Chapter 15
The most dangerous place on earth is between a biker and his bike.
-Biker Truth
James
Once I was changed, I glanced at my watch and saw that I had a little over fifteen minutes before Janie got off the bus for the day. She’d be happy to see me instead of Mrs. Kowalsky. Nothing against the old broad, but she tried to treat Janie as if she were still a two year old kid instead of a six year old. Janie liked the woman, but I’d win out every single time.
Washing my hands quickly, I walked down the hallway, wincing with every other step as my leg throbbed. Hell, it wasn’t even that bad, but the feeling of the top layer of skin being gone was almost worse than any other injury I’d had before.
My eyes scanned all the photos that lined the hallway as I walked past. Every stage of Janie’s life was featured in that hallway. Most of the newest ones were Janie’s school photos and Christmas pictures. Cheyenne and mom used to take her to get her portraits made in a studio when she was a baby so I’d see how big she was getting.
Soft voices made me slow in my progression towards the living room. I stopped as I got to the mouth of the hallway, listening to my sister explain.
“I never meant to hurt you both. I was just trying to get James to make a move. He seemed so unhappy working at the garage. I’d known that he was getting offers from Luke to join the SWAT team, and I wanted him to pursue it. The only way he’d make that decision was for him to have a reason to leave Free.” Cheyenne explained hesitantly.
“Well, you definitely accomplished that.” Shiloh said dryly. “Next time, maybe you can try to not use our relationship as a diving board. These last five weeks have sucked balls.”
Cheyenne made a miserable sound in her throat before continuing. “I never intended for him to leave. Hell, he wouldn’t even speak to Max. Which is saying something because it’s not often that those two don’t speak. They’re the type of friends that end up sitting on their porch when their ninety-five and yell at the neighborhood kids to get off their lawn.”
“It was me. I’d pissed him off, and he needed a break.” Shiloh sighed.
“What are you talking about?” Cheyenne asked.
“I told him in a voicemail that he’d have to choose Jolie or me. I left it in a note on the kitchen table before y’all got me drunk that night after James’ was arrested.”
Coming further into the room, I watched Cheyenne’s lips purse. “They have an extremely weird relationship. When Max and James were younger, they had another friend, Briggs, who’d died. Everyone used to call them the Three Musketeers. One night, while on his way home from a party, Briggs was hit by a drunk driver, and killed. That drunk driver was Jolie’s father. James hated how the school treated Jolie, and he befriended her. I’d always thought that Max felt the same until recently. Max doesn’t like her at all either. He says she’s manipulative, and uses James any way she can.”
“I can definitely see that. The only times I’ve seen her are when she’s needed something from him.” Shiloh concurred.
Feeling that it was time to set their illusions straight, I came into the room and stopped behind the back of one of the couch. I placed my arms down on the back and leaned in to take the pressure off my leg.
“Let me tell you girls something about Jolie. I don’t love her, nor have I ever loved her. I feel bad for how she was treated after Briggs’ death, and I try to help her out any way I can. I am aware of how she tries to manipulate me to get what she wants. However, when I look at Jolie, I see a stray beaten dog who hasn’t been treated nicely in a long fucking time. She’s manipulative because she doesn’t know any other way to be. If she’s not that way, she’s treated like a stray dog again. I have never been, nor will ever be, in love with her. I’m in love with you, Shiloh. There’s a large difference between the way I am with her, and the way I am with you.” My eyes were on Shiloh as I said the last few statements, and I watched as her eyes lit with happiness.
“James...” Shiloh started to say before I interrupted her.
“As for you,” I said turning my gaze to Cheyenne. “I am your older brother. I have four years on you. I am thirty-one damn years old. I do not need you interfering with my love life. You could’ve cost me something great. Something that meant the world to me. How easy is it to find someone that fits well in your life when you have a kid to think about? To add on to the fact that you brought one of my greatest friends into it is even worse. I’ve trusted Sam’s judgment for many years. If I wouldn’t have, I’d have been dead. I think next time you need to think about the consequences of your actions before implementing those actions. You put a strain on a relationship that was nearly twelve years in the making. I’ve always trusted him to be straight with me, and it really hurt to know that he didn’t approve of me and Shiloh being together. It’s killed me the last month not to be around her, but I only did so out of respect of the man I trust most in the world.”
The sound of Janie’s bus stopping outside of the house stopped me from any further explanation, so I hobbled to the door and opened it with a wide smile on my face. I waved to Mrs. Kowalsky who was watering her petunias. Again.
I forced myself not to limp so I didn’t alarm Janie, and I waited with my arms crossed against my chest for her to notice I was home. It didn’t take long.
She’d just gotten to the bottom step of the school bus when she spotted me standing next to her bike. “Daddy!” She shrieked and launched herself off the bus and sprinted across the yard. Only she didn’t come to me, she veered off at the last possible second and shrieked, “Shiloh!”
I could only laugh. I was happy she liked Shiloh because she was going to be seeing a lot of her. Shiloh started to head inside with Janie wrapped up in her arms when we heard the distinct sound of pipes pulling on to our street. Shiloh froze, as did I, as we watched Silas pull into our driveway and shut off the bike.
When he stood up, you could tell he was hurt by the grimace of pain on his face as he swung his leg over the bike. His face was a shadow of pain as he took the painful steps toward us.
I knew it was bad just by the grim expression on his face. Something was seriously wrong.
“I need you to call Sam over here now. I’ve already called Sebastian. He’ll be here in less than an hour. Got any beer?” Silas asked.
“What is he doing here?” Cheyenne snarled.
“Daddy, are you okay?” Shiloh asked as she inched closer to him.
“Not now, baby. I need to sit down or I’ll fall down. Show me where, ‘cause once I sit I won’t be getting back up again.” He said with strain evident in his voice.
“You can lay down on the couch. Daddy sleeps there all the time. Sometimes he lets me color on him while he does.” Janie supplied.
“That sounds perfect, Caroline. I appreciate it.” Silas said as he walked stiffly to the couch.
“Nobody calls me Caroline. I only get called Caroline when I’m in trouble.” Janie snapped.
The distaste for the name was beyond anything I’ve ever known a kid to show for something like a name. Normally it’s reserved for broccoli, or scorpions. Not a name though.
“Yes, I know. I just don’t understand why you’re going by Janie when your name is Caroline Jeanine. Caroline is a good strong name.” Silas winced as he sat down carefully.
“Cause my daddy wanted to call me Janie, that’s why.” Janie said stubbornly, but still gave him a pillow to prop up on so he would be more comfortable.
“My apologies, Janie.” Silas whispered solemnly.
“Can someone tell me why the hell he’s in our house? Better yet, someone get him the hell out.” Cheyenne fumed in the corner of the room with her arms crossed across her chest.
Silas gave Cheyenne a long thorough look before coming to some sort of decision. “My boy picked a good woman. What would you do for him, Cheyenne? Would you fight for him? Kill for him? Leave him? Let him go if that’s what he wanted?” Silas volleyed the questions at her one after the other, and with each question, Cheyenne’s ire became more confusion than not.
“If that’s what it took. I’d do absolutely anything.” She agreed.
“That’s what I thought. Maybe you and my boy need to take a step back and think of it from my side of things. Do you not think I had reasons for doing the things I did? Do you think it was easy to do anything to my boy? Kids are supposed to have what Janie here has; not what my babies had. I did my best though, and I think I’ve finally met my match.” He was whispering gruffly by the time he finished. Pain was etched on his face, but this time, it wasn’t because of physical pain, but emotional.
The sound of Sam’s Suburban pulled up outside, and I saw on Cheyenne’s face that she was torn. She didn’t want to hurt Sam, but she knew what Silas had to say might potentially change his whole outlook on his childhood, and maybe even his entire life. Just like I did as soon as Sebastian told us a little of it the other morning. Only, not once in the past few weeks had I told Sam what I’d learned, and I didn’t know how the outcome would turn out by the end of this meeting.
One thing was for sure, and that was that lives would most assuredly be irrevocably changed.
***
Sam sat on the recliner. His head was in his hands, and he looked fucking defeated.
It was hard to see.
Sam has always been bigger than life to me. When I was a green-nosed, hot-shot sniper all of twenty two, Max and I were selected to join a covert-ops team. We’d thought we were bad asses, and Sam was the first one to prove us wrong. He pushed us so hard that we wanted to quit, but only the knowing smile on Sam’s face that showed he knew we wouldn’t cut it kept us going.
It was only later that we found out Sam had the upmost respect for us. He’d told us that he’d never seen two people work harder to become someone that was needed. He’d told us that he was proud of us, would always trust us at his back, and would be honored if we’d protect his for him as well.
Never in my ten years of knowing the man had I seen him quite so defeated. Even when we’d been in impossible situations and staring down the gun of a M-14 did he look like this.
“Tell me one more time.” Sam demanded of his father.
“I don’t know what’s going to change in between the third time and the fourth, Samuel Cash.” Silas rasped.
“Please...” Sam left the request hanging, and he was rewarded when Silas continued. A-fucking-gain.
“The summer I met your mother was my first infiltration into a MC that was known for chain-raping women, filming it, and then selling the videos. They also had a lucrative stable, as well as some coke running on the side. The first time I saw your mother was the day that they normally did the grabs. She’d been in the cross hares of one of my ‘brothers’ when I claimed her. I didn’t know what else to do. Goddamn mission and all that shit didn’t care about a few casualties. They were looking at the bigger picture. So, I did what I had to do, only they wanted to film me taking her the first time as my initiation into the club. That was my test. I passed with flying colors.” He snarled.
Sam’s fists went tight at his forehead, but he didn’t interrupt as he’d done the previous three times. Instead, he stayed seated. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he was pissed, but he wasn’t going to interrupt this time.
“That’s the day you were conceived. I kept your mother separate from the club. I fell in love with your mother, head over heels. However, the club didn’t do monogamy, and I wasn’t expected to either. Not wanting them to hurt my ‘citizen wife’ as they called her, I found Lettie. That’s where your brother and sister came in. I had an ‘ol lady, that was aware of what went down in the club to an extent, and then I had your mother, my real wife in the eyes of God and the government.”
Sebastian smothered an oath from the recliner beside Sam, but he still looked calm and collected. He’d heard the explanation before, but I’m sure he was still just as affected now as he was then.
“So then what?” Sam asked.
His voice was tight and controlled. No emotion was leaked from it whatsoever.
“I stayed in the CIA. They felt it’d be paramount for me to stay in the club. Make a name for myself. By the time you were three, I’d made so many enemies, and it wasn’t safe for me to leave The Agency, nor the club, which was well on the road to being completely legal. The club became my home. After routing out the shit, making the businesses legit, what was left became mine. By then your mother already hated me. She knew about the club. Knew she wasn’t welcome there, even though by that point it was safe for her if she’d been interested in becoming a part of it. Knew I had a woman on the side. Then there was my so called ‘second in command.’”
“Shovel.” Sam nodded.
“Yeah, after he fucked your eye up.” Silas shook his head.
The eye in question must’ve been when Sam was pushed by Silas’ second in command when he was just a young boy. The man had pushed him so hard that he’d fallen and cut his eye open on a motorcycle’s chrome wheels, barely missing his eye by a matter of millimeters.
“I was done following orders that were sent from The Agency. Those men were mine, and I’d do with them what I damn well pleased. The club was very important to me, but you more so. Shovel was the last boy left over that wanted everything to go back to the old ways. We weren’t making the same money, but it was also nothing to sneeze at either. He was pissed at everything I represented. It was the worst mistake of his life taking his anger out for me on you. Your mom left the last time, and I decided it was probably for the best that she stay gone. Maybe she’d get a better life without my fucked-up-ness leaking over onto her. Lettie didn’t last much longer either. I didn’t have to keep up appearances any longer, and she didn’t like the new me.” Silas told him, eyes closed.
“You still love her.” Sam stated the obvious.
“Burns everyday.” Silas answered simply.
“You beat her.” Sam accused.
Silas’ eyes snapped open and he was off the couch before anyone could even blink. The man was quick. Even hurt he had the speed of a striking snake. Sam stayed seated, but barely, when Silas’ crowded his space. Which was hard for Sam to do, but he managed it.
“Never,” Silas emphasized that with a pointed finger in Sam’s face. “Never, did I beat that woman.”
“She used to have bruises. Rope burns. Marks. Someone did something to her.” Sam hissed.
“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about, son.” Silas said, shaking his head.
He didn’t either. The confusion on his face was evident. Either he didn’t do it, or he didn’t remember doing it.
“It only happened on the times you brought her back home after she ran with me. You’d punish her, and the next day she’d be fucked up again. Planning on the next time for us to leave.”
A small smile came over Silas’ face before he covered it with the blank mask.
“I don’t know that I need to get into logistics with you about your mother, but answer me this. Tell me it’s never crossed your mind to tie your woman to your bed. To spank her. To let her know she’s yours and nobody else’s? To let everybody else know, too. You may not have expressed it, but I bet it’s crossed your mind before, hasn’t it?”
I, for one, knew that feeling. It’d been growing a lot over the past few months, but ever since this afternoon with Shiloh, I had this raw need inside of me to make sure she knew she was mine. To make sure that everyone else knew it too. It was a burning need that I’d never experienced before.
Cheyenne snickered from the corner before she smothered it with her hand over her mouth. Her eyes were wide and filled with mirth. I just knew that if Ember were to have been here, they’d be going at it like little girls. Giggling and carrying on.
Sam’s eyebrows pinched together in thought, and then spread wide as realization dawned. “That’s...that’s just fucking sick.”
“Well, it was all consensual. I loved that woman with everything I possessed.”
“You could’ve shown it better.” Sam muttered.
“If I’d have shown you better...or her better... you’d be fucking dead. I gave up everything I loved so everyone could have a better home. I don’t know a single fucking one of my kids as I should. Have you ever tried treating someone you love with every single cell in your body, as if they meant nothing to you? To see the betrayal? To know that you’ll never know your goddamn grandchildren. It eats my guts every day to know I let you slip through my fingers. To know that the man you became, one I am proud of more than anything, wasn’t that way because of me. Not that the anonymity did your sister any good.”
The lasts words out of Silas’ mouth were muttered under his breath. Obviously he hadn’t meant for us to hear him, but we did.
“What do you mean?” Sam thundered.
Silas’ lips thinned, and he didn’t say anything.
“Was this the abduction James said something about? What happened?” Sam demanded.
“Quiet.” Silas hissed. The threat was more than evident, which was enough to snap Sam’s mouth shut with an audible snap.
Silence followed his command. So much of it that you could hear the movie playing in the family room. Shiloh and Janie talking about what they were doing for dinner. Obviously, that was enough to make Silas sure that Shiloh wouldn’t overhear what he was about to impart.
“I was sloppy. I loved that little girl more than anything. I made the mistake of taking her out for ice cream on her sixth birthday, and it cost that girl everything. I was jumped by a man that recognized me. How, I don’t know. I wasn’t wearing my cut. I was in a brand new truck. I didn’t even go to town. It was just a fucking fluke to have a member from a rival club at the Tobacco Junction across from the Dairy Queen. They knocked me out when I was getting the goddamn ice cream and she was playing on the playground. When I woke up, she was gone. I didn’t find her again for two more days. She wasn’t the same, and never has been since. From there, I just distanced myself, and never gave anyone any attention, too scared that something like that would happen again if I did.”
“That’s why she has nightmares and night terrors?” Sam asked brokenly.
“Yeah,” he said nodding his head. “She doesn’t remember much from those two days, and I thank God that she doesn’t. She wasn’t in good shape. No bones were broken, and she wasn’t violated, but I have a feeling that they tortured her in other ways. Although, I’ll never know for sure. There was no one left alive when I was done.”
Shiloh would’ve been Janie’s age when she was taken. Even thinking about the same thing happening to Janie made me understand where Silas was coming from. Since he couldn’t leave the life he’d made, he did the only thing he could. And that was cut the people he loved the most off from his life, at the expense of his own happiness.
Knowing that a change of topic was needed for now, I asked the question that had been on the tip of my tongue since he’d arrived. “How about you tell us what’s wrong with you, and why you’re here right now?”
“Amen.” Sebastian muttered.
The preliminaries needed to be covered for Sam and Cheyenne’s benefit. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have listened.
“Frozen, ‘Loh!” It was repeated twelve thousand times before I could hear the sounds of Frozen coming from the family room again. “Okay, okay. Fuck.” I heard Shiloh mutter under her breath.
She was with the kids. Although she wanted to hear about what was going on, someone needed to keep the kids occupied, and since she’d heard half the story before, not to mention being somewhat a part of Silas’ life, unlike Sam, she volunteered to go watch a movie with the kids while the grownups could talk.
Silas sighed. “This doesn’t leave this room. I’ve worked my entire fucking career to get this piece of shit, and I’m so close I can fucking taste it.”
Reaching into his vest pocket, he pulled out a folded up file folder. With careful precise movements, he started to extract each sheet, laying them down carefully and neatly so everyone could see.
“Who’s...” Cheyenne started to say when her voice strangled as the last picture was set out.
“Yes, that is what you think it is.”
My inner fury skyrocketed as I took in what was laid out before me. Little girls, all under the age of what had to be thirteen, dead. All of them were Caucasian. Not as precise on hair color though. Some were blondes, others brunettes. One curly redhead.
“As you can see, they have a thing for little girls. I won’t go into detail on what’s been done to them. Y’all can read that information for yourself. I don’t want to read it again. Needless to say, they don’t have it easy after they’re taken. The foreign trade for Caucasian American girls is through the roof. The man who’s the ringleader of this has a thing for pre-school aged blondes. He also has the entire South Eastern side of The Cerberus Legion at his back seeing as he’s the president of that region.”
Silence. Utter goddamn silence.
“What...” Sebastian said shaking his head. “What...”
Sebastian was a badass in every way. From what I’d learned from Shiloh, he was a marine for five years. After Shiloh had left us alone while she put her nephew down to bed, I’d learned some more about him that he wouldn’t have divulged if she were to have been in the room.
After his second tour of duty in Afghanistan had commenced, he’d done some thinking about things before deciding not to re-up his commitment. He’d prospected for a year before he’d been patched in with The Dixie Wardens MC. He worked tooth and nail for the next eight years to become vice president. His dad didn’t give it to him; it was earned.
From what I’d come to understand about The Dixie Wardens Motorcycle Club from my contacts and a few favors from Jack and Winter, I’d learned that the majority of The Dixie Wardens MC were all law abiding citizens. Sebastian was a member of the local fire department, as were quite a few others. There were also a few police officers in the mix.
However, just because they had regular jobs didn’t mean they didn’t take care of a problem with lethal force if need be. Didn’t protect their territory and club with their lives. They were nothing to sneeze at. A solid four state spread with three separate charters, they demanded respect. They dominated Louisiana, Arkansas, and Alabama. In those three states, they were the ones you thought about when you heard someone talking about a ‘motorcycle club.’ However, they were also in Texas and Oklahoma as well.
They were a solid 1000 plus members strong and still growing. For Sebastian to have a reaction such as the one he was having now, he had to believe that it was bad.
I’d only heard about The Cerberus Legion from the media and paper. Since they weren’t in the area, I had no reason to be concerned before. However, now it was different. Something was happening here, and it was big.
“The agency isn’t sure where to go from here. My cover was blown two nights ago when we had a meeting. They’d contacted me for alliances in my states. They wanted a way into the Southern portions of the US so they could find a way to smuggle their cargo into Mexico. Which is how it was supposed to go since we’d been feeding them the information on us for nearly a year. I’d done pretty good just coming off as a president of a MC. Then your fucking shithead of a sister started asking questions about you, and everything went to shit. I’d told him I didn’t have any children. No wife. No ‘ol lady. Then your sister went and did background checks, and started hunting for birth certificates, asking questions. Found your mother’s name. The birth certificate has me listed as your father. I was selfish. I needed that connection to you, although I thought I’d done a good job in hiding it from my enemies. Left no ties or connections. Not from my own goddamn daughter though. It was sloppy of me, but the man had a thing for princesses, and I didn’t want him to think he could have my daughter so our alliance would be more solid. It all just added up, things worked against me. His man found Sebastian first, and the other two later.” Silas explained with his face in his hands.
“The club doesn’t know that Sebastian’s yours?” I asked, bewildered.
“No. I didn’t want them treating me differently if they knew I was his kid. Never came up again. They knew we were close, but they probably only contributed it to the fact that I was VP.” Sebastian explained.
“You didn’t bring him around when he was a kid?” Sam asked with surprise.
“He was there some when he was a baby, but from then on, only sparingly, and never after the age of nine. Lettie moved two towns over and took them with her, refusing to bring them back. I went to them when I wanted to see them.” Silas explained.
Footsteps from the hallway had me turning my head. The others didn’t hear it, didn’t know the house like I did. Didn’t know the creeks each step on the old hardwood floor made. I did, which is why I was able to see Shiloh’s devastated face as she came into the room.
***
Shiloh
“Hello?” I answered my ringing phone.
"Hi, Shiloh. How are you doing?” Melissa asked.
Melissa was the team leader for our division of CPS. She was a hard woman, but with over twenty-eight years in the child protective services, who wouldn't be?
I liked her, and respected her. Not once in my four months of working there had she had anything but hardness in her voice. That changed with this phone call. She sounded utterly defeated.
"I'm okay," I answered hesitantly. "What's going on?"
She sounded very close to tears. "Lyle Jennings and his mother's house burned to the ground last night. The mother perished in the fire. Lyle is in the butterfly room in Dallas."
My stomach sank. Lyle and his mother were a special case. Lyle's mother, Nadia, a seventeen-year-old rape victim, was on our watch list. She found out six weeks later that she was pregnant by the man who’d raped her, and from there it just went downhill from what I’d heard. When she was six months pregnant, she overdosed on anxiety medicine, and was hospitalized for three weeks.
Although she was released, she was still put on the 'watch list,' as it was called around the office. She was given random visits every week at all different times to ensure the safety of the child.
After almost killing herself and her child, she'd straightened up. No more depressing moods. She was in school and held down a job as well. I entered the picture when she was kicked out of her parent’s house. Apparently they were Christian, god-fearing people, and didn’t think that anyone could have a baby out of wedlock.
However, seeing as they were members of the church and didn’t want to look bad when they kicked their pregnant daughter out, they allowed her to live in the house with them until the baby was born. Then kicked her out since she decided to forgo adoption like she’d originally planned.
I'd helped her find an apartment just two weeks ago. She’d been living in a women’s shelter for four months. It'd been frowned upon by the boss woman, but I’d done it anyway. That girl deserved a fighting chance, and if I had to put myself in a position of warning with my superiors so she and her child could have a better life, then so be it.
Except now, it didn't matter. She was gone.
"What's Lyle’s prognosis?” I choked.
"It's not good, sweetie. They don't think he'll make it. When they got to him, he'd inhaled a large amount of smoke. They say his lungs are most likely beyond repair. They moved him to the butterfly room so his family and friends could say goodbye. Nadia's parents didn't sound like they would make it. I'm sorry, Shiloh. I know this family meant a lot to you."
"I'm going to need the next few days off so I can be with him. He shouldn't be alone." I told her.
"Take it. I'll let Lillian know." Melissa said softly.
We hung up shortly after. I sat on the edge of the couch watching Frozen with Cheyenne's girls asleep on various pieces of furniture, and Janie leaned up against the base of the couch on the floor. She was staring at me with a concerned stare.
I smiled sadly at her. "I've got to talk to your father for a few minutes. Can you watch the girls for a little while?"
"Yes, I can." She agreed softly.
I got up and moved to the living room where the meeting was being held. I heard my father speaking. Heard him blame me for starting everything into motion. Didn't care.
Shuffling into the room, I went to the one person that I knew would never put me second. Would always make sure I was okay. Wouldn't let me hurt if it could be helped.
His eyes tracked my progress across the room. He'd spotted me even before I made it into the room. His eyes were trained on me as soon as I'd crossed the threshold.
When I got close enough, he extended his hand up to me and I placed my palm in his.
"Could I speak with you for a minute?” I pleaded with my eyes for him just to come. Even though I knew he was in the middle of an important conversation. I needed him now, or I just might fall apart.
He stood, but Sam’s voice stopped his progress. “Where’re you going? We still have a lot to hash out.”
Sebastian’s voice uttered agreement. “Go back to the other room.”
“It’ll just take a minute.” I pleaded.
“This is your life we’re discussing, princess. It won’t take much longer, promise.”
Well, I guess my petty problems didn’t amount as important to them. James looked torn. I knew he wouldn’t want to choose, so I made the decision for him. I’d also realized that I was leaving whether he was with me or not. He’d just have to catch up later. I wasn’t letting that boy die alone.
“It’s okay. I’ll talk to you in a bit.” I said, tapping his chest, and turning to leave.
“Well at least she listens sometimes...” Sam muttered under his breath.
I whipped around so fast I started to lose my balance. Waving off James steadying hand, I turned to Sam and glared.
“Fuck you.” I said pointing at him.
Then I turned to Sebastian. I was mad at him, too. That, and my bitch button was pushed.
Pointing my finger at him as well, I said, “Fuck you, too.”
Cheyenne’s laugh made me turn to her. “Fuck you, too.”
Her smile slipped off her face, and she looked hurt that I’d said it to her as well.
I didn’t say ‘fuck you’ to my daddy. That’d be against every southern bone in my body. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t mad at him, as well. It just meant that I wouldn’t verbally express the ‘fuck you’ - it was mentally implied.
I left the room in the silence, and turned back towards the family room where the girls were still sleeping, minus Janie who was now watching Brave instead of Frozen. She looked up as I entered the room.
With that one look, I fell in love with her, just as much as I was in love with James. She looked like her father. Not even a hint of her mother showed in her. Her attitude was James to the T. Her face also showed extreme concern, which, for a six year old, was impressive. She was very aware of what was going on around her, and intelligent on top of that. It was a good quality to have.
I sat down on the floor next to her and explained what was going on, and told her not to tell her father until everyone else wasn’t in the room. She agreed, and I told her as soon as the girls woke up, to make sure their parents were told.
She agreed.
Giving her a kiss and a hug, I left the room. Then the house through the backdoor. I walked through the yard, made a mental note to jump on the trampoline when I came back next, and walked to my truck. I was lucky that the truck was so far from the house. Hopefully they wouldn’t notice I was leaving.
Not that I was really trying to avoid them. I just didn’t want to get into a fight about my safety when that little boy was dying in the hospital without anyone to hold his little hand.
I made it out of the neighborhood without incident, and then drove straight to Dallas, not stopping once. Luckily, I’d just filled up the tank the day before, so I didn’t have to stop along the way.
The hospital was easy enough to find. The only problem I had was parking. Since it was such a large hospital, they made the parking garage nearly a mile away from the hospital itself. They offered a shuttle, but I didn’t have time to wait the fifteen minutes they estimated for it to be back. Instead, I started running. Luckily, I was wearing comfortable clothes. I made it there in under five minutes, and was on the floor that Lyle was on in less than two.
The nurse’s station was empty, but a nurse showed quickly, and I gave her my credentials, and told her I was there for Lyle.
“Do you know about the butterfly room, dear?” She asked sadly.
“No,” I shook my head.
“This is the room that was created for family to say their goodbyes to the children. It is a happy place painted in bright, cheerful colors. There are Disney characters smiling on the walls. It’s made to be a place of comfort and peace. With one as small as Lyle, he doesn’t really realize what’s going on. He’s woken a few times, but never for long. I’ll show you in there. Are you ready?” She smiled warmly.
As we walked down the hall towards the butterfly room, I tried to prepare myself for what I was going to see. Unfortunately, nothing ever could.
The little bubbly, happy boy, all of seven months old, looked so very tiny in the hospital crib. He was hooked up to multiple wires and lines. He had a breathing tube down his throat, which made his mouth hang unnaturally to accommodate it. His tiny little hands were lifeless on the mattress beside his body. His hair, filled with blonde ringlets, was matted to his face and head.
Tears started leaking out of my eyes to see that normally vivacious personality gone. None of it was there anymore. Nothing showed of the happy baby who always had a hearty smile on his face every time I saw him. He looked utterly broken.
“He’s in no pain, honey. I promise. Now, I’m going to explain to you what will happen from here.” She explained as she checked a bag that was running to a tube that was inserted into his tiny little hand. “This is going to be a painless process. As you can see, he’s on oxygen. The doctor doesn’t think he’ll make it much longer, despite the oxygen. He’s barely holding on. Don’t be alarmed if the machines start blaring their alarms. It won’t be very long now. Do you have any questions?”
“No,” I shook my head.
“Do you need me to bring you anything?” She asked softly.
“No,” I choked. “No.”
“Okay, honey. Press this button right here if you change your mind.”
With that, she left, and I held Lyle’s hand, and waited for him to be brought home.