Angry sex seemed to be half the sex they had lately. Which was not a lot of sex in the first place. Edward wasn't sure why, but whenever Greg was loving, gentle, or just fun, he never felt in the mood. It had to be a quick nothing, or an angry, rough session for him to feel up to it. Sex after therapy, with all the heat and anger from the session fresh on their minds, was the best sex. He really felt hated by Greg at these times, and for some reason that worked for him.

Ms. Grant would probably say he was projecting his own lack of confidence in himself onto his sex life. That he wanted to be used as an object because he had lost respect for his body. Possibly for himself.

Ms. Grant would probably be right. But it beat not having sex.

Greg picked Edward up as soon as they walked into the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind them. Edward wrapped his legs around Greg's hips, marveling at how his husband could hold and carry him so easily. He ran his fingers through Greg's hair and inhaled deeply, loving the scent of his man's cologne. He was perfect. So gorgeous. So strong. So masculine. He deserved any guy he wanted.

Greg walked over to the bed, throwing Edward down into the middle of it before climbing on top of him, grabbing a fistful of his black hair and pulling him into a deep kiss. Edward moaned and lifted one leg up, wrapping it around Greg's hip and pulling him down, grinding hard against him.

His husband was rock hard. Edward felt his own cock stir as he realized how turned on Greg was. Suddenly he felt it was still too gentle, still too nice. He broke the kiss, leaned to Greg's ear, and whispered, “Make me your slut.”

A primal growl escaped Greg's lips. “Oh, yes...” he whispered, his deep, low voice sending shivers all over Edward's body. Greg reached and began lifting Edward's shirt up.

Edward instantly felt uncomfortable. He loved it when Greg kissed and licked and bit him all over. Especially his sensitive, pierced nipples. But... He also loathed his body right now. He didn't even want Greg to look at him. “Let's turn the lights off,” he suggested softly.

Greg paused and made eye contact with him. “I don't want to, slut,” he said quietly. “You got a problem with that?” Greg's hands fidgeted on the hem of Edward's shirt.

Edward felt his breath pause briefly. He was conflicted. He didn't like himself, or the way he looked. So he would hate being seen by Greg in full light... but that would also make it a turn on. His eyes locked with his husband's. Greg was just too sexy. And if that was what he wanted then... “No, I don't have a problem with that,” he replied.

“Good slut,” Greg said, leaning in and kissing Edward passionately. “You are my beautiful slut. And I want to see you. All of you.” He began lifting Edward's shirt up. Edward didn't stop him this time. He sat up slightly so the shirt slipped off his body. He tried to cover himself almost instinctively, but with a gentle stroke and a firm push, Greg had him back down on the bed and was gazing at his naked torso.

It felt good to be wanted and loved by Greg. It felt even better to be used by him. But no matter what he said, a little nagging voice in Edward's mind said he didn't mean it. Said that Greg was lying to make him feel better about himself. Said he was just a hole to satisfy him. Edward couldn't help it. He felt ugly.

“Are you okay?” Greg asked.

Looking up at him, Edward could see genuine concern on his husband's face. Greg's hand reached down and caressed Edward's cheek slowly.

“If you want, we can be a little more gentle tonight,” Greg said.

Edward shook his head. He could already feel his libido dropping from the mere suggestion. “No. Don't. Take me.”

“You sure?” Greg leaned in gently and kissed him. “You can top if you want.”

Edward turned his head to the side. “You're ruining the mood, make me your slut.”

“What if I wanna be nice to my slut tonight?” Greg whispered.

Edward shivered as Greg began kissing and licking up and down his chest. He paused over a pierced nipple and teased the bar with his tongue. Edward let out a moan and arched his back, trying to simultaneously push his chest into Greg's mouth and his cock against Greg's cock. It felt so good.

Greg continued lightly licking and teasing Edward's nipple as he deftly undid his husband's jeans. Edward barely had the presence of mind to lift his hip and then move his legs so that the jeans could be removed. He had been commando and finding himself lying naked in front of Greg left him feeling insecure. Even more so than when Greg himself was bare. He did not need to see the rippling abs and the chiseled collarbones, the deep V of his hips or the lean, thick thighs, to know that they were hiding under his shirt and suit trousers. He knew how strong, how powerful, how lean, and how unapologetically masculine his husband was and looked. And being there, naked and supine, with Greg leaning over him, fully clothed and fully in control, made him feel even more powerless. And he loved it.

Greg moved to remove his shirt.

“No, leave it on,” Edward said. “Leave it all on.”

Greg smiled and instead just undid his tie. Edward watched as the tie was lightly looped around his wrists and pulled tight. A part of him knew he could wiggle out of it. But he ignored that part and pretended he was completely bound and helpless as Greg took out the lube and began fingering him. He knew he would be ready before long. But Greg took his time, slowly groping and stretching him, massaging his prostate before withdrawing the attention, teasing him until his cock was aching. Edward did not ask him to hurry. He wanted this. He needed it. To be tormented and denied.

The sound of Greg's zipper undoing made him shudder with anticipation. He could not believe he had refused this only this morning. He didn't look down. He just waited as he felt his husband position himself, make contact, slowly slide in. It was perfect. He fit perfectly. Like a key designed only for Edward's lock. Edward let out a groan as Greg was wholly inside him. A hand reached down to stroke his cock.

“No, just... grind...” Edward gasped.

Greg's angle adjusted and his hands moved, one to hold onto Edward's own hands, the other to play with Edward's nipple. Greg's stomach brushed against Edward's eager cock as he positioned himself. This. This was perfect. He did not deserve to be touched. He felt ugly, useless, a burden... He was good for nothing except this. He felt his cock twitch at the thought of being used by a man as attractive, powerful, and gifted as his husband. As Greg thrust into him, over and over, all that kept him aroused was the knowledge that his body was pleasuring someone else, was a tool for his husband's desires. As Greg finished inside him and collapsed onto him, the feeling of his husband's seed inside him, the sound of his husband's pleasure, and the weight of his husband's body all came together to drive him over the edge.

Briefly, he lay there, panting, feeling Greg's breath on his neck, Greg's weight on top of him, the lingering pleasure of his orgasm.

“What is wrong with me?” he whispered as he came back to his senses.

“Huh?” Greg asked, pushing up to look at Edward's face. “No good?”

Edward grinned. “Fantastic.” He began slipping out of the tie, out of the shame.

“Why the smile? I thought it was all for release. Aren't you angry at me for last night?” Greg said quietly.

“I am. I'm still angry,” Edward replied. “But... just hold me.”

Greg rolled off Edward and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. Edward crept up onto Greg's chest and nuzzled him gently. He smelled of cologne, coffee, and sex.

“Do you...” Edward began. “Do you like it like that?”

“I do it, so I must. If I didn't like it then Little Greg wouldn't be so happy,” Greg replied.

“So, it's like... a bit of variety for you?” Edward asked.

“Haven't we had this conversation a thousand times?” Greg asked. “I like it, it's not needed and sometimes it isn't what I really want, but I like it. That's all.” He shrugged a little, wobbling Edward on his hard chest. “I don't know what more you want me to answer with. Whether I think it's influenced by my star sign?”

“It probably is, you're a Leo,” Edward replied.

Greg laughed a little. “Am I? Cool. Anyway... Work in the morning.”

Edward groaned. “Can't we have just one night when we don't talk about work?”

“It's a thing, it's way past eleven, and I'm up early again. We can't just not mention work,” Greg replied, moving Edward from his chest and standing up.

Edward watched in silence as Greg stripped. Only halfway through he realized he should probably wash and get ready for bed too. If he did it after Greg was in bed he'd just be keeping his husband up.

“Why am I like this?” Edward wondered aloud before he began to brush his teeth. Why did he have to be so...? He didn't even know what he was. Why did he only think of washing for Greg's own benefit, and not for his own? Why did he want to be hurt and used and humiliated? Why did he ask for things instead of just take them, and in the same breath turn down love, support and affection that was actually on offer? “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he whispered at his face in the mirror before reaching for the mouthwash.

Even though Greg fell asleep within minutes of the lights going out, and even though he was exhausted, Edward lay awake and wondered what he could possibly do to love himself more. He could lose weight. But it wasn't as though he wasn't trying. He could get a job. But then Greg would be angry with him. He could... He began to cry. He could do nothing. There was nothing he would get right. Nothing that would satisfy himself, his family, his husband.

He curled up in bed and choked back the sobs so as not to disturb Greg. After all, Greg had important things to do in the morning.

Edward cried until he fell asleep.

***

The new day brought with it calm, but no joy. Something was wrong. Edward knew it. He should not be feeling like this. It hadn't happened all in one go, that was for sure. But it had definitely happened. And now here he was, convinced he was a barely desirable sex toy with no human functions.

The kids were at school, having woke, dressed, and fed themselves. Greg had rushed out the door to work and may not be back until the next afternoon or evening. The hamsters had been fed. The house was clean, but he was contemplating cleaning it anyway just to feel like he had a purpose.

Opening his emails on his phone, he saw he had received yet another mysterious message.

“Be careful with Greg, he has secrets.”

These had started at least four, maybe even six or seven months ago. Emails and text messages, from a variety of different numbers and emails, warning him that Greg had secrets, that Greg was a liar, that Greg would leave him. He hadn't trusted them. Not enough to tell Greg, or act on them, anyway. He'd had a similar experience with a bisexual ex-boyfriend, where a jealous girlfriend had found out his phone number and messaged him every day insisting that his boyfriend was at her house, fucking her. Even when they were together.

Edward knew there were crazy people out there, people who would do anything to mess with a relationship. So he just deleted the messages and moved on. But as time had gone by, he found himself wondering more and more if there wasn't a grain of truth to these messages. Especially with how absent Greg had become, physically, verbally, and emotionally, leaving Edward feeling hopeless, empty, and parasitic, like a male angler fish melded to the body of its mate.

What had changed? He had not done much or liked himself much in a while. And after-therapy sex was almost always a little rough. But now he had gone beyond just disliking himself. He loathed himself. He loathed everything about himself. And the only way he was getting off lately was by being used by Greg. Greg deserved better than him. Was that the influence of the messages? Had they wormed their way into his brain? He deleted the email.

Sipping his first glass of wine and turning the TV on, an uncomfortable thought struck him. If Greg really deserved better than him, and he knew... wouldn't Greg know too? Of course Greg knew. Greg was gorgeous, and smart enough to know he was gorgeous. He had to see the difference between them. He had to get hit on. To flirt with other men. Younger ones. Slimmer, stronger ones.

Edward swallowed a large mouthful of wine and wondered whether he needed anything stronger. No, he didn't need anything else because he was wrong. Greg loved him.

But he didn't even love himself.

Edward had another mouthful of wine and tried to focus on the TV. Greg had built a family with him.

That didn't make him desirable. People with families cheat and get divorced all the time.

Another large gulp of wine, and he turned the volume up again, trying to drown out the voices in his head. Greg had sex with him whenever he could. Greg found him appealing.

But he turned Greg down for sex all the time. He wasn't meeting his husband's needs.

Edward turned off the TV. It wasn't helping. He finished his wine, poured himself another glass, and began to pace. Greg works too much to have time to cheat.

But those raises and promotions never materialized.

Well... perhaps he just wasn't doing enough. Edward had seen him bring work home before. He had a lot on his plate.

But all that time... All those nights away...

No, Greg was just very busy. That was all. And he was being overlooked for promotions because someone else was working harder. Or because he was being discriminated against. That was it, he was just being rejected because they couldn't have an out gay man in that position.

But Greg would bring it up if he thought he was being discriminated against. And why did he keep leaving early and staying late?

No... He left early yesterday to get his clothes to the dry cleaner's. Edward sipped some more wine and stood still, staring out the window.

Dry cleaner's... or lover's house?

Edward felt his hand shaking. It was just too much. It all added up too well. A tear escaped his eye and he looked down at his chubby body and the glass of wine in his hand. Of course Greg deserved better than this.

Could it possibly be that Greg was cheating on him? Edward rubbed his temples and finished his second glass of wine. How could he ever find out? Did he want to?

Yes, yes he wanted to. But he couldn't confront Greg about it. He would deny it. If not to protect himself, he would deny it to protect the family. At least that was genuine. He really did love his kids. And he probably loved Edward as well. At least, he loved him enough to hide his cheating.

If there was any cheating at all.

But it all added up too well for Edward to dismiss it. He wasn't about to lay back and be a victim of some Casanova fancy his husband had developed. Or might have developed. He needed to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

After pouring himself a third glass of wine to steady his nerves, Edward headed to the office and started up the computer. This would take cunning. This would take expertise. This would take the best of the best.

He typed “cheap private investigators near elmtree” into the search bar.