The glistening scarlet A captured in a mass of red vines on the black label seemed to represent my entire life. I picked up the bottle of red wine and traced the embossed design. I was the A. Trapped in a nest of lies and deceit, so entangled I couldn’t get out.

No. That wasn’t right. Joel was the A. He was the one wrapped in lies. Shiny and beautiful, but trapped in vines. No, not vines. Thorns. Did vines have thorns? Yeah, they did. Like the scene in the old Sleeping Beauty cartoon. The witch turned into a dragon inside her lair of thorns.

Joel was a witch. Weaving spells.

No. That wasn’t right either. He was the dragon. Breathing fire, ready to devour.

“Joel’s a dragon?”

Gilbert’s voice startled me, and I looked over to find him staring from his spot on the couch. Lamont, who sat near him, mirrored his look of concern.

I hadn’t realized I’d spoken out loud. “Yeah. He’s a dragon. Or maybe a witch.” I glanced at the swirling design. “Actually, he’s the A.” I tapped the bottle, managing to tilt my wineglass without spilling.

Oh, the wineglass was empty.

Still. No spilling. Success. I wasn’t doing that badly.

“Well, if A stands for asshole, then I’ll agree with you there.” Gilbert stood. “Joel is definitely the A.” He took the bottle from me. “However, I’m thinking two bottles of wine between the three of us is probably where we should stop.”

I reached for the bottle. “No. Nope. This isn’t the time for responsible drinking. I just fell in love with an A.” That sounded weird. “With a witch. With a dragon witch.” Fuck it. “Whatever. Give me back the wine.”

Gilbert glanced at the wine bottle and then handed it to me. “Sure thing, boss.”

“That’s right.” I tilted the bottle up, ready to empty the contents into my glass. A solitary splash of red dripped. Empty. I glared at him. “You’re a bitch.”

He just grinned.

I stood, using the arm of my chair to get fully upright. “I’m going to get another.”

“Andrew, please. Let’s—”

“Pizza.” Lamont interrupted him. “You had a good idea, Gilbert.” He turned his practiced older brother stare on me. “You can have more wine after you eat at least three slices of pizza.”

“Thank you!” I gave a mock bow, which sent me crashing back into my chair. I held up my wineglass. “See, I didn’t even spill.” I took a sip to prove my point. Oh right. Empty. I returned my attention to Lamont. “And I agree to one piece of pizza before more wine.”

He shook his head. “Three.”

I glared at him, considering. “Okay, two.”

Another shake. “Three.”

“I don’t think you get how this nego… negotiat… ne…”

“Negotiation?” Gilbert piped up with a grin.

“Yes. Thank you.”

Lamont ignored me and addressed Gilbert instead. “You take care of him, and I’ll order the pizza. And by take care of, I obviously mean, hit him in the head if he makes a run for the wine cooler.”

“Fuck you, Lamont!” I started to stand but realized that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

He flinched, looking hurt.

“Don’t give me that face. I might be heartbroken. I might have fallen in love with the biggest dragon A witch ever, but that doesn’t mean I’m stooping to drinking wine coolers. Fuck.”

Lamont snorted. “Oh, for crying out loud. I didn’t mean wine coolers. I meant your wine refrig—never mind. Gilbert, do your thing.” He sauntered off, focusing on his cell.

“Why’s he gotta be rude right now?”

“Scoot over.” Without waiting, Gilbert squeezed in beside me and wrapped his arm over my shoulders. “I’m so sorry, babe.”

My breath caught at his words, feeling the loss of Joel cut through me, bringing with it a frantic desperation that clenched at my chest. I’d lost him. He was gone.

My dreams. All that I’d envisioned swept away.

I’d been so certain. So clear. I’d seen it in his face. He loved me. He was the one. We were going to have this amazing life, and we’d…

“No!” I hit the cushioned arm of the chair with my free hand. “I’m not going to cry over him. I’m not. He’s a liar, an ass. He used me. He’s a liar. I’m not going to cry.”

“Andrew, it’s okay to cry for him. You love him.”

“I do not!”

“Loved. I meant loved.” Gilbert patted my chest like I was an irate five-year-old. “Whatever Joel was or is, you’re hurting. You can cry.”

“Fuck him. I’m not giving him any fucking tears. He used me. Made me believe that I was finally going to—” My eyes stung. No, none of that. “Fuck him!”

“Or be mad.” Gilbert continued to pet me. “Mad works. Let’s do the anger stage tonight.”

I glared at him. “I know what you’re doing. This isn’t a stage. This isn’t that fucking loss cycle. I’m not going back and forth between denial and anger and sadness and exceptions, er… acceptance.” I had to focus to get the word out. “I’m mad, and that’s all that fucker deserves.”

“Damn right.” Lamont plopped back down in his spot on the sofa. “You be mad. And soon you’ll be mad over pizza.”

I glared at him, considering. “Fine. You’re forgiven for insinsuat… for saying I drink wine coolers.”

“Well, thank you, little brother. You are most magnanimous.”

I pointed at him. “Don’t use your five-dollar words just because you’re a writer and not drunk.”

“I’ll do my best.” His expression grew serious. “I do hate that you’re hurting, but I’m so glad it all came out into the open before it was too late. Before weeks or months went by and you’d really given him your heart.”

“Fuck, Lamont. And you’re the romance writer.”

Lamont narrowed his eyes at Gilbert. “What does that mean?”

Gilbert squeezed my shoulder. “Andrew already gave Joel his heart.”

“Nope. Did not.” I shook my head but stopped abruptly, the motion too much. “Fuck him.”

Lamont studied me, the expression in his eyes changing.

I pointed at him again. “No, don’t look at me like that. You were right. No hearts were exchanged with that fucking dragon witch. Fuck him.”

“Yeah, fuck him.” Gilbert followed my lead and smacked the arm of the chair.

I didn’t want to think about Joel anymore. No more. And I wasn’t allowed to get more wine yet. Fuck. Lamont was right. It had been so close. So very close. Papers were almost signed, and then Joel would’ve been here and the fucking coffee shop. Then lawyers and franchises and who knew what after that. And it would’ve been all my fault. I’d have been the one who rolled out the red carpet for the biggest A of all time. It was just a twist of fate that none of that had happened. I squeezed Gilbert’s leg. “Thank God you had a lien on your house, or we might not have had time for you to realize who he was.”

It took a second for Gilbert to reply. “Well, I’m not sure I’d put it quite like that. I realized who he was before that little announcement, but whatever.”

“Did you get it cleared up, Gilbert?” Lamont leaned forward.

“No. Haven’t worried about it. There wasn’t time… after.”

That particular moment replayed in my mind, settling on Gilbert instead of Joel. “What medical bills?”

“Doesn’t matter. We’re focused on you. We’re here for you.”

Twisting uncomfortably in the chair, I glared at him. He was slightly blurry. “What medical bills, Gilbert? You never told me about having an operation. You’re supposed to tell your best friend these things.”

“I didn’t have an operation. I’m fine.” Even in my fuzzy state, his irritation was obvious.

“I’ve already had my heart broken today. Don’t pull back from being my best friend too.” Holy shit, dramatic or not, that thought really did threaten to bring on the waterworks.

“Goddammit.” Apparently, Gilbert heard the hurt in my tone, and he let out a long sigh. “Fine.” He pointed at me, then Lamont. “This goes no further than here. Got it? I don’t need Mom freaking out and calling every five minutes. I already made up a story and have her back to some semblance of equilibrium.”

Lamont and I both nodded.

“It’s not a big deal. I just needed to be in a treatment center for a couple of weeks last year. That’s all.”

“A treatment center?” The words were making no sense.

Lamont sucked in a breath. “Not a big deal? Gilbert, come on.”

“It wasn’t a big deal. I’m fine. And I fucking paid the bill. I was just late. I kinda shut down after, and then it went to collections. It’s all paid up. I just didn’t think about making sure my credit was back and that everything was all right. It’ll all be cleared up with a few phone calls. The lien will be gone.”

“I didn’t mean about the house. Who cares about the house?”

“I know that, Lamont.” Gilbert sounded ready to attack.

Lamont didn’t stop. “Why didn’t you say something? This wine can’t be helping you right now.”

“I wasn’t there for alcohol. Although they help with that too.”

It clicked. “Rehab? You were in rehab?”

He sighed, shoulders slumping. “Not exactly. I just…” Another sigh. “You know how I can get. Things just got dark. A lot darker than normal. And I wasn’t sure I was going to be… safe by myself, you know?”

All thoughts of Joel faded, or at least got shoved aside. “Did you try again?”

His gaze flicked to Lamont.

Shit. I’d never told anyone about Gilbert’s suicide attempt during his senior year. “Sorry.”

Lamont, being Lamont, rolled with it. “It’s okay, Gilbert. What’s said here, stays here. As long as you’re okay.”

Gilbert seemed to consider for a while. “Okay. Thanks, bro.” He turned back to me. “And no. I didn’t. It was close, but I didn’t.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

Guilt crossed his face. “I called them, the help line. I got the help I needed. I just didn’t want to worry you.”

I wrapped my arms around him, totally stricken that I’d nearly lost my best friend and hadn’t even realized. “I love you.”

“I know.” His strong arms encircled me. “I love you too. And I really am okay. I promise.”

I didn’t let go for a long time. Emotions mingled to where I couldn’t figure out where I began, where Joel took off, and where Gilbert weaved through. “You really promise?”

He nodded against my ear.

The doorbell rang.

Lamont stood. “Be right back.”

“Thank God.” Gilbert let out a long sigh when I pulled away, and he offered a forced grin. “Are you going to ask a billion questions about the treatment center so you don’t have to focus on Joel?”

That thought hadn’t entered my mind, but to my shame, it sounded good. “No.”

He chuckled. “Well, how about this? I had a pretty awesome threesome while I was there. How about I tell you ’bout that?”

I didn’t really want to hear about anyone having sex. Maybe ever again. “You’re allowed to do that?”

He gave me a look. “Since when do I give a shit about what I’m allowed to do?”

I laughed and then halted at the sound. I’d felt like I’d never laugh again, but here I was. Laughing. Just a few hours later. It offered a bit of relief and brought along a side order of guilt as well.

Lamont saved us from having to talk about things we didn’t want to talk about when he came back carrying the pizza box and plates. “So I’m going to try a new line of books. What I’m doing just isn’t working, so I’ve developed this whole new idea.” He set the box down on the coffee table between the sofa and the chair that Gilbert and I shared. “Better get a couple slices. This story is going to take a while.”

Despite it all, a sense of safety and home washed over me. I knew the last thing Lamont wanted was to offer up a monologue about his struggling career, but when didn’t he put himself last to make others feel better? And Gilbert stayed where he was, his warmth against my skin comforting, reassuring me that he really was okay and I wasn’t alone.

I woke, mouth dry, head pounding. Holy fuck, why had I drunk so much?

The darkness of the room added to my puzzlement. In addition to the lingering effects of the wine, a nearly nauseating sadness surrounded me.

Maybe I’d had a bad dream. Or eaten something that—

It all came back, like a brick through a window of my brain.

Joel.

Gone.

Joel not being the man I’d thought he was. Not being… anything. I shifted under the covers turning to his side of the bed. My God, I already thought of it as his side of the bed! I pulled his pillow to me and breathed deeply. I thought I caught his scent, but it was probably more in my mind than anything. He hadn’t even been there long enough to imprint on the damn pillow, yet my heart shattered at his loss.

The darkness of the room grew to fill out the remaining days, months, and years of my life.

I’d seen it all with his hand in mine. The house, the fence, the dog, the kids. All of it. All the goddamned dreams I’d fostered for years, keeping them stoked until the right man came along and the fires of love and life could burn with passion and freedom.

He’d shown up, tossed a match, and all my dreams clicked into place. All the fantasies I’d feared were unrealistic and impossible in the dead of night were proven real. He existed. He’d shown up. He was by my side and life could start!

And now, it burned all right. Burned to the fucking ground. The house and fence were aflame. The dogs and kids nothing more that ashen shadows of what might have been. And I was alone. So completely alone.

And Gilbert had been right.

The anger stage was gone, leaving me cold and terrified and broken.

The tears came, moving at lightning speed from silent to sobs that wracked my body and made me wonder if I was dying.

Surely a person couldn’t die from this. Not really.

But. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t see any way out.

I didn’t hear the door creak open above my sobs, but I felt the bed shift and turned toward the pressure. “Joel?”

“No, sweetie.”

Gilbert’s whisper confirmed all my heart knew, and I sobbed harder. Unable to stop, even as he slipped into my bed, wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me close. I sobbed and wept and broke.

The bed shifted again, and other arms enclosed me.

I continued to break, shattering apart with my dreams of what my life would be, only held together by the protecting strength of my best friend and my brother.

At some point, as I tried to breathe, I realized they were crying too.