Chapter 11 Now
Twelve fifteen, and Evie still hadn't arrived yet. A part of me wondered if she changed her mind. Maybe she thought my meeting Gabriel wasn't the best idea. I'd already downed two long island's, and was about to order my third when I spotted her. She gave me a warm smile, and headed towards the booth I was sitting in. She was alone, and my heart instantly fell into my stomach.
“Hi Jake.” She said, slipping into the seat directly across from me.
“Evie.” I said, with a curt nod. I was still raw from yesterday, and I hoped like hell today wasn't a repeat performance.
“Gabriel is down at the beach with Antonio. I wanted to talk to you, before he came in.” She said, signaling the waitress, who already had my third drink in her hand. “A little early for a drink, don't you think?” Evie asked, eyeing my glass suspiciously.
“Nothing wrong with a little liquid courage.” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“How many have you had?” She asked, in an accusatory tone.
“Why does it matter?” I snapped, angry that she was questioning me.
“Because you're about to meet your child, and I'd rather you not be drunk when you do it!” She snapped back under her breath.
“Whose fault is that?” I spat back. “I wouldn't feel the need to calm myself with liquor, if you hadn't kept him from me in the first place.”
She stood then, looked me dead in the eye, and said “Fuck you Jake.” As calm as if she were telling me to have a good day, or enjoy my bike ride. And just like that she turned, and walked away.
The shame hit me hard, and fast, and all I wanted to do was fix it. Fix things like I used to when we were younger. I tossed a fifty onto the table, and ran after her. I scanned the beach, and when I spotted her, she was holding Gabriel. He had a mess of curly hair, just like hers, and I felt this instant connection. Like she was holding my heart, on the outside of my body. I was drawn to him, and before I knew what I was doing, I was on that beach, sand filling my shoes, as I made my way towards him.
I stopped, a few feet away from them, and Antonio cleared his throat to announce my arrival. When Evie turned to face me, I smiled, and Gabriel smiled back. He looked just like me when I was his age. We shared the same big brown eyes, and our jaws mirrored each other. My smile only grew bigger, when he waved his small hand at me. “Hi.” I said, swiping a tear from my eye.
“Hi.” He said back enthusiastically. “I'm this many!” He added, holding up two fingers.
“Wow.” I said on a laugh. “Can you drive yet?”
“No!” He laughed back, squirming out of his mother's arms.
Evie set him down in front of her, and I looked to her, before sitting down on the sand. Gabriel sat too, and I started to make a pile of sand with my hands. Soon, he started to help me, and we sat, in silence, making our sand mound, as Evie watched on. She waved Antonio away, and sat down beside me. “Gabriel?” She asked gently. “This is Jake. Do you remember the picutures I showed you? Do you know who he is?”
Gabriel looked up from the sand pile, and gave his mother a toothy grin. “Daddy.” He said, as if she should have already known the answer. And then, he climbed into my lap, and added more sand to our pile. I bent down, smelling his hair, and I closed my eyes. My emotions were all over the place. A part of me wanted to scoop him into my arms and never let him go, but I didn't want to scare him. I didn't want to push for too much, too fast. I caught Evie watching me from the corner of my eye,and I just lost it. I cried. For the first time since finding out about Gabriel, I let myself cry.
“Jake.” Evie started, reaching for my hand, with tears in her own eyes. “I'm so sorry.” She whispered. “I know it doesn't mean anything right now, but I mean it all the same. I never imagined it being this way.”
“Not here. Not now. OK?” I asked softly, ruffling Gabriel's curly hair. “Can I just, can we just sit here, and play in the sand?”
Evie nodded, wiping her tears away. “Of course.” She smiled weakly.
“You know Gabriel, I used to build a pretty mean sand castle when I was younger, what do you say we give it a try?” I said, catching his attention. He stood from my lap, and clapped his hands. I smiled along with him. “I think we can buy some buckets across the street at that little shop. What do you think? You want to go over and check it out?”
“Yes!” He yelled enthusiastically.
“Evie?” I asked. “Do you mind?”
“I don't know Jake, maybe we should all go?” She said with concern. “He doesn't really know you that well, and he can be handful in stores.”
“Ten minutes Evie. Please.” I pleaded.
“OK.” She reluctantly agreed. “Ten minutes.”
“Come on buddy.” I said taking his hand in mine, and heading towards the shop. His hand felt so small, wrapped in mine, and I couldn't help but run my thumb across it again, and again, confirming that he was real. That I was really taking my son into the store to buy toys. It felt natural, like I had been doing it all along, and that feeling both invigorated, and terrified me. When we reached the busy street, I scooped him up into my arms, and crossed carefully. I probably waited too long for a safe crossing, but I was holding precious cargo.
I set him back on his feet again when we entered the store, keeping his hand tightly in mine. “I think the buckets are this way.” I said, and Gabriel pointed to a stuffed lion. “Rawr.” He said, and I laughed. “Do you like lions?” I asked. His response was another Rawr, so I grabbed it off the top shelf and handed it to him. His face lit up, and he hugged the lion tight. My own face matched his, when we finally found the buckets. He chose a red one, with a yellow shovel, and I grabbed a couple more for Evie and I.
Evie and I. It was the first time I thought about her without anger, and I knew it had everything to do with the little boy I now held in my arms crossing the busy street. I found here where I'd left her, only she was standing now, biting her nails in worry. Did she think I wouldn't come back? Didn't she trust me with my own child? I couldn't ask her now, not here, but it didn't stop me from thinking the worst.
“Who's your new friend?” She asked Gabriel, when I put him down beside her.
“Rawr!” He said, giggling.
“Did you tell Ja- uh your daddy thank you?”
“Thank you daddy!” He said, hugging me tight around the leg.
“You're welcome buddy.” I said, ruffling his hair like I had earlier. “You ready to build that sand castle?”
“Yes!” He squealed with delight.
We spent the next hour working on our sand castle. It was taller than Gabriel, and when it was finished, we walked along the beach in search of rocks to decorate it with. Evie stayed by the castle to “protect it”, allowing Gabriel and I some time together. I knew it was her way of trying to apologize, and as much as I appreciated it, I still resented her for it.
When our buckets were full of rocks, and sea shells, we made our way back to Evie, and the castle. Gabriel got right to work, plopping down in the sand, and placing sea shells on top of the mounds. I got down beside him, and put some rocks around the door, framing it in. “Door.” He said, pointing to it. I couldn't help but smile, he was smart as a whip, and it was clear that Evie had done a good job raising him. I just wish I could have been a part of it.
“Evie?” I asked. “What happens next? When can I see him again?”
She took a deep breath, her hands visibly shaking. “I have an interview tomorrow. Maybe you could watch him?”
“I'd like that.”