Chapter 9 Now
I felt like one of those cartoon characters. You know when a pretty girl walks in the room, and their jaws literally drop, and hit the floor? That was me. That was my expression. Evie was starring at me, tears streaming down her face, and all I could do was stare back, mouth agape. I needed air. I stood slowly, and when she made to join me, I held up my hand, stopping her. “I just. I need a minute.” I stammered, excusing myself, and stepping outside.
The morning air did nothing to sooth me, in fact I suddenly felt worse. The humid, California air choking the life out of me. Before I could turn to go back inside, I felt her hand on my shoulder. I knew it was her, I always knew. “Evie-” I started.
“I'm so sorry Jake.” She sobbed, interrupting me. “I know I should have told you. I should have been honest with you from the start, but I was scared.”
“Scared of what?” I asked, some of the anger returning. “Me?”
“No. Of course not.” She said softly. “I knew you'd do the right thing, but it would have been for all the wrong reasons.”
“You couldn't possibly have known that.” I snapped. “I lost my parents Evie! What made you think I'd want my son growing up without his?!”
“You never loved me like I loved you Jake!” She yelled back, tears streaming down her face. “I was just a friend who you occasionally fucked! That's all I was ever going to be to you! My baby deserved more, he deserved a family!”
“If that's what you think, if that's how you remember things, then you are seriously fucked up!” I said angrily, then lowering my voice I added. “You were the only woman I ever gave a damn about, and you repaid me by keeping my son from me.”
“You would have left the army, and you would have married me. We would have been a family, but it wouldn't have been real. It wouldn't have made you happy. The army is your life Jake! I couldn't ask you to give up your life, for a mediocre life with me.”
“That wasn't your decision to make! You never gave me a say in the matter.”
“I know, and for that, I truly am sorry.”
“Why now? Why tell me now?”
“You deserved to know the truth, and I wanted to tell you in person. I was hoping, I don't know, that maybe we could be friends again. At least for Gabriel's sake.”
“Gabriel.” I said with astonishment, realization hitting me. “You named him after my father?”
“I did.”
I shook my head in disbelief, rubbing my hands over my face. “Does he know about me?” I asked, my eyes meeting hers.
“Yes. He knows you're his Daddy, I've shown him pictures.” She smiled, at the thought.
“What have you told him?” I asked, a tear escaping from my own eye. “When can I see him?”
“Jake.” Evie started. “I'm not sure if. I mean. Maybe it's best if we-”
“If we what Evie? Pretend you never told me? Act like you walking out of my life and hiding a baby is perfectly sane?!” I snapped.
“I need to know that if I do this. If I let you meet him. That you're willing to be in his life. This is a forever kind of commitment. Once I let you into his life, you have to stay there.”
“I thought I knew you so much better than this. How could you even ask me that kind of question? He's my son Evie.”
“Tomorrow. I'll meet you here at noon for lunch.” She said, with her head cast down, and before I could answer, she spun on her heel and walked away.
I could have stopped her. Maybe I should have, but instead, I walked in the opposite direction. I walked until I ended up on the beach, and I kicked my shoes off and headed towards the water. I sat down in the sand, letting the waves crash over my feet and ankles. I wanted to call Wes, to tell him about everything that had just happened, but he was on his honeymoon. I scrolled through my cell absent-mindedly, and when my eyes locked on Cole's name, I hit send.
A half hour later, he showed up with a six pack, and plopped down beside me. Cracking one open, he passed it to me before opening one of his own. We sat there in silence, drinking our beers, and starring out across the ocean. When I'd finished mine, Cole passed me another. I wasn't the kind of man who talked about his feelings, but I needed to tell someone. “I have a son.” I said, lifting my can to my lips. It was the first time I'd said that sentence out loud and it felt foreign on my tongue.
“Well, that's interesting.” Cole replied, downing his second beer. “Is that why you called? To talk about your feelings and shit?” He teased, nudging my arm with his elbow.
“Something like that.” I laughed back.
“I'm never having kids. They're always smelly, and sticky, and the fact that they can't take care of themselves from the get go is a real deal breaker. I don't mind being cool uncle Cole, but I'm returning the little shits when the day's over. So who's the lucky girl?”
I shook my head, trying to hide my grin. The one thing that you could always count on with Cole, was his honesty. He was a cocky little shit, but he always told it like it was. “Evie.”
“No shit! The girl you gave your balls to when you were a teenager? When did that happen?”
“Two years ago apparently. At least, that's how old Gabriel is.”
“Wait. She lied to you for years, and then had the balls to name the kid after your dead Father!”
“That pretty much sums it up.”
“Damn.” He sighed, cracking open his last beer.
“Yeah.” I agreed, mirroring his action.
After Cole left, I made my own trip to the liquor store. I needed something stronger. I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels, and headed for home. Not that it felt like much of a home anymore. I honestly don't know why I kept my parent's house. Zoe had moved out, and it sat empty most of the time.
I pulled my truck into the garage, and headed inside, pulling down a glass from the cupboard. I filled it almost to the brim, and took a seat at the dining room table. I sat, in the dark, starring out the french doors at the pool. I felt the burn of the liquor as it traveled down my throat and warmed my stomach. It was a welcome feeling, a comforting feeling, and one that I realized I'd come to miss while I was away.
I finished the first glass in record time, and got up to grab my bottle off the counter. I filled the cup again, and again, losing count after six. I was finally starting to feel better, that or I was too numb from the alcohol. Whatever the reason was, I was grateful. I had finally, for the moment, stopped thinking about Evie. I stood, wanting to go upstairs to my bedroom but I was so dizzy, I nearly fell over.
I managed to catch myself on the stair railing, and use it to pull myself up. I clumsily made my way to my bedroom, practically collapsing on my bed when I reached it. I laughed at myself for getting so drunk, and crawled beneath the covers without removing my clothes. I needed to sleep. Maybe by the time the morning sun came crashing through my window, my head would be clearer. I never should have spoken to Evie the way that I did, but I was hurting, and she had to know that. I could fix it though. Tomorrow. Everything would be better tomorrow.