Chapter Six
Jasper
I’d expected a lot more pain, if I was honest with myself. Hayden tried to help some with warm blankets and having me walk around, but soon, the abdominal pains turned to a ring of fire, and, before I knew it, I heard the wails of my babe.
Hayden inspected him quickly, and, after nodding to me, which I took as a sure sign all toes and fingers were accounted for, he placed the babe at my breast and helped me, still in my stupor, figure out the right position.
And just like that, I went from nourishing a baby inside me, to feeding him with my body on the outside.
Baby making and birth and feeding were all miracles.
Watching my son hungrily take long gulps of my milk, I cried while Hayden cleaned me up as much as possible.
“He’s a good, strong boy, Jasper. I want to weigh him in a minute, but he looks like he might topple ten pounds. It’s just astounding to me after all you’ve been through.”
It was astounding to me I was here holding my babe at all. If Dash had his way, neither one of us would even be breathing, in or out.
“He’s acting like he’s starving.” I tried to position him to the other breast and failed. Hayden rushed to my side and helped me again with the positioning and assured me I would get it right after a few tries.
“I’m sure you’ve been a little nauseous the past day or so, right? Sometimes, pregnant people lose their appetite right before labor. We are all different.”
I thought it over. He was right. I had reached for food several times over the last couple of days but found myself not hungry. Who knew?
Hayden came to the bedside after flitting around the room a little more and put his hand on my shoulder. “Can we chat about something?”
I knew what he wanted to talk about, more or less. “Sure.”
“First, look at your babe. He’s breast milk wasted. That’s how you know they are really asleep.” He picked up my son’s tiny but chunky hand and lifted it, and the babe made no stir at all. We laughed together as he became relaxed and made a soft snore. “Second, there’s an alpha outside who has been protecting you and this process in his tiger form since he brought you here. I think I know the answer, but is he your alpha? What does your wolf tell you?”
I didn’t want to admit I had heard his chuffs and growls while in the throes of my short labor. My wolf was intent on the task at hand, but somewhere in our shared consciousness, we knew he was out there. And we wanted him next to us.
The tears began to flow without my permission. “I just had another male’s babe. I let him abuse me and beat on me and put my child in danger. Conrad deserves better. And I don’t know if I can ever trust an alpha again, Hayden. Even if I know he’s mine. There are too many obstacles. Who would want to be that patient?”
Hayden pushed some of my hair from my brow and wiped down my forehead with a cool cloth. “Conrad. Your true alpha.”
That’s when I lost my shit. The tears came in a downpour, and I shook with the overwhelming knowledge my true alpha was outside, waiting on me, protecting me while I birthed my babe.
Why couldn’t I have found him before Dash?
I opened my mouth to protest, and Hayden held his hand up. “I have an idea. Why don’t we get you into the shower and get you all nice and clean? While we do, can I invite Conrad in to hold the baby? It won’t be more than ten minutes, and the two of them can get acquainted while my mate thinks of a name.”
I forgot Travis was in the room behind a privacy screen. In hindsight, the fact he was able to come into the clinic without Conrad’s tiger taking a chomp out of him was a miracle. I could sense Conrad’s beast out there, and he was in full-on protective mode. Good alpha.
I scrambled for all the reasons why not. “He’s a tiger, Hayden. He’s volatile and angry.”
Hayden chuckled. “I thought so, too. But this babe is yours. Your blood runs through it. He couldn’t hurt his omega’s child if he wanted to and neither could his animal. Besides, Travis will be right here.”
Travis came around the screen, arms crossed over his chest. “I think my omega is right. I mean, he’s always right, but this time, he’s really right. Conrad is the real deal. And I’d never let anything happen to your young.”
I looked out the window, and while I knew I couldn’t see him, my bear longed for him in this moment. When an omega gives birth, they needed their alpha beside them. They needed a hand to squeeze and a person to yell at for knocking them up in the first place.
I felt robbed of that experience.
“Alpha, can you tell him to come in? I really do need to clean up.”
Travis nodded at me. “I’ve never known a braver man than you, Jasper. Life keeps giving you chances to be weak, but you don’t let it happen.”
After his words, he left the room. I heard murmurs outside, and some small part of me hoped Conrad said no.
I waited with my breath held, eyes focused on the comatose babe in my arms with the tiniest drop of milk still in the corner of his mouth. I heard the footsteps of my alpha, strong and booming on the wood floors, followed by another set of steps, softer but still as sure.
Conrad had agreed.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he entered the room. His scent was profound, oak and aspen and all things camping and serenity coming to mind. The pajama pants he wore hung low at his hips, and he had to hike them up as he moved. Someone had given the tiger pants, that much I knew, and I was grateful. No need for two naked men in this room.
“Conrad, this is…” I looked to Travis as it was our tradition that the alpha name all the young born into the pack.
Travis cleared his throat. “This is Owen Jedrek. Both names meaning noble warrior. That’s what he is, and what his father is. Warriors in this pack if there ever was one.”
Hayden sidled up to him and kissed him after whispering words of gratitude.
My boy had a good strong name.
I flinched as Conrad got closer, but he was rock steady, taking slow gentle steps toward me. Hayden and Travis moved to the corner of the room.
“He’s really beautiful, Jasper. You did so well.” He reached down but then retracted his hand, his eyes meeting mine in a gesture of permission.
Then he bared his neck to me. He tended to do that when I was cautious about, you know, life.
“You can touch him, Conrad. It’s okay.”
I took Conrad’s hand, shaking like a leaf in the fall, and put it on my Owen’s belly. Conrad moved, snail-like, his thumb in Owen’s palm. Owen grabbed on immediately and held tight, moving his head a little toward me.
“He’s a strong boy. He’ll make a powerful wolf.”
Hayden cleared his throat. “Conrad, would you mind holding Owen while I get Jasper into the shower? I’m sure he’d appreciate a warm cleanup.”
Conrad turned to me and again asked without words for permission. “That would be great. I’m kind of sticky and wet and gross. I probably stink.”
Conrad touched my shoulder. “You don’t stink. Trust me.”
Well, didn’t that just make an omega shudder.
“Here. Support his head.” I’d seen that on TV.
Conrad with his ever-ease took my young into his arms and cradled him against robust biceps and a steel chest. I breathed out a sigh of relief. He was protected. My bear felt no fear from this tiger or this man. He was here to keep us safe.
Hayden helped me to the shower where he washed me head to toe. Never had a shower felt so good. While he did, he explained about the afterbirth stuff. There would be some bleeding and some cramping. I should rest when the baby rested and let people take care of me.
I almost choked. There was no alpha to take care of me.
Or was there?
I slipped on a large T-shirt and some boxers lent to me by who knows who and, after brushing my teeth, was able to walk out into the room again.
“Wait.” Hayden stopped me with a hand on my waist. “Look. See your alpha.”
I saw Conrad in the corner of the room, in the light of the sun coming through the window rocking in the chair, an awake and already bright-eyed Owen staring back at him.
What I heard next started a new flood of tears. Conrad held Owen’s neck and positioned him so the babe’s feet were kicking the alpha’s belly while he spoke to him in a voice that comforted me from across the room.
“Your papa is so amazing and loves you so much. One day, you’re going to run and jump and play, but right now, you just need to eat from your papa and be strong and sleep a lot. Then, when you get teeth, I’m going to buy you lots of steak and we can run and pounce in the forest and catch rabbits and deer. You are safe and loved and hoped for. All your life, I’ll keep you safe and your papa, too. It’s okay to go to sleep. Papa is getting cleaned up so he can rest and take care of you. But if you ever need anything, you can always count on me.” He paused, his head snapping in my direction. “Oh, sorry.”
He noticed we were watching. He must’ve been so caught up in my young, he didn’t see us sneak in.
Maybe the gentlest man on the earth saying blessings and giving love to my child made me want to melt on the floor right here.
Not maybe. Conrad was the gentlest alpha on earth, and, in this moment, I knew he was mine.
Now to convince my brain.