CHAPTER 16

 

Anna finished typing the letter and read it over for about the millionth time. Every time she only changed the punctuation or a word here and there, anything to avoid hitting the send button.

After their argument this morning Anna knew Cayden would never be able to commit. From what she could tell Rosi’s was the only commitment he had and took seriously. She respected him for it, but anyone needed balance.

She couldn’t continue being completely committed and loyal to him when he couldn’t even accept the fact that they were in a relationship. If he had admitted they were in a relationship she would’ve appreciated his protectiveness, but they weren’t. She wouldn’t tell Cayden that Larry F&B actually gave her the creeps. Even though he seemed charming at first, lately he’d been coming on to strong for Anna’s liking.

But just the way Cayden handled it irked Anna. No one was allowed to know about their affair, a secret he said… A secret that had Anna feel both wanted and shamed at the same time.

That familiar shame of growing up in a trailer park had haunted her the past few weeks. Was that why he wouldn’t publicly admit their affair? How could the billionaire owner of Rosi’s date a girl from a trailer park?

She had tried coaxing any emotion out of him for weeks, but nothing. It didn’t matter how much of herself she gave, he gave nothing back but his body. His emotions were guarded behind a steel curtain; the only indication of them was his temper when it came to Larry F&B.

Anna couldn’t continue like this. She had fallen in love with her commitment-phobic boss. The fact not only scared the bejesus out of her, but it hurt like hell. She couldn’t keep working for him, because then she would keep sleeping with him.

Unsuccessfully she had tried staying away from him, but whenever he gave her that arrogant grin, all her defenses crashed to the ground. She couldn’t resist him.

So she read over her resignation one last time and swallowed the tears that threatened to stream down her face and hit the send button.

For Cayden she typed a quick but emotionally detached email.

 

 

 

Cayden,

 

Callie’s coming over tonight; we’re having an impromptu girl’s night.

 

Anna.

 

 

She didn’t want to say anymore or any less. If she told him more he would want specifics on when he would see her again and if she said less he would want to know why he couldn’t come over.

Satisfied and sad, Anna switched off her computer as her phone beeped in her handbag. Callie. She checked the text.

 

Be there in an hour, make sure there’s wine.

 

At least she didn’t lie about Callie coming over, Anna thought as she packed the few personal things on her desk into her handbag. He just wouldn’t know Callie was coming to help her pack and move back to Manhattan.

 

 

Anna opened the door knowing it would be Callie, she didn’t even attempt to hide her tear stained cheeks or the mascara stained eyes. Callie had seen her much worse in the past. Especially after she found out her father was drinking again after being sober for six months. The only six months she could remember having an honest conversation with him. The disappointment of back then was now magnified about two hundred times. Add in the shame and pain of heartbreak and she didn’t care about the fucking smudged mascara.

“Oh baby.” Callie said stepping inside and closing the door behind her. She set down her bag and pulled Anna into a hug. “Annie, tell me what happened.” She soothed as she stroked Anna’s hair.

“I’m in love with him.” Anna sobbed against Callie’s shoulder.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Callie enquired carefully.

“No, because he doesn’t love me back.” Anna choked out the words nearly tripping over them.

“Oh baby, are you sure?”

“He refuses to admit we’re more than just fuck-buddies. We’ve been seeing each other secretly for months Callie.” Anna sniffed loudly and stepped out of Callie’s embrace to meet her eyes. “He doesn’t want anyone to know we’re seeing each other. He keeps telling me I belong to him but he denies I’m his girlfriend.”

“Serious commitment issues.” Callie said on a sigh. “I’d thought you’ve moved past that?”

“I know. I hoped I could change it, but I couldn’t.” Anna sobbed.

“Maybe he just needs more time?” Callie asked gently as she rubbed Anna’s arm.

“I can’t give him more time Callie. I’m in too deep already, what if he never admits it? I can’t spend more time with a man that refuses to admit he feels something for me.”

Callie sat down on the couch tugging Anna to join her and waited for Anna to continue.

Anna sat down and cast her eyes towards the floor. “What if he’s ashamed of me Callie, what if it is because I grew up in a trailer park? Then he’s never going to come around.”

“Fuck him.” Callie said furiously. “If that’s what you think this is about, then fuck him. Then he doesn’t deserve you. He can take his pompous ass and commitment issues someplace else, ‘cos we don’t have time for dicks like him.”

Anna couldn’t help the giggle that intermingled with the sobs at Callie’s words. “Thanks Callie.”

“Only a pleasure. Anyone can see you’re one in a million, if he can’t see it then it’s his problem. Let’s get you packed up and back to the city, he can find someone else to dance to his control freak ways.” Callie stood up and looked around the place as if mentally charting what needed to be packed.

“I’m not going to get a reference probably, that means I’ve just wasted all these months.” Anna said dejectedly as she stood up.

“Nonsense, you don’t need a reference from him. You can ask anyone in management, what about the guy that dropped off the flowers?”

“Larry F&B, I doubt it. That’s the reason I resigned. Cayden all but threatened him with his job today if he didn’t leave me alone, and that after we just had a conversation.”

“Crap! He is a control freak.” Callie chewed her thumbnail for a moment before a smile spread across her face. Anna could tell it was forced but she appreciated it anyway. “Don’t worry we’ll think of someone. Maybe one of the waitresses liked you.”

Anna laughed at Callie’s words as she moved to the spare bedroom to collect the boxes she had only unpacked months before and had yet to dispose of.

“Maybe.” She said putting the boxes down in the small living room.

Callie held up a bottle of wine triumphantly. “I found some expensive wine in your cupboard; since I know you won’t spring for something this expensive I take it Cayden bought it?”

“Yes.” Anna said recognizing the label. It was his favorite red wine. The one they normally drank with dinner.

“Great, let’s get sloshed!” Callie smiled as she took two glasses down and poured the wine in. They’re glasses clinked and Callie sipped slowly. “Wow this is great, but I’m still not paying whatever this bottle costs.” Callie winked at her over the glass taking another indulgent sip.

Anna laughed, glad she had phoned Callie. If anyone could get her out of the funk she was in and play sounding board at the same time it was Callie. “Thanks for coming over. I don’t think I mentioned it between the sobs and the pity party.”

“I love a good pity party, besides at least yours come with good wine.” Callie said as she started stacking DVD’s into a box. “You do the cups. I’m not touching those holy cups of yours, especially because I intend to finish that bottle of wine.”

Anna laughed and collected a few towels before meticulously wrapping her Royal Albert cups and saucers in them. She pushed the sadness away that threatened to take over again.

“Are you really sure you don’t mind me moving back, Callie?”

“Of course. I mean I don’t mind living on my own but it’s more fun when you’re there. I’ve always got my best friend on hand. Like back in college.”

Anna smiled for Callie’s benefit but felt like she was moving back in time again.

Tomorrow night she’d be back where she started. In Callie’s apartment; with no job, no place of her own and no boyfriend.

Cycles, she thought. It was disturbing how life ran in cycles and to Anna it seemed that she never completely crossed the starting line. Every time she thought she was well on her way something would happen that made her circle all the way back to start again like in Monopoly. The only problem was she never collected the bonus when she crossed the starting point again.