Colt
“Stop taking up all the room!” I elbowed Max hard in the ribs and watched in fascination as Jason held out his hand. “Take it! Take the hand. It’s just a hand, nothing intimidating about a hand, don’t just drop it after you touch it.” Why the hell was I nervous? Like it was me? Maybe because I’d watched my best friend get his heart completely throttled by the one who got away. Or maybe because I wanted him to find his forever like I had. Ugh. I’d been watching way too much Bachelor with my wife, that was for damn sure.
Max snorted. “Speak for yourself. Mine are massive, poked myself, and others, in the eye several times. Not to mention, hands are a direct measurement of penis size. All you have to do is make a fist.”
I dropped the binoculars and glanced over at both Reid and Max. Reid was busy shaking his head in dismay as Max made a legit fist and then frowned. “Wait, that’s not right. It seems… oddly shaped.”
“Your heart,” I said through clenched teeth. “Your fist is the size of your heart.”
Max placed his fist against his chest and shook his head. “Yeah, I disagree.”
“Why, God? Why?” Reid muttered. “Max, you mean the thumb to the pinky finger. That’s the size of a limp dick.”
Max had to measure, again.
I missed my wife.
Home-cooked meals.
Damn spa weekend.
Damn Max.
She was relaxing, and I was on a stakeout with a guy who thought his penis was shaped like a fist!
In reality, I knew Max was a certifiable genius, but sometimes… I wanted to strangle him with my bare hands and make the world a better place. Hell, they’d probably throw a parade.
“Figured it out,” he finally announced after much measuring, which had traumatized not only me, but the poor squirrels trying to eat close by. “’Tis your wrist to your elbow, fully erect. That’s it.” He nodded triumphantly and then winked.
“Never—” I rasped, “—and I do mean NEVER — wink at me again, especially after announcing how big your erection is.”
“Jealous?”
“Got the girl, and you had to go on a TV show to find yours so… no, nope, not really.”
“Bastard,” he grumbled. “And I had twenty-five of those crazies after me. Plus, I got a goat out of the deal. Not too shabby.”
“And a wife,” I reminded him.
“Oh right, Becca.” He grinned. And then laughed. “I’m kidding. Trust me, I know what I got in her…” his face fell. “Being alone sucks balls.”
“Imagine being stuck with a psychopath,” I offered.
He scowled. “Reid’s different, but he’s not a psycho.”
“Thanks, man.” Reid sighed and took a sip of coffee. “So, why are we sitting here watching them shoot each other screw-me looks while they contemplate holding hands in the parking lot?”
“Today was first-kiss day,” I announced. “They hid back at the school under the bleachers, he made his move, she kissed him back, and so dear friends, their friendship went from playful to—”
“Sexual,” Max interrupted thoughtfully, his fingers tapping against his chin as if he were thinking.
God save us from Max Emory thinking.
“I see where he went astray,” Max continued.
My eyebrows shot up. “They’re in the parking lot, walking toward the bleachers. There’s literally no way he went astray then, or now. You can’t go astray by walking.”
“Listen close, young grasshopper.” Max pointed to both of their retreating bodies as they made their way toward the field. “There’s at least a foot of space between their bodies, her hands are limp at her sides, and she keeps clutching her fists. Our man is popping his knuckles, and they keep stealing glances at each other. If this is how he made his first move, no wonder things went south.” He shrugged. “Jason lacks the pivotal movement that allows the woman to feel comfortable, confident, and sexy, all at once.” Another pause. “He’s not touching her back, he’s not leading her, and he’s letting her flail all on her own like a damn fish out of water. And fish out of water… they eventually die.”
It was quiet.
Too quiet.
I stared at him in disbelief. Reid mimicked a similar look, as Max exchanged glances between both of us. “What? I know things.”
“I’ll be damned,” I let out a breath. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this—”
“Please don’t,” Reid interjected. “He’s already impossible to live with.”
“You’re right.” It was out before I could stop it.
Max grinned. “I have all the sex all the time, ‘cause I’m right.”
“And there it is.” Reid rolled his eyes.
“A woman needs to feel secure, not vulnerable, not after what she’s been through. Think of it this way…” Max licked his lips and narrowed his eyes, “if it started wrong, it can’t end right.”
“STOP MAKING SENSE!” I roared.
All three of us ducked when Jason and Maddy glanced behind them.
Max smacked me on the back of the head. We waited a few seconds, and then all looked again. They were back to walking, and I was back to wondering if the Jason I remembered ever had any game at all if he was twenty-seven and still struggling with the girl he’d always loved.
I tried to think back to my obsession with my wife, Milo.
And how I’d exhausted every resource in my arsenal just to find a reason to touch her, including dunking her in the pool; so yeah, near-drowning my crush was an actual move I had used during high school, but at least I’d touched her.
And Jason?
He’d been so close. He’d done the squeeze, and now?
He was touching air.
I frowned for the next few minutes and then sniffed the air. “Is that popcorn?”
Crunch, Crunch, Crunch. Max shoved a fistful into his mouth and offered me some.
And for the first time, I wasn’t annoyed with Max — not at all — because underneath all of…whatever it was he had… he was right.
Maybe this was exactly what Jason needed.