BONUS EPILOGUE FROM PREPPY PART THREE

Preppy

"It's official. I'm fucking old," I said, clicking off the TV and dropping the remote like I'd become suddenly allergic to it.

"Why?" Dre asked from the kitchen where she was making a batch of Mirna's famous chocolate chip cookies.

I crossed my arms over my chest like a child and stuck out my lower lip. Even I realized I looked like a pissy child in the reflection of the TV, but I didn't give a shit. This was a serious issue. "Because I was watching the music awards and didn't know who a single one of the artists walking the red carpet were. And you know, as a self- proclaimed pop-culture connoisseur I feel like a failure."

Dre suddenly appeared in front of me with her gigantic baby belly blocking my line of sight. I never really understood the guys with the pregnancy fetishes until Dre's stomach started to grow with our twins. I reached up and splayed my hands out on her belly, and my cock started reacting to her nearness.

"Poor baby," Dre said, spatula in hand. "I have something I think might make it better."

"Oh, I know you do," I said, sucking on my bottom lip and pulling my wife into my lap. Dre gasped when she felt my hard cock against her ass. "And I have something for you as well."

Suddenly the front door burst open, and Bo came running into the room. "Hey, buddy," I greeted as Bo set his backpack down on the floor and grabbed a fingerful of cookie dough from the bowl on the counter.

Dre attempted to get up from my lap, but I held her in place. She raised an eyebrow at me, and I glanced down to my crotch. She smiled knowingly, her red lips parting revealing just the slightest hint of pink tongue. A pink tongue I wanted on my... I groaned when I realized that the situation wasn't going to get any better if she remained on my lap. I guided her back to a standing position and used a couch pillow to cover my situation from our son.

Bo hugged his mom and plopped down on the floor in front of me. He grabbed the discarded remote and clicked the TV back on. "You know who any of these people are?" I asked, pointing to the screen where some guy wearing a giant blue mouse head just won an award for most authentic emo video.

Whatever the fuck that was.

Bo nodded and signed the name of the artist to me.

"The fuckers name is Big Blue Bunny?" I asked, scrunching my face at the screen. "Does he ever show his face?"

"No," Bo answered using both his sign language and his voice.

"What a twat-waffle," I muttered, tossing the pillow to the side now that my dick was under control. Shit, after seeing Big Blue Bunny win his award I think Little Preppy would be out of commission for at least...thirty minutes or so.

Bo glanced up at Dre as she brought in a tray of cookies into the living room and placed them on the coffee table. "What happened?" she asked knowingly.

Bo visibly flinched.

"Go get it," I said, waiting as Bo stood up and retrieved a familiar pink slip from his backpack. He handed it to me first then swiped a cookie from the tray and sat back down.

"How bad is it this time?" Dre asked, with a hand on her hip and her eyes firmly on Bo.

I read from the slip out loud. "Bo is showing signs of academic improvement every single day. However, when asked what he wanted to do when he grows up he stood up in class and answered..." I stopped reading and glanced up at Dre.

"What did he say?" Dre asked, snatching the slip from my hands. When she read what I did, we exchanged a knowing glance. "Bo, please go to your room while we discuss your punishment."

Bo dropped his shoulders and trudged to his room. I winked at him so his mother couldn't see and he stood back up straight. Once his door clicked shut I followed Dre out back, down the steps of the deck, and over to the side of the house where we knew he couldn't hear us.

And then we laughed.

"Maybe you shouldn't have told him that story," Dre said, tears pouring down her face.

"It was a history lesson about me and his Uncle King. I couldn't not tell him."

"Yeah, but you could have left out the part in the story where you said you were going to 'get bitches' when you grew up."

"I could have left it out, but that was like a really big part," I said, barely able to get the words out of my mouth because of my own fit of laughter.

"He's his father's son," Dre said, finally able to catch her breath. I looked into her beautiful eyes and pulled her against me. Every single time I touched her, it was like the first time. The excitement never died down, and neither did my cock.

"He is," I said, pressing a feather-lite kiss to her lips. "Which is why we both agree on the names for the babies."

Dre groaned and rolled her eyes. "Those names are NOT going to happen."

"Of course, they are," I said flattening my palms around her belly.

"We will talk about them later. Right now, we should go back in," Dre said, her pupils dilating. She was just as turned on as I was.

I grabbed her by the hand and lead her back into the house where we headed to Bo's room to have a serious conversation with him about his actions at school. Then after he went to bed, I planned on convincing Dre with my tongue that the names Bo and I had agreed on for the babies were most definitely happening.

Twins. Girls.

I couldn't have been happier.

Later that night, well after I'd won the war of the baby names using sexual torture techniques that were probably illegal in some states, I laid my hands on my sleeping wife's belly and whispered. "I can't wait to meet you, Miley and Taylor."

ALTERNATE DRE/PREPPY MEETING

PREPPY

“Why me?” She asked, looking up from the paper I just handed her and then back over to me.

“Because you’re the only girl I know in Logan’s Beach who still has two separate nostrils and doesn’t always look like you just got plowed in a gas station bathroom.” I explained.

As much as I hated my hometown when I was a kid, I’d grown to love it. It’s where I thrived. Where I was meant to be. If someone came along and offered me a shit ton of money to move out of Logan’s Beach I’d pass. The only place that’s ever felt like a real home to me was the house on stilts that I lived in with my buddy King– and sometimes Bear–when he wasn’t doing all his biker shit with his MC, the Beach Bastards.

More like Beach Bitches. His old man had turned it into a house of white trash thugs instead of an MC. A big bunch of leather wearing dick bags.

Who like, killed people and shit.

“How much does this pay again?” Dre asked, surprisingly still unconvinced even though my plan was pure fucking genius.

“How much do you need to pay off your student loans?” I asked, knowing which buttons to push in order to get the answer I wanted. Plus, she was cute and there was one particular button of hers I wouldn’t mind pushing.

With my tongue.

“Sixteen grand.” Dre sounded defeated.

Perfect. The more desperate she was the more likely she was to say yes.

Desperate I could work with.

“Then that’s how much it pays.” I said. “Plus, a grand for every time you have to attend a hearing or interview or whatever fucking hoop the ringmasters over at DCS want us to jump through. Plus, clothes. I’ll pick them out. You’re about a…four, right?” I leaning to the side of the table to get a better look at her. “Fuck your legs are killer.” Her calves alone made little Preppy twitch. I sat back up straight. “Can I lick them?”

“Uhhh…”

“I think green is your color. It goes with your dark hair. Green is conservative, but says you have style. Black pumps for sure. Not beige. That will make your legs look even longer. Shit, you’ll almost be my height in six inch heels. Tall chicks are so fucking hot.”

Dre sat back and just let me talk. She didn’t interrupt me. I liked that about her. Almost as much as those fucking LEGS! “I’ll throw in fucking you for free. That’s not negotiable. Or maybe it is. Shit, maybe you should pay me. Whatever you want.” I waved my hand in the air. “I’ll let you decide.” I winked at her and she looked at me the way I was used to girls looking at me. The way everyone looked at me. Like she was both intrigued and very fucking confused.

Exactly the way I liked it.

Dre shook her head and ignored half the shit I said, focusing on what was only important to her.

I knew I liked this non-whorey bitch.

“All this,” she motioned to all of the paperwork in front of her. “Because you want to be… a father?”

I tipped back my chair and rested my head back on my hands. “Sort of. My buddy can’t get custody of his kid. He’s got a little girl. He’s going to be–indisposed for a couple of years and can’t do all this bullshit. So I’m going to do it for him.”

And I would.

No matter what.

King needed his kid and I was the only person who could get her back for him.

“What about her mother? Where is she?”

“She is part of the one nostril club. I’m pretty sure at this point her entire body is one big whole from all the shit she’s stuck in it. But she’s also gone. Off the radar. I got a guy I know working on tracking her down to sign off, but even if he finds her I’ll need more than that.”

“This guy. Your friend? He must be one hell of a person for you to go through all this for him. It’s not like you’re loaning him your car or something.” Dre said, running the tip of her finger around the rim of her wine glass.

“I would never let that motherfucker drive my fucking car!” I snapped. I took a deep breath. “Okay.” I said, in a much calmer tone. I almost had her locked and loaded, I didn’t want to scare her off. “I would let him drive my car, but it would have to be for a really really fucking good reason. Like life or death shit.” I thought about it some more. “Or if we were out of weed or something.”

I shook my head to try and straighten out the jumble of thoughts taking up more space than I had available in my brain. I may have talked a lot but most of the shit I thought didn’t even make it out of my mouth. Coherent structured sentences were always a struggle for me. I took a deep breath and took my time before I spoke. “It’s not like he wouldn’t do the same thing for me.” I managed to say. “And he’s an alright guy. A bit moody. Like he’s aways on the rag. But I’d be pissy too if I was where he’s at.”

“Where is that?” She asked.

“State Prison.”

“Do I want to know?” Dre asked. This girl kept surprising me. I thought someone of her caliber would at least be shocked at the mention of the person I was asking her to help was locked up.

“Nope. You don’t. It’s complicated, but the truth of it is he’s done some shit that in the eyes of the law he should be locked up for, and so have I. But the reason why he’s in there now is complete bullshit.” Dre nodded and looked down at her lap as she fidgeted with her hands. I leaned forward and grabbed her arms, bringing them up to the table I took her hands in mine. “No more questions.” I said. I looked her directly in her beautiful brown eyes.

I’ve called bitches hot. Sexy. Fuckable. But this is the first time in my life that I ever thought someone was actually beautiful. She had full lips a few shades darker than her olive skin. Pale and tan was pretty much the extent of the diversity in Logan’s Beach, but I was thinking that Dre was some flavor of Spanish.

Maybe Cuban.

Shit, I really was getting a fucking chubby. Little Preppy loved the idea of those thick legs in heels.

“One more question.” Dre said. “How long do you think would all this will take?”

This was the question I was dreading the most. “I’m not going to lie. I got to fix a lot of shit in my life to make this work. The stiffs who make these decisions don’t fuck around. But my buddy isn’t going to be out for at least three years and we might need every second of that time.”

Dre hadn’t removed her hands from mine. A good sign. I kept going. “You’re going to have to spend a lot of time with ole Preppy here, and then meetings with lawyers and specialists, and a lot of people I’m going to have to hold my tongue around. That’s where you will come in. When I’m not talking, it’s because I can’t open my mouth, or I’m going to say something that could ruin everything.” I gave her hands a squeeze. “Besides, I don’t think these motherfuckers can handle full-on Preppy.” I gave her a smile and she squeezed back.

Dre took a deep breath and twisted up her mouth to the side. I tapped my foot impatiently on the floor. She smiled out of the corner of her mouth and I couldn’t look away from her lips. I thought I was going to blow my load right there under the fucking table. How the fuck did this girl go under my radar for so long?

My gaze then dropped to her low neckline of her tank top. Some white little number with small metal things around the neckline. Suddenly fingers were being snapped in front of my face but her redirection didn’t work and I continued to openly stare at her chest. “Don’t blame me for looking, babe. Those tits are fucking mouth watering. Blame the person who gave them to you. Whatever God you think might be out there. Or your mama.” That thought made me whip my head back up to look her in the face. “What does Mama Dre look like?” I asked suddenly intrigued. “Do you have a picture? Please tell me you have a picture.”

Dre kicked me under the table and I didn’t flinch. “Can’t hurt steel, baby. Preppy’s built to last…and last and last and last,” I sang. Dre laughed and when she went to pull her hands away from mine I held them tighter.

I wasn’t ready to let her go. Not yet. Not without an answer.

Or a blow job.

“Okay,” she finally said.

“Okay?” I asked, unsure if I really heard her correctly.

“Yes. I’ll do it. Okay.” She said again.

I got off my chair and dropped to one knee. She looked around to see if anyone was watching. The place was crowded so I’m sure people were but I didn’t give a fuck. I kissed the backs of her hands. “Dre, fake love of my life, fake soulmate of mine, fake mother to my friends kid and our someday adopted daughter we would only legally be responsible for…thank you.”

And I meant it.

I stood up and pulled Dre up with me I leaned down and planted a kiss right on her plump pink lips. She mumbled something and pressed on my chest, but I couldn’t hear anything over my loud thoughts. Because of her, what seemed like another passing thought was actually beginning to be a possibility.

“Now that you agreed, it’s time for step two.” I said after pulling back from her. She wiped the corners of her mouth but she wasn’t mad, she was still smiling.

I really was beginning to like this girl.

“Okay,” she said with a giggle that shot straight to my cock.

I took her hand in mine. “Dre, insert last name here,” I started. “Will you motherfucking marry me?” I shouted the question loud enough so that everyone in the restaurant who wasn’t already staring at us was now turned our way. Dre giggled and surprised me by getting down on her knees so that we were eye to eye.

She surprised me even further when she grabbed my face and planted a kiss to my lips. As the restaurant erupted in confused applause that sounded a lot like a slow golf clap gone wrong she whispered in my ear.

“Yes. I’ll motherfucking marry you.”

DELETED PREPPY PART ONE SCENE

PREPPY

It’s been two fucking days without fucking my girl.

Not even a fucking handy.

Marriage is bullshit.

I got out of my car and spotted Bear crouched down in the driveway meticulously polishing his bike with a rag. King’s bike was next to his, already shining. It fucking sucked that it would be a long whole before he would get to see it again. “Where the fuck have you been?”

“Why? You miss me, Beary-Poo?” I sang. I patted Bear on the ass as I passed behind him and I leapt out of the way just before he could swat the back of my leg. A move that has taken me down a hundred too many times before. I took a cigarette out from behind my ear and lit it. I took a drag and pointed my fingers holding the cigarette at Bear. “I think we’ve been friends long enough that you should know that I’m not into you that way. I don’t do dudes.”

“Fuck off.” Bear said, his own cigarette in his mouth moving up at down between his lips as he spoke. He turned his attentions back to his bike.

“I don’t want to fuck you, Bear.” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I just want to make that clear. There shouldn’t be any lies between us now that I’m the man of the house and you’re the first lady.”

“Prep,” Bear warned.

I threw my arms up in the air. “Fine, if you insist you can watch me lay down some D next time. Okay? Will that make you happy?”

“Prep.” Bear warned with a little more growl. Pushing him was one of my most favorite activities. Next to fucking of course

And tetherball. I fucking loved tetherball.

“Okay, okay, Bear. I’ll make you a jerk off video, but that’s it. And only because we’re friends and I’m supportive of your lifestyle.” I said. “Gosh, the things I do for you.” I stomped out my cigarette and took the porch steps two at a time.

I’d already gone into the house and was in my room with the lap -top cued up and camera in place when through the open window I heard Bear shout, “I swear to Christ Prep, if you send me another fucking jerk-off video I’m going to put a bullet in your fucking skull and throw you in the bay.”

Promises promises.

I dropped my pants and hit record.

DELETED TYRANT SCENE (When I was going to bring Preppy back initially)

KING

Preppy leapt down the stairs three at a time, holding his open lap top in one hand. "Where is it?" he asked frantically, pressing keys with one hand. 

"Where is what?" I asked. 

"Where is...EVERYTHING! Fifteen years’ worth of debauchery...it's all GONE!"

"I deleted it." Bear said calmly. "You're welcome." 

"YOU DID FUCKING WHAT!" Preppy roared, his face turning from white to red to purple. 

"You told me to, fucker. I'm a good friend. I respected your last wishes." Bear said, taking a swig of his beer. 

"I said no such motherfucking thing!" Preppy put down the lap top on the coffee table and this time used two hands to tap on the keys. "It can't be gone. It just can't!" 

"Dude, don't you remember?" I asked him. 

"Remember what!? Preppy said, not looking up from the blank screen. 

"You told us that if anything were to ever happen to you that you wanted us to delete your hard drive immediately." I said. 

Preppy's eyes shot up and met mine. "Oh my fucking god, and you actually listened to me!" 

"Yep." Bear said, amusement in his eyes. "I sure did, but not before I saw what you had going on there you little fucking freak. Love the home videos. Let me guess, the girls didn't know you were filming them." He teased. 

"You watched!" Preppy's eyes went wide. Horror written across his face.

"Just for an hour or so. You're a fucking freak, but I had to fast forward through certain parts, there is only so much a guy can see his friends dick."

"You fucking jerked off to my fucking homemade porn?" Preppy asked, sinking to the floor.

"Only twice. Maybe three times." Bear teased. 

"It's all fucking gone." Preppy said, hugging his lap top to his chest like it was a puppy who had just been run over by a car. "All gone." He whispered.  "Asian twins, chicks with dicks...it's all fucking gone." 

It was the only time in my life I’d ever seen Preppy cry.