Diana Ulrich
Diana Ulrich slams her books down on the Chemistrie lab table, and Aislinn and I both jump, our eyes snapping up.
It’s early the next morning, class about to start, two sleepy Kelt scholars shuffling in, followed by a straight-backed Elf.
Diana falls into her seat with a loud huff. Her brother looks over at her, raising his eyebrows.
“You would not believe what I had to deal with this morning!” she cries to him, her voice as loud as usual.
The Kelts turn and blink at her, the Elf shooting her a quick look of annoyance.
“What happened?” Diana’s brother asks her calmly.
“I’ve been put on warning!”
“But why?”
Diana snorts indignantly. “Because of Fallon Bane, that stupid Gardnerian I am being forced to live with against my will!”
Aislinn and I shoot each other quick looks of surprise.
“I don’t understand,” Jarod says.
“Last night,” Diana snipes, “Fallon Bane thought she would amuse herself by cutting my hair off while I slept.”
Jarod whistles to himself and laughs softly. “Poor Fallon.”
Diana’s whole posture stiffens. “Poor Fallon?” she exclaims self-righteously. “She’s a bully!”
Jarod makes a valiant attempt to rein in his amusement and look serious. “And I can just about imagine how you reacted,” he says, suppressing a smile.
“I reacted with extraordinary restraint!” Diana proclaims, clearly annoyed that her brother isn’t taking this more seriously.
“Does she still have four limbs?” he asks, not completely in jest, it seems.
“I simply gave her a warning.”
“That was very diplomatic of you.”
“And I broke her wand.”
“Oh.”
“And now I’m on academic warning! For ‘interfering with the peaceful integration of cultures.’ After that fool Mage tried to attack me in my sleep!” Jarod opens his mouth to say something, but Diana cuts him off. “I think Father was mistaken about these Gardnerians. There is no way to learn to live with them! They are pathetic and worthless and weak!”
Aislinn uncomfortably averts her eyes as I gape at Diana.
Jarod clears his throat and glares at his sister, his eyes flickering meaningfully over at Aislinn and me.
“What?” Diana snaps in annoyance.
Jarod sighs and rubs his forehead, gesturing toward us. “We happen to be sitting right by some Gardnerians,” he points out.
Diana glances over at us, undaunted. “I don’t mean Elloren and Aislinn. You two aren’t the least bit pathetic and worthless. You’re both somewhat pleasant. Unlike the vast majority of your race.”
Jarod stops rubbing his forehead and just lets his head fall into his hands.
I’m surprised and oddly amused by Diana’s reluctant compliment and Jarod’s futile attempt to rein his sister in. I turn to Aislinn, who’s regarding Diana and Jarod with equal amazement.
Jarod glances over and shoots us an apologetic look. He’s been nothing but kind and diplomatic for weeks now. It seems foolish to keep our distance any longer.
“It’s all right,” I say, more to Jarod than to Diana, who doesn’t seem the least bit sorry for the slight. “I’d be careful about Fallon, though. She’s pretty vindictive.”
Jarod looks over at me, clearly surprised that I’m addressing him directly.
“She’s a bully,” Diana says with a dismissive wave of her hand, “but she’s too weak to be an effective one. With me, at least.” She pauses to narrow her amber eyes at me. “She does seem to be obsessed with you, though, Elloren Gardner.”
“Oh?” I say, trying to sound innocent.
“She doesn’t like the fact that you look like your grandmother. It threatens her. She’s also territorial about Lukas Grey. She wants him as her mate, but is afraid you will claim him first.”
I color at her blunt statement. “I... I’ve only known Lukas for a couple of months,” I stammer defensively.
“What does that matter?” Diana says with a snort. “My parents knew they were destined for each other when they first inhaled each other’s scent. They took each other to mate that same day.”
“They did?” I’m shocked by her bluntness.
Diana nods matter-of-factly. “That was twenty-five years ago.”
That brings me up short. “That’s a long time,” I concede, chastened.
“Mmm,” she agrees. “Well, Elloren Gardner,” she says, “I hope you are the one to claim this Lukas Grey. Fallon Bane is a fool, and even though you are a Gardnerian, you seem nice. Aislinn, too. Nicer than the others.”
I swallow uncomfortably, thinking of Ariel’s dead kindred. A situation I caused.
No, Diana’s mistaken. I’m not nice. And even if I did want Lukas Grey, claiming him seems akin to playing with dragons.
* * *
I ponder Diana’s precarious lodging situation as I walk back from my kitchen labor the next night. A full moon shines overhead, and the air is crisp and clear. Pulling my cloak tight to fight off the chill, I walk alongside a small, scrubby side field that borders the wilds. The field lies near a long series of men’s lodging houses, and I can hear men’s voices up ahead. Small knots of dark figures linger outside a half-open doorway, talking and laughing, most windows of the low, thatched-roof lodging houses warmed by the deep golden glow of lamplight. Squinting over at the men, I strain to see if I can make out one of my brothers.
A rustling from the forest catches my ear, and I turn to see Diana emerging from the trees.
Completely naked.
Seeing me, Diana breaks into a wide, exhilarated grin. She strides toward me, oblivious to the two Gardnerian men down the path who halt to gawk at her.
The moonlight shines on Diana’s bare skin, rendering her almost blue-white. Her body is long and slender, all lean muscle, but curvaceous enough to interest any man. She isn’t the slightest bit self-conscious as she approaches.
“Hello, Elloren,” she says casually.
I am absolutely mortified on her behalf, my mouth agape. “Why...why are you naked...out here?” I stammer.
She looks down at herself as if she hadn’t noticed, her face registering some confusion at the question. “I just came back from a run in the woods.” As if her reasoning should be obvious.
“Without clothes?” My voice comes out high-pitched.
Diana laughs and looks at me as if I’m a child who just babbled something very silly. “Of course without clothes,” she replies, smiling. “I can’t very well Change in my clothes. They’d be destroyed.”
I’m stunned by her outrageous nudity.
My eyes dart to the men. I hurriedly pull my cloak off. “Here,” I urgently offer, “put my cloak on. I’ll walk back with you.”
“I don’t need a cloak,” she says, refusing it, perplexed by my stridency. “Anyway, my clothes are right over there on the bench.”
“You mean you undressed here? In full view of the men’s lodging?”
Now she’s regarding me like I’m mentally unhinged. “Really, Elloren, it’s as good a place as any.” Diana’s face takes on a rapturous look. She lifts her head into the cool night air and inhales deeply. “You should have seen the forest tonight. It was so beautiful! The moon is so bright. There’s a lake about an hour’s run in.” She motions happily in the direction from which she came. “The moon’s reflection on the lake was dazzling, like liquid silver on water. And the hunting here...it’s glorious!” Diana grins widely, her strong, white teeth glistening in the moonlight like a set of dangerous pearls. She regards me for a moment as if she feels a little sorry for me. “It’s a pity you can’t see the forest like we can.”
The small knot of men by the lodging house has stopped talking and are now focused in on Diana, one of the men gesturing for someone inside to come out and see. My panic for her rises.
“Please put my cloak on. Those men are staring at you.”
Diana glances around as if noticing them for the first time. “I don’t care,” she says dismissively, swatting the air with the back of her hand. “Besides, I’m hot from my run. I want to cool off first.”
“You can’t... Diana, you’ve got to put some clothes on!” Ancient One, she’s stubborn.
She’s beginning to look irritated. “Why? Really, why? It’s ridiculous that this means so much to you people.”
“Because being unclothed is not allowed. You could seriously get kicked out for this. I think...it means something here that maybe you’re not aware of.”
“What?”
“They’ll think you want to sleep with them!” I blurt out, mortified by my own scandalous words.
She looks over at them, irritated. “I am not tired. I always feel energized after I hunt.”
“No, no. That’s not what I mean. I meant that they might think you want to...to be with them.”
She stares at me blankly. “I do not understand.”
“They’ll think you want to have relations with them!” I can feel my face burning. Gardnerians just don’t speak about these things.
“Are you saying—” she puts a hand on one of her hips and motions to the growing audience “—that they’ll think I want to take one of them as my mate?”
“Yes! Exactly!” I cry.
“Oh, please, Elloren, you must be kidding! Not one of them is worthy to be my mate.” She shoots the watching men a look of utter contempt. “They are weak. I am strong and magnificent. I need an equally strong mate, one of my kind. Besides, your men have too many strange ideas. I don’t understand them.”
“Please take my cloak!” I’m growing desperate.
Ignoring me, Diana starts for the bench just as Echo and some other young Gardnerian women round the corner and look over to see what all the men are staring at. They spot me, then gasp in horror when they catch sight of Diana. They hide their eyes and quickly hurry away.
I open my mouth as if to call out something in my defense, embarrassed over being caught near a buck-naked Lupine.
I catch up with Diana, who’s now standing near the bench stretching, her hands high above her head, bending this way and that as she stares contentedly at the moon.
Just then, my brother Rafe comes around the bend, his bow and quiver and hunting bag thrown over his shoulder. He does a complete double take when he sees Diana, his eyes going wide, then narrowing as he looks around, taking in the entire situation, his brow furrowing in concern. As he walks quickly over to us, I feel my face growing even hotter, not knowing which way to look.
“Hello, Elloren,” he says, greeting me, his expression devoid of the usual grin.
“Hi, Rafe,” I say weakly, at a complete loss.
He turns to Diana, who’s regarding him with some curiosity.
I motion to Rafe weakly. “Diana, this is my brother, Rafe.”
“You must be the Lupine girl,” he states matter-of-factly, like there isn’t a stark-naked female in front of him. This really is completely surreal, and the most wildly mortifying thing that has ever happened to me.
Diana inhales deeply, closing her eyes for a moment. She opens them and looks at Rafe intently. “You smell nice. Like the forest.”
“Yes, well... I spent the last few days as a hunting guide around the Verpacian range.” Rafe motions toward the mountains behind him.
“Did you see the lake tonight? The one to the east, about an hour’s run in?” Diana enthuses.
I listen, completely dumbfounded as they launch into a conversation about the beauty of the forest, the abundance and health of the game, the best hunting areas. My brother is speaking to her as if he’s completely oblivious to her lack of attire, keeping his gaze militantly focused on her eyes.
Rafe glances over at our audience.
Diana follows his gaze, a look of annoyance crossing her features. “Why are they still staring at me?”
“I don’t think you realize it,” says Rafe politely, “but it’s really not acceptable to go without clothing here.”
“Oh, I’m just about to put them on,” she says unhurriedly. “I’m just cooling off from my run.”
“I understand that,” he says. “I’ve read about your people, so I’m familiar with some of your ways, but it is really important, Diana, that you put on some clothing. Now.”
Diana narrows her eyes at him and seems, at last, to infer that there could be something serious at stake here, as ridiculous as it seems to her. “All right,” she says warily, still looking closely at Rafe.
I quickly wrap my cloak around her, hearing some murmurs of disappointment from a few of the men. At my urging, Diana gives in and goes back into the forest to throw on her clothes before emerging once more, only fully clothed this time. The young men shoot her dark looks, then quickly disperse.
“I’m thirsty,” Diana announces imperiously.
“Well, then,” says Rafe, “why don’t we all go over to the dining hall and get something to drink?”
* * *
“It is not our custom to be unclothed,” Rafe explains as I bring over a tray with hot tea and dried fruit from the kitchens.
“Yes, yes, I know, but it’s ridiculous,” Diana counters. “How do you bathe? You don’t smell bad, so you must bathe. My ridiculous roommates are very crazed about no one walking in on them in the washroom, but I assume there is bathing going on.”
Rafe smirks at this. “Yes, we bathe, but it’s unacceptable for us to be unclothed around other people.”
“Even little children? Even babies? Do they always need to be clothed?”
“Yes. Everyone needs to be clothed. Especially older children and adults. And they can’t ever be unclothed around people of the opposite sex.”
“Ever?” Diana screws her face up in wry disbelief. “How do you mate? There are quite a lot of you, so you must mate at some point.”
Rafe lets out a surprised laugh, spitting out some of his tea as he does so. Diana smiles at him smugly.
“I would assume...there is, in fact...the removal of clothing,” Rafe concedes, his eyes swimming with amusement as he stumbles over his response. “But in all seriousness, Diana, I know it seems ludicrous to you, but there are...religious beliefs that condemn it.”
“What?”
“Nudity.”
“Religious beliefs?”
“Yes,” he tells her. “There are people who would assume that because you’re comfortable being naked, that you have no morals...and that you would...mate with any man.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Diana says, waving her hand in the air. “We mate for life.”
“I know. But here, there are men who would mate with you who have no desire for a life bond. They wouldn’t even have to like you.”
Diana pauses and stares at Rafe for a long moment, her mouth agape. “That is very shocking. This is extremely immoral.” Diana purses her lips in disapproval, glowering at my brother. “You are a strange people.” Someone across the room catches Diana’s eye, and she holds up a hand to get his attention. “Jarod,” she calls to her brother.
Jarod sees her, smiles and approaches our table.
“What we heard about their people is true,” Diana says to him, with no lead-in. She motions to us with a wave of her hand. “These people will mate with people they don’t even like.” She’s clearly appalled.
Rafe holds up both hands at Diana, as if warding off this accusation. “I meant that some Gardnerians and Kelts are like this, not all,” he vehemently clarifies.
Jarod’s face takes on a shocked expression as he sits on a chair next to Diana, straddling it backward. “Really?” he asks his sister in a low voice, ashamed on our behalf. “I thought that was just a nasty rumor.”
“As did I,” Diana agrees. “I thought Father was exaggerating.” She turns to me censoriously. “Have you mated in this way, Elloren?”
I nearly spit out all the tea in my mouth. “Me? No! I’ve never...” My voice gets smaller and tighter with each word.
“And you.” Diana jabs a finger at Rafe. “Have you mated in this way? With someone you don’t even care for?”
“No!” Rafe says defensively, his hands flying up again. “Like my sister, I haven’t...” He trails off.
Diana relaxes her accusatory posture, sits back in her chair and sighs deeply. “I have not yet taken a mate, either, although I am greatly looking forward to it.” She smiles happily at the prospect, then points to Jarod with her thumb. “My brother has also not yet taken someone to mate.”
Jarod grins brightly at us. “I, too, greatly look forward to it.”
“You must be looking forward to taking a mate, Elloren,” said Diana, her tone conversational. “You’re almost of age.” She and her brother smile at me expectantly, and I begin to wonder how hot my face can get before it causes some type of physical problem. I desperately want to crawl under the table and disappear.
“Listen,” says Rafe, leaning forward toward Diana, grasping his mug with both hands. “I happen to agree with you that it is morally wrong to...be with someone you don’t care for. I just want to clarify that.”
“You know,” I say to Jarod and Diana, “I’ve heard quite a few rumors about Lupines, as well.”
They both lean forward with interest.
“Really?” asks Diana. “What type of rumors?”
I instantly regret saying it. There’s no way out now. I take a deep breath and spit it out. “I heard you sometimes mate...as wolves.”
Neither one of them so much as bats an eyelash.
“That’s true,” Diana brags. “My parents conceived my brother and me as wolves.” She smiles thinking about it. “That’s why I’m such a good hunter!”
“It’s true,” agrees Jarod. “She’s one of the best hunters in the pack.” Diana’s smile brightens at her brother’s praise.
I’m speechless for a moment, then manage to collect myself enough to continue. I can’t get any more embarrassed than I already am, so I figure I might as well lay all the cards out on the table. “I also heard,” I continue, hesitantly, “that sometimes you mate when...your men are in wolf form...and your women are in...human form.”
They both stare at me blankly, their mouths agape.
Finally, Jarod turns to Diana, an incredulous look on his face. “Would that even be physically possible?”
Diana continues to stare at me. “That’s ridiculous,” she spits out, her tone clipped.
“Some interesting conversations you’ve been having with the morally upstanding girls of Gardneria,” muses Rafe, grinning widely at me. I shoot him an annoyed look.
“Let me guess,” he speculates. “Did that one come from Echo Flood?”
“Fallon Bane,” I admit.
“Figures,” he says, chuckling to himself.
“What other rumors have you heard about us?” asks Diana. “That last one was very creative.”
“I really don’t want to offend you,” I say.
Diana waves her hand in the air dismissively. “Your people’s ignorance reflects badly on them, not on us.”
“I was told you mate in front of your entire pack.”
Again the blank stares.
“That’s just simply untrue,” said Diana, sounding truly offended for the first time.
“Mating is a private thing,” Jarod adds, looking at us like we’re foolish to need this explained.
“Where would they get such ideas about us?” Diana asks, perplexed.
“I think nudity gets our people’s minds going off in all sorts of strange directions,” offers Rafe.
“Well,” says Diana with a sigh, “I’ve heard lots of fantastic rumors about your people, as well.”
“Like what?” I ask, curious if hers are as colorful as ours.
She leans forward, her voice low. “I heard that you force girls as young as thirteen to choose a mate.”
“That’s actually true,” I say, thinking of Paige Snowden. “It’s called wandfasting. It’s a magical way of binding people together as future mates. It creates the marks that you see on the hands of most of the Gardnerian women here. Sometimes the girls are quite young.”
Jarod and Diana stare at me gravely.
“But you can’t possibly be old enough at thirteen to choose your life mate,” counters Diana, shaking her head.
“They’re chosen for you, usually,” I clarify, thinking of Aislinn.
Jarod and Diana glance at each other, disapproval written all over their faces.
“But what if you don’t love the person? What if you don’t care for their scent?” Diana seems greatly upset by the prospect of such a thing. “Do you still have to mate with them?”
“Well, yes,” I say, realizing how awful this must sound to her. It is awful.
“That is truly terrible,” murmurs Diana. She glances at my hands then Rafe’s. “Yet neither of you are fasted.”
I share a quick glance with my brother. “My uncle wants us to wait,” I tell Diana. “He thinks we should be older.”
“You absolutely should,” Diana states with an emphatic nod.
“I heard that your men mate with seals...even if they have life mates,” Jarod blurts out.
Diana turns to her brother, a mortified expression on her face. “Jarod!”
“That’s what I heard,” he says, shrugging his shoulders defensively at her.
Rafe sighs. “Some of our men do this. The seals are called Selkies, and they can take human form.”
“What?” I choke out, really shocked. “Aunt Vyvian told me people kept them as pets.”
Rafe cocks an eyebrow and shoots me an uncomfortable look. “They’re not pets, Ren.”
Disgust washes over me as the obscene truth of things falls into place.
“This is very sordid,” mutters Diana, embarrassed for us. “Perhaps these shocking things would not come about if you mated at a reasonable age with people you care deeply for, like we do. This is very unnatural, the way you mate.”
“There are happy Gardnerian couples,” I counter defensively. “My parents loved each other very much.”
“Which is why you and your brother have good morals, unlike the others of your kind,” Diana states emphatically.
“What happened to your parents?” Jarod asks softly, catching my past tense where Diana did not.
“They died when we were very young,” I reply, staring down at my tea. When I glance up, Diana’s face is filled with sadness.
“I am so sorry to hear this,” she says.
I just shrug, momentarily at a loss for words and suddenly aware of how late it is and how tired I feel. I think about my quilt and how much I wish it was still here so that I could wrap myself up in it. Diana’s hand gently touches my arm.
“You must come home with us the next time we visit our pack,” she says, her voice kind. “They would like you very much. I think you would find many friends there.”
I’m startled to find my eyes filling with tears. Blinking them back, I struggle to maintain my composure. “Thank you,” I say, my voice cracking as I keep my eyes focused on my mug. “That’s very kind of you to offer.”
Diana gives my arm a warm squeeze before releasing it. I look up at her, her face an open book like her brother’s, devoid of guile. Aside from the uncomfortably blunt questions about mating, I have a sudden feeling that I would actually like Diana’s people.
* * *
“It seems as if we may have been mistaken about them,” Aislinn tells me a few evenings later as we sit on a bench outside, staring up at the waning moon and discussing the Lupines. We pull our cloaks tight around us as a cold breeze rustles the dry autumn leaves clinging to the tree above us, our heavy book bags on the ground next to us.
“I know,” I agree.
“But really, Elloren,” she says, “some of their behavior. It’s still...really shocking.”
“But not evil, really.”
Aislinn is silent for a moment, considering this before speaking again. “But I just don’t understand. I overheard my father telling my mother about the Lupines once. The Mage Council sent him on a diplomatic mission to the Northern packs. While he was there, a male Lupine suddenly announced to the entire pack that he was going to mate with one of the females, and then he just...well, he dragged her out into the woods. Why would my father say something so shocking if it wasn’t true?”
“I don’t know,” I admit, my face tensing at the puzzle.
“Maybe the Northern packs are different,” Aislinn says hopefully. “Maybe Jarod and Diana’s pack is more moral.”
“Perhaps.”
“I just can’t imagine Jarod doing something so shocking.”
I look back up at the moon, small gray clouds drifting lazily around it.
“You know,” Aislinn furtively admits, “Jarod gave me a poem today. About the moon.”
I’m not surprised by this. What began as a small trickle of stealth correspondence in Chemistrie lab has quickly become a steady stream, so much so that Diana flat-out refused to be a courier. Instead, she and I rearranged ourselves so that Jarod and Aislinn could have the aisle seats.
Aislinn opens one of her stealth books, fishes a neatly folded piece of paper out of it and hands it to me. I open it and read Jarod’s flowing script by the thin lamplight.
It’s a poem about loneliness and yearning, the moon a bright witness to it.
“It’s beautiful,” I tell her as I refold it, feeling as if I’m intruding on something private.
“I know,” she acknowledges, her voice dreamy, far away.
“Aislinn,” I venture with some hesitation, “I saw you and Jarod together. In the archives last night.”
They were sitting, a book open before them as they huddled together, their heads and hands almost touching. They seemed oblivious to the rest of the world, enthralled with each other, both of their faces lit up as they talked in animated, hushed tones. Unable to hold back their shy smiles.
Aislinn blushes and looks down at her lap. She shrugs. “I guess we’re becoming...friends of sorts. Strange, isn’t it? Me. Friends with a Lupine.” She looks up at me. “It’s all perfectly innocent, you know. Jarod’s family is bringing him to visit the Northern packs this summer so he can look for a mate, and he knows I’m about to be fasted to Randall. We’re just...friends.”
“I know,” I said. “I just worry.”
Aislinn’s brow knits tight. “If my family knew I was on speaking terms with him...my father would pull me out of University. That’s why we only meet late in the evenings. It’s just that we both love books so much. It’s so nice to have someone to discuss literature with who’s so...insightful. He’s incredibly well-read.”
“Seems he’s as well-read as you,” I concur.
“You know, Elloren,” Aislinn says, her voice tentative, “talking to Jarod...it just makes me wonder if...if our people might be mistaken about some things.”
I settle back, catching sight of a familiar constellation through the branches. “I know what you mean.”
We’re quiet for a moment, looking up at the stars.
Chilled, I slide my hands into my cloak pockets. My hand scrapes against hard, jagged pieces.
Lukas’s broken portrait. I’d completely forgotten about it.
I fish it out of my pocket and hold it in my opened palm. I push the two pieces together to form his ridiculously handsome visage.
Aislinn gapes. “You have a portrait? Of Lukas Grey?”
I nod, resigned. “I broke it by accident and lifted it from Fallon’s room.” I fill Aislinn in on everything that happened, including Diana’s outrageous nudity and how effectively she dealt with Fallon Bane.
Aislinn struggles to keep down the incredulous laughter that’s bubbling up, and I start to laugh, too.
Aislinn shakes her head as she fights back her grin, gesturing toward the portrait. “Fallon will freeze you if she finds out.”
I slide the pieces back into my pocket and pat the side of my cloak. “Not if it’s safely hidden away, she won’t.”
My fingers worry the portrait pieces through my cloak as trepidation pricks at me.
She’ll never find out. How could she?
* * *
It’s later that same evening when Ariel finally speaks to me again.
The room is a completely different place than it used to be. Wynter and I have cleaned it up, and the majority of the room, except for Ariel’s third of it, is now neatly swept and organized. A small rookery that Rafe has thrown together now sits by Ariel’s bed. It houses two stolen chickens and an owl with a broken wing that Ariel has been nursing back to health.
I have to admit, I’m a bit fascinated by the owl and enjoy watching the smooth way it can rotate its head almost completely around, as well as looking into its beautiful, wide eyes. I’ve never been so close to one before.
Ariel is an apprentice in animal husbandry, her desk a haphazard jumble of books devoted mainly to avian medicine. As unfocused and unhinged as she is around people, with animals, she’s calm and skillful. She loves birds especially, even to the point where she refuses to eat them.
I lie on my bed in the warm room, studying, a mountain of books and notes surrounding me, a fire roaring in the fireplace and casting a soft glow over everything. The owl and the chickens are perched on Ariel’s bed next to her, and Wynter is sitting on the floor, sketching the owl, while Ariel pats it gently.
Ariel unexpectedly looks over at me, eyes narrowed, her head resting on a pillow. “You could have had me sent away.”
The sound of her rough voice startles me, and Wynter’s sketching hand freezes in place.
It takes me a moment to find my voice. “I know.”
“I hurt you,” she insists. “You were bloody and covered in bruises. You could have had me sent to...to that place.”
“I know,” I say again, ashamed and uncomfortable. “I decided not to.”
“But,” she presses, becoming angry, “you were bloody...”
“I told everyone that I tripped down the stairs.”
She continues to stare at me as her eyes take on a glazed, pained expression. “I still hate you, you know.”
I swallow and nod. Of course she does. I deserve it. She destroyed a precious belonging, but I caused the death of something living, something she loved.
“I don’t expect you to ever stop hating me,” I finally say with effort. “But I want you to know... I’m sorry for what happened to your kindred. I didn’t know Lukas would do that... I didn’t think... I was so angry at you. I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she says flatly, cutting me off and rolling onto her back, staring blankly at the ceiling. “She’s better off dead than here. I wish I was dead.”
I’m shocked. “Don’t say that.”
“All right,” Ariel amends, her mouth curling up into an angry sneer. “I wish you were dead instead. And every other scholar here. Except for Wynter.”
It’s a fair enough sentiment, and I let it hang in the air unchallenged as Wynter regards Ariel with sad understanding and then turns to me, her expression softening to a warm look of approval.
I turn my attention back to my text, unexpectedly touched. And, oddly enough, I feel, for the first time since I’ve come to the University, a small sense of peace blooming inside me.