for her to get inside safely. If she was concerned about getting back to her car at the bar, she didn’t act like it.
The door to her home opened and I expected her to look back at me. I expected her to want one last look at me before she left. One last look at the man that had tried to give her everything and still protect her.
But instead, she stepped into her home and closed the door.
I felt blank. Empty. Alone and devastated. In some ways, this was worse than the first time. When I went after her and couldn’t find her, at least I was able to convince myself that had I been able to get to her, she would come back to me. I could lay my head down at night and dream of all the ways she’d run back into my arms and forgive me. But this was different. Now, I knew where she was. And I knew she wasn’t going to be accepting me anytime soon. She had my number and would never use it. I knew where she lived, and yet she would never invite me over.
I could no longer convince myself that she would forgive me. Not like I could the first time.
I stored my spare helmet in my cargo compartment before I struck my bike back up. I took one last look at her house, my eyes scanning the windows to see if I could see anything. Maybe she was looking out at me, trying to see what I would do. Maybe she was sneaking one last look at me, trying to put up a strong front when she really just wanted me to follow her into her home.
Laiken always loved it when I chased after her after we fought.
But the house was quiet, and the curtains were still. There was no sign of her after she had shut that door, and whatever hope I’d clung to last night vanished. I kicked off from her driveway and rode away from her home, chancing one last glance in my rearview mirror before I settled my mind.
She really didn’t give a shit that I was leaving.
Riding down the road, I tried to get myself back into a different mindset. I needed to go home, clean shit up, and get back to the lodge. I knew the moment I checked my phone I’d be ripped back into that world. The world of being crammed into a lodge with people who were secretly fearing for their lives. The Devil Saints were tearing apart their own damn town just to seek revenge for something they couldn’t fucking prove. I was going to be yanked back into a world where our choice to defend women and children were about to get us fucking killed by our enemies and tracked by our government.
So I allowed myself to cling to Laiken just a little bit longer. I went home and cleaned up the dishes before I picked up the shit off my floor. I tossed the comforter back onto the bed and brought my sheet to my nose, breathing in her scent. I allowed that scent to carry my mind back to a better time. A time when The Devil Saints hadn’t gunned us down, and this impending brawl wasn’t two seconds away from imploding on itself. I was caught between two worlds. I was in love with a cop, and I was related to a gang. I was dedicated to my outlaw family, and I wanted to be dedicated to a police officer.
Holy fuck, I hated my life.
After I cleaned up my house, it was time to return. Time to cast Laiken to the side again and get back to the only people I ever considered family. No matter what decisions brought us to this point, we were all in trouble. Every single one of us stood in the path of Beast himself, and if he reigned hell down on all of us, then it could very well wipe us from the face of this earth. We didn’t have the numbers to take on another shootout like the one that happened six years ago, and that meant it was all hands on deck until this shit could blow over.
Or better yet, when The Devil Saints themselves were dismantled by the DEA.
But I wasn’t holding my breath for that shit.