“Seth!” I shout as soon as I see what’s happening in the living room.

Seth has pulled his fist back, about to punch Zeke—not for the first time, it seems, judging from the way Zeke’s already doubled over.

Seth turns to look at me as Alice runs over and pulls his hand away. This would be a funny sight if the atmosphere wasn’t so tense. Alice may be tall for a woman, but Seth is obviously much stronger and there’s nothing she can do to restrain him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I ask sternly as I glare at Seth.

“Doing something you couldn’t do yourself,” Seth says.

“Do you even know what’s going on?” I ask again, incredulous.

“I don’t need to know all the details to recognize the guy who made you cry.”

I know Seth can be a violent man. He has been involved in more physical fights than I can count. Admittedly, it’s not a thoroughly bad thing. His penchant for solving problems through violence has successfully gotten both Alice and me out of some dangerous situations.

But this is not one of those situations. I’m perfectly safe, and there’s no need for violence.

Besides, I don’t need Seth to fight my battles on my behalf. I can deal with this one myself.

Doubt fills my chest as my gaze falls on Zeke’s strapping figure. Beaten up and bloody, he’s clutching his abdomen, his eyes flicking between Seth and me.

Damn it. Already, I feel the urge to rush over there and tend to his injuries. I want to bandage him up and make him feel better.

I don’t know if I can handle this the right way, but I know for sure that Seth is not doing that for me. I sure as hell don’t need Seth to land his fist on Zeke.

“Just let me deal with this myself, please, Seth,” I say with as much conviction as I can muster.

I notice Seth looks as flawless as he always does—not a crease in his suit. Zeke hasn’t been fighting back at all, even though he matches Seth in both size and strength.

“Okay,” Seth says as he folds his arms across his chest and remains standing in place.

“Alone,” I say, clarifying what I thought was already obvious.

“Are you sure?” Seth asks.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” With that, Seth finally walks away, albeit reluctantly. I can hear Alice admonishing him as their footsteps get further and further away, echoing in this big mansion.

Turning my attention to Zeke, I realize he’s been watching me.

“That’s hot,” he says with a grin from the other end of the living room. “You look so sexy when you’re rescuing me.”

“Why didn’t you fight back?” I ask.

Zeke shrugs. “The way he was talking, it felt like I deserved it. Besides, if I had fought back, I would’ve missed your valiant rescue.”

“You’re an idiot.” Gesturing at the couches, I say, “You should probably sit down.”

Zeke groans as he slowly steps toward one of the couches and takes a seat. He moves like a decrepit octogenarian.

“What did Seth say exactly?”

“Something about how I hurt you.” When Zeke looks up at me, he has puppy-dog eyes that make my heart melt.

Damn it, Zeke. I can’t go around feeling things for you.

“How did you find me?” I ask again, trying to change the subject.

“I know many things about you, Ali,” Zeke says softly. “When Walter’s operation fell apart and the whole thing blew up on the news, I devoured all the articles related to the incident. I found out you were living here with the guy who helped you escape. I used to think he was your boyfriend or something. And that’s one of the reasons why I didn’t reach out sooner. I thought you were with someone else, and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Okay. I thought that was a safe question to ask, but then Zeke came up with an answer that just messes with my mind.

Just how many things has he never told me? What else do I not know that I should?

Damn it, now I need to sit down.

I walk across the living room, suddenly aware that I’m wearing the loose, stained T-shirt and old shorts I slept in. I didn’t expect to get out of my bedroom today, much less see Zeke get beaten into by Seth.

This was supposed to be a quiet day, but nothing about this is quiet.  

I take a seat on a different couch, across the big coffee table from Zeke.

If his presence and words are enough to affect me like this, I’d stand no chance against even the lightest, most innocent, most unintended touch. So I’d better stay as far away as I can.

“And what are you doing here?” I ask, squirming in my seat from the way Zeke's gaze penetrates my flesh and peers into my soul.

“Looking for my wife. She didn't come home last night, and I got worried.”

“I’m not your wife, Zeke. Let's drop the pretense,” I say, anger simmering just below the surface. Who is he trying to fool?

“Okay. But I mean it, I want to take you home with me, and I want you to come as my wife.” There's sincerity in his voice, and I almost let myself believe those words.

But then, it's not like he’s ever deliberately lied to me. It's just that he's so damn inconsistent.

He’s hot and cold. He's one thing now, and a different thing altogether the next moment.

That's what makes Zeke so dangerous. He believes the things that he says, so I’m inclined to trust him. The problem is, his mind changes so much, they may as well be untrue.

It's always been like this with him. For a few blissful moments, I get to live a beautiful lie—it’s easy to believe something I want to be true—and then everything falls apart. It would be a mistake to take Zeke literally.

“Why now?” I ask suspiciously. “I lived with you for weeks and you never said anything like that. You said you love me, but you never gave me any indication that you were willing to commit. And now that I've left, suddenly you want it all?” As our eyes lock, I say, “You only ever want me when you can't have me.”

“Wait, I don't think that's fair,” Zeke protests.

“How is it not fair? As soon as things get real, you bail. Now that you think you might lose me, you want me more than ever. But soon you'll take back your own words.”

“I swear I won't. I’ll prove you wrong,” Zeke says, his expression serious.

“I don't know if I can risk being right. I don't want to go back with you and be happy for a short while, only to later realize it has all been a lie.”

“Ali, I swear I’ve never lied to you.”

“Ever?”

“Ever.”

I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Remember when you told me you were going to move to New Haven to be with me?”

“I meant that, at the time. And then Joanne got sick, like I told you. And I couldn’t do that, even though I was dying to see you.”

“Okay,” I say

I shouldn’t look him in the eye—it’ll only make me weak. Instead, I glance around at the living room, which is all cold glass and hard steel, just like the rest of the mansion. Just like the way I should be.

“Then what about when you said the fake marriage was for your business?” I ask. “You said it was so you could close a business deal, but yesterday you told me it was all about Joanne.”

“Well, technically, you were the one who suggested that it would be good for my business, and I agreed,” Zeke says slowly, hopefully because he’s realizing how flimsy that excuse sounds.

“You simply didn’t correct me, so it doesn’t count as a lie?”

“You weren’t wrong.”

“Okay. Then what’s this business deal that I was supposed to help you with?”

“I never said it was a business deal.” Now it’s Zeke’s turn to avoid my stare. Maybe I’m getting closer to the truth now, finally.

“Then what kind of a deal is it? And what does it have to do with Joanne?” I ask. There are still so many questions swimming around in my brain, but I hold myself back.

There is time. Zeke is here and it doesn’t seem like he’s leaving any time soon. For once, there is time for us to work things out.

Zeke takes a deep breath and meets my gaze. “I’ve been thinking about how to say this to you in a way that makes you see what it’s like from my perspective. I haven’t quite come up with the right words to say. But this is something I should’ve told you a long time ago, so I’m just going to say it.”

I stare at him without saying a word. Waiting. It’s his turn to make a move now.

“You’ve seen how sick Joanne is,” Zeke begins.

I nod, still remaining silent.

“Joanne has a baby. Brody. Trevor’s baby. But he never got to see his boy.”

I begin to connect the dots in my mind.

Trevor and Joanne—they were married and they had a baby together. Then, Trevor died—because of me. And Joanne got sick.

Poor little guy. He’s still a baby, but he has already lost his dad, and now he’s about to lose his mom, too.

“So where’s this baby now? Who’s taking care of him?” I ask.

“Trevor’s sister, Sherry.”

Okay. So the baby is not completely alone. He still has family.

Zeke watches me as I think, like he’s trying to make sure I understand the story so far before he continues, like he’s deciding which details to reveal next.

“So… What does that have to do with our marriage, and why do we have to have a baby?” I ask.

“I want to be the one to raise Brody,” Zeke says.

“Is Sherry not taking good care of him?”

“As far as I can tell, she’s doing well in that department. She already has two kids and they’re still alive, so I can assume that she’s not a horrible parent. The only thing is, she hasn’t been taking him to see Joanne much. But that’s not the point. I want to raise him because he’s my family, too.”

“You think you can do a better job than a mom who already has two kids?” I ask.

“That’s pretty much what Joanne said to me.” Zeke pauses after giving me his short answer, but he keeps his eyes on me.

“So… You want to get married and have a baby… So you’ll have better chances of getting Brody?” I ask, saying my words slowly, realizing how crazy they sound.

“That’s the deal I needed to close,” Zeke admits.

“You know that’s completely crazy, right?” I ask, still coming to grips with Zeke’s confession.

“On the surface,” he says. “But Sherry hates Joanne. She thinks Joanne could’ve stopped Trevor from doing stupid shit. I can just see her feeding Brody some hateful lies about Joanne as he grows up. I don’t want him to grow up hating her.”

I try to put myself in Joanne’s position.

She’s sick and dying. She has a baby she barely sees, and she probably knows all these things about Sherry, too.

She knows her son is going to hate her, but there’s nothing she can do about it. At least the boy gets to grow up healthy with family.

Joanne is sacrificing herself for her boy’s well-being.

My heart clenches. It’s a difficult position to be in, for sure.

“Yeah,” Zeke says when he notices the change in my expression. “I offered to take him in, but Joanne said it would be too big a burden. I’d have to change my life too much. At least Sherry already has the right environment for raising kids.”

“So you thought, if you got married and had a baby…”

“Yeah. I thought it would convince Joanne. I’d already be raising a kid myself, so I wouldn’t be doing it just for her.”

“But you still would be doing it just for her, in reality,” I say.

“Yeah,” he says softly. There’s sadness and regret in his dark eyes. “Sorry, Ali. I know I’m using you and it’s not right.”

“Has Joanne agreed to give Brody to you?” I ask.

“Yeah. She just did. Yesterday.”

“When you went to the hospital yesterday?”

“Yeah, after I saw you at home.” He looks out the window at the green trees and grass outside. “The, uh, the hospital called me at work and they told me to come right away because Joanne… She … Her condition worsened and they were afraid she might… I’m her next of kin and I have her power of attorney, so I had to be there in case there were some difficult decisions to make.”

Zeke turns to look at me, his eyes dark and stormy. “That’s why I was home yesterday. I had to get some documents. And I was frustrated because I couldn’t find them. I’m sorry I was impatient with you.”

“That’s okay,” I say, to my own surprise. I didn’t expect to forgive him this easily.

But under the circumstances… I don’t think I can blame him for not being on his best behavior.

Zeke clasps his hands together and leans forward. Looking at me with eyes that pierce through all my defenses, he says, “Ali, I know I haven’t been treating you right. I have my reasons, but I know they don’t excuse the way I’ve been acting. And this may be too much to ask, but would you please come home with me?”

“I forgive you. And I’ll visit Joanne with you as many times as you want me to, because I think you’re doing a good thing for her,” I say.

Zeke’s eyes light up, and suddenly it feels too tight in my chest. I know what I’m about to say next will hurt him. But it has to be said.

“But just because I forgive you, doesn’t mean I want to live with you again. I don’t know if that’s a good decision for me,” I say. “And now that Joanne has agreed to your plan, you probably don’t need a baby anymore anyway.”

“I’m sorry, Ali,” Zeke repeats. “I should’ve told you the truth from the beginning. I see that now. But when you came to my office and I made you the offer, you didn’t even know Joanne existed. You wouldn’t have seen things the way you do now. I didn’t have much time. I knew Joanne could… She could be gone at any time. I needed to convince you, and we hadn’t met for years. I didn’t know how to get you to agree to my crazy plan.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have agreed to it,” I admit. “But like I said, I forgive you. I just don’t know if I can trust you.”

“That’s fair,” Zeke says in a voice heavy with regret.

The way he looks at me makes my heart pang with pain. It makes me want to give him yet another chance.

But haven’t I already given him enough opportunities to make things right? Each time I give us a try, I get hurt, and it only gets worse with every subsequent try.

The first time he broke my heart, I just locked myself in my dorm room for weeks.

This second time, I was willing to become a divorced single mom, just for a chance to spend some time with him.

I can’t even imagine how things are going to get worse from here, but I know they will.

If Zeke breaks my heart for a third time, I might not be able to recover.

What if it happens years from now, when I don’t even have Seth to help me? What if I’m too old and exhausted to try to find happiness again?

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“What for?” Zeke asks.

“I don’t know. Because I’m hurting you and it’s making me feel bad? Because I can’t give you what you want?”

“I didn’t even know what I want before you came along.” Zeke chuckles wryly. “All I knew was, Joanne is my only family and we have to stick together. Now I know what I want. I just can’t have it.”

“What changed?” I ask.

I wanted to end this quickly, but my resolve is crumbling. I have questions—questions that only Zeke can answer.

The last time he left me, he didn’t give me any explanation and all the damn questions kept me up at night and distracted me during the day. Curiosity is getting the better of me, and I’m letting it.

“I never knew what I wanted for my life. Every decision in my life has been driven by need. I needed to help support Joanne, so I stayed here instead of following you. I needed money, so I built a business. I needed to get custody of Brody, so I did everything I could to get that. I never actually sat down and considered what I wanted for the future.”

“And now you have?’

“Now I have,” Zeke says, gazing at me with sad, vulnerable eyes. Longing eyes.

Instinctively, I know what he wants. But I need him to say it.

“So what do you want your future to be like?”

“Ideally?” Zeke asks.

“Yeah.”

“Ideally, I want to raise Brody with you. He’ll grow up with our kid—or kids—and they’ll be siblings. We’ll have our own little family—or big family—and we’ll do all the family things I never got to do when I was growing up.”

Keeping his sad gaze on me, Zeke’s expression takes on a dreamy quality, like he’s here, but his mind is somewhere else.

He says, “I’ll come home after work and you’ll be there with the kids. I’ll order takeout because the kids have been so out of control that you haven’t had a chance to even think about dinner. Or we can all go out to eat—but maybe it’ll be too hard to wrangle all of them into the car.” Zeke pauses and smiles. “I’ll have to get a new car, obviously. On weekends, we’ll take them to the park and let them climb the monkey bars while we lie on the grass. Then, maybe we’ll all get some ice creams before going home.”

“That…. That sounds idyllic,” I say.

“Doesn’t it?” Zeke asks with a small, tired smile.

He looks like he hasn’t slept in a while. The sudden emergency with Joanne yesterday must’ve sapped his energy, too.

Based on everything he has told me about his life after I moved away for college, it sounds like he’s been fielding one crisis after another.

And I can’t deny that I may have also played a part in making things more complicated for him, without even realizing it.

If I hadn’t leaked the location of Trevor Whitley’s hideout, he wouldn’t have been killed.

Without the grief and the stress, maybe Joanne wouldn’t have gotten sick—who knows?

Even if she still would’ve fallen ill, Zeke wouldn’t have to take care of her on his own, because Trevor would still be around.

Maybe I’m being too hard on Zeke.

Or maybe I’m just inventing excuses so I can give myself permission to go for what I want.

But maybe I don’t need any reason. Maybe love is enough reason. Maybe it’s okay to risk everything I have, for a chance to gain everything I’ve ever wanted.

“Zeke, I want that life, too,” I blurt out.