Cara
It felt like a jolt of electricity had shot through my body, setting every nerve ending on fire. I wasn't sure that I'd heard him correctly – or that, maybe, he was simply in a post-coital stupor and was saying something he didn't really mean.
I looked up at him, my head spinning and my heart thundering in my chest. “W–what did you just say?”
He looked down at me, a glint of amusement in his eyes. “I said, I love you.”
Even though he'd repeated it and I was absolutely clear that I hadn't misunderstood him, I still stared at him in stunned disbelief. I opened my mouth to speak but then closed it again when the words wouldn't come. Damian started looking uncomfortable and awkward – looking like he was regretting saying anything at all.
“I–I'm sorry, Cara,” he stammered. “I just–I—”
I knew I needed to say something. Needed to take him off the spot and reassure him. He'd gone out on a limb – and way outside his comfort zone – in admitting his true feelings. And there I was, making him feel like a complete ass for it. Way to go, Cara.
“Damian, I… There's nothing for you to apologize for,” I said. “I should apologize. I'm just… shocked.”
He cocked his head and looked at me. “Why would you be shocked? You knew I had feelings for you.”
“Yeah, I just–I guess I didn't expect to hear those words come out of your mouth.”
I felt his body stiffen up and knew I was losing him. Knew he was pulling himself back. Sitting beside him, I could feel the wall going up again and knew I needed to do something to stop it.
“It's okay if you don't feel the same way, Cara,” he said. “I mean, I know it's sudden and all—”
I shook my head and put my fingers to his lips to silence him. “It's not that. It's just been a long time since I've had a man say those words to me and it's just taking a minute to get used to hearing them again. Especially because they're coming from somebody I'd been hoping to hear them from.”
He looked at me with a shy, awkward smile that was utterly adorable. “You have?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I have. And – I love you, Damian. I really do.”
His smile was wide and genuine, and I could see in his eyes that he'd really meant what he'd said. It wasn't a post-sex stupor. It was his genuine feelings – and I couldn't have been happier. Everything with Damian just felt good. It felt right.
Not just the sex – of course, that was fantastic. The best I'd ever had in my life, to be perfectly honest. But just being with him. Doing something as mundane as discussing our day felt good. Felt right.
I never would have thought that when he first appeared in my life. He was everything I didn't want in a man. He was everything I didn't want in my life. But over the days and weeks, I'd gotten to know him for who he truly was. I'd seen past his carefully constructed facade and had seen the heart of the man. A good man.
Our bodies melded together, there on the couch. We were content. Happy. And sexually sated – at least, for the moment. I honestly didn't think I'd ever be able to get enough of him.
He stroked my hair as we sat in silence, just enjoying one another's presence.
“Know what we should do tomorrow?” he asked.
“What's that?”
“Let's take Austin to the zoo.”
I sat up and looked at him, laughing. “He has school tomorrow.”
Damian shrugged his broad shoulders. “It's one day. Besides, the zoo is kind of educational. I mean, he'll probably learn more there than sitting in a boring old classroom all day.”
I laughed and shook my head. “You ever were one for the classroom. But if I have my way, my son is going to love school.”
“Come on, Cara.” He smiled. “It's only one day. Besides, he's five. How much real learning is going on there anyway?”
I laughed and playfully slapped his arm. “You're terrible. He's learning all sorts of valuable lessons—”
“Lessons like, don't eat the paste.” He grinned. “C'mon, Cara. Let's just go have a little fun tomorrow. Please?”
He turned and gave me these big puppy dog eyes. I laughed and shook my head at his blatant manipulation. But, how could I say no? And to be honest, a day of carefree fun sounded pretty wonderful to me.
“Well, I do have the day off tomorrow,” I said.
“What a coincidence, so do I.”
“Yeah, that's quite the coincidence. I suppose one day isn't going to ruin Austin's academic career.”
“Of course it won't. Look how many days I missed and I turned out okay.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled. “Yeah, that's debatable.”
“So, it's settled,” he said. “You, me, and Austin are going to the zoo tomorrow.”
I looked into his eyes and put my hand on his cheek. “Sounds wonderful.”
We snuggled up together on the couch – though, I was keeping one ear open for the sound of little footsteps in the hallway. The last thing we needed was for Austin to come out and find us on the couch together – naked, no less. Even though it was a risk, I didn't want to get up and go into the bedroom. I didn't want to break the spell and bring what felt like a really special moment to end.
I traced the tip of my finger around Damian’s chest, planting soft kisses on his toned, firm torso.
“You never did tell me what you were going to do about Mills and the Kings,” I said.
He shrugged. “Honestly, I'm not really sure at this point. I don't like the direction Mills is taking the club. We were rough around the edges, sure. Always have been. But what Mills is doing – it's something else entirely. And I don't know that I can be on board with it.”
I nodded slowly. “I don't blame you.”
“I mean, ever since I met you – things have been different,” he said. “It's like… something's changed within me. I'm seeing things different these days.”
I looked up at him and gave him a small smile. “Sorry.”
He shook his head. “It's not a bad thing,” he replied. “That's not what I'm saying. It's actually a good thing, to be honest.”
“And what is it you're seeing differently, Damian?”
He looked at me, deep into my eyes. “That maybe, this life isn't for me anymore,” he said. “That maybe, it's time I hang up my kutte. Maybe it's time for me to move forward without the MC. You've shown me something better, Cara. Something good. Something amazing. Something I never thought I'd have.”
I took his hand and squeezed it, bringing it to my lips and kissed his knuckles. It felt like he wanted to say more, so I remained silent, letting him have the floor.
“When I'm with you and Austin,” he went on, “I feel more normal – and way happier – than I've ever been in my life. Than I ever thought I could be. The MC – especially with the direction it's headed – it's a goddamn millstone around my neck. You've shown me that maybe I don't need it anymore.”
“Maybe you don't,” I said softly.
“And if there is one thing I've learned about myself, it's that I want to be a better man. I want to be a better man for you and for Austin.”
“You are a good man, Damian.”
He shook his head. “Not really,” he replied. “I've done some bad, terrible things. Things I regret. I don't think I want to live that way anymore. I don't think I want to be that guy. Not anymore.”
Listening to him speak, I felt my heart filling with a profound sense of joy. It was like a dream coming true – in a way. But the simple fact that Damian seemed to be outgrowing the club, that maybe he would decide to walk away from it altogether – I would be lying if I didn't say I was more than thrilled with the idea of it.
Yeah, it was selfish. Sue me.
“Things have changed since I met you,” he said. “And I have to say, I like the direction things are going.”
I leaned up and kissed him hard. When I pulled back, I put both of my hands on his cheeks and looked deeply into his eyes.
“I do too,” I said. “I like the direction things are going in a lot.”