Nell stared down at the white oblong cardboard box. It was five-thirty on Monday morning and for the second time this week she’d woken up with a bout of nausea.
‘No time like the present,’ she muttered to herself as she went to the bathroom and stared at her own reflection. ‘This isn’t how it was meant to be.’ She felt tired and rubbed her eyes. She’d always dreamed of having kids with Ollie, a proper family, but she’d never even considered it as a single mother.
She was hoping the sickness would subside soon because this morning she’d been summoned to the solicitor’s to go through the final paperwork for the Old Picture House. Everything was finally moving forward.
Nell splashed cold water on her face, took a deep breath and perched on the edge of the bath. She held the plastic wand in her hand, then took the plunge.
For a full two minutes she sat tight, forcing herself to breath calmly. Deep down, she already knew the result. There was a strange sensation inside her body, one she didn’t recognise, her breasts were tender, a metal taste in her mouth and not forgetting the major give-a-way sign, there was no period.
She took a deep breath and raked her hand through her unruly morning hair. She clutched the no-question-about-it-I-am-pregnant stick as the two bold blue lines glared back at her.
‘Shit,’ she said out loud, throwing the test into the bin and running the water for the shower.
The timing couldn’t be any worse.
Climbing into the shower, she let the warm water cascade over her face and sighed. Wasn’t the moment you found out you were pregnant for the very first time meant to be a joyous occasion? And what the hell was she going to do about Guy – he already had one baby on the way with his wife! And then there was the restoration project, not to mention the deli. What if the morning sickness began to take its toll and she left Bea in the lurch earlier than expected? It was all such a mess.
Twenty minutes later, Nell was dressed, tucking into a bowl of cornflakes and staring out of the porthole. Her thoughts were all over the place as she spotted Bea walking up the towpath, swinging a bunch of keys and looking down at her phone.
Nell quickly typed her a text, ‘Pop in before work.’
Immediately Bea glanced towards the ‘Nollie’ and saw Nell’s face through the porthole. She waved and diverted towards the jetty.
‘Morning,’ she said cheerily, stooping through the door.
Nell looked up, ‘Morning.’
‘Mmm, I know that look!’
‘What look?’
‘That look of panic on your face means you’re either mulling something over or you have no idea what to do about something.’
‘That’s what I like about you, Bea Green, you know me so well.’
‘Come on then, spill the beans,’ she unbuttoned her coat and slid into the seat next to her.
Nell took a deep breath and scrunched up her face, ‘What would you say if I said …’ She stopped in her tracks and twisted her wedding ring around her finger. Even though Ollie was gone, she’d never felt the time was right to take it off. Now, all of sudden, she felt so guilty, which was silly as she hadn’t been unfaithful.
‘What would I say if …?’ Bea prompted.
‘If I said I was pregnant too.’
Bea gave a nervous laugh while she studied Nell’s face, ‘Okay, now I can’t make up my mind whether you’re actually joking or not.’
‘That would be not joking.’
Bea’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped open.
‘Nell, I don’t know what to say. I’m stunned.’
‘Not as stunned as me. We’ll be able to open up our own nursery at this rate.’
‘Maybe that’s what we should do,’ she said, still trying to take it all in. ‘So, what’s the plan of action?’
‘Get fat?’ Nell said with a light-hearted laugh. ‘Isn’t that what usually happens?’
‘You’ve still got your sense of humour, so that’s a good start!’
‘The timing couldn’t be worse.’ Nell gave a brief smile.
‘It’s not the best,’ agreed Bea, ‘But things happen for a reason. What does Gilly say?’
‘I’ve not told her. I’ve only just done the test.’
They sat in silence for a couple of moments.
‘I’ve got so much to cope with at the moment.’
‘Any more thoughts on asking your mum about the shoebox?’
Nell shook her head,
‘It’s been whirling around in my mind. I’ve got a few choices, tell her straight I’ve snooped in the box, tell her Fred told me she’d taken his boat or I could ask Lloyd straight out if he knows my mother. Whichever one it is, it’s on my list to delve further this week.’
‘Yikes, no offence, I’m glad I’m not in your shoes this week, however, if you need a right hand woman, I can be Cagney to your Lacey.’
‘I’ll bear that in mind,’ smiled Nell, not relishing any of the choices.
‘He’d come back you know, if he knew you were pregnant.’ Bea threw it out there and the words hung in the air.
Nell shook her head, ‘We don’t know that for certain and anyhow how can I put him in that position? I can’t make him choose between two unborn babies.’ ‘It’s a tricky one, I have to admit, but Nell, and I know I can say this to you, but don’t you think that’s his decision to make?’
‘I’ve not had much time to think about anything, it’s been …’ she glances at her watch, ‘about half an hour since I’ve found out.’
‘It’ll be hard on your own, single mum. No one to hand the baby over to for a rest. Every cry, every night feed will have to be done by you.’
‘But what choice do I have? He’s actually married to someone else, lives in Ireland, and is having a baby with her. I was stupid, it was a spur of the moment thing. I stopped taking the pill a little while back as there was no point and it didn’t cross my mind about contraception.’
‘Caught up in the moment, you aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.’
‘I’ll manage, I’ll have to manage, there’s no other choice.’
‘There’s always a choice.’
Nell shook her head and sighed, ‘Maybe this has happened for a reason, a sign to start afresh, my own little family, just for me.’ Her voice trailed off.
‘Just don’t be overdoing it with the Old Picture House and everything.’
‘I won’t, I promise, and for the time being, can we just keep this between ourselves?’
‘Of course,’ Bea smiled.
‘And I know I shouldn’t ask you this, but I mean, from Nathan too.’
‘I promise, it’s your news, not mine to tell.’ She squeezed her arm in reassurance.’
I just need some space to get everything worked out in my head.’
‘I understand.’
‘And that includes Mum. It’s early days. I’ll wait until the first scan until I make it public knowledge.’
Bea nodded.
‘How’s Fern? Has she settled in okay?’ asked Nell, changing the subject.
‘She was very quiet at first.’
‘That’s understandable.’
‘I’ve had a chat with her about working in the deli. I think it’ll be good for her to interact with people again, build up her self-confidence and, of course, she’ll have me, you and Gilly to look out for her and support her.’
‘What did she say?’
‘At first she didn’t want to be a burden, thought I was offering her a job out of pity until I put her straight. I know you’ll be leaving soon and with the twins on the way I will need someone to take over and run the place. I’d already asked Gilly if she wanted the responsibility, but she preferred just to do an honest day’s work with no added pressure of ordering, accounts and banking.’
‘Yes, that sounds like Mum. And what about Fern? Did you convince her it wasn’t about feeling sorry for her?’
‘Yes, I think so. This week she’s going to take it easy. She has personal stuff to do, opening a bank account, change of address and all that stuff. So we agreed she would start next week, maybe mornings at first, and when she feels up to it and finds her feet, she can build up her hours.’
‘That sounds like an excellent plan.’
‘I best go and start the baking. Are you okay if I get off?’ asked Bea, standing up and zipping up her coat.
‘Yes, and thanks for being there for me.’
‘You don’t have to thank me, that’s what best friends are for.’
Nell smiled warmly towards Bea. ‘Actually, I know I’m abusing my position here, but I was already taking an hour out later this morning to tie things up at the solicitor’s and collect the keys, but can I just come in after that? I could do with just trying to get my head together.’
‘No problem. You put your feet up for an hour. We’ll see you in a little while and make sure the first thing you do when you arrive is put the kettle on!’
‘Yes, boss!’ saluted Nell as Bea disappeared through the door of the ‘Nollie’ towards the melting pot.
Nell had a pang of guilt after Bea had left because she had no intention of putting her feet up for an hour. In fact, she had something more pressing on her mind, something that had been niggling away at her … her mum’s shoebox.