Twenty-Three

        My stomach was in knots as I was getting ready for the day. I could hear Jensen up and moving around in the kitchen probably making breakfast for us, but I wasn’t sure if I could stomach anything today. I had sent Alex a message as soon as I was up, asking if he could meet me at the park. His response was pretty quick.

        The smell of bacon wafted in my room and I had to press a hand to my stomach as it rolled. Food was definitely out.

        “Frey! Food’s ready!” Jensen called.

        With one last look in the mirror, I made my way to the kitchen. A smile lit Jensen’s face as I rounded the corner.

        I took a deep breath and words rushed out of me. “No food for me. I have a few errands to run and I’m already running late. I’m sorry, but thank you.”

        “Oh,” he said, his shoulders sagging.

        I had decided against telling Jensen about me leaving. Something told me it wouldn’t go over well, and I was afraid that he would ask me to stay. Or worse, he wouldn’t. It was a conversation I was determined to avoid. I was, however, planning on telling Saw and I needed to beat her out the door or she would be over here before I could stop her.

        I grabbed my bag off the back of the bar stool and hurried to the door, tossing a ‘see you later’ over my shoulder before I closed the door behind me. Saw’s door swung open and she stepped out, raising her eyebrows when she spotted me.

        “Where you headed? I was just coming to visit.” Before she could close her door, I ushered her back into her apartment. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

        I shut her door, then turned to face her. “No. I’m not okay, but I think you knew that. My life has gone completely sideways and I can’t figure out which way is up anymore.”

        “Freya,” she said, reaching out to take my hand. “I want to help you; I just don’t think there is anything that I can do.”

        “There isn’t, and that’s okay, but I’m going to go stay with my parents for a few days. See if maybe getting away from all of this will help.”

        “You’re leaving?”

        “It’s only for a few days.”

        She stared at me for a moment, then let out a breath. “I can’t say that I blame you.” She leaned in wrapping her arms around my waist. “Does this include getting away from me?”

        “Of course not,” I chuckled, giving her a squeeze.

        “Do you think maybe I could come with you?” She pulled back to look at me and I could tell that she was serious.

        “I would love that!” I shrieked. “Do you think Mack would be okay without the both of us?” She patted me on the shoulder and pulled her phone from her pocket.

        “You let me worry about that,” she winked.

        “Thanks, Saw.” I headed for the door, then turned back to her. “I gotta get going. I’m late meeting Alex this morning. It’s time to finally cut him loose.”

        “Yikes. Good luck, though it’s way overdue.”

        I rolled my eyes at her and pulled the door open stepping out.

        Alex was waiting for me right inside the park. He was pacing in a circle with his hands in his pockets. When he looked up, he smiled and waved at me. My heart raced as I tried to figure out how best to break up with him. I hadn’t thought this thru.

        I took a deep breath and walked over to him. As I got nearer, his smile faded.

        “What’s wrong?” He asked, taking my hand.

        The concern in his voice made me feel even worse.

        I pulled my hand from his and shoved my hands in my hoodie pockets. “Will you walk with me?”

        “Of course,” he said and we fell into step beside each other.

        “There’s something I have to tell you and you’re probably not going to like it.” I peeked over at him and could see him working it out.

        “I think I already know.” He shook his head, then pulled me to a stop. “Honey, don’t do it.”

        “I’m so sorry. I think it’s turning out to be more for you than it is for me and I can’t do that to either of us. I can’t explain it all right now and I’m sorry for that too. I have a plane to catch, but as soon as I get back I promise we will talk.” Backing away, I turned to head back to my Tahoe.

        “It’s because of Jensen, isn’t it?” He called after me and I froze. “I’m not blind nor stupid.”

        He had come closer now and I could see the anger in his face. “It… it’s not what you think. I’m sorry I have to go.” I turned on my heel and ran to my Tahoe, not caring that people were staring at the scene we had caused.

        Jensen’s car was gone when I arrived back at the apartment and I was relieved. My whole escape plan had been based off the fact that he would be gone when it was time for me to get my stuff and leave. I sent Saw a quick text letting her know that I was back at the apartment and I would meet her at my Tahoe in ten minutes.

        Once inside my apartment, I ran to my room and grabbed the bags I had packed.  I carried them to the living room and looked around for a moment, making sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. Just as I was walking out the door, I decided to leave Jensen a note.

        I found a piece of paper and pencil and wrote,

Jensen,

I’m sorry it’s such short notice, but I’m going to stay with my parents for a few days. I just need space from everything. I know it probably doesn’t make any sense, but if you want, we can sit down and really talk when I return. If you need anything, call Saw. She will be with me and can give me a message. I hope you understand.

Freya.

        I left it sitting on the breakfast bar where I knew he would find it. He was going to be pissed, but I hoped he would at least understand. Maybe this would do the both of us some good. He could use this time to sort out his own crap and like I said, maybe when I get back we could talk.

        I hurried from the apartment and ran for the parking lot. Fear of Jensen returning propelled me to move fast. To my relief, Saw was waiting beside my Tahoe, cell phone in hand. Her fingers were flying a warp speed across her screen.

        “Are you all set?” I called, pulling open the drivers door.

        “Yes ma’am. He was happy to let me go with you.” Her eyes never left her phone as she spoke and after a few more clicks, she shoved her phone into her pocket and climbed into the passenger side.

        “Thank you so much for dropping everything and coming with me,” I said, climbing into the car.

        “No. Thank you for letting me hitch a ride on your mental breakdown trip.” She smiled up at me and winked. I shoved her arm playfully.

        “Bitch,” I laughed.

        She just grinned at me before her face sobered. “How did Jensen take it?”

        I turned to stare out the windshield, pulling out of the parking lot. “I’m not sure.”

        “What do you mean? You told him, right?”

        “I left him a note,” I admitted, ashamed.

        “Freya! He’s going to lost it when he comes home to find you gone and you only left him a little ol’ letter.”

        “Yeah well I’ve never been good at goodbyes. Plus, it’s not like I’m not coming back.” She didn’t respond, but that was okay. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know how bad of an idea that was.

        Once we arrived at the airport, I parked quickly. When we finished going through security, I was leading Saw towards our terminal when she pulled me to a stop.

        “I did a thing and I hope you will be okay with it,” she said, sheepishly.

        Before I could open my mouth to demand to know what it was I heard a squeal and someone wrapped their arms around me from behind.

        “I invited June,” Saw blurted, grinning up at me.

        A grinned stretched my lips and I turned to return June’s hug.

        “You are friggin’ brilliant, Saw!” I laughed.

        “I’m so excited! We get to see your home, meet the folks and mend your heart! This is going to be a fantastic trip!”

        “I’m so happy you guys are coming with me!” I pulled out of June’s embrace and turned to look at Saw “You guys are the best.”

        My friends grinned at me and happiness swelled inside me. For the first time in my life I had friends. And not just any friends. They were two of the most amazing people I had ever had the pleasure of knowing. My parents were going to be over the moon when they meet them.

        

        As we landed in St. Louis, I let out a sigh of relief. I was almost home and I couldn't wait to surprise my parents in a few hours. I hadn’t told them we were coming, but I knew they would be happy to have us. Even if it was only for a few days.

        We had barely made it out of the terminal when signal returned to our phones when mine and Saw’s chimed wildly. I looked to each of my friends before digging through my bag until my hand connected with my phone. Panic welled up inside me as I opened the messages.

        “Holy shit! I have over a dozen missed calls and messages from Jensen and Alex.” I exclaimed, looking to Saw.

        “Same,” she said, nodding her head looking a lot calmer than I felt.

        I thumbed through the messages and noticed that only one had been from Alex and it had been a simple ‘Please call me’. There were just too many from Jensen to sort through now and I wasn’t sure I wanted to deal with it yet.  

        Just as I was shoving my phone back into my bag, Saw’s phone rang.

        “It’s Jensen,” she said, looking up at me. “What do you want me to do?” I wasn’t sure what I wanted, so I just shrugged. She answered.

“Jensen.” She pulled the phone from her eat, waiting a moment, then returned it to her ear. “I won’t tell you a damn thing until you can talk in a more civil tone.” She said, rolling her eyes. “You’re forgiven.” She continued to listen for a while before pulling the phone from her ear, looking at me. “How much can I tell him?”

        “Everything,” I said quickly. I wasn’t trying to hide things from him.

        She spoke quickly, not bothering to be sensitive or beat around the bush. I could see her losing her patience and from what I could tell he kept trying to interrupt her.

        “No! She doesn’t want to talk to you. She needs space.” She paused a moment, listening. She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes again. “Listen, Jensen. You made your choice when she told you how she felt. She’s trying to ignore her feelings and move on because you are her best friend and she wants to hold on to that.” She closed her eyes and took a breath. When she spoke again her voice was softer. “You’re not a bad guy, babe. She’s just doing what is right for her and she’s doing it to cause the least amount of damage to the both of you. There is no blame her, Jensen.”

        My lip trembled and I wiped at my face trying to erase the escaped tears. I didn’t want to become a crying mess in the airport. That would just be sad. June’s had slid into mine. I looked over at her and she gave a small smile. I looked back to Saw, feeling a little more in control.

        “Maybe this will be the perfect time for you to work your own stuff out. You have some serious demons holding you back from something great, big guy and I think you know that. You take care of you and I got our girl.” She looked to me and winked. “We’ll see you soon.”

        She hung up, then smiled at me and I tried to return it, but I just didn’t have it in me. I felt like I was being pulled apart and I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was so out of sorts with everything and I wasn’t sure if leaving was the right move anymore. As much as I wanted to see my parents I wish I hadn’t come; and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.