Chapter 1
“There are no words that can make any sense of this day,” Kate spoke softly into the microphone. Maybe the softest she'd ever spoken in her life. For the first time, in a long time, she felt as if her words were pointless. She'd had months to prepare for this day, but it didn't matter. Giving the eulogy at your best friend's funeral service could never really be prepared for. “Hope was taken far too soon.” She took in a deep breath through her nose and looked out at the audience before her. “She was a great friend, sister, wife, and, most importantly, a terrific mother.”
In the front row, surrounded by his two children, Greyson Beckett offered her a comforting smile. Kate felt a heaviness in her chest as she stared back at Hope's husband. Hope's widower. They’d made such a beautiful family.
Life is so unfair.
She wanted to scream it into the microphone. She wanted to let the tears fall that she'd been holding back all morning—all week—but she wouldn't. At least not in front of a room full of people that were depending on her to be strong. She had to be the glue that held this bunch together. Hope was gone now. It was up to her.
“Not a day will go by that I won't think of Hope and how much she meant to me. To all of us.”
She let her eyes wander down the church pew to the faces of Willa and Vanessa—her two living best friends. For so many years there had been four of them. Four friends who did everything together. Four friends who shared secrets, dreams, and countless bottles of wine. They knew each others' favorite things, and, even more, they knew who, what, and why someone or something pissed off the other. They were the kind of friends that most women wished for. The kind of friends that women were jealous of.
And now there were three.
Looking at the two of them she wondered how they were going to get by without her. Hope had always been the center—the planner, the wrangler, the core of their group. Vanessa gave a slight nod, silently reassuring her that she could make it through the eulogy. Kate could practically feel Vanessa’s warmth and comfort wrap around her as she looked back down at the note cards she'd prepared for the day.
Kate had read from thousands of note cards over the years. She spent hours preparing opening and closing arguments for high profile court cases during her career as a lawyer, and never once faltered on a word. It's why she was one of the highest paid litigators in Chicago. It's why Hope had asked her to give her eulogy. Today she could barely string the words together to make a sentence.
“Hope was the true embodiment of her name,” Kate said after clearing her throat. “I have never met a person that was more encouraging than her. In fact, it was her that encouraged me to do this. To stand in front of all of you and share my thoughts and fond memories of a person that was taken from us far too soon,” Kate continued. The words seemed to come easier the further she read on. “I'm sure that everyone in this room has been on the receiving end of one of Hope's pep talks at some point in their life,” Kate paused, a soft laugh escaped her lips. “I don't know that I would have made it through law school without her motivating, sometimes pointed words.” She smiled. The memories of Hope telling Kate to “get her shit together” were as true then as they were now. She looked up to see the audience smiling and chuckling and Kate knew she wasn't the only one who'd received a lecture about “making the most of a situation” or being “strong enough to survive anything.”
If only Hope could have been strong enough, she thought and immediately felt bad. Hope had been strong, just not stronger than Stage 4 breast cancer. She'd fought it though. Until the very end.
“Beau and Marli,” Kate said, looking at Hope's two beautiful children. Beau was eight with his dad's charming good looks and his mother's slightly crooked smile. Marli had just turned six and had her mother's wavy dark hair and big brown eyes. “Your mom would want me to reassure you that even though she isn't here, there are plenty of pep talks coming your way. This room is filled with people who loved her and love you. She will always be with you. We’ll make sure of it.” Kate turned her attention to Greyson before she started to cry. “And you too.” Greyson smiled back and nodded silently saying “he was counting on it.”
“I think it's safe to say that Hope left a lasting impression on everyone she ever met and we will miss her each and every day.” As she stepped down from the podium, she placed her hand on the casket where her best friend lay and felt her heart break just a little more.
* * *
“You did a great job,” Vanessa said as she slipped her hand into Kate's.
Kate used her free hand to tuck a strand of her brown hair behind her ear. With Vanessa on one side of her, and Willa on the other, Kate felt a little bit stronger than she had standing in front of the sanctuary full of people. They were the last to leave and even though they had known that this day was coming, each of them spent a few minutes in silence saying their goodbyes to their dear friend.
“She would have like it,” Willa said. “Especially since you made it through without dropping an F-bomb.”
“Can you imagine?” Kate chuckled. “She would have been mortified.” The three of them laughed softly as they made their way toward the black town car that would take them to the cemetery.
“That's why she didn't pick me,” Willa added. “I'm not very good with the filter.”
“You definitely are not,” Kate concurred as they slid into the back seat of the car.
“It's why we love you,” Vanessa added, at Willa closed the door. The three of them sat in silence for a moment, knowing that the car they were in was about to take them to Hope's final resting place. “This is all so surreal.”
“Right?” Kate spoke up. “No matter how many times I thought about this day, it's so much harder than I expected.”
“And we had months to prepare,” Willa said. “I'm so pissed at her for doing this to us.”
“Willa,” Kate said with a scolding look.
“Don't Willa me, Kate,” she snapped back. Willa had taken all of this the hardest and was definitely in the anger stage of her grieving. “It's bullshit. All of this. Who gets cancer at thirty-two? She was young and healthy. It shouldn't have been like this.” Willa was never very good at hiding her emotions, which were in full swing as they rode to Andrews Cemetery. “Those sweet children are going to grow up without a mother. Greyson is going to be a wreck without her bossing him around. And what about us? How in the hell are we supposed to function without her? We need her, damn it.”
“We'll manage,” Kate told her, staring out the window. She agreed with all that Willa was saying, but it wasn’t the time or the place for an outburst. “Stop being so emotional.”
“Maybe you should try being more emotional,” Willa spat back at her friend.
“Stop it,” Vanessa said in a pleading tone. “This is not the time for this.”
“For what?” Willa asked. “For shedding a tear? I think it's the perfect time. Kate on the other hand seems to be completely void of emotion. You know I haven't even seen you cry?”
“I've cried,” Kate countered. “Just not in the back seat of a car with a stranger driving us around.” Kate looked to the driver who glanced in his rearview mirror. “No offense.” He gave her a nod of acceptance. He'd surely seen all kinds of outbursts driving people during funerals. Kate was sure this wasn't the worst.
“Enough.” Vanessa said from the middle seat as she placed her hands on Kate and Willa's. “There is no right way to grieve,” she said. “You want to cry?” She looked at Willa. “Cry.” She turned her attention to Kate. “You don't? Don't. But for the love of God, please don't make this car ride any harder than it already is. We need to be there for each other, not at each other’s throat. There are three people in that car in front of us that need us to keep it together.”
Kate and Willa both nodded. Vanessa was speaking the truth and they knew it. Greyson and the kids needed them. The last thing he needed was the few people that he had in his life falling apart.
“I'm sorry,” Willa said in true Willa fashion. The girl could be as mad as hornet one minute and as cuddly as kitten the next. On any other day Kate would have told her she was bat shit crazy, but today was not the day. She'd save it for their next go-round.
Kate and Willa had always been polar opposites in almost every way. Kate had a seriousness about her that she couldn't shrug off if she tried. Willa, on the other hand, didn't have a serious bone in her body. As different as they were it didn't mean they didn't love each other. They had the kind of friendship where they could talk shit to each other, but the second anyone else did they'd go to battle for one another. Kate felt bad for Vanessa since she'd have to referee them on her own now. At least when Hope was alive it was two on two.
“Me too,” Kate said, trying not to sound begrudging. The truth was, Kate was a little jealous that Willa was so free with her emotions. Being a lawyer had seemed to suck the compassion right out of her. Poised and poignant were more her cup of tea.
As they pulled to a stop on the gravel lane that led through the cemetery, Kate looked over at the small white tent that had been erected over Hope's burial plot. There had been a chance of rain, but so far the sky had been sunny and blue. She wondered to herself if Hope had anything to do with it. She'd never been particularly religious, but something about the sun shining down on Hope's family and friends on one of the hardest days of their lives made her think that there had to be something else out there. At least that’s what she let herself believe that day.