Darcy

I was trying to stay calm and not worry about how a million people were about to descend on Woolton Hall tomorrow for the summer party. How my list of things to do was growing, not shrinking, and what the consequences might be of my next trip to the bathroom.

There was no need to freak out.

“It’s going to be fine,” Aurora said.

“Can you promise that?” I asked, taking the paper bag from her.

“It’s probably all the stress from the summer party—you know how you can get.”

I nodded. That had to be it. Disrupted periods and headaches were always how I could tell I was stressed out. Except I hadn’t had a single headache in the run up to the summer party, but my period was nearly two weeks late.

“I don’t know how you could have left it this long to test. I freak out if I’m a day late.”

“I’ve had a lot going on. I only checked the calendar yesterday, and anyway, we’ve always used condoms.” And of course, I hadn’t wanted to consider the possibility of being pregnant. But the longer I’d waited to test, the more the anxiety had grown in my chest until it was threatening to overwhelm my entire body.

“Should I have told Logan?” I asked, picking at the cellophaned box.

“That your period is late?”

“Yeah, and that I’m taking a pregnancy test.” Things had evened out a little since Scotland and we’d gone back to our routine of spending much of every weekend together without interruption from family. The questions I had about our future had faded as his warm smiles and strong body had taken over. He was with me, and that was all that mattered.

“I don’t know. I’ve not spent much time with you two together, so I don’t know what your relationship is like.”

Logan and I still didn’t spend much time together with anyone—I wasn’t even sure if his grandmother knew about us. I didn’t know if he considered me his girlfriend.

He’d asked me to be patient. And so long as we remained cocooned from the world, it didn’t seem like a big deal. And it allowed me to get comfortable with loving him. To settle with the knowledge that it was the first time I’d ever been in love. It was less scary for me now.

“We’re taking things slowly.” I knew he cared for me. I believed him when he said he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. His face lit up when he saw me, he tried to steal moments from his life in London to be with me. All the evidence was positive. That was enough.

For now.

Aurora winced. “I don’t get it. He’s coming tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

“And how will he be introduced? As your friend who you hang out with?”

“Don’t.”

Aurora had liked the fact that he’d had dinner with Scarlett and Ryder, but suspicious that nothing had moved on from there. But when I was with Logan, everything was perfect. But when I saw us from a distance, I understood where Aurora was coming from.

“You’ll have to tell him if the test is positive, and there’s only one way to find out.” She tipped her head toward my bathroom.

I blew out a breath and headed through the door. “There’s no need to freak out,” I told myself.

Peeing on a stick sounded simpler than it actually was, but eventually I managed to catch enough pee for the test.

“Are you done?” Aurora asked through the bathroom door.

I set the stick on the counter and stared at it. “Yeah. I think so.”

Aurora opened the door and we both continued to stare. “How long does it take?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Let’s find out, Miss Practical.” She took the instructions from the box. “Three minutes. And we’re looking for a blue cross.”

“A blue cross is negative?” I asked.

“Positive.”

“So a blue cross is not what we’re looking for.” I didn’t want to be pregnant, did I? Logan and I hadn’t discussed next week, let alone a life together. But I couldn’t deny that there was part of me that was hoping to see two lines and not one.

“Right.”

We both stared at the stick, waiting for something to happen.

“Okay, that’s four minutes, according to my phone,” Aurora said. “And that’s just one blue line. No cross.”

“Give me that.” I pulled the instructions from her and re-read them. A blue line meant negative. A blue cross was positive.

And I was staring at just one line.

That was good. Right? “So I’m not pregnant.”

“How do you feel?” Aurora leaned on the counter.

“Relieved, of course.” It was the quickest, cleanest, easiest outcome for everyone involved. But a baby? A family of my own? Gurgles and giggles echoing through Woolton Hall? That could have been wonderful.

“Did you play out in your head what would have happened if it had been positive?”

“No!” I paused. “Well, maybe a little. I mean, I love being an aunt and everything, I really do, but I want my own children at some point.”

She pulled me into a hug.

“If I’d been pregnant, even if Logan hadn’t been interested, I would have handled it, you know?” I tried to keep my voice from faltering. I’d gotten the result that I’d wanted, but at the same time, an alternate reality had been snatched from me. Having seen that single blue line appear, I was clearer than ever that a family was what I wanted. That was what I was aiming for. I just wasn’t sure it was what Logan wanted.

“This way, you have more control. You have a chance to figure out if Logan is the one—find out if he really wants a family.”

I nodded against her shoulder. “I know. I know. This is good. I’m not ready. Logan and I certainly aren’t ready. It’s all good.” I pulled back and leaned toward the mirror, wiping under my eyes, and removing the escaped mascara. But I would have gotten myself ready. And next time I wanted to be ready.

When I took my next pregnancy test, I wanted Logan to be with me and I wanted us both to be hoping for a blue cross.

“And it means you can get drunk at the party tomorrow.”

“Double win,” I said, grinning a little more widely than was necessary.

“Is everything ready?” she asked.

“Yeah. Scarlett, Ryder and the kids are coming up from London this afternoon. They’ve been doing museums. Caterers arrive tomorrow.”

“Caterers? How do Cook and Mrs. MacBee feel about that?”

I sighed. “Well, Cook’s doing puddings and the caterers will do everything else. I’ve even had them do the drinks. Lane wasn’t happy at first, but I want the staff to enjoy the day. Lane will still have to organize and supervise, but someone else will be doing most of the work.”

“They’re both getting older.”

“I know. We all are.”

Being with Logan had brought into focus for me how our lives were made up of chunks of time. For my grandparents, their twenties were about finding themselves and their thirties had been about family. I was coming to the end of my twenties and I was with a man who made my skin tingle when he looked at me, a man who knew how far he could push me. Someone I knew how hard I could push. Logan who made me laugh, made me feel adored.

I loved him.

The problem was, now more than ever, I knew what direction I wanted my future to head in. And I needed to know if Logan was going to be by my side on the journey.