“If I gave you the entire balance of my 401k, would you move here?” I asked Sabrina.
My best friend started laughing hysterically into the phone.
This had become an ongoing joke between us: me begging her to move from Seattle to Montana, her stubbornly refusing.
“Sorry, lady. Not happening. Didn’t you say that it snowed six inches last night?”
“Shit, I shouldn’t have told you that. It will melt. Winter is not eternal around here.”
“Yeah, it’ll melt in March or April, but it’s only December. I can’t live in a place where the snow sticks for four or five months in a row. Your 401k isn’t big enough to pay for the large winter wardrobe that I’d require to live in Montana.”
“I’m seriously considering finding a new best friend.”
“Uh-huh. You’re stuck with me and you like it.”
She was right. The two of us would be friends forever. When our families eventually committed us to a nursing home, we’d arrange to be roommates.
Sabrina MacKenzie and I had met by chance the first week that I’d moved to Seattle. We had both been shamelessly bribing the owner of a small apartment complex for his last open unit. When we’d figured out that he’d been scamming us both, we’d told him to fuck off and moved in together. She’d been my partner in crime ever since.
We complemented each other. My attitude hadn’t scared her away, and I had bulldozed my way into her vacant best-friend position. She called me on my shit, and because of it, I’d learned to see my attitude for what it was, a defense mechanism. I didn’t need that defense with Sabrina. She saw me for me, and because she’d always have my back, I had found the courage to come home.
If only I could convince her to move to Montana. These phone calls to keep apprised of each other’s lives weren’t enough.
“Working on any cool stories?” I asked.
She was an investigative reporter for The Seattle Times. Her tendency to dig deep had gotten her into more than one dangerous situation in the past but she’d always come out on top. Still, I worried about her pissing off the wrong people one of these days.
“I’ve got something in the works but it’s too early to talk about. How’s work going for you?” she asked.
“Yuck. Next subject please.”
“How is your expedition to apologize to everyone in Montana?”
I rolled my eyes. Like Silas, Sabrina thought I was being overly self-critical. “It’s going fine.”
“What’s happening with that chick from high school? Any progress on finding out what’s going on with her?”
“Khloe. And no, not since I talked to you after Thanksgiving. I called her twice more this week but she didn’t answer.”
“Don’t give up,” Sabrina said. “It might take time for her to trust and confide in you. Besides, you never know. Maybe she really is just accident-prone.”
“She had a black eye two weeks after she broke her arm. My mother is accident-prone and has never had two injuries like that back to back. Something isn’t right.”
Thanksgiving morning, I had run into Khloe at the grocery store. Literally. My cart had slammed right into hers as we’d both rounded the same corner. She had been wearing huge sunglasses but they hadn’t covered up all the purple and blue around her eye and cheek. When I’d asked her what had happened, she’d ignored me and run off in the opposite direction.
“I bet it’s her husband,” Sabrina said. “You said it yourself, he used to beat up his girlfriends in high school.”
“I’m trying not to judge but I have a feeling you’re right.”
“Speaking of injured women, how is your mom doing?”
“Good. I took her into the hospital this week to get her stitches out and we scheduled new tests for the beginning of January. Now we just have to hope there’s something more we can do for her.”
“Any progress on getting her to move in with you?”
“Nope.” Twice I had asked Mom to consider coming to live with me but she had declined my offer without explanation. It baffled me that she was so unwilling to leave that trailer park.
“Has Terrible Tyson called you lately?” she asked.
I smiled. “Not once.” My matchmaking scheme had worked. Tyson and Andrea had become a new item, and rumor had it, she was currently on an extended vacation in Seattle. If Andrea ended up leaving Prescott, Gigi had promised to throw me a parade.
“And Sexy Silas?”
“No nicknames. You haven’t even met him. How do you know he’s sexy?”
“Because you want him, which means he’s sexy.”
“He’s just a friend.”
“Don’t forget who you’re talking to, Felicity Cleary. I can read right through all your friend bullshit. You want more.”
“Maybe,” I sighed. “I don’t know. When I first got back, I thought maybe we could be more but the more time goes by, the more I think there’s too much for us to overcome. I don’t know if we can even manage friendship. A relationship feels . . . impossible.”
It had been three weeks since my dinner with Silas at the café and I hadn’t seen or heard from him since. We had ended the night on such a fun and positive note, I’d been sure that we were making progress. Apparently, I’d been wrong.
“Don’t give up,” Sabrina said.
“Hope at this point would be silly and I’m done making a fool of myself over men. Can we drop this? It’s bumming me out.”
“Fine. What else?” she asked. “I need more. I miss you desperately and these phone calls are barely cutting it.”
“Sorry, that’s all I have to report. And I miss you too. Promise to come visit me soon?”
“As soon as the dastardly snow and ice disappear, I’ll be there.”
“Okay,” I sighed. “Call me next week?”
“It’s a date. Love you, lady.”
“Right back atcha.” I made a kiss-kiss sound and hung up.
Standing from my cozy espresso leather sectional in the living room, I walked to one of the large windows that overlooked my small front yard. The snow we’d gotten last night had blanketed everything and I’d forgotten how peaceful and dreamlike the winters here could be.
“Get to work, Felicity,” I told myself.
It was Saturday and I had planned on catching up on some overdue tasks. Instead, I’d been procrastinating. Work wasn’t giving me the satisfaction it used to. The excitement I used to find from the fast-paced, crazed environment now just felt stressful, which made the hellish hours I’d been putting in miserable.
Screw it. There was no way I was going to work today so I bundled up and went outside to shovel snow.
Thirty minutes later, I was halfway done with my own driveway and working my way up my seventy-three-year-old neighbor’s.
“Ugh,” I grunted as I heaved a large scoop off Mrs. Porter’s driveway. “Damn, that’s heavy.” I stood and wiped a bead of sweat from my forehead.
It was below freezing, but my entire body was sticky and the hair under my hat was matted. I rested for a moment, taking a deep breath of the cold, dry air.
“Hey,” a deep voice said behind me.
“Ahh!” I jumped and screamed. The snow in my shovel went flying through the air, coming right back down on my head.
Silas started chuckling as I spun around and glared. “Give a girl some warning, would you?” I bent down and picked up a handful of snow. Balling it, I threw it at his face but he dodged my shot.
“Where have you been?” I snapped.
“Working. Why? Did you miss me?”
Yes. “No.”
He smirked. “Sure you didn’t.”
“Whatever. What are you doing here?”
“Came to take you to a party. The Slaters are having a small gathering to celebrate the opening of Nick’s new garage.”
I frowned. “I’m not going to crash a party. I wasn’t invited.”
“It’s not crashing when you’re with me because I was invited.”
“Well, I’m disgusting. I can’t go looking like this and I’m not done shoveling yet.”
He stepped closer. “Just go with it. I’ll finish this.”
I held my breath as he took the shovel from my hands. When his body was that close to mine, I had trouble remembering our relationship was platonic. At this very moment, all I wanted was to invite him inside to share my shower. I imagined his big hands soaping me up, his strong fingers shampooing my hair and his chiseled torso glistening with water droplets.
“Are you okay?” he asked, pulling me out of my fantasy.
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Just hot from the shoveling,” I lied. “I’ll be ready in a bit. Just come on in and make yourself at home.”
He nodded and I darted around him, glad to put some distance between us. The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering with abandon just because he had come over. I had to get myself under control. I couldn’t keep having these sexual thoughts about Silas. It was just begging for trouble.
I had always initiated sex with Silas. He’d never once made the first move. What would happen to my heart if I made a move and he didn’t return it? Staying friends was safer. Besides, he didn’t seem to be affected by me like I was him, so I had to push those desires aside.
Good luck with that.
An hour later, the shoveling had been done and I was ready for the party.
“Sorry,” I said. “I went as fast as I could.” My hair had been washed and dried and my makeup was heavier than I wore during the day. I had changed into jeans, knee-high black boots and a simple black cashmere sweater. “What have you been up to?” I asked as we drove through town in his large black truck.
“I’ve been crazy busy at the ranch. Dad wants to tune up all of our equipment this winter so I’ve become a grease monkey. On top of that, Beau and I have been spending our nights at the motel helping Maisy convert one of her rooms into a little apartment. We added a kitchenette and washer-dryer. It’s been a pain in the ass but we finally finished yesterday.”
I tried to mask my jealousy with a fake smile. “It’s nice of you to help her out. That will make a good addition to the motel.”
I’d gotten nothing but radio-silence for three weeks, but of course he’d made time to see Maisy. My jealousy was ridiculous. He was just doing something nice for her, but still, I was green.
“Felicity.” His tone was full of reproach.
“What?”
“This idea you have in your head about me and Maisy being more than friends? It’s crazy.”
I really wanted to believe him. “Tell me more about this party.”
“Felicity,” he said again.
“I get it.” Lie. “You’re just friends.” So are we. “The party?”
He sighed and didn’t push me further. “Nick and Emmeline Slater opened up a garage a couple months ago. Nick’s a killer mechanic. He used to run the fire station but quit to open Slater’s Station. Have you met them yet?”
“No, but I’ve heard of them. Gigi told me a story awhile back. Something about them being married but not seeing one another for nine years. Is that right?”
“Yeah. They got married young, split, then randomly both landed in Prescott. This spring they went through some bad shit but things are good for them now. They’re having a little boy in March or April. I can’t remember exactly when.”
“What was the ‘bad shit’ that happened last spring?”
“A motorcycle gang tried to kidnap her and then her dad’s fiancée tried to kill her.”
“Come on.” I laughed. “Tell me the truth. What happened?”
“I’m completely serious. It was fucked up.”
My mouth fell open. “Holy hell,” I muttered. “Maybe I need to dig out my stun gun.”
Silas chucked—even though I hadn’t been joking—as he pulled into a large parking lot next to a huge, maroon steel building. I hopped out and followed him inside, passing through a nice office and into a big, open garage. Two overhead doors fronted the building, another at the back. In the middle of the concrete floor were three hydraulic car lifts. Tool benches, drawers and shelves lined the walls.
It looked like the majority of the party guests had already arrived and were congregated by a refrigerator and a long table full of salads and hot dogs. I smiled, relieved to see mostly familiar faces. Gigi rushed over for a hug while Jess shook Silas’s hand.
“Hi!” Gigi said. “Come meet everyone.” She pulled me right into the middle of the group and started making introductions.
“Nick and Emmeline Slater, meet my sister-in-law, Felicity Cleary.”
“I’m so glad you could come,” Emmeline said. “We’ve all been dying to meet you.” Emmeline was a beautiful woman with long auburn hair. She had to be at least six months pregnant because her belly took up the majority of her small frame.
“Thank you for having me. This is quite the place,” I said, looking around the room again. A classic Chevrolet Chevelle was on the far side of the room. “Cool car.”
“Thanks,” Nick said, extending his hand. “It will look better when we get it all shined up and repainted. Glad to finally meet you.” Nick was handsome with a thick brown beard. He wasn’t quite as tall as Silas but had the same athletic build.
“Ooh,” Emmeline gasped. Our crowd silenced and looked at her with concern. She smiled and waved us off. “Just a strong kick. He does that when I’m hungry.”
Nick immediately rushed to get her a plate of food and settle her in a chair. The way he hovered over his wife, making sure she was comfortable at all times, was adorable.
I didn’t know if I’d ever get a chance to have children, but if I did, I wished for a man who treasured me and his unborn child that much. I never wanted to worry that I’d come home one day to find my husband and the father of my children had decided that living life with us was just too much of a hassle. Thanks for that, Dad.
“Do you know Milo Philips?” Gigi asked, pulling me away from my thoughts.
I nodded. “Good to see you again, Milo.”
Seeing the burn scars that lingered along Milo’s jaw and forehead made my heart heavy. Those scars were from an explosion that Wes had caused. It had permanently marked Milo’s skin and had nearly cost Jess his life. Jess and Milo were both healthy and happy, but if Wes hadn’t been into drugs, they wouldn’t have been injured in the first place.
Another apology. Wes had wreaked havoc all because I’d asked him to try meth.
“And you know all of the Holts,” Gigi said.
I smiled and waved to Beau, Maisy and their younger brother, Michael. It was times like this that I realized my sixteen-year absence had been much too long. The last time I’d seen Michael Holt, he’d been in grade school. Everywhere Beau had gone, little Michael had followed. Now he was a full-grown man and the newly appointed fire chief.
“Aunt Lissy!” Rowen screeched. She had been running around the room and finally spotted me.
I bent down and touched her freckled nose. “Hi, Roe. Having fun?”
She smiled. “Want to watch me eat a hot dog?”
“I’d love to. Where’s Ben?” I’d been carrying around a little car in my purse to use in my pursuit of his affection. It was working. He’d finally started warming up to me.
Rowen turned and pointed to where Maisy’s son and Ben were hiding behind a box, playing on the floor. In just a couple short weeks, my nephew would be turning one and I was looking forward to attending my first birthday party at the farmhouse. Jess and Mom had both warned me that Gigi had a tendency to go over the top and I couldn’t wait to see it firsthand. I was done missing family parties.
An hour later, our crew had eaten and the natural divide happened; the men huddled to discuss cars and sports while the women visited about the men and kids. The longer the evening progressed, the more out of place I began to feel.
I wanted to fit in with these women but I didn’t know how. I didn’t have much in common with them so I kept quiet and stoically smiled, hoping that this would be easier in time.
At a break in the conversation, I escaped to refill my wineglass.
“Hi, Felicity.” Maisy came up to my side.
“Hi. How are you?” This was the first time she’d ever approached me without apprehension, which, in turn, made me suspicious.
“Good. Are you all settled into your new house?”
“Uh, I am. It feels nice to call Prescott home again.” Small talk was not my forte and I racked my brain for something, anything, to talk about so we wouldn’t land on the weather. “Silas said you remodeled one of your rooms?”
She looked over my shoulder to the men. Silas was laughing with Jess, and my breath hitched at the sight of his gorgeous and pure smile.
“Yep!” Maisy said, pulling my focus. “If it’s a hit with the tourists, I’m going to convert another room next fall. Silas has been so busy at the ranch that when he said he’d take a break to help Beau, I jumped all over it. Having them do the work for free saved me a fortune.”
“He’s a great friend.” And you two seem very close. Tell me, are you in love with him? I took a sip of my wine to keep that line of questioning to myself.
“He’s easy to lean on.”
“That he is.”
“It’s too bad we don’t have any chemistry,” she said. “He’d be, like, the perfect man for me if I could stomach kissing him.”
I coughed and choked on my wine as she giggled.
“Well, I better go check on Coby. Good to see you, Felicity.” She walked away, leaving me completely dumbfounded. How had she known exactly what to tell me to put my jealousy to rest?
I shook off my shock and rejoined the party.
An hour later, I was glad to be heading home. I was sleepy from all the wine and ready for my bed.
“Did you have fun?” Silas asked.
“I did,” I said. “Thanks for inviting me.”
The last hour had been much better than the first. I had more in common with Emmeline than I’d originally thought and, as an avid Sons of Anarchy fan, I’d been fascinated when she’d told me about how Nick’s dad and brother were in a motorcycle club.
“You’re not lying to me, are you?” Silas asked. “That goes against the rules of friendship.”
“No, I’m not lying. It was fun. Maybe a little awkward at first.”
“Why?”
“Honestly? Even though I’m from here, sometimes I’m not sure how to act. I’m just . . . trying not to make waves.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to be like Andrea anymore. That mean girl who never grew up. I want to make new friends here and not be fodder for gossip. I know that I have a sharp tongue so I’m just trying to keep it behind my teeth and make sure I don’t offend anyone.”
“Hmm,” he muttered as he pulled into my driveway.
“Well, good night. Thanks for taking me tonight. And for shoveling earlier.” I reached for the door handle, but before I could pull it open, Silas grabbed my elbow.
“Lis,” he said gently, “you don’t need to stifle yourself to make friends. That spirit you have? It’s what makes you special. Don’t smother that fire because you think others won’t like it. They’ll be drawn to it, just like I am. And if I ever hear you compare yourself to Andrea Merkuso again, I’ll take you over my knee.”
My chest swelled with emotion and I fought to breathe. It never ceased to amaze me how much this man understood me. All of me. His words? They were everything I needed to hear.
I couldn’t lose myself on my quest to better myself.
The right thing to say wasn’t coming to mind, so instead, I leaned across the cab and placed my hand on his cheek. Softly, I brushed my lips to his and whispered, “Thank you.”
When I pulled back an inch, his hands came to the sides of my face, then his mouth was back on mine, rough and demanding. I melted as his tongue coaxed my lips open and slid inside. We kissed without restraint, my hands wandering over his muscled chest as he slanted my head so he could take my mouth exactly the way he wanted.
What did this mean? Did he want more? Questions flitted through my head but I pushed them away and enjoyed the sensation of his lips against mine. I’d been waiting, aching for this moment for so long, I wanted to relish it. His kiss left me breathless and I panted when he pulled back and broke away.
“We should stop,” he said.
My heart fell with my shoulders. I tried to hide my crushing disappointment as I leaned back into my half of the cab. “I’m sorry. You’re right. We can’t do this again. We’ll just end up in bed and then probably get into a fight. We agreed to be friends and that’s what we should be. It’s my mistake. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“Lis, that’s not—”
“I’m going to go, okay? Before this gets weird. Let’s just forget it ever happened. Thanks again for tonight.” I opened the handle and jumped out of the truck before he could say anything else or I could make a bigger fool of myself.
I waved and forced a smile as I rounded the hood of the truck and walked to my front door. When I was safely inside, I leaned back against the door, glad that Silas couldn’t see the pain of rejection on my face.
Silas
“I should get a fucking medal for self-restraint,” I muttered.
I had wanted nothing more than to carry Felicity into the house and spend the night deep inside her, but I’d vowed to take this slowly. We weren’t in a good place yet and sex would just complicate things. I just hoped that I hadn’t alienated her tonight and that one day, she’d understand why I’d stopped that kiss.
She was lonely and doubting her every move. Before we took the next step, I wanted her in a better mental place. Whenever we’d been together in the past, it had always been so dramatic. She’d been drunk. She’d been angry. She’d been heartbroken by the love of her life.
This time around, I didn’t want her running to me as an escape.
This time around, I wanted her to finally choose me just because I made her happy.