We take our time walking to Matt’s house, even though we’re both impatient. I think we want to make sure everything tonight is deliberate and chosen, not rushed or impulsive like so much of our history. I find I like the idea of the do-over. Maybe we can get this right this time. I want the Matt I first met That Night and the Matt I talked to tonight. That Matt is hard to resist and now I’m not sure why I should.

I remember when we get to the door of his frat. We both pause awkwardly. The downstairs is lit up and full of voices. It’s all too familiar. Matt goes quiet, listening, then turns to me.

“Want to go to your place?”

I’m listening too. Some of those voices are some of the guys who made my last night here so miserable…. But I shake my head.

“This is what makes it a do-over,” I insist, starting up the stairs.

“You wanted this—us—on the down low though,” Matt whispers, catching up to me on the porch.

And I’m torn because he’s right. Walking through his living room and up to his bedroom will totally blow our cover. I pause again, uncertain, and our eyes hold.

It’s been like this all night—my eyes and hands gravitate to him, then stick. He wears that suit like he was born into it, with the athletic grace and social ease I admire so much. And remembering the body underneath has been distracting me. Now his dark eyes flicker, intent, and his fingers brush my chin. Any minute now we’ll be kissing again, which will be even more conspicuous.

“You know that I don’t care who knows about us, right? I told you, once I know what I want….” The words hang there and my pulse accelerates even more. “Any sneaking around is for your sake.”

I nod and tangle my fingers with his. I understand and I’m grateful he’s cooperating.

Drawing a deep breath, he tightens his hold on my hand. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

Opening the front door we walk as casually as possible through the entryway, up the stairs, and into his room, without pausing or meeting anyone’s eyes. If there was any reaction, I didn’t see or hear it. Matt closes the door behind us quietly and I hear the lock click.

“Yes, locking the door seems like a good idea this time,” I smirk.

Standing in the middle of his room, I’m bombarded by memories. I was here two weeks ago with Lucy, but it’s so different to be alone with him. His room faces the back, with two large windows over the yard. There are no posters on the wall but a mantelpiece holds framed photographs of his family and several soccer trophies. Books are scattered in piles and a desk is covered in papers, but the room seems neater than last year.

I turn and Matt is still leaning against the door, watching me. I sit down on his bed and lean back on my hands, admiring him. I’m not sure where this boldness comes from, but I feel I’ve been waiting forever for this. I’m determined not to miss my chance now. There’s something I need to tell him though.

“Umm. Is this the right time to mention that I’m still a virgin?”

I’m watching him carefully so I see his eyes go wide. “What?!” His head thunks back against the door and he groans.

“You’re going to kill me, Annika! So that part was true all along?” He closes his eyes. “Dammit!” he mutters, then opens them, looking intense. “I’m sorry.”

I have to struggle to hold his gaze as my pulse starts pounding. “Why?”

He sighs. “Because I was such an asshole and I didn’t know, didn’t guess. I liked you so much that night, you know.” His voice has dropped and the vulnerability shakes me. “But I didn’t get you.”

Deep breath!

“I liked you too,” I whisper. “So much.” The emotion feels overwhelming and I need to get back to solid ground. “At first,” I add.

Matt blinks, but when he sees my smile he starts laughing and moves slowly away from the door.

“And it’s been a year??” He looks flabbergasted and I shift restlessly on the bed, averting my eyes. Suddenly I’m nervous again.

“Well—I haven’t had a lot of opportunities!” I mumble. “Everyone already thought I lost it with you so how was I supposed to explain?” Do I have to tell him that I wasn’t even tempted?

He stops at the bottom of the bed. “You’re sure, Anni? This is how you want your first time?” He swallows like he’s moved by this. “We don’t have to….” He stops, looking away. “We could just….” I’ve never seen him so inarticulate. “Like before.” He’s rigid with tension.

I nod, unable to speak. I do want this. So much.

He lets out a long breath. “My best memory from that night is of you stretched out on my bed, your hair floating over the pillow. And I wondered why you weren’t naked….” He smiles then, rueful.

“We can fix that.” My voice comes out low and husky. “Undress me.” I scoot backwards on the bed to make room for him. I’m amazed by my confidence, but I’ve finally given myself permission to want this. To want him.

His eyes darken and he crawls onto the bed until he’s hovering over me. “No vodka?” His tone is teasing, but his eyes are hot.

I shake my head and start to say something but his lips settle on my parted mouth. And this kiss is very gentle, very careful. We don’t touch anywhere except for our mouths and it’s slow and sweet, but all the more intense for that. We finally break apart, breathing faster and Matt tucks some hair behind my ear, his mouth swooping to nuzzle my jaw, my neck, my shoulder.

He murmurs something soft against my neck and I shift restlessly because my body wants more, now. “Matt….”

“Okay then.”

He pulls me up until he can reach the zipper on the back of my dress and slowly unzips me as I push his jacket off his shoulders and work on the buttons of his shirt. My dress falls away and I pause to free my arms from the sleeves. My gaze is glued to Matt though, as I pull his shirt out of his waistband and run my hands up his bare chest. He’s so warm, so solid—I hear him saying something under his breath as he unwraps me, skimming his hands down my arms and pressing kisses against my collarbone, but I can hardly process anything but the deluge of sensation.

I collapse backwards onto the bed, wriggling as he pushes my dress down over my legs and drops it on the floor. I’m flat on my back now, just in bra, panties, and high heels, my hands eager at his belt. I’m too clumsy though and Matt disengages from me to stand and shuck his trousers. I reach for him again but he hesitates, studying me.

“This is what I wanted to remember, Anni,” he whispers, and then his hard, hot body is back against mine and we’re stroking and kissing whatever we can reach. He groans when I press the heel of my hand against the bulge in his briefs and I arch when his mouth teases my nipple through my bra.

“Off!” I moan, hoping he understands I’m referring to both the bra and the briefs. And my panties for good measure. We scramble to get naked and he settles between my parted legs, flexing his hips against me.

“You’re really sure, Anni?” He’s panting against my neck, scorching me. I make a little mewling sound of consent. His fingers find me wet and he groans against my skin.

“First you. This time I want to memorize every inch of you….” His head dips to move across my shoulders and he licks and kisses his way downward, making good on his promise. He’s gentle until he reaches my nipples and I clutch at him, pulling at his hair and moaning at the pleasure of it.

“Harder,” I gasp, watching in fascination, then my eyes close as he nips and pinches me. He pushes a finger, then two inside me and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out at the sharp pleasure.

“This is what you want, Anni? How you want your first time?” His voice is muffled against my breasts but he pauses to look at me, eyes dark and hot.

“Anni? Say it!” he says, shaking. And I give in and give up to this—to this bone deep need for him. I’ve missed this and it’s just as intense as I remembered.

“Yes,” I whisper, then more loudly when he strokes me roughly. “Matt! I’m so close—”

“Don’t come yet!” he growls, inching down my stomach. I moan in protest, and then his mouth replaces his hand in long delicious strokes and soon the feel of his tongue tosses me over some high cliff, flailing and panting.

“God!” Matt raises his head to look down at me, his expression taut and almost wild. He leans forward to reach his bedside table for a condom and I watch avidly while he rolls it on.

“Now? Yes? Okay?” His desperation is turning me on again. I nod and spread my legs wider, wanting this, wanting him. And then we’re pressed together and he’s pushing inside me, slow and steady, and it stings but I like that too. I make an incoherent sound and push my hips against his, my hands clawing at his shoulders.

He groans, closing his eyes. “So tight!” He shifts deeper and it’s unlike anything I could have imagined—the togetherness so intimate and intense.

“I’m not going to last long,” he gasps, resting his forehead against my shoulder, trying to catch his breath. I weave my hands deep into his dark hair.

I smile. “Go for it— it feels too good.” I shift into a rhythm with him, deeply sated.

“Ahhh—yes, too too good. You’re okay? I can let go and.…” He groans as I tighten on him.

“Yes! So okay. Let go—”

And he does, his movements fierce and demanding until with a full-body shudder he releases into me, collapsing in a pile of warm, sweaty, salty flesh. I wrap my arms and legs around him and hold him close, smoothing my hands through his hair. I feel awash in warmth and tenderness, still tingling with pleasure.

Matt raises his head to search my face and I flush.

“Thank you,” I whisper, feeling shy all of a sudden.

He drops his head again with a grunt. “Thank me? For what?” His legs shift against mine and he reaches between us to get rid of the condom. I watch with interest because this is all new and strange.

“Mmm. There aren’t many girls who get a second chance at their first time.”

He barks out a laugh, then turns his head so our eyes meet again. “Is that how you wanted it?” He sounds uncertain and it’s odd to think he’s the one who needs reassurance.

“Mmm hmm.” I brush some damp hair off his forehead. “Though I also thought it might be nice if my first time was leaning over a bathroom sink, with you pressing into me from behind and me watching your hands on me until we both came,” I muse, sighing.

Matt’s eyes go wide and his breath catches. “You…!”

I laugh when he can’t even finish his sentence.

“Next time,” he says darkly.

I’m not at all sure about our future but I don’t want it to show. “Nope. Not next time. Another time. Next time will be here tonight. Later.”

Matt shakes his head and closes in on my mouth, kissing me softly. “Deal.” He rolls onto his side and I’m briefly sorry for the loss of all that warm, bare skin but he presses close around me and I snuggle into him.

“What do people do now?”

“People?” He opens one eye, amused.

“After?” I shrug, feeling embarrassed at my ignorance.

He smiles and tightens one arm around me. “What do you want to do?”

I consider that. “Sleep, then do it again?” I suggest, yawning.

“Sounds perfect,” he replies, kissing my shoulder. There’s a moment of silence while our breathing and bodies adjust to each other. I like it.

Just as we’re drifting off I get nervous though. “You did lock the door, right?”

He grunts. “Yeah. Don’t worry, Anni.”

I relax and settle back into his warmth when he suddenly rolls over and walks naked over to the door. I admire him as he walks back, all loose and relaxed now. I love his confidence, and I love when he loses it and comes apart—because of me. I do that to this guy. We do that to each other—we lose control and it’s a little scary what we unleash. A wriggle of anxiety hits me. I didn’t think past tonight.

“Yeah, locked.” He confirms as he pulls me back against him. “We’re good.”