The goodwill and excitement from the restaurant this afternoon had clearly worn off. It was nine hours later, and they’d both eaten dinner at their desks. Jasper was through the door ten minutes before Annie, just enough time to brush his teeth and freshen up for her arrival. But as soon as Annie crossed the threshold, her mood seemed to change, as if she were suddenly panicky.
That confirmed it. There was something she wasn’t telling him. And Jasper hated that.
“Spill it.”
At the sound of his voice she jerked. The water bottle in her hands went flying. She bounced it off one hand then the other before catching it. “What?”
Playing confused. Great.
“There’s something wrong here.” When she started to talk, he held up a hand. “And don’t bullshit me.”
She twisted the cap off, then tightened it again. Repeated the process a second time.
He started a ten-second countdown in his head because there was only so much of her fidgeting he could stand. He was a practical guy. If something was wrong, he’d fix it, but he needed to identify the problem first.
“Annie?”
She sat down hard on the barstool at the kitchen counter and somehow she managed to hold her body perfectly still. “I need to ask you something.”
About time. “Whatever it is, just say it.”
“I don’t want you to get angry.”
He stepped up to her, getting right between her legs so she could feel his presence and remember that it took a lot to shake him. Maybe that would give her some sort of reassurance. “Not knowing information is more likely to tick me off.”
She nodded but still she didn’t talk. More than a minute ticked by before she made those little growly sounds at the back of her throat that suggested she was searching for the right words. Finally, she just shook her head. “Let me see your phone.”
What the hell? “Are you serious?”
She held out her hand. “Please.”
He didn’t have anything to hide. She knew his PIN. She could check the phone anytime. The question was why she felt the need to do it right now.
He slipped it out of his back pocket and handed it to her. “Here.”
A few swipes and presses later she turned the phone around to him. He didn’t need to study it. She landed on an old photo, the only one he kept of Dave Hunter, who had preferred to go by his middle name, Matthew. The shot, from years ago, always sent a mix of happiness and loss racing through him. This time, the feeling was no different.
He hit the Home button and the photo disappeared. “Tell me what this is about.”
“Do you miss him?”
“Sometimes.” Jasper searched his mind, trying to figure out why Annie would be focusing on the one other person he ever loved. “Are you not agreeing to marry me because you think I still love him?”
“Have you ever…”
The trailing-off thing was kind of new. So was the fact she hadn’t actually answered his question.
Jasper balanced his palms against the edge of the counter. “I need more information before I can answer your question.”
“Do you want to be with him?”
“I’m with you.”
“I mean with us…together?”
“You’re asking about a threesome with a man who has refused to talk to me for years?” He could feel his head snap back. She could have recited the alphabet backward and he would have been less surprised.
“I met this guy and—”
“Wait, stop.” Jasper’s head exploded. He actually felt the heat build up and shatter. The crashing sound was deafening inside his head.
She reached out and put a hand on his arm. “Jasper, listen.”
The conversation jumped all around. He didn’t know if this was her way of avoiding the real question hanging between them or something else. He could barely follow, and the mention of some random guy had Jasper’s temper spiking. “‘This guy’ as in your client?”
“Yes, I have a new client and he’s…God, I don’t even know how to explain this.”
“Use any words that fit.” Jasper took a step back. Hell, he’d put an entire room between them if it stopped the churning in his gut. He had a sinking feeling she was about to dump him for some guy he hadn’t even known existed until five seconds ago.
“We like to try different things. We’ve always been open in our sex life and—”
“You want to sleep with someone else.” The words sliced through him as he said them.
The idea of her with someone else made him want to rip the walls down with his bare hands. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone but her. Hell, he loved her and wanted to build a future with her. He didn’t want to do that if she had some random dude she banged behind his back.
She shook her head. “That’s not it.”
He barely heard her. When she repeated herself, the words sunk in.
“Then what is it, Annie? Help me understand what’s happening here.”
He could hear the pleading in his voice. Panic overwhelmed him. He’d fight for her, but he had to know what the hell he was up against.
She jumped off the stool and came rushing toward him. When he tried to back away, she wouldn’t be put off. She grabbed his biceps and held on. “You once had this thing for…Matthew.”
“Yeah. So?” Jasper had no idea why she was bringing up Matthew now.
In his childhood home, growing up being bisexual or gay just wasn’t an option. Being attracted to anyone other than the virgin he was supposed to marry was forbidden. There were so many rules that they piled up on him, buried him. So, he left.
When Matthew came along…hell, when the two guys before that came along, Jasper knew the answer about his sexuality was not as black and white as he’d been raised to believe. He’d panicked and pushed Matthew away. By the time he’d accepted who he was, Matthew was long gone.
Annie knew about these other attractions, serious attractions, because they shared everything. He never guessed this would become a wall between them.
“Are you doubting my fidelity or debating yours? Because I want you, not anyone else.” He really didn’t know how to be clearer on that point.
“We’ve tried so many things that I thought this one…”
He tried to make sense of what she was saying. He’d had a threesome before her with two women. She knew about it. They talked about trying it in their relationship with two men but it had only been talk. Neither of them had made a move to see it happen.
“Are you asking about this for me or for you?” He wasn’t clear on that point at all. She might be acting the role of the martyr, but he really doubted it. “And what the hell are you even asking? Why bring up Matthew?”
“I think there’s this side of you—”
That struck too close.
“No.” Jasper knew he kept cutting her off, but this was so unexpected. So out of his range. “If you found someone else, you need to own that.”
“God, no.” She rubbed her hands up and down his arms. “I want you.”
He couldn’t feel her touch and her words sounded muffled. It was as if his brain had shut down. All he could hear was that she wanted someone else. It was unfair of him to think that. They’d always been open about what they needed and wanted to try. They never shut each other down, but his brain refused to reboot.
“But you like some new guy.”
“I do.” She swallowed. “And you know him.”
He broke out of her grasp. He could barely understand her words and wasn’t sure how to react to it. “I need a few minutes.”
She frowned at him. “For what?”
“Maybe I’m being a dick. But this is coming out of nowhere. I can’t figure out if you’re running scared or…damn it, I don’t know.”
They had a deal and he was the one violating it. They were supposed to talk these things through without judgment, and that’s what she was trying to do.
Pain showed in every line of her face. “I’m not running away from you.”
“I love you.” He needed to say that right then.
“And I love you.”
But it sounded as if she wanted someone else. Not in a fantasy or role-playing way. Not as a harmless “he’s hot” kind of thing. This felt deeper, bigger.
He had no idea how to process it. He hadn’t been expecting the suggestion and his brain refused to adapt.
“Let’s table this.” The words sounded lame, like something one of his rich and annoying clients might say.
She frowned. “What?”
“I have to get up tomorrow and—”
“But…” The color left her face. “You’re evading.”
“I didn’t expect you to be off during the day, finding someone else.” It shot out before he could stop it.
“That’s not what this is.” Anger edged her tone.
They were headed for an apocalyptic fight. It brewed and bubbled around them. Energy pinged and tension had him caught in a stranglehold. He didn’t want any part of it.
And Matthew…Jasper didn’t want to think about him.
“I need to step out.” He broke away from her and headed for the door.
“You’re leaving? But I haven’t even explained everything.” Shock mixed with her obvious frustration.
But he couldn’t comfort her now. Not while bile raced up his throat. “I’ll be back.” That was the point. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He just wanted her. “I need some air.”
“Fine.” She crossed her arms in front of her.
She didn’t get to be furious.
He knew better than to say that. His control ran the edge. One tiny push and this would turn into a yelling match.
He reached down and grabbed his keys. “Give me a few minutes.”
“I’m going to sleep.” Her tone flattened and she didn’t show any signs of telling him not to go.
Part of him appreciated the space. The other part was furious that she found it so easy to give him that. “I’ll take the couch tonight.”
“Do whatever you want.”
She walked away.
And for the second time in a few days, he had the sinking feeling he’d blown it with her.