CHAPTER 13
CINDY

“Morning, sunshine.”

“Shh, not so loud,” I said.

“Someone not get enough sleep?” Nicole asked.

“Lily had to sleep with me last night.”

“Why? She okay?”

“Yep. She’s just in a mood lately,” I said. “I didn’t want to deal with the bedtime fights we’ve been having so I let her sleep with me. And she kicked me. All night.”

“That’s rough,” she said.

“Did you know Lily shakes her butt to get to sleep? It’s like she’s rocking herself to sleep. Rocking the whole damn bed. Made me seasick in my own house.”

“Oh, shit. That’s really rough,” she said with a giggle.

“Never again. I’ll fight with her for an hour if it means I’m not throwing up at three in the morning.”

“You actually threw up?” she asked. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because you would’ve laughed at me for fifteen minutes before you came over.”

“But I would’ve come over. That’s the difference. Unfortunately, today’s probably going to be slow.”

“It’s Tuesday. You said it yourself. It’s always slow on Tuesdays.”

“And you have tomorrow off,” she said.

“Why?”

“To get some sleep. You look like shit,” she said.

“Thanks. Bitch.”

“So what’s new in the world of Cindy?”

“Nothing,” I said. “Went to that block party barbecue. Saw Graham there. Lily got excited about that.”

“Oh, you saw Graham. How did that go?”

“It went well until Paul showed up. Then, he and Kevin left.”

“Kevin. Mechanic shop Kevin?” she asked.

“Yep. That’s where Graham’s working now.”

“What else do you know about this mystery man?” she asked.

“I know he’s not as bad as people paint him to be,” I said.

“So you’ve figured him out.”

“Not really. He’s still hiding behind all that gruff and grease and his angrily-furrowed brow. But he’s not as awful as everyone tries to make him seem.”

“Examples, please. I need examples.”

“Well, he’s good with Lily. We had an incident where she skinned her knee when he was outside, and he took off running after her.”

“You told me that,” she said. “Has there been something else? What have you been holding back from me?”

“We’ve had a couple of dinners together.”

“What?” she asked. “You’ve been out on dates, and you haven’t told me?”

“Not dates. Dinners. The pizza delivery guy came up to our house to deliver food that was meant for Graham, and Lily got so sad when she realized I hadn’t ordered pizza. She kept begging for a slice, and Graham caved and stayed to share. I repaid the favor with my lasagna and garlic bread the next night.”

“You cooked homemade food for him. You don't even do that for me.”

“Because you come over with takeout,” I said. “And that’s not the point. The point is he’s good with kids. When I was setting the table, he was playing with Lily. Running around with her on his back and tossing her onto the couch so she could bounce.”

“Well, I think you should go for it. Especially if he’s good with Lily.”

“Go for what?” I asked.

“Oh, come on. Your face lit up every time you mentioned his name. Don’t play that game with me. You know you won’t win.”

“Even if there was something brewing, I’m not ready yet. I’ve only ever been with one man, and that one man was special. I’m not going to start throwing it around now. It’s only been a year since he died.”

“And two since you last saw him, Cindy. You need to get back out there. Have a little fun. Dust the cobwebs off and try out the goods. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“You mean be you,” I said.

“Girl, it takes years of refinement to be me when it comes to men. What I’m saying is you deserve someone to dote on you. Take you out. Treat you to some things before making your toes curl a bit.”

“Seriously?” I asked.

“When’s the last time your toes curled, Cindy?”

My mind whipped back to a few nights ago when Graham was so heavily on my mind that it rose my body to action. I drew in a deep breath and shook my head, trying to bring myself back to the present.

But not before Nicole caught the blush creeping up my neck.

“Oh, I want details so badly. But I won’t ask. All I’ll say is this. You’ve earned it. Go for it. I’m happy that a man’s even making you feel that way.”

“But what about Bradley?” I asked.

“I love you, so know this is coming from a place of love. Bradley’s gone, sweetheart. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve gone through, but I do know he would want you to be happy. He worked his ass off to make sure you were. So if he’s looking down on you right now, would he find you happy?”

I felt tears rise to my eyes as I turned my head away from Nicole.

“Exactly. If spending time with Graham makes you happy, explore it. You don’t have to hop in bed right away or ever, but don’t push away something that makes you happy because you think you have a debt to pay Bradley. Because that’s the last thing he would’ve wanted.”

The idea of dating was unfathomable. And the thought of sleeping with someone else? I was still reeling from the guilt of masturbating to the thought of Graham. I sat down in a chair behind me as a few customers trickled in, and I helped them find some things they could use for projects they were taking on.

The distraction was nice, but the day flew by too quickly, and it was time to get Lillian.

I picked her up from school, my mind replaying the conversation I’d had with Nicole. Was it really that easy? Could I just do what I wanted? Would Graham even want to go out on a date with me? And even then, wasn’t he supposed to ask me? I hadn’t been in the dating world for a while, but that was usually how it worked.

I pulled into my driveway the same time as Graham. I watched him get out of his truck, and he looked over at me, holding his hand up like he was waving. I waved back at him before I got out of my car and plucked Lily from her car seat.

And all the while, Nicole’s conversation was playing in my head.

“Mommy, can I go play in the back?” Lily asked.

“Sure, sweetheart. Just stay close to the porch, though. I’ll be around in a second,” I said.

Lily took off as Graham crossed the lawn, and my eyes locked on his body. His white shirt was greasy, and his arms were bulging from the sleeves. Veins were running up his forearms, and his pants were streaked with sweat. I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes and took in the trimmed lines of his beard. He had a smidge of grease on his chin I wanted to reach up and wipe off.

And the sweat dripping down his brow. I felt my spine shiver at the sight.

“Lily have a good day today?” he asked.

“She did. She’s a bit quiet, though. Not sure what that’s about.”

“Did something happen at school?” he asked.

“She slept with me last night, so she might simply be as tired as I am,” I said.

“Sounds like a rough night.”

“You have no idea,” I said with a snicker.

The two of us stood there as Lily dug in a pile of dirt on the side of our house. I could feel Graham’s body heat pounding against me as he stood there. Was he struggling like I was? His eyes didn’t seem to wander like mine did. Or maybe they had, and I simply didn’t notice?

“Graham?”

“Yep?”

“Do you ever go out?” I asked.

“I go to work,” he said. “And grocery shopping.”

“I mean out for food. With people.”

“I went to that party this past weekend.”

“With women?” I asked.

I felt his gaze pan down to me as I closed my eyes.

“Sorry. I’m not … I’ve never done this before,” I said.

“Done what?”

“Would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow?”

I looked up at him and watched as his brow furrowed.

“Lunch,” he said.

“Yes. With me.”

“Tomorrow.”

“I figured tomorrow since I have it off, but I didn’t think about the fact that you might be working. Do you have a lunch break?” I asked.

“I don’t work tomorrow,” he said.

“I’m not sure if that’s a yes or a no.”

“You want to go to lunch with me?”

“Only if you want to. I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Trust me. You couldn’t do that,” he said.

Our eyes connected, and I waited for his response. I gripped my cardigan around my sleeves to try and calm my nerves. Why was I so worried about this? Why was this such a big deal?

Why was I afraid of him saying no?

“I mean, if you want to. Sure,” Graham said.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Yeah. Sure. Lunch tomorrow sounds nice.”

“Great. Um, I mean, Lily will be at school, and I’ll be around the house.”

“I was going to go in once I got up to finish your car, so I’ll bring it by. Then we can head out,” he said.

“You’ve already got it finished?” I asked.

“It didn’t take too long. Been spending the past couple of nights working on it.”

“Graham, you didn’t need to take that extra time.”

“I know. I did anyway. It looks good. And it’ll be safer for you and Lily to ride in. I’ll bring it by tomorrow before lunch.”