Can we talk?
Three words nobody wanted to hear asked of their boyfriend. Especially when the person doing the asking was their ex-girlfriend.
Quinn looked like he was running over a myriad of possibilities for why she was here, asking that question. He’d said he’d never been with anyone without a condom. And I believed him, but still, that niggling fear was there. Condoms broke.
I didn’t know what I should do, but judging from the stilted silence, I thought maybe I should just leave. “I’ll head back to my dorm. I’ll, um, see you later?”
Quinn’s brows lowered as he turned to me. “No, you’ll stay.”
My heart leaped. “It’s okay—”
“You can stay down here or go upstairs. But you’re not leaving.”
Alexis made a huffing noise, but I ignored her and quickly brushed my hand over Quinn’s arm before walking farther into the house.
“Can I at least come inside? It’s freezing out here,” I heard Alexis ask as I reached the stairs.
The house was quiet—Toby obviously not home—so I climbed up the stairs and sat on Quinn’s bed, feeling like I was intruding on their conversation but unable to ignore it.
“Thanks,” she said, followed by the sound of the door closing.
“Are you going to wreck the place like you did Daisy’s dorm?” Quinn asked, a sharp edge to his tone.
“Quinn,” Alexis started, but he stopped her.
“No, that was so fucked up. I still can’t believe you did that.”
“Yeah? Well, I can’t believe you betrayed me like you did.”
Quinn didn’t respond for a minute. “Why are you here?”
Her laughter tinkled throughout the house, light and airy, making the hairs on the back of my neck rise. “Why am I here?” She threw his words back at him. “I wanted to maybe talk to you. Alone.”
Silence encroached, then, “I’m not kicking her out. I’m sorry for what we did to you, and I’ll probably always be sorry for how things played out, but I can’t and won’t ask her to leave because of it.”
My cheeks warmed, and my heart as well.
“Right. So you’ve made your mind up then?”
“About what?” Quinn sounded confused.
Alexis’s voice rose in volume. “About her! You … you’ve picked her?”
I cringed, pulling my knees up to hide my face in them.
“It was never like that. Never a choice, hence what happened. It’s … I can’t explain it, and if I try, it’ll probably only upset you more.” He paused. “I don’t want to do that, so please don’t ask me to.”
“You cheated on me.” I could almost feel her anger from all the way up here. “And now you’re saying you didn’t even consider giving us another chance?”
“What?” Quinn asked. “Lex …”
“Don’t Lex me.”
“Sorry. But where … why …” He struggled, and I wanted so badly to fix this for him. I couldn’t, though. “I don’t understand why you’d want to make it work with me. Not back when I could only give you parts of me, and certainly not now.”
Quiet fell, and my heart raced.
“This was stupid,” she finally said. “Coming here. It’s just … she said you weren’t together, but clearly, you are. So it doesn’t matter now.” My eyes bulged. I didn’t realize what I’d said to her would give her hope. She continued, her voice softer, “We were friends. You and me. All of us. But you, I can’t imagine not having you in my life somehow.”
Quinn didn’t respond, and she went on, sounding as if she was crying. “I don’t even know what I’m saying. I-I just miss you.”
My stomach sunk. Heartache could be felt for not only yourself, but also for those around you. Even when they’ve hurt you. I felt it for her, and I struggled to battle down my guilt. In the end, I let it out, not seeing the point in trying to smother something that demanded freedom.
A minute later, the front door slammed closed, and Quinn came upstairs, dumping our bags on the floor.
Unsure of what to say, I glanced at the black sheets. “You got new sheets.”
“I changed them before we left.” He came and sat down on the bed. “Hey, you’re crying?” He lifted my face from my knees, taking off my glasses and setting them on the bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know she’d come here.”
“Or that going home would mean we couldn’t run away from what’s happened?”
His thumbs glided underneath my eyes, then he pulled me onto his lap, his hand tucking my head into the crook of his neck. “I don’t know what to do to make it better.”
“I don’t think we can.”
A minute later, his quiet voice pulled me from murky thoughts. “If we could go back, would you?”
My immediate response should’ve been yes. A million times yes. It wasn’t long ago that I wanted nothing more than to fill the hollow pit that’d formed in my chest. The one that only grew larger every day I woke up and realized what was mine never would be again.
I couldn’t and didn’t say that, though. “I’ve wished for so many things. But even though it …” I pulled my face from his neck, meeting his troubled eyes. “I think I needed to become more aware of the world, of what people can do to you, and to each other.”
“Dais, no. I hate that. I was desperate and had no idea what to do with a broken heart. Eventually, I had to fix it and did it the only way that seemed like it might work.”
“I know,” I said. “And that’s something I never expected of either of you. Which might make me sound stupid, but I needed to realize that every action has a reaction, and things don’t always turn out how you believe they will.”
He swallowed. “I reacted.”
“I did first.”
“Not as bad.”
Smirking, I asked, “Are we trying to out idiot each other now?”
Pulling me tighter to him, he kissed my cheek. “I’d win. Every time. So quit while you’re ahead.” I nestled back into him, my body relaxing from the feel of him, despite what had happened not even ten minutes ago. “Dais?”
“Hmm?”
“I hope you’d never …” His throat moved next to my nose. “That you’d never think I’d react so badly again, right?”
Lifting my head again, I ran my finger down the side of his jaw. It loosened, relaxing a little. “No. I believe you when you said you thought you’d never see me again.”
“This might make me sound like a dick, but even though it all kind of blew up spectacularly, I’m really glad I was wrong.”
I leaned forward, resting my nose on his. “Me too.”
Because even with all the ammunition fired at our hearts, we’d found our way back to each other.
“So I’ll pick you up at three?”
I tried not to roll my eyes. Quinn had gotten back from practice and said he’d take me home so I could unpack and get ready for class. “Five. I need to do some laundry.”
Opening the door, I grabbed my bag, about to jump out when his hand snatched my wrist. “Not so fast.” He tugged, but I went willingly, crawling over the seat and pressing my lips to his. “I can help you do laundry,” he whispered, biting my bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth. I pulled it free. “I’d get nothing done.”
“We’d get something done.” His tongue swept into my mouth, his hands plucking at my sweater dress, trying to crawl underneath. I pushed his hands down and licked his upper lip before pecking him quickly and moving backward out of the truck.
He watched me, his elbow resting on the door, his head on his hand, and a lust-filled smile on his beautiful face. “Ugh,” I grumbled, grabbing my bag. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” His eyes roamed my body, and I shut the door in his laughing face, grinning like a goofball the whole way upstairs.
The grin fell off my face when I stepped into our dark room. There was a sheet hanging over the gauzy curtain, making the room look and feel like the perfect place to hang out if you had a migraine. But when I found Pippa lying on her bed, tissues piled around her like white flags of surrender, I had a sinking feeling a migraine wasn’t the problem.
“Pip?” I shut the door quietly, nerves jangling in my tummy as I crossed the room, dumping my bag on my bed. “What’s going on? Are you sick?”
She stared vacantly at the side of my bed, a hand at her mouth holding a crumpled tissue. Her green eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, but otherwise dry. I wondered how long she’d been lying in that position for.
Not getting an answer, I hesitantly sat down next to her and touched her back. She sniffled, her head moving a little, as if she’d only just noticed I was there. “I didn’t realize it then, but I do now. You’re a soldier, Daisy June.”
Confused, I shook my head. “What?”
“You survived having your heart destroyed.”
Toby. What had he done? “Pip,” I said, my hand moving to her face and shifting some of her brown hair back from it. “What the hell happened?”
“He’s gone.”
“Toby? What do you mean gone?”
She reached blindly for her nightstand, gave up, and just pointed.
There was a note. “Found it when I went to his place. In his room.” A shuddering breath left her, followed by another loud sniffle. “He’s gone.”