CHAPTER TEN
ABBY
The bright, white fluorescent lights of the hospital were giving me a headache. As was the overpowering stench of the antiseptic cleaner they used. It smelled like a combination of bleach and oranges. It was enough to turn my stomach.
I stared up at the ceiling and counted the row of lights for the hundredth time. Waiting was the hardest part. I wasn't the most patient person by nature, but when it was something as stressful as this, my impatience grew even worse. Chase hadn't been released yet, so we couldn't see each other. Which meant I was alone. Thankfully, though, because of Chase, I was safe.
Paul had been arrested and, after being treated for his wounds, had been taken away. Far, far away. Chase was going to live, the news bringing me a greater sense of relief than anything else in my life ever had. Chase was going to live. That was all that mattered.
I was fine, just waiting for the results of tests I didn't need run. I wasn't the one battling it out in the driveway. Maybe it was shock but, except for the headache, I felt fine. Okay, I was less than fine. I was exhausted, my entire body feeling heavy and overcome with the intense need to sleep.
I couldn't sleep though. It was a lost cause. I was still riding an adrenaline high – and honestly, I didn’t know when I would come down from it. Probably not while Chase was still being held here. There was also way too much going on around me for me to get any decent sort of rest. There was too much noise and too many people coming in and out of my room. I kept asking to see Chase but, so far, nobody had made our little reunion a priority. I needed to see him though. I needed to thank him for saving me from Paul. There weren't a lot of men out there who'd be willing to take a literal knife for you.
I sighed and started counting the ceiling tiles this time, frustrated, scared and bored. I jumped and let out a small squeak, though, when there was a knock at the door – a knock that was quickly followed by Chase's voice.
“Hey, you,” he said quietly.
His posture was a little stiff, and he held his side as he walked into the room. He grimaced and I saw that his face was etched with pain, but he was smiling – and that smile went all the way to his eyes. He was okay. I was okay. No matter what happens from there on out – we were the survivors, and we never had to deal with Paul again.
Chase sat down at the side of my hospital bed, taking my hand in his. He kissed the back of my knuckles gently, pressing his lips to my skin and setting my heart fluttering. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath, a powerful wave of relief washing through me. I felt the tension in my shoulders release the moment he sat down beside me. I looked at him and, somehow, managed to feel better about things.
“Hay is for horses,” I said.
It was a bad joke, but it still made us both chuckle. Leaning down, he kissed the tip of my nose, then moved lower to my lips, quickly pressing his mouth to mine. It was just a chaste little peck, nothing serious, but it warmed my entire body and made me open my eyes with a newfound energy flowing through me.
He stroked my hair, pushing a few loose strands back from my face and just stared at me, long and hard. It was almost like he was checking me over to make sure it was really me, that I was still alive and well. I squeezed his hand and gave him a smile, reassuring him that I was, indeed, alive and well.
“They released you, huh?” I asked.
“Yep. Said it was just a scratch. Nothing vital damaged at all,” he said. “Gave me some stupid pain pills, even though I told 'em I wouldn't need them. Ibuprofen usually does fine for things like that.”
“Get stabbed often, do you?” I asked, laughing.
“Farming is dangerous work,” he said, returning my smile.
“It's their job, baby,” I said softly. “They wouldn't want you to get home and not have anything to help if you needed it. Worst case scenario, you don't use them and they sit in your bathroom for ten years.”
“I suppose so,” he said. “But I'm more worried about you.”
“I'm alive,” I said with a crooked grin.
Our hands rested on my belly and I stared down at where our fingers were intertwined on top of me. Was it a coincidence? Or was Chase giving me a subtle, subconscious sign that he was concerned not just for me, but for our potential baby as well?
“About earlier,” I said. “I know – ”
“Shh,” he said, pressing a finger to my lips. “Not now, Abby. Nothing else matters right now. You're alive, and that's all I care about. That's all that matters.”
Tears welled in his eyes and they glistened in the light. Crying was about the last thing I ever expected to see form him, but there it was. I reached up and wiped away a fat tear that rolled down his cheek, my heart breaking as I watched them fall. Seeing tears on such a big, rough, gruff, and rugged man was somehow so much more real and so much more emotional to me – and because it was who it was, a man I cared about intensely – it went double.
“Oh baby,” I said. “Don't cry – I'm fine. Promise.”
“It's not that, Abby,” he said, his voice soft. “It's just for so long, I didn't let anyone get close to me because I didn't want to lose them. I've lost too many people in my life. My best friend to an IED attack overseas. Cody to suicide when his PTSD became too much for him to bear. My parents. Everyone. I didn't want to care about you because I knew how much it hurt to lose someone you care about – and yet I almost lost you today. But, it made me realize something.”
“What's that, Chase?” I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.
“It's too late,” he said, his eyes fixed on mine. “I already care about you, and I can't lose you. No matter what.”
My heart raced as I looked him in the eye, heard the sincerity in his words – and saw the genuine emotion on his face. I cupped his face in my hands, stroking his beard with my fingers.
“You're not going to lose me, Chase,” I whispered.
“Promise?”
“Yes, I promise you,” I chuckled. “You've been stuck with me ever since the day you saved me from the cows. You just didn't know it then.”
He laughed, raising my hand to his lips. The tears were drying up and he looked happier. More settled. Yet, there was still the elephant in the room.
If I turned out to be pregnant – what then? We were still so new at this, new at being together, that there were unanswered – and unasked – questions aplenty.
The biggest one, though, was whether Chase would be okay with a baby. Would I have to choose? Because God knew, I'd choose my baby – I'd have to. There was no doubt about it. No question about it. Not that I ever wanted to break my promise to Chase. But, I was going to have the baby no matter what. Of course, I wanted Chase to be a part of our child's life, but I wasn't going to force him to do anything he didn't want to do.
There was another knock at the door. This time it was the doctor.
“Abby, good news,” Dr. Rivera said, smiling brightly, her voice cheery and comforting, rolling over my skin like velvet. “Everything has come back normal. You're healthy and, while you're still only a few weeks along, the baby looks fine too.”
“The baby,” I whispered.
My head fell back against the pillows and I stared at the ceiling. I couldn't look at Chase. I was too afraid to see the look on his face. My hand rested on top of my belly, and I thought about the life growing inside of me. I'd lost one child already thanks to Paul's abuse. Nothing in this world would make me lose another. Not if I could help it.
Chase's hand joined mine, resting atop my belly, and I looked over at him. He was smiling, though I could see the naked fear in his eyes. I wouldn't have expected him not to be afraid. But, mixed in with all the fear and apprehension, I saw a good dose of happiness too.
I was so focused on Chase, so fixed on him, I barely heard the rest of what the doctor had said.
“We're going to release you,” I heard her say when I finally tuned back in. “But, we encourage you to check in with an OB/Gyn soon for your regular checkups.”
“Of course,” I said.
My voice sounded far away from me. Like it was in a tunnel. Dr. Rivera left the room, leaving me alone with Chase. Neither one of us said anything until we were alone again – and not for a little while after that.
“Chase, I know you're not – ”
“Abby, listen,” he said, cutting me off. “I was a fool. I'm scared of fatherhood for the same reasons I was afraid of letting you in. I didn't want to care about anyone else. I didn't want to lose them. But it's too late for that, like I said, and I'm going to be there for my kid. No matter what, I'm not going to make the same mistakes my dad did.”
It felt like my heart had grown three sizes. I couldn't believe my ears.
“You mean you want to--”
“I want to be a family, Abby,” he said softly.
“God, me too,” I said, choking back the tears – though, this time, they were tears of happiness for a change. “I've wanted nothing more than to have a family of my own. Chase, I love you – ”
I stopped as soon as the words had slipped out, feeling my eyes widen, and an expression of absolute horror and mortification spreading across my face. Chase looked back at me, his expression one of surprise. Of astonishment. It was like somebody had sucked all the oxygen out of the room and I was finding it difficult to believe that I'd made such a terrible faux pas.
I hadn't meant to say the words. I thought them of course, but I never meant to say them out loud.
But, it was too late. They were already out there. My feelings were already out there, and there was no taking them back now. All I could do was sit back and hope that Chase had either not heard me, or would choose to ignore it, believing I was out of my mind on pain meds or something.
But, then he spoke again, and I felt like the wind had been driven from my lungs. I was beyond ecstatic.
“I - love you too, Abby,” he said.
I stared at him wide-eyed and felt the tears slipping down my face. My heart swelled to the point it felt like it was going to burst, and I couldn't keep the smile off my face. Not that long ago, my world had been turned upside down, and my life had been turned to shit. It was amazing how quickly things changed.
At least, if you let yourself be open to those changes. I was, and suddenly, it felt like all of my dreams were finally coming true and everything I ever wanted was well within my reach.
I couldn't have possibly been happier than I was in that moment.
The End