Actually arriving home was a different monster entirely. Half of me was relieved over the sight of Gram’s house. The other half was mourning the loss of the woman who owned it. Had owned it. Though she hadn’t lived there in years, the place now sat truly empty. Well, except the few cars lining the driveway. I wasn’t sure who those belonged to.
“Em and Paisley are here,” Carter pointed out.
“Em said she was dropping off some food,” Matthew explained, “so you wouldn’t have to cook for a few days.”
“God bless her heart.” Carter rubbed his belly. As if he hadn’t just eaten an army’s supply of bacon and eggs. He claimed it was celebratory of our discharge. I countered that he’d been discharged a week earlier. He acknowledged that while that was true, he had spent more time at the hospital with me than at home.
“You can’t possibly be hungry again,” Derek objected. “They delivered your breakfast on a forklift.”
“I’m on the mend. Healing creates an appetite.”
“You’re part goat.”
“Fu-u-u-u-uk you,” Carter bleated. He cuffed the back of Derek’s head and climbed out of the car. He stretched leisurely, catlike. Then ducked his head and peered into the cab. “Touch that damn car seat and I’ll succeed where Jake failed.”
“I’m not t-taking the car seat,” I clarified. “Just the baby in it.”
“Leave him. He’s sleeping. Besides, you’ll need both hands free to handle Em. She’s Italian, remember?”
“I’m sure that’s somehow insulting.”
“It’s a fact. They hug. They kiss. They feed. And when you think they’re done, they pass the bread and heap another serving of manicotti on your plate. It’s wonderful.”
Shaking off his ardor, I left the car seat to Carter and headed into the house. As I climbed the stairs to the deck, the swing sat dormant, and unwanted reminder of the past. I had the fleeting inclination to have it torn down, but I realized it wasn’t a solution. The memory would remain vivid for years to come.
The back door opened. I half expected to see Gram come out, but Em emerged instead. Her eyes brightened, and as she advanced, the porch swing sat forgotten. “Welcome home, sweetie! I’m glad to see you finally busted out!” She kissed either cheek and wrapped me in a hug so tight, I could’ve mistaken her for family.
“I think Jake was paying them t-to keep me.”
Em’s grip wavered. “If Jake was paying them to keep you, then God bless him. The cost must’ve been exorbitant.”
“I can’t complain,” I agreed. “It kept me close t-to Iain.”
“How is the little guy?”
“Great. Carter’s bringing him in.”
“Good!” Em enthused. “Let’s go in. I’ll feed you while you fill in the details. And I mean details. I want to hear every little tidbit. You can start with you and Carter.” Grasping my elbow, Em ushered me through the door, and to the closest seat at the kitchen island. “Go ahead. You can talk while I make you a plate.”
“I’m really not hungry.”
“Nonsense. You’re a string bean. If you’ve had the privilege of giving birth, you can at least have the decency to bear the scars of pregnancy for a few months.”
“I have scars.” Tugging Carter’s cap from my head, I revealed the atrocity. The right side of my head had grown in, a whopping one inch of hair. I really didn’t know what to do with it. Nothing worked. Em corroborated my horror with an appropriate gasp.
“Merda!”
“Right?”
“Have Carter fly you to L.A. The stylist there did an amazing job on Paisley’s hair.”
“Was that a compliment?” Paisley asked. “On my hair? Do go on!” Trotting down the stairs from the second floor, she crossed the room and climbed onto the stool beside mine.
“I would, but I’m trying to get the scoop from her before Jess gets back or the boys come inside.”
“There’s not much t-to t-tell,” I warned. “I’m t-taking things one day at a t-time.”
“Oh, come on,” Em objected. “You went AWOL and showed up in his bed. That’s not nothing to tell.”
“We t-talked.” I shrugged, feigned way more blithely than I felt. “We were in the hospital for God’s sake.”
Em pulled it off better than I did. “Never stopped Shane.”
“For real,” Paisley seconded with a snort. “They don’t get stage fright. They’re used to crowds.”
“Nothing happened. Swear.” I held my hand up, as if I’d ever belonged to a scout troop. “But not because I’ve t-turned him down. F-For the record.”
“Then what’s the hitch?”
I lifted one shoulder. “I’m still Jake’s little sister.”
“He got over it once,” Em dismissed. “He’ll get over it again.”
“I know.” Ducking my head, I tugged the cap on, hiding my hair. “Not without a lot of work. The potential’s there. I mean—everything works, but then his conscience gets in the way. The guy’s had sex with God know how many girls, but when it comes t-to me, he balks. Where is the justice in that?”
Em’s eyes swam with titillation. My dilemma was her diversion. I tried not to get irked over her blatant amusement. “You count. If you didn’t, he wouldn’t have any reservations.”
“I agree,” Paisley chimed in. “Though, I can’t believe the guy has emotions other than narcissism and vulgarity.”
“You stood up f-for him,” I pointed out.
“I surmised a theory.”
“So I’ve heard. What is this theory exactly?”
“My brother gave Carter his blessing, under the assumption that I slept with him. I think it struck a nerve, because Carter stormed off and gave Jake a bloody nose.” Sour that he couldn’t be granted approval from the one that counted, no doubt. So, he’d lashed out at him.
“That’s one heck of an assumption.”
Paisley laughed. Full-heartedly laughed. “Oh please. Me and Carter? Not a snowball’s chance in hell.”
“He sure can kiss, though,” Em confessed. “Marone.” Her eyes went dreamy like before she caught herself. “Not that I’d ever admit it to Shane.”
“Ew.” Grimacing, Paisley shifted uncomfortably on her stool. “If I was hungry, I’d have lost my appetite.”
“Oh, come on!” Em scoffed. “Your toe lifted in the air! It was like something out of a romance movie!”
“That’s because I was about to knee him in the balls.”
“Bah!” Em burst with gleeful contempt, causing Paisley to bristle in her seat.
“We only kissed to annoy Jake!”
“As I was saying,” I said dryly, “he has no qualms over t-touching other girls. Just me.”
The smile faded from Em’s face. She wagged her wooden spoon at me, willing me to believe her words. “You had his baby, Mattie. If you were able to disarm him once, you can do it again.”
“Are you even up for the challenge now?” Paisley inquired doubtfully. “You have to be exhausted.”
“I wouldn’t say no if he made a pass at me,” I qualified. “But unless I’m the aggressor, I don’t think anything beyond kissing is going t-to happen.”
“Wait a couple weeks,” Em resolved, “and if he hasn’t made any advances, we’ll pull out the big guns, and have a girl’s day out. I’ll get Coop to come. We’ll take a day to beautify. Buy something to knock his socks off. Then we’ll see if he resists.”
“I’m not worried about his socks.” I wasn’t worried about his pants, either. It was the lying undercurrent that concerned me.
“I like being pampered as much as the next,” Paisley voiced. “But I don’t see the point of lingerie. Nothing means business like your birthday suit.”
“It’s supposed to be a tease.” Lifting a plate from the counter, Em turned and spooned a few raviolis onto it. She followed with a healthy ladle of gravy and a couple meatballs. “You have to leave a little to the imagination, you know?”
“Build the anticipation.”
“Exactly!” Em beamed. “Men are children at heart. Undressing you is like opening a present on Christmas morning.” Placing the plate on the counter, she slid it toward me.
“Regardless of what I wear, I can’t wait t-two weeks.” Using the edge of my fork, I broke open a meatball. Steam billowed out. I lifted it to my lips and blew. My eye caught Em’s, found her laughing at me. Self-consciously, I glanced at Paisley, who was laughing too. “I meant f-for a girl’s day out. I could use a little pampering. Especially a haircut.”
“You just got out of the hospital,” Paisley pointed out. “You should be resting.”
“Give it two weeks,” Em agreed. “It’ll give the stylist something to work with.”
“I can’t promise anything.” I popped the meatball into my mouth and chewed. Swallowed. Washed it done with a sip of cola. “I almost can’t blame him for not being able to look at me. Without this hat, I look like Frankenstein. Maybe I’ll just do a Brittney Spears.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I might. I can’t stand this hat anymore. My head is itchy.” The knit didn’t smell like Carter anymore. The novelty had worn off.
“Don’t do anything rash,” Em pleaded. “It’s not unsalvageable.”
The back door swung open. Carter stepped through, empty handed. He took a cursory glance around the room before his gaze landed on me. “What did I tell ya? Manicotti!”
“Ravioli,” I corrected. “And meatballs.”
“Toe-mae-toe Toe-mah-toe.” Crossing the space in a few short strides, he grasped my hand, lifted it to his mouth, and stole the square of pasta from my fork. “Damn that’s good stuff, Em.”
“You need to talk to your girl, there, Carter.” Em gestured to me with a wave of her spoon. “She’s talking about buzz cutting her hair.”
“For real?” Raising his brows, he looked curiously at me.
“Maybe. Should I ask where you left Iain?”
“He’s outside with Jess on the swing. She’s eating his cheeks.”
“Ooh, I’m going to get some before there’s none left for me.” Em dropped her spoon on the counter and headed out the door. “Help yourself, Carter.”
“Gee, thanks.”
Em’s peals of delight drifted through the open door. Carter was left to fend for himself. Shaking his head, he circled the island, lifted the lid from the pot on the stove. Assuaged over the notion of a full stomach, he grabbed a plate from the cupboard and began assembling a monster meatball sandwich.
“Was the ride home that bad?” Paisley asked.
“Yes,” Carter and I said in unison. Carter followed with “I’m assuming that he got a ride home since he and Marshall didn’t follow us here.”
“He thought it would be best since Jess was going to be here. He didn’t want to cause more of a scene.”
“What else did he t-tell you?” I asked.
“He’s sorry. That if you two need anything at all, to give him a call so that you don’t have to run out.”
I had the feeling Paisley was elaborating on his message.
“We should be fine,” Carter declined. “Jess picked up some groceries.”
“I picked up a few things for the baby. More diapers and wipes. Some diaper ointment. Baby wash. Powder. Onesies. Burp clothes. Crib sheets. One of those little tubs. Wash clothes. A few squeaky toys. Oh, and this teddy bear with a heartbeat. It’s supposed to help the baby sleep. You put it in his crib with him. Jake gave me his credit card,” Paisley explained when we’d both stared at her in question. “Told me to get whatever you’d need. I figured I’d go all out. He owed you for acting like an ass.”
“I always liked you, Violet.”
“Ew.” Paisley grimaced. “God, that’s so gross. I need to go wash my ears out. See if I can wipe the sound of that from my memory.”
“Hardy har har,” Carter scoffed.
The two stuck their tongues out at each other. Paisley slid from her stool. “Seriously, I’m going to bandage Jake’s self-esteem before he bleeds himself dry. He probably doesn’t deserve it, but—Oh, hell, why lie? I’m going to take advantage of the situation. Sex is always better when he’s pissy.”
“Ew.” My nose scrunched up. “Now that’s gross.”
“One man’s misery is another woman’s pleasure.”
“Please, say no more,” I begged. “You’re painting t-t-too vivid a picture. This is Jake we’re talking about. My brother.”
Paisley smiled unapologetically. “If you need anything at all, call me. Really.” She leaned in, lowered her voice to a mock whisper. “I still have his credit card.”
“I know exactly what I need,” I calculated. “A hairdresser that makes house calls.”
“I’m sure we could find one, but then we wouldn’t have an excuse to have a girl’s day out.”
“You just got home,” Carter interjected. He paused, midway to lifting his sandwich to his mouth. “Are you up for a day out so soon?”
“If it means looking presentable again, yes.”
“Unfortunately, Em works next Saturday, and I’m on shift next Sunday,” Paisley apologized. “It’ll have to wait until the weekend after.”
“I’m starting to f-feel like Everett McGill from Oh Brother Where Art Thou; I’m t-two weeks f-from everything.”
“Jess is pretty good with a pair of clippers,” Carter offered.
“I shave cats and dogs in prep for surgery,” Jess said. “My area of expertise doesn’t extend to human heads.” Adjusting the baby on her shoulder, she glanced at Paisley. “Em’s waiting outside. Said she’s catching a ride with you.”
“She just went out to see the baby.”
“I know. She tried to steal him from me. I threatened to cut the bitch if she came anywhere near him. He’s mine.” Lifting one of Iain’s tiny hands, she marveled over him. “I only get him a few more days. She can ogle him all she wants when I’m gone.”
Carter spared a moment to look up from his sandwich. “Nice.”
“I’m kidding,” Jess scoffed. “He spit up all down her dress. She’s outside cleaning herself up, muttering something about tiramisu.”
“On that note,” Paisley settled, “I’m out of here.” Pulling her keys from her pocket, she turned for the door. “See you soon, Mattie.”
“T-Two weeks.” I guess that was the best I was going to get. If I didn’t butcher my hair before then. I couldn’t guarantee my patience would hold out. It was wearing thin.
Paisley paused outside the door, where Em met her. Em was still scrubbing at her dress, but looking up long enough to wave goodbye. “Chow, Mattie. I’ll call you.” As they walked off, she muttered a few imprecations in Italian. Babies hated her. She was cursed. She should’ve killed Tommy Machiavelli when she had the chance.
“Can’t argue there,” Jess agreed. “She should have.”
“You know Em’s ex?” I asked. It was a small world.
“Richard is his lawyer,” Carter explained, “or at least the firm Richard works for.”
“That’s a conflict of interest, isn’t it?” I wondered. Richard represented the band, while the firm he worked for represented Tommy Machiavelli.
“Not much longer,” Jess answered. She looked at Carter expectantly.
Carter looked stricken for a fleeting moment, as if he’d been caught doing something bad, but as he took in the smile spreading across Jess’s face, relief settled in. “Richard is opening his own firm?”
“Here,” Jess confirmed, “in Seattle.”
“You’re moving home?” Carter’s smile matched Jess’s, in size and appearance. “For real?”
Jess nodded. “We’ve all agreed.”
“What about your practice?”
“I’ve already found a great piece of land here,” Jess admitted. “What do you think Gabi and I have been doing all week?”
“She’s ok with this?”
“She wants to get into music. Who better to teach her than her uncle?” Jess glanced down at Iain when he stirred. “We’ll be flying back and forth to oversee the building of the new facility and check out potential offices for Richard.”
“Jesus,” Carter marveled. “You’re really doing it.”
“I miss it here, and now with the baby…” She wanted to be closer to family. Gazing down at Iain, her eyes glazed over with affection. “I can’t have anyone showing up Auntie Jess.”
“I don’t think that’s possible. You bought him a toy that walks like a dog and barks like a dog, but not really a dog.”
“It’s a dog. Every boy needs a dog. It’s a rite of passage.”
“I didn’t have a dog!”
“I know, and I’ve always felt guilty over it.”
“You bought Iain a dog,” I stated. He was just a baby. By the time he was old enough to appreciate it, the thing would be about to bite the big one.
“I know what you’re thinking, but he’s a small dog. A Yorkie. Well, a mix. Mutts are always healthier. Not as many genetic defects. He’ll be around for a long time. Maybe twenty years. In fact, Iain will probably be taking him off to college with him when the time comes.”
“You bought him a chick’s dog.”
“I bought him a chick magnet. He’ll appreciate it someday.”
“Well, it’s a good thing you’re moving back to Seattle. If it’s anything like Em’s dogs, it’s gonna cost me a quarter mill in veterinary bills.”
“He’s in perfect health. I’ve examined him myself.”
“Where is he?” I asked. I had to see him. I had reservations about the timing. I’d just gotten home. Iain was sure to keep me up all hours of the night. The last think I needed was a puppy yelping to go outside. Yelping to be fed. Yelping to yelp. Gram had had a dog. While he was cute, he ate everything in sight, including socks, mittens, crayons, and anything else that would fit in his mouth.
“You look worried,” Jess observed.
“It’s ok,” I lied. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
“Dogs are known to relieve stress,” Jess offered. “Why do you think I surround myself with them?”
“Because they make you rich,” Carter scoffed. “It’s all a racket if you ask me. Doggy day care. Doggy salons. Doggy health insurance. What ever happened to feeling their nose to check whether they’re sick?”
“When Iain’s not old enough to tell you himself, are you going to trust a warm forehead to distinguish a common cold from something more serious? No? I didn’t think so.” Sparing a glance at me, Jess nodded toward the mudroom. “He’s in there, sweetheart.” As I made my way into the mudroom, the tone of her voice altered. “The money I made in the profession you deem ‘a racket’ paid for your first guitar, the guitar lessons, and everything that paved the way for your profession, so think twice before you decide to knock it, blockhead.”
While Carter begged his defense, I peered into the bright pink pet carrier, unprepared to have my heart stolen yet again. It splintered into a third fragment. Or perhaps it grew a third larger in size like the infamous Grinch. The corners of my lips curled into a well-defined U shape, complete with tiny curls on the ends. “Oh my God, look at you! You’re the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen! Like a tiny teddy bear!” Other gibberish spewed forth as I opened the door and extracted the puppy from its cage. Immediately, I tucked it under my chin, nuzzling his tufts of chocolate fur with my nose. “Damn it! I’m keeping you! I’m so keeping you!”
His eyes were round, glassy beads, engendering the kind of emotions reserved for animals you can cup in the palm of your hand. When his tiny, pink tongue lapped at my chin, I just wanted. To. Die. I mean seriously die. My heart couldn’t take it. It was going to explode with awe. The public was going to read about my death in the headlines. Woman Survives Near Fatal Car Collision; Dies of Massive Coronary. All I could think: it would all be worth it.
For a lovely—though brief—sojourn, I had escaped the trivialities of my life. A few minutes—or years—longer would’ve been treasured, but Carter and Jess’s voices robbed me of my pipedream. “I thought that with the kids, the band would slow down a little,” Jess explained. “Maybe you’d stick a little closer to home, work in the studio.”
“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about us going on tour for a while. Hautboy’s on an extended hiatus. Indefinitely.”
“Jake will come around, Carter,” Jess assured. “It’s just going to take some time. This’s thrown us all through a loop.”
“I don’t know,” Carter doubted. “After the scene at the graveyard, I’m not so sure.”
“You slept with his little sister. What do you expect?”
“I’m trying to do right by her! Give me a little credit!”
“I don’t think she wants or needs you to do right by her, Carter. This is the twenty-first century. She wants romance. She wants love…”
“I do love her.”
Just not in the way I wanted.
I was still Jake’s little sister.