Chapter Six
Out of breath, I tied off what felt like the thousandth balloon I’d blown up today. Not surprising, they were pink. All of them.
Strong hands came to rest on my shoulders while soothing fingers massaged in an attempt to chase away the tightness in my muscles. “Are you doing okay, Liz?”
I shrugged against his hands, glancing over my shoulder at Matthew. What was I going to say? That I was okay? Because I wasn’t. Nothing seemed worse than Christian invading the safety of my home. Sympathetic eyes promised he understood.
Really, I didn’t know how I was going to make it through today. Watching Christian interact with Lizzie last Saturday had been nothing less than excruciating. I’d prayed that he just wouldn’t show up, ending the whole thing quickly, instead of dragging the inevitable out.
Of course, he came.
Hearing Lizzie call him Daddy had broken my heart all over again, and hearing him agree had made me want to spit in his face. I couldn’t watch as Lizzie snuggled up to him, how he wrapped his arm around her, how he looked at her. I’d spent most of the time studying greasy fingerprints on the wall, fighting against the urge to grab my daughter and run out the door, and reminding myself that this was the lesser of two evils.
Then the bastard thanked me as if I’d given him a gift and denied that he would have taken me to court. So typical, he’d played the good guy after he’d gotten what he wanted. I’d decided right there that I was going to end this. I wouldn’t allow him to play games with me or with my daughter.
That plan was squelched when Lizzie had invited him to her birthday party. What was I supposed to do? Refuse my daughter? Her face had held more hope than I’d ever seen. I’d searched for an excuse, a reason for him not to come, certain he wouldn’t sacrifice two Saturday afternoons in a row for a child that he didn’t even know, a child that I refused to believe he cared anything about.
And since nothing ever goes my way, he’d countered, saying he had no plans. Lizzie was thrilled and had jumped straight into his arms.
The moment that followed had nearly ruined me, almost unable to bear what was taking place. I’d wanted to turn away but couldn’t as Lizzie buried herself in his arms, her words muffled though clear. She’d told him she loved him and he’d returned the affection. His tears almost made me question my resolve, the sincerity of his whispered, “Thank you.”
Then when he’d stood before me, I’d almost broken down, the questions that had swirled in my head the entire time fighting release from my mouth.
How could you?
Did you think of me? Did you think of our child?
Why didn’t you love me enough?
Did you even love me at all?
Why now, after so many years?
And in that second, I wanted to know why he was looking at me as if he wanted me.
His move to touch me had shocked me back into my reality. Dangerous. I had been there before, and I knew that if I allowed him to speak, to explain, I would so easily fall prey to his deceit. I would believe, and believing in Christian Davison again would be the most foolish move I could ever make.
“Hey, Liz, where do you want this?” Mom stood in the doorway between the living room and kitchen, holding up the heart-shaped piñata she had filled with candy and little goodies for the kids.
“Um . . . I think Matthew has a rope set up for it outside.” I glanced at him and he nodded, already walking her way.
“I’ll take care of that, Linda.”
“Thanks.” She handed it to him, and Matthew disappeared through the sliding glass door to the backyard. Mom lingered, watching me as I gathered the last bunch of balloons to take outside to finish off the decorations.
“You okay?” Mom’s voice was deep with concern, her face etched with the kind of worry only a mother could feel.
I smiled sadly at her. Mom and I were very close and shared most almost everything. She knew how deeply Christian had wounded me, and there was no one who understood it as well as she did. My own father had left her for another woman, leaving her alone to raise three little girls. He’d just disappeared in the middle of the night from our lives forever.
“I’ll be okay, Mom.”
She searched my face, not believing my answer. It was as if she could sense every fear I had. “You’d better go upstairs and finish getting Lizzie ready. It’s nearly two-thirty. I’ll help them finish up outside.” She tilted her head toward the ceiling, breaking the intense moment we’d shared.
I nodded and started up the stairs. Lizzie’s laugh floating down to me lightened my mood. Her cousins were obviously very successful in entertaining her while the rest of us prepared for her party. My family was so supportive and I couldn’t be more grateful. Happily giving up an entire Saturday for us, everyone had shown up first thing this morning to set up.
All three children were on Lizzie’s bedroom floor. Lizzie and her cousin, Angie, who was just a year older, were listening intently as Angie’s older brother, Brandon, read them a story. It was so adorable.
I watched them for a couple of minutes before interrupting. “Hey, Lizzie. It’s time to get dressed. Your guests will be coming soon.”
She jumped up, squealing and running around in circles in her room. “Yay!” She was wound up tight, but I could only grin because of her excitement. I pulled her princess dress from her closet and she squealed again when she saw it, clapping her hands wildly.
“Oh, Mommy, I’m gonna be so pretty!”
Maggie and Brandon left the room, and I helped Lizzie into the pink, frilly dress, which was really a dress-up costume, one she’d seen at the toy store and had fallen in love with. It was a bit out of my price range, but I’d set aside a little over the last month and surprised her with it after I’d gotten home from work last night.
“You are the prettiest princess I’ve ever seen,” I said with a smile, kissing her nose. She giggled and twirled in front of the full-length mirror on the back of her door. I pinned the plastic tiara in her hair, and she stepped into the little satin slippers.
My princess.
“Thank you, Momma.” Her voice was soft and filled with appreciation and love as she looked at me. She was the most amazing child.
I hugged her tightly before sitting back and holding her small hands in mine. “You are so welcome, sweetheart. Happy birthday.” I wasn’t surprised to find tears in my eyes. I was feeling very emotional, both saddened and joyed that my baby girl was turning five, not to mention the intense strain Christian had brought to my life. Lizzie reached out, catching a tear with her finger.
“Don’t be sad, Mommy.”
I shook my head, vehement. “No, baby. These are happy tears.” She’d seen me cry so much lately, and I refused to allow another emotional breakdown to affect her day.
“Come on. Let’s go see your surprise.” I stood, holding my hand out to her. She took it, my assurance enough to erase the concern I had caused in her. Her feet were anxious as she dragged me down the stairs.
Lizzie froze the moment she stepped outside, her face alight in awe. “Oh, Momma,” she whispered as she slowly took in our small backyard that had been transformed into her kingdom for the day. Matthew had rented a huge white tent that covered the entire yard from the end of the patio to the wall, the kind normally reserved for weddings. Hundreds of pink balloons hung from it, covering the entire underside. Silver streamers curled out from them, glinting and shining in the afternoon sun. Natalie and my little sister, Carrie, had painted a mural they’d attached along the back wall with a scene depicting a white castle surrounded by rolling green hills scattered with white unicorns. A few tables sat under the patio, covered in pink tablecloths, each centered with a different fairy tale princess surrounded by fresh-cut flowers. My older sister, Sarah, had volunteered to make a cake, and the huge 3-D princess cake sat proudly on a table that was pushed up against the wall.
Her face glowed. “Thank you, Mommy.” She looked up at me from where she stood at my side, her hand still firmly in mine.
I gestured with my head to the rest of our family who had gathered in front of us, each of them eagerly awaiting her reaction. “It wasn’t just me, Lizzie. They did this for you.” Never would I have been able to do this without them. They were so good to my daughter, so good to me, and I loved them more than the world.
Lizzie shot forward, hugging and kissing each of them, giggling and blushing as everyone claimed that she was the most beautiful princess they’d ever seen. I gazed upon my family, silently thanking them for everything they’d done. Their eyes swam with affection, holding the promise that they wanted it no other way.
They’d never viewed us a burden, even though sometimes I felt that way.
Lizzie’s eyes grew wide in excitement with the sound of the doorbell, while mine grew wide with alarm.
“It’s party time!” Natalie sang, swooping in to take Lizzie into her arms and spinning her in an exaggerated dance as they disappeared into the house to answer the door.
Nervously, I ran my hand over my face and through my hair in a vain attempt to calm myself.
Sarah appeared at my side, nudging my shoulder. “Relax.”
I suppressed a snort.
How could I relax when I had to welcome Christian into my home, the one who had wounded me deeper than anyone, the one who haunted my days and held me in my dreams?
Impossible.
The worst part of it all was, somewhere deep inside me, I knew that allowing him here today was officially inviting him into our lives.