The days running up to Colin’s launch pass by surprisingly quickly, thank God; most of my days are spent at Colin’s gallery, checking over the installation of the roof and having building control pass it. It’s been chaos there, the decorators and landscapers working through most of the nights to get everything done on time so the launch can go ahead. It is a push, all hands on deck, but we scrape in just on time.

I stop off at the Tesco Express to pick up a bottle of wine, planning my night ahead while the cashier rings it through. A soak in the bath. A glass of wine while I get ready. I have a taxi booked for eight, so I have two hours to slowly preen before I head back to the gallery to celebrate its opening. Stuffing my bottle of wine in my huge slouchy bag, along with a bottle of fizz for Colin, I pay and get on my way, rootling through my bag for my keys when I make it to my front door.

‘Hey, Annie!’

I frown at the wood before me, my grip on the key becoming hard. I recognise that voice. I don’t want to recognise it, and for a fleeting moment I hope I’m hearing things, but as I slowly turn and look over my shoulder, my hopes die. My muscles tense, and the bracelet that Jack gave me starts to burn around my wrist. I glance down, worried, checking that the sleeve of my trench coat is concealing it.

‘Hi, Stephanie,’ I say, tugging my key from the lock, but not before I’ve got the door open so I can escape quickly once we’ve had our pleasantries. What the hell is she doing around here? In particular, outside my flat? Panic begins to consume me as I slowly turn to face her, trying to clear my face of all guilt. She’s pristine as always, her lips blood red to match her long nails. Those fucking nails. I want to cut them off with a hacksaw.

‘I’m parked just down the street,’ she sings, pointing down the road. ‘Jack’s dry cleaner’s is out on the main road, and it’s a total bitch to park there.’ She holds up a suit bag. ‘I knew it must be you.’

I give her a strained smile. ‘How are you?’ I ask, my mind in chaos.

‘Oh, fine. Just running a few errands. Jack needed this for some work thing he’s going to tonight.’ She rolls her eyes, and I just smile, a rabbit caught in the headlights. ‘Got any plans?’

‘Just drinks with some friends,’ I blurt, breaking out in a sweat. Fuck, does she know it’s Colin’s launch night? I should have mentioned that I’m going. Why didn’t I mention that I’m going?

‘Don’t get too drunk.’ She laughs hysterically. ‘I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to let my hair down. Jack and I are out for a nice dinner and a few cocktails.’

‘Sounds great. I hope you have a lovely evening.’ I’m lying through my teeth, of course. I actually hope they have a blazing row and Stephanie realises there’s a serious lack of love coming from Jack’s direction. And she leaves him. Problem solved.

‘Oh, we will.’ She rearranges her bag on her shoulder. ‘Hey, we must do lunch sometime. How about next week?’

I smile tightly, alarmed. What the hell? ‘Sure,’ I murmur, edging into my front hall. ‘That would be nice.’

‘Great.’ She makes off down the road, waving as she goes. ‘Lovely to see you, Annie.’

‘You too,’ I call, then shut the door and fall back against it, utterly exhausted. Shit, I need a drink. She was so bloody happy, and the unreasonable part of my brain is asking if she and Jack are getting on all of a sudden. I can’t think that. I rush to the kitchen in search of the wine and pour as I dial Lizzy, needing to talk to a friend to take my mind off . . . things, even if that friend doesn’t have a clue what’s going on in my life. Distraction. ‘Hey.’

‘Bonjour!’ she answers. ‘Comment allez-vous?’

‘Why are you talking French?’

‘Because I had a French client in today, and oh là là, is he something pleasant to look at.’

‘Ooh, French, ah?’ I sip wine as I make my way to the bathroom to run the bath.

‘Hot as fuck.’

‘Did you make your attraction known?’

‘He’s married. Restricted zone.’

I swallow down my wine on a hard gulp, thanking the Lord I’m not having this conversation with Lizzy face to face. I must be bright red and radiating guilt from every pore. I place my wine on the side of the bath and flip the taps on. ‘Damn shame.’

‘Not for his wife.’ She laughs, and I force myself to laugh too. I swear, my phone is heating up with me. It’s burning my ear.

‘Hey, have you seen your new man again?’ I ask. Apparently their first date went well, and there have been two further dates since, though she’s being sketchy with the details.

‘I’ll tell you about it tonight.’

‘I might not make it tonight. I have the gallery opening, remember. Tell me now. You’ve not even shared his name.’

‘Can’t you slip off early?’

‘I don’t want to be rude, Lizzy.’ I tip some bubbles into the tub, pushing the guilt away for lying to her. Lying. I’m getting way too good at it, and it’s not a quality that I’m proud of. ‘If I can, I’ll call you.’

‘Okay,’ she relents on a drawn-out sigh. ‘Have a good evening at your fancy gallery opening.’

‘Will do,’ I confirm, my guilt now being pushed aside by excitement. I get to spend some time with Jack after the gallery opening. I just have to keep myself together while we’re actually at the gallery. But as soon as we’re out of there, the gloves are off. As well as his clothes.

I hang up, toss my phone to the side and start to strip down, frowning when I realise Lizzy avoided my question of a name again. I make a mental note to call her tomorrow and get one.

I lower myself into the water but I can’t get comfy. The hardness of the tub on my back when I recline annoys me. I shift and move, trying to find a comfortable position, wondering what gives. When one of the diamonds in my bracelet catches one of the spotlights above and sparkles brightly, I realise what’s wrong. I sigh, fondling the charms thoughtfully, shifting and wriggling in the tub. It’s no good. I have no Jack to lie on. Baths will never be the same again. I give up on my relaxing soak and take a shower instead.

 

I stand at the end of the driveway that leads to Colin’s gallery staring up at my new creation, feeling an immense sense of pride. It’s just about perfect, and though it looks shiny new after the renovations, it doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb as was argued by the local authorities on numerous occasions.

I make my way up the drive armed with a bottle of bubbly and wander through the open door. The impressive entrance has spectacular art displayed at every turn.

‘Annie!’ Colin appears and seizes me as I laugh.

‘Hi!’ I let him squeeze me before handing him his champagne.

‘You shouldn’t have.’ He hauls me through to the huge extension at the rear. ‘Just look at it,’ he marvels, gazing up towards the roof. ‘Isn’t it the most spectacular thing you’ve ever seen?’

‘Wonderful,’ I admit, absorbing it for a few moments before taking in the people dotted around in small crowds; some admiring the art, some the building, and some just chatting and sipping fizz. I don’t see Jack, but I spot Richard. He notices me and raises his glass.

‘Here.’ Colin swoops a flute off the tray of a passing waiter and places it in my hand. ‘Have a drink, mingle, and listen to everyone sing your praises.’ He motions to the outside space through the bifold doors. ‘There’s a wealth of people waiting to meet the woman who designed the new home for my masterpieces.’

I actually blush a little, walking out into the minimal garden, where crowds of people are gathered drinking and chatting. But still no Jack. I see the glass cases that Jack suggested, three of them hanging proudly on the brick wall, housing three pieces of Colin’s extraordinary art. ‘Are you hungry?’ Colin asks, indicating a huge table with a buffet laid out. ‘Help yourself if you’re peckish.’

‘Thanks, Colin.’ I forgo the food in favour of my champagne. ‘I’ll grab something soon.’

‘As you wish.’ Colin leads me over to a group of people standing around a tall table.

‘Hi,’ I say, shaking every hand that’s offered to me.

‘Annie, this is Rick.’ Colin introduces me to a stocky man with grey hair and an impressive moustache. ‘I know you’re technically off duty tonight, but he’d love to talk to you about a property he’s thinking of buying.’

Rick smiles brightly at me. ‘Annie, pleasure to meet you.’ His shake is solid; his huge sausage fingers completely wrap around my hand.

‘Pleasure, Rick. Tell me about this property.’

‘It’s a historical building. Protected.’ He almost grumbles, clearly not impressed by that. ‘Off Grosvenor Square. What can I do with it?’

I laugh. ‘Not a lot. Is it derelict?’

‘Completely.’

‘Renovations will be welcome, but English Heritage will be watching like a hawk. Materials will be specified, demolition a total no-go, and specialist tradesmen will need to be drafted in.’

‘What are you saying?’ Rick asks, looking rather displeased.

‘I’m saying it’ll cost you an arm and a leg. But you might be eligible for a grant from English Heritage to help with the financial burden. It’s worth looking into.’

He laughs loudly, taking a swig of Scotch. ‘Maybe I’ll rethink that idea. It sounds stressful. So, tell me, where did you get your inspiration for this place?’ He motions around the garden, up to the roof. I have to say, it looks bloody amazing, everything I hoped it would be.

I smile and let myself get pulled into conversation about work. It’s a welcome reprieve from my racing mind. Where is Jack?

 

Richard finds me when I’m inside getting a refill, and I motion down his front. ‘This is a nice change,’ I say, smiling at his suit.

He laughs and gets a new glass for himself. ‘It’s been a job and a half, but well worth it, I’m sure you’ll agree.’ He looks up to the roof, and so do I.

‘It was the best and worst design move I’ve ever made.’ This roof has caused me more stress than most projects in their entirety.

‘Jack had every faith in you,’ he muses, dropping his eyes back to me.

I sip my champagne, not knowing what I’m supposed to say to that. So I smile awkwardly, looking around the room. ‘He’s not here?’ I try to sound casual, but I know I’ve failed when Richard shakes his head a little.

‘He’s been held up,’ he replies quietly.

I glance at him, fighting to keep cool. He’s been held up? I don’t like Richard’s knowing expression. It’s as if he’s trying to tell me something without actually saying it out loud. Why is Jack held up? What’s happened? I contemplate rushing to the toilets to text him or e-mail him, but I know that would be stupid. Stephanie seemed upbeat earlier during that awful encounter with her. But that’s what the outside world sees. I know it’s not all rosy behind closed doors.

Suddenly fretful, I empty my glass in one gulp and grab another. ‘I hope he makes it,’ I murmur weakly, backing up. ‘Excuse me, I need the ladies’.’ I turn on my heel but get no further than that. My hands immediately begin to shake. My eyes are fixed on the entrance into the gallery, where Jack is standing.

With his wife.

‘Annie!’ Stephanie cries, delighted to see me, like I’m her best friend. She grabs a glass of wine from the waiter and literally throws it down her neck before claiming another. ‘I thought you said you were out with your girlfriends.’ She struts over and plants a peck on my cheek, and my skin literally crawls.

I risk a quick glance at Jack. His face is grave, the twinkle in his eyes dead.

‘I’m not staying for long,’ I murmur. ‘Heading into town to meet them soon.’ The night I’ve been looking forward to for days and days vanishes before my eyes. I’m totally devastated.

‘How lovely.’ Stephanie frees me and moves on to Richard, who is eyeing Jack with all the concern he deserves. ‘Hello, Richard.’

‘Stephanie,’ he says, smiling tightly through a nod. ‘You look stunning as always.’

Her palm hits her chest, her red lips pouting. ‘You’re too kind.’

Yes, he is. She looks like a dog’s dinner, dressed to the nines, her body draped in a long satin dress that’s fit for the opera house, not a gallery. Jack moves in, swallowing hard. ‘Annie.’ He nods formally at me and smiles mildly at Richard, taking what looks like a much needed drink. I’m desperate to ask him what’s happened. Why she’s here. What the hell is going on?

‘Isn’t it wonderful?’ Stephanie gushes, stopping another waiter as he passes and exchanging her empty for a full glass. ‘I mean, really wonderful.’ She raises her glass and toasts the air. ‘To my husband.’

This is fucking awful. ‘To Jack.’ Richard chinks her glass, and I follow suit, mentally planning my escape.

‘And Annie,’ Jack pipes up, making my eyes go all wide. ‘We only built what she told us to.’

I feel my spine stiffen. ‘Thank you.’ I swallow and dive back into my champagne. It’s the only thing keeping me going right now.

‘Of course.’ Stephanie places her well-manicured hand on Jack’s arm, and my eyes involuntarily fall to it, silently screaming at her not to touch him. ‘Annie, Jack’s been so impressed with you.’

I shoot Jack a look, shocked. He’s been talking about me? Is he stupid? ‘It’s just a job.’ I brush it off as best I can.

‘Annie and I are going to make plans for lunch.’ Stephanie sings, clearly thrilled. I, however, am the furthest from thrilled that a person could be, and Jack looks plain horrified.

I’ve got to get out of here. I look past Stephanie’s beaming face, feigning surprise. ‘Oh, there’s Gerard.’ I pluck a name from nowhere and point to the garden. ‘Please excuse me; I must say hello.’

I’m out of there like a shot, walking outside and finding a group of people to muscle in on. The voices in the conversation are a blur of nothing. I try to engage, to listen, just to stop my mind from racing and my eyes from wandering, but no matter how hard I try to focus, my head has other ideas. I glance back casually and see a few more people have joined Jack, Richard and Stephanie, all engrossed in conversation. Jack’s there, but he isn’t, as Stephanie drapes herself all over him, stroking his arm, smiling up at him every so often and throwing glass after glass of wine down her throat. I can’t bear it.

Breaking away from the group, I find my phone and text Lizzy, asking her where they are.

‘I couldn’t get out of it.’ Jack’s voice hits the base of my spine and licks its way to the top, making me shiver. But not in the way it usually does, when I get tingles and have to take a breath and contain my need to devour him. He rounds me and puts himself before me, searching my eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘What happened?’ I ask.

‘She insisted on coming. What could I do?’

I shake my head and move away from him, watchful and wary of our surroundings. ‘I don’t know,’ I admit. ‘Jack, you have to talk her out of arranging lunch with me.’

He laughs, low and sarcastic. ‘How the hell am I going to do that?’

I wilt when I realise he can’t, and it’s mighty unreasonable for me to expect him to. ‘I was so looking forward to tonight.’ I instantly regret letting my thoughts speak. This isn’t his fault. I shouldn’t be making him feel guilty.

‘I know, Annie. I know. She mentioned you ran into each other.’

‘Outside my flat,’ I confirm. ‘She was picking your suit up from the dry cleaner’s.’ I motion down his grey three-piece with my glass. ‘Looks nice, by the way.’

He smiles mildly. ‘You look beautiful, and I can’t even fucking touch you.’ His eyes burn into mine, so much hunger clouding them. ‘I need to see you later. Tell me I can see you later.’

‘How?’ I ask. ‘You’re with your wife.’ I don’t mean to sound resentful, but the truth of it is, I am.

‘I’ll find a way,’ he promises.

‘Now’s not the time to become careless, Jack,’ I warn. ‘Richard knows, and if we’re not careful, your wife will soon figure it out too.’

‘I need to see you,’ he grates, daring me to deny him with his hard stare. ‘Just answer your phone when I call.’ He breaks away, slapping a smile on his face.

‘There you are.’ Stephanie croons, slipping her arm through Jack’s when she joins us. ‘Talking boring work?’

‘As always,’ Jack confirms, looking down at her glass. It’s empty again.

‘Well, enough of that.’ She turns her full body to him and places her lips on his cheek. I vomit in my own mouth, my stomach churning terribly. ‘You need to show your wife a good time.’

My phone chimes in my hand, and I rip my eyes away from the unbearable sight of another woman all over the man I love. ‘Excuse me,’ I murmur, heading back into the gallery as I read Lizzy’s text. I’m going to get so drunk.

I find Colin, thank him and make my excuses, not prepared to allow his evident disappointment make me feel too guilty. He holds on to me, temping me with more fizz, but I stand firm, not letting him succeed in persuading me to stay a bit longer. Nothing would convince me to.

I head to the toilet to freshen up my lipstick, and as I enter the ladies’, the first thing I see is myself in the mirror. I look as terrible as I feel. Pale and traumatised. Bracing my hands on the edge of the stone vanity unit, I breathe in, trying to give myself a pep talk.

Bang!

My eyes shoot past my reflection to the row of cubicles, scanning from side to side, listening carefully. What was that?

Bang!

Sounds of shuffles and whispers come from beyond the door of the far cubicle, and I force myself into stillness, or I try to. My heart isn’t listening to my silent demand to pipe down.

Then the hushed whispers turn into low moans. My blood freezes, the sounds working their way into my brain and cementing themselves there, making sure I’ll never forget them.

Stephanie’s moans.

Moans of ecstasy and pleasure. ‘Take my dress off,’ she pants. ‘Take it off now, Jack.’

My stomach convulses and I double over, physically retching over the sink. Then the shouts start. ‘Oh, Jack! Yes. Take me here. Take me now.’

‘Stephanie,’ Jack growls.

I run out of the ladies’, the combination of heaves from my nausea and body jerks from the instant tears making me stumble and trip as I go. I feel like I could vomit. Panicked and knowing there’s no way I can go back in the ladies’, I fly into the disabled toilet and slam it shut, bracing my hands on the toilet as I try to regulate my breathing. I feel lightheaded and dizzy. I feel sick and betrayed.

A hopeless sob pours free, and I clench my head to try and crush the tormenting sound that’s looping on repeat in my head. ‘No,’ I sob, falling apart, my body racked with ragged emotions. I have to leave. Now.

I wrench the door open and run out of the gallery, and I don’t stop until I reach the end of the road. I flag down the first taxi and dive in. I’m going to find the girls and I’m going to drink myself into oblivion. I hope it’s enough to take me away from this nightmare. I’ve never ventured there. I’ve not allowed my mind to, but when it’s screwing behind a door in front of you, it’s hard to ignore. I feel hurt. Totally devastated. And fury is burning a hole in my senses. I can’t stop it.