Chapter Thirty-Seven – Maddie

 

I relax back on the bed a little. For the first time in months, I feel like I can actually let go.

Pearce has left California – I don't need to be a mind-reader, but he has no reason to stay here. I made it clear that he wasn't getting any help from me anymore. I have my own life to think about now, my own growing up to do. I can't be the grown up for both of us anymore.

And judging by the still-untitled essay on the page in front of me, I have a long way to go on the growing up scale. But life is like an essay: you just have to find the right words to put it together.

Someone knocks at the door quietly. I frown and look at Megan. She shrugs a shoulder and focuses back on her school work. I move my books over and slide off the bed, wondering who it could be. Lila would walk right in and Kay... Well, it's no surprise we have no idea where she is.

Braden's bright blue eyes crash into mine when I open the door. Shit shit shit shit!

“What are you doing here?” I hiss, pulling the door closed behind me.

“I came to see my girl.” He kisses me.

“Braden, this is the girl's dorm! You'll get your ass kicked by Kay if she finds out you've been here.”

“You could at least act happy to see me.”

“I'm a little surprised.” And panicking. Panicking, yes. Yes. Ah. Shit.

“Can I come in?” He knocks on the door, and springs creak inside. “Who's that if Kay's not here?”

“Megan,” I squeak out. “We're doing school work.”

He frowns. “Angel, are you okay? You sound a little.... Off.”

“I'm just worried you'll be caught.” Or that I will be.

“Let me in then. She won't find out.”

“We could always go out,” I offer.

Braden frowns and moves around me. Before I can say anything, he pushes the door open.

Megan is scrunching a large piece of paper into a ball. That and a corner of paper on the wall are the only telltale signs anything was there.

“What are you doing?” Braden says with a hint of amusement, looking at Megan.

“Nothing.” She smiles nervously. “Just, er, collecting some trash. Maddie has loads of it in her room.”

I follow Braden's eyes as he looks around the room. The spotless room.

“This room is cleaner than a hospital, Meggy,” he says. He turns to me. “Is everything okay?”

I nod. “It's fine. Meg, why don't you put that trash in the trashcan?”

She beams. “Good idea, Maddie. Good idea.” She throws it across the room and it lands in the basket Kay and I use.

“You two are acting weird. Are you sure that was trash?” Braden looks between us.

“Positive.” I nod again.

It doesn't stop his suspicious look. Megan fidgets uncomfortably.

“Why do I get the feeling you're hiding something from me? Especially you, Meggy,” Braden asks.

“I don't know,” she squeaks.

“Let's go out.” I pat his arm and slip my feet into some pumps.

“You are acting weird. What was that? Really?”

“Nothing!” I tug at his arm.

Braden shakes me off and crosses the room towards the trashcan. I look at Megan, panic welling inside me. She returns my fearful look with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. I stare at her, unable to move my eyes towards Braden as I hear the crinkling of paper being unwrapped. 

My stomach is churning. Great big elephants are somersaulting in it. I want to be sick.

“'Operation Play the Player?'” He looks at Megan first then me. “Enlighten me, girls. What exactly was the point? I think I have a pretty good idea.”

Breathe, Maddie, breathe.

“Come on!” he says loudly. “What are you so desperate to hide?”

“To make you fall in love,” Megan says softly, dragging her eyes away from me and towards him.

“With Maddie?”

“With Maddie,” she clarifies, looking down.

“The whole time? That's what it was? A game?”

“Yes,” she whispers.

Tense silence spreads through the room, and I still haven't let my breath out. I can't. I meet his eyes, finally. I....

“Congratulations, you won.” He looks at me, his eyes raw with pain yet his face completely blank. “Consider it a success, Maddie. You got what you wanted.”

He sweeps past me, and the breath finally whooshes from my lungs. That movement jolts me into action, and I realize.

He knows. He's leaving.

It's not true. It's not a game. It's real. It's as real as anything I've ever known.

“Braden!” I yell, turning from Megan and flying down the dorm stairs after him. “Braden!”

I shove the heavy main door open, and he's walking down the pavement towards the frat house, his head hanging.

“Braden!” I yell one last time, desperation tinging my voice.

He stops, looks over his shoulder at me, and shakes his head. He keeps on walking. He disappears around the corner.

I collapse back against the wall and cover my mouth with my hand. Tears brim in my eyes, and I shake my head the same way he did. A heavy feeling is settling in my chest with the weight of the elephants that were somersaulting in my stomach earlier. My stomach clenches and I know.... I know whatever we had is gone. It's lost.

Because I didn't remove that stupid poster six days ago, when I should have.