When I turned thirteen, my mom gave me the talk. The one that involved girls, how my body would go through changes, and how sometimes I might want to act on my physical feelings by having sex with a girl. Given Mom’s own teenage turmoil, she wasn’t leaving it up to some uninterested teacher to inform me of the birds and bees.

Mom didn’t hold back, teaching me everything from how easily a girl could get pregnant to how easily you could catch a disease. At the time, I was embarrassed and confused by the whole thing. It only began to click around the age of sixteen when girls suddenly became interested in me.

Out of all the bad things I could do, Mom warned me that getting a girl pregnant shouldn’t be one of them.

When I turned twenty-one and officially became a man of legal age able to go to clubs and drink, Mom gave me another talk. The one about how easily I could fall into the wrong crowd, how life can sometimes be overwhelming, and how, when that happens, we occasionally try our best to forget our worries by doing something stupid. Something illegal.

“Noah, I raised you well. Promise me, and I mean double promise me, that I’ll never see your face in a mugshot.”

“C’mon.” I brush it off. “I would never do that to you mom. I promise.”

Here I am, at twenty-eight years old, staring into a camera and holding up a board with my name on it. My mom is going to have a coronary. Her only son, her flesh and blood, sitting in a jail cell, arrested for indecent exposure. It wasn’t like we were doing anything harmful, but according to the cops, we had broken the law.

An elderly couple on their nightly walk had seen us and were disturbed by our behavior, quickly calling the police and reporting us.

Sitting in this cold bleak cell while police fill out paperwork only makes the whole scenario even more depressing. Kate doesn’t see the big deal, trying to flirt with one of the younger cops to get us out of here. It fails and she curses in her British slang—something about him being a wanker with a small John Thomas. I have no idea what that means, nor do I care right now.

“My mom’s going to kill me,” I blurt out, resting my head in my hands to block out my surroundings.

“Your mom?” Kate laughs. “I didn’t peg you for a momma’s boy. Blimey, just when you were starting to earn cool points.”

“That term is so overrated.”

“Says the momma’s boy,” she points out. “I’m more worried about Charlie.”

I run my hands through my hair, frustrated at the whole situation. “You didn’t have to call her,” I say, annoyed.

“Who else is going to post bail? Your mom?”

“Wait. Is that a mom joke?”

Kate moves across the bench and sits beside me. Poking her finger in my arm, just to annoy me, she says, “C’mon, this is kinda fun, right?”

The alcohol is still swirling around that crazy brain of hers. She is supposed to be sad. Suffering from a broken heart. Kate, from what I’ve experienced, is nothing like I thought she would be. That, or she’s good at disguising her emotions with strange British humor.

“I’m all for a good time, but this wasn’t what I had in mind. Fuck, do you realize how much trouble we’re in? I came to LA to get a fresh start,” I remind her. “Not get busted for nudity and sent to jail.”

She remains quiet, keeping to herself. Maybe I was a little harsh. Kate has bigger worries, and still must be processing that whole ‘not being pregnant’ thing. Maybe she’s not void of emotions after all. I definitely had enough emotions whirling inside of me for the both of us. Anger, disappointment, and frustration to name a few.

But even with my emotions running high, I couldn’t ignore the silence coming from the person next to me.

“You okay?” I ask, tilting my head to the side to check up on her.

Playing with the hemline of her skirt, she answers distractedly. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

I grab her hand, not to be romantic, but with genuine concern.

“The whole pregnancy thing, Kate.”

“Oh that,” she plays it off. “Totally forgot about it.”

Placing my arm over her shoulder, I pull her closer to me. I don’t know why I feel the urge to protect her. Maybe because she’s Charlie’s best friend. I just want to be her friend, because suddenly, tough Kate has disappeared. Funnily enough, I’d never really had friendships with women. There was always an agenda behind it. What makes this even more confusing is that I’ve only known her for less than twenty-four hours. Yet something about her makes me feel like I’ve known her my whole life.

“You don’t have to be okay,” I tell her. “I don’t know your story, but if you need an ear, I’m right here. Literally. They won’t let us out for hours.”

She buries the side of her head into my shoulder, absently staring at the brick wall. “I haven’t told Charlie the whole story. So please, don’t say anything,” she begs softly.

“I promise I won’t.”

“Only Lex knows.”

“Lex?”

“He was the one who warned me about the whole situation.”

It makes sense. Charlie is the type of person to get all up in your business. She’s passionate, and fights for her friends and family. She’s always been that way. So I’m not surprised at all that Kate had only told her half the story.

“The guy. He’s one of my best friends’ brothers. We kinda met accidently and I was instantly attracted to him. Not sure why.”

“Wait, does your best friend know?”

She shakes her head. “Eric is too self-absorbed to really notice a change. That, and he recently broke up with his boyfriend. He’s been doing his own thing of late and keeping busy with work.”

She continues on, “So this guy, Dominic, he warned me from day one that he didn’t do relationships, not even sexual ones. So immediately, I jumped to the conclusion he was gay. Turned out, he owned a sex club and well . . . I’ll just leave it at that.”

“You can’t just leave it at that. What kind of sex club?”

“The kind that made me uncomfortable. I understand couples exploring their sexuality and desires but I want a man to love me . . . to look at only me.”

It makes sense, I guess. Again, this is unfamiliar territory to me. I’ve been with plenty of women, multiple at one time. I understand how people can love each other or want to commit themselves to one person, but I know that isn’t a life I want. It is very difficult to put myself in her shoes when I’ve never wanted nor would want a woman to look at only me, because then I would have to reciprocate the feeling.

“Can I tell you something, Noah?”

“Yes,” I say, kissing the top of her head to ease her pain.

“I’m embarrassed and ashamed of the things I allowed myself to do just to please him. For him to notice me.” She pauses, briefly. “I told you that he didn’t do sexual relationships. He enjoyed watching me fuck other men. That’s how he got off. Having me in his sex club, sprawled out on some bed, fucking some guy I had never met let alone spoken a word to. Two guys, at one point.”

I’m flabbergasted. Literally speechless. I’m all for a good time, I’ve done some dirty shit, but never gotten off on watching a girl I somewhat liked fuck someone else. I want to rip this guy’s head off! Suddenly, the whole pregnancy comes to mind.

“Kate, who did you think you were pregnant by?”

Bowing her head, ashamed of her actions, she mumbles, “I don’t know. Him, maybe . . . We fucked a handful of times when I begged him to. Or maybe a stranger.”

I pull her in tighter, giving her the time she needs to let out her emotions. “I’ve always been proud of who I am. What I’ve achieved. But this . . . I’m disgusted with myself. Charlie thinks I only slept with him, not other men. Lex knew of Dom’s past. Warned me of what I would be getting into. I just didn’t listen. I fell in love with him. I thought I could change him, because when he was alone with me towards the end, he gave me all the attention in the world.”

I state the fact. “You loved him, you wanted a relationship.”

“Yeah, but don’t worry, I know you have a rep for screwing women looking for a rebound so thanks for tonight.” She chuckles softly, breaking the serious conversation.

“Hey! How did you know that?”

“Charlie,” she says loosely. “Apparently your mom knows your dirty secret too.”

“My mom?!” I let out a groan. “It’s not dirty. Well, sometimes it is. But for the most part it’s just two people having fun sex.”

“Okay, so settle the rumor I heard. Hawaii last year. Boys’ trip?”

“Boys’ trip turned into fucking a sugar mama,” I admit with a smile.

“The plane ride over here?”

How in the world did she know . . . Charlie!

“Uh . . . the stewardess and the chick beside me?”

“Noah!” she laughs loudly, smacking my bicep.

“Erika initiated it to get back at her boyfriend. Ivana was just . . . well, a horny bitch.”

When the words leave my mouth I realize how bad it makes me sound. Those women I fucked, they all had their baggage and a story to tell. What if they were just like Kate, with feelings and emotions, but carefully covering it up to prove a point to themselves that they could have sex with someone and push it all aside if only for that one time?

Argh . . . my head begins to pound as the alcohol wears off. Too much relationship talk.

“So basically, you prowl for women that have just broken up with someone?”

“I don’t prowl . . .” I cough. “I just happen to be there at the right time.”

“Like some sort of sad pussy raider.” She falls into a fit of hysterics, clutching onto her stomach. “I’m surprised you’re not wearing a t-shirt underneath that shirt that says Mr. Rebound.”

“Ha, ha,” I respond sarcastically. “It’s not as bad as it’s sounds. I’ve been pretty good in LA.”

What a big fat lie. The women here are gorgeous. Kate is no exception.

“Uh huh, like this morning?”

“I live at Charlie’s, it’s not my fault I overheard your dilemma.”

Her shoulders slump, relaxing her body as she continues to lean on me for support.

“What’s wrong with us?” she asks. “We’re sitting in a jail cell, wet and covered in sand, laughing about how I almost got pregnant to a nympho and how you’re a rebound hunter that’s a momma’s boy.”

It is funny. I don’t know why. The two of us laugh continuously until we hear someone clear their throat. Charlie is standing on the other side of the cell along with the police officer. She’s dressed in her yoga pants and a t-shirt that says ‘This is my mom shirt’; fittingly, it’s covered in something orange. I look down and notice her hands are blue. How odd. With her arms folded, the creases in her forehead stare back at me, along with her eyes which make her look ready to strangle my neck. She hands the police officer an envelope. He removes the keys from his waist and opens the door, allowing us to leave.

“Hey cuz.” I tread carefully. “Thanks for bailing me out.”

“Hey bestie,” Kate repeats in a sweet tone, attempting to kiss Charlie’s ass. “Thanks for bailing me out too.”

There is growling, louder than the sound of wolves, coming from Charlie. Lex is standing in the foyer, trying to keep a straight face. I want to laugh, but both Kate and I know better than to anger the beast even further.

Charlie refuses to comment, turning around until we scurry behind her and follow them outside the building and into the parking lot.

The car ride home is quiet, soft tunes playing through the speakers as Lex speeds on the freeway. I lean forward, resting my chin on Charlie’s chair to catch her attention.

“So you’re not going to talk to us?”

She remains quiet, purposely moving her head towards the window.

“You can’t avoid me forever,” I say nicely.

“I asked you to do ONE thing,” she says, livid, seething through her teeth.

“It’s not entirely his fault,” Kate jumps in. “It was my idea. You can blame me.”

“You don’t need to defend him, Kate. He’s a big boy,” Charlie argues back.

I turn to look at Kate, shrugging her shoulders back at me. Aside from my mom, who is a fairly laid back woman, I’ve never had to answer to anybody.

As much as I love Charlie, I can tell we’re going to butt heads very soon . . . like in minutes.

“It’s just so . . .” Charlie bellows, “Irresponsible! I’m not even going to ask about the nudity part. You were both drunk, swimming in the ocean. God knows what could have happened to the both of you! Haven’t you ever watched Baywatch? There are no lifeguards at night to save you. David Hasselhoff needs his sleep, you know.”

Baywatch? What the hell is she going on about?

“It’s not like you can talk,” I argue back. “When you were fifteen, you got busted doing the same thing with that boy you always hung around.”

Her head snaps my way, eyes likes daggers.

Crap.

Lex interrupts our conversation. “What boy?”

Kate mumbles under her breath, “Here we go. I can’t believe you mentioned another guy.”

“I don’t know. Some boy she always hung around that everyone thought was her boyfriend,” I say out loud.

“I wasn’t naked,” Charlie disagrees, keeping her tone pleasant.

“According to the town gossip you were.”

“The town gossip is YOUR mother!” she responds, this time in a huff.

“Well, maybe so. But here you are, quick to scold us for our ‘irresponsible’ behavior, yet you did the same thing. And much younger I might add. You weren’t even of legal age.”

Lex grips onto the steering wheel tight, turning his head to question Charlie, ignoring both me and Kate.

“So you skinny dipped with what’s his face, yet in Cabo when I asked you, you get all prude on me?”

“Oh my god!” she shouts back in frustration, throwing her hands in the air like a child. “Firstly, I didn’t skinny dip. I was wearing a bra and panties. Secondly, sitting in a Mexican jail is not on my bucket list. And Noah, you better believe I’m calling your mom!”

“What?!” I yell back. “Mom doesn’t need to know. Leave her out of this.”

Kate shushes everyone in the car, attempting to creating a zen environment. “Look, let’s forget this night happened. We’re all grownups here. Let’s thank the Lord that nothing more happened . . . it could have been worse.”

“How?” Charlie shoots back. The steam is shooting out of her ears. “Tell me how could it be worse than getting a phone call that your cousin and best friend were arrested for public nudity? Do you know that you’ll have to go to court? And I bet you expect me to represent the both of you since I’m a lawyer.”

“I’m not pregnant,” Kate tells Charlie.

Charlie falls into silence. I thought Kate would throw me under the bus, but instead, she saved me and buried herself under Charlie’s overbearing ways. The car pulls into the driveway and as soon as it stops, I quickly get out and follow Lex’s lead. Charlie is not shy about lecturing Kate.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You fucked him bareback, and do you even know how many women he’s been with?”

I stand beside Lex as he removes his keys from his pocket. “Sounds like you guys had fun tonight.”

“Too bad Charlie doesn’t see it that way.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her,” he tells me, followed by a disturbing smirk.

“Oh man, that sounds dirty.” I cringe. “Any chance I can sleep in Ava’s room? Her loud snoring is exactly what I could use tonight.”

“Trust me, Noah, your cousin is headstrong. Don’t be surprised if you find me on the couch because she’s on a ‘men and their stupid dicks’ rant.”

“The Lakers are playing tonight. I’ll join you.” I laugh, trying to forget this night happened.

And in the short distance, I see Kate rolling her eyes at Charlie. The mouth on my cousin. She’s going on and on about how irresponsible Kate is and what was she thinking taking me out tonight. No wonder Charlie is a lawyer; her ability to argue is why she is so damn successful, plus a huge pain in the fucking ass.

We leave them out on the porch while Lex grabs us drinks and a bag of Doritos.

I tell him I’ll be back down and head to the shower. I make it quick, not wanting to miss a second of the game.

I know at some point I’ll have to tell my mom; I can’t hide this forever. But for now, I need to unwind. And a repeat of the Lakers game is just what I need.

Charlie enters the room and sees the both of us sitting in the recliners. She seems to have aged tonight, her face withdrawn with dark circles staring to shadow her eyes.

“I’m calling it a night,” she says, defeated.

“Yeah, you look tired,” I say, watching the screen as Lex yells at the TV.

“Well, let’s see. I got puke on me when Amelia projectile vomited dinner. After getting her in the bath, I discovered that Ava took the blueberries out of the fridge and left them on the table where Addison decided they would be better squashed into the carpet.” She sighs, continuing on. “Then I get a call that my cousin and best friend were naked and having sex on the beach. To top it off, my bike, which you begged to borrow, is sitting in Malibu waiting to be collected.”

“I’ll collect your bike, but we weren’t having sex,” I answer back in my defense.

“You know what?” She points at me. “I don’t care anymore. Do whatever the hell you want to do, Noah. Men and their dicks . . .”

And just like Lex said, the dick rant began.