Sam

Sam was lying in her bedroom when she heard a knock on her door. It was Sunday morning and her father had been doting on her since she came home from the ER early Saturday morning. He was worried because all she did was lay in bed and cry. But what else was she supposed to do? Her life was an episode of Gossip Girl. Her so-called friends had drugged her in a potential date-rape revenge scheme.

All Sam wanted to do was get on a plane to Boston. But her father suddenly refused to let her out of his sight. He’d gone into overprotective mode since he saw her in the hospital bed. It was hard to blame him.

“Dad, I’m fine. You don’t have to check on me every fifteen minutes,” Sam called.

“Uh, it’s me,” called a familiar voice.

Sam sat bolt upright as Devon’s face tentatively peeked into her room.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

He walked into the room anyway and shut the door behind him. He sat on the edge of her bed. “That’s okay. I have something I need to say to you.”

Sam glared at him. She’d woken up in the hospital room alone and confused and all she’d wanted was to see Devon. She’d sworn he was with her, but when she opened her eyes he wasn’t there. And now that he was here, all she wanted was for him to leave.

“I need to apologize to you, Sam. I don’t even really know where to start. But I’m sorry. I was wrong to push you away. And I was wrong not to tell you how I really feel. I never wanted to hurt you, Sam.”

She turned away from him, hating that he could still make her cry. But her stupid heart seemed hell bent on not giving up on him.

“Sam, I don’t want to lose you.”

She scoffed. “It’s a little late for that.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“Oh, now that I’ve finally got your message, you’ve changed your mind?”

“I was wrong, Sam. But I was hurting and I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense at all.”

Devon ran his hand through his stupid, perfect hair. “I know. I was being an idiot, okay?”

“And you’re not anymore?”

“Some thing’s have changed.”

“Oh really? Like what? You’re no longer an idiot?”

“I’m trying not to be”

“I’m sorry, but it’s not enough.”

“But—”

“No! Did you not tell me you loved me and change your mind? Did you not tell me to leave you alone? And that people only date me to get back at you? Did you not leave me alone in a hospital?”

“Sam, no!”

“Devon. You apologized. I don’t forgive you. Now please leave.”

“But I need you, Sam. What happened to always being there for each other?”

“That ended when you let your friends drug me and abandon me in a hospital.”

“I didn’t let them. And I didn’t leave you. The doctors wouldn’t let me back to see you because I wasn’t family. I was in the waiting room the whole time. Just ask your dad.”

“I don’t care, Devon. You hurt me. And I can’t . . . we can’t go back to how things were before.”

“But you love me.”

Sam’s eyes bulged. “What?”

“I found your notebook. The one you made the list in. And I talked to Megan.”

“Good, then I’m sure she told you she’s the one who made me make the stupid list.”

“Yes, but she said you meant what you wrote.”

“Now you’re turning my last friend against me too?”

“No, Sam. I didn’t know how you felt. It changes things.”

“No it doesn’t. And besides, it was just a stupid list. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Don’t do that, Sam. I know it did. It meant something to me. And Megan said—”

“Despite what Megan thinks,” Sam interrupted. “She doesn’t know everything. I may have thought I loved you. But not anymore and it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m going back to Boston.”

“What? No. You can’t. Sam,” he begged. “This is us. I can’t let you go!”

“What are you going to do? Roofie me again?”

“Sam, please don’t do this. Don’t give up on us.”

“There is no us, Devon!”

“Then don’t give up on me. Just give me another chance. I was hurt and I messed up. Just give me one more chance and I promise I won’t let you down ever again.”

“I can’t, Devon. It’s too late. Ireland was a mistake and so was everything that happened with us.”

“Don’t say that, Sam. The way I feel about you is not a mistake. That night in the tent wasn’t a mistake. You know it too. And I know it scares you. It scares me too. But it scares me more to lose you. Don't give up because you're scared to take a risk.” 

“I did take a risk, Devon. And it was a mistake.” Tears streamed down her face and Devon moved closer to wipe them away. She cringed when he touched her and he dropped his hand to his lap. “I’m not scared anymore, Devon. I’m not anything. There’s just too many highs and lows. And I can’t do it. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, Sam. I’m sorry because I know that this could work and this could be grand. And I know you know it too. We’re so close and you’re just giving up. How can you quit on me when we’ve gone through all of this? We’ve gotten through all the bad stuff. Now it’s time for the good. We’re almost there, Sam.”

“That’s just it, Devon. Almost isn’t enough.”

Devon

Devon didn’t know what else to say. He couldn’t catch his breath. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. He was supposed to be able to apologize and win Sam back. It had worked with Zander and Cara. They’d forgiven him. He was finally getting his life back together. He almost felt whole again. He just needed the missing piece. He just needed Sam.

He pushed off of her bed and paced her room, running his fingers through his hair desperately trying to think of anything to make her change her mind. But what else could he say? He’d thrown himself at her mercy. He couldn’t make her want him, no matter how wrong he thought she was.

“Sam, I don’t know what else to say. I’m in love with you. And I’m not gonna stop. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. But you have to let me make it up to you.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” she said. “Please leave, Devon. I don’t want to have to ask you again.”

He stood open-mouthed staring at her. He was at a loss. He could see her mind was made up as she crossed her arms. He wasn’t going to win any battles today. But that didn’t mean he was giving up. He just needed a new strategy.

“Fine. I’ll leave. But I’m not giving up on us. I love you, Sam.”

“Goodbye, Devon.”

Sam

As soon as Devon left, Sam exploded into hysterics. She was practically hyperventilating by the time her father came upstairs to check on her.

“Sam! Honey, what’s wrong?” he cried when he opened the door to find her frantically throwing clothes into her suitcase.

“I’m going back to Boston. You can’t make me stay here, Dad!” she wailed. Sam had balled her hands into fists and was flapping them with each word. “I. Can’t. Stay. Here!”

Her father ran over to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her until she stopped flailing. She was still shaking in his arms while he stroked her frazzled brown hair and tried to soothe her. They both sank onto her bed and her father rocked her back and forth like she was a child again until she caught her breath.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“He broke my heart, Dad.” Sam sniffled letting a whole new barrage of tears free. Admitting how much Devon had hurt her made everything hurt worse, and Sam couldn’t stop hiccupping and sputtering. “I just really want to go home.”

Her father kissed her forehead. “Okay, baby. We’ll go home.”

“Now?” she asked.

“Yes, honey. Whenever you want.”

“I want to go now.”

* * *

“So you’re really coming home?” Megan asked.

Sam was still puffy-eyed, her voice raw from crying. “Yeah. I just bought my ticket. I leave tomorrow morning and my dad will be back next weekend after he ties up some loose ends here.”

“Where are you staying?”

“I sorta told him your mom said it was okay to stay with you. Is that cool?”

“Yeah of course. Hold on.” Megan left the screen for a moment. “Ma! Sam’s staying here tomorrow.”

Sam heard a voice in the distance respond. “Okay, hun.”

Megan came back and gave Sam a thumbs up and a wide grin. “So you’re really coming back for good, huh?”

“Yep.”

“Well, I’ll be glad to have you back, but I can’t say I’m not a tiny bit disappointed I didn’t get to visit Ireland first.”

“You’re not missing much,” Sam muttered.

“Oh come on. You can’t hate a whole country just because of one bad apple, Sam.”

“It was more like a whole school full of bad apples.”

Megan rolled her eyes. “So, did you tell him you’re leaving?”

“Yeah.”

“What’d he say?”

“I don’t know. He said I’m sorry a lot. But it’s not enough.”

“But you love him, Sam.”

“Yeah, thanks for telling him, by the way.”

“I’m sorry but I was just trying to help.”

“I really wish people would stop saying that.”

“I know you’re mad now, but what if in like three weeks you’re not mad anymore? Are you sure you want to just walk away?”

“Yes. I can’t live like this, Meg. It’s killing me. My heart feels like its been trampled.”

“That’s because you’re in love!”

“This isn’t love. Love isn’t supposed to hurt like this.”

“I think it is. I think that’s the only way you know it’s real.”

“Megan, I really don’t want to have this conversation again. I just went through it with Devon a few hours ago. I don’t need to be convinced that I was in love. I know I was. But I know it’s over now, okay? Everyone just needs to move on.”

“If you’re really sure.”

“I am.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, Sam.”