“Fame is a double-edged sword. You think you want it until you have it.” ~ Johnny Outlaw
Traci and I walk into The Polo Lounge exactly on time though typical LA traffic tried to make us late. Gracie is seated and waiting for us.
After our greeting, we sit and order a bottle of wine. We’re one bottle in when Sebastian saunters to the table. “My apologies, ladies.”
I keep my eyes down while turning the stem of my glass nervously around between my fingertips. I’m not sure how to feel about him or what he thinks of me since the fight in New York.
He sits next to me and says, “How are you Holli?”
When I look up, I go with polite, “I’m good. And you?”
His light blue eyes pierce mine. His voice is raspy with all the insinuation of the world backing him. “Sorry, I’m late. I was tied up.” He coughs. “You know how that can be.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
One side of his mouth slithers into place as he watches me stir in my chair, uncomfortable with this conversation. He whispers, “Sexual experimentation, Holliday.”
My full name slipping from his lips feels wrong. I feel the heat rising over my cheeks. Changing the topic, I ask, “Are we ready to order?”
The intensity of his stare hits me like a Mac truck. “I know what I want.”
Looking away, I rub the back of my neck, feeling self-conscious. I’m saved by the waiter arriving to take our order. “I think I’ll have the apple and fennel salad and the tortilla soup please,” I say.
Gracie and Tracy order before Sebastian. Letting my eyes drift in his direction again, I watch him as he peruses the menu. He looks up, busting me. “I’ve got quite the appetite tonight.” Glancing to the waiter, he says, “I’ll have the burger and we’ll need another bottle of the wine.”
Once it’s the four of us again, Gracie says, “Let’s look at the photos. I think you’re gonna love them.”
“Why am I nervous?” I ask excitedly.
Sebastian smiles. “Nothing to be nervous about. You were great. Very sexy. Better than most models I work with.”
“Thanks,” I reply shyly.
The photos are laid on the table and we each take one. I stare at the one in my hands, almost unable to recognize myself in it. Not because it doesn’t look like me, but because I look so good. “Gracie… this is amazing.”
Traci says, “Look at this one. This one has definitely made the short list and I haven’t even seen the others.”
We trade photos and my mouth drops open. My head is back, my eyes closed. Sebastian’s mouth is on my neck and his hand on my waist lifting the Bite Me tank top ever so slightly. I see what I couldn’t see in the moment. This is pure sex and Dalton saw this live and in person. No wonder he got upset. I would flip if it was him. I can’t even watch some of his videos because of how he has to act with the girls in them.
I feel terrible and look away. Setting the photo back down, I finish my wine.
“What’s wrong,” asks Gracie.
My eyes meet Tracy’s briefly. She knows me too well and offers, “Bathroom break?”
Nodding, I set my napkin down and walk with her. Once the door is closed, I try to contain the panic building inside. My voice is harsh, the words commanded, feeling like I will lose everything if I don’t nix these photos. “We need to talk about this, Trace. Those pics, they look real.”
“They are real, but that doesn’t mean what the camera caught was real.”
“If Dalton sees those—”
“Deep breaths, Holli. They’re photos. Everyone knows that ads and movies are fake. No one is gonna think you’re cheating on your husband. So don’t freak out over this. They are exactly what we wanted and you two together—Wow, so hot.”
They were hot. Too hot.
Shrugging, she says, “It’s acting. Everyone knows it’s acting.”
“Exactly.” Wanting to reaffirm it to myself, I say, “Everyone knows that.”
“Don’t stress. It’s a good thing. Okay?”
Words are lost in my crazed thoughts, so I nod again. She leaves, but I stay a moment longer to collect myself. While applying lipstick, I look in the mirror, remembering how great I looked in those photos. Despite how sexy the photos appear, it’s a much needed self-esteem boost. Stretching my arms out, I take a deep breath and slowly exhale while lowering my arms again. We created exactly what we were trying to accomplish. Now I have to get my head back in the game. This ad campaign is going to kickass. Walking out, I run into Sebastian.
“Hey,” he says, gently taking hold of my arm.
“Hey.” I look into his eyes that seem to be filled with more intent than concern for my well being. Not wanting to go any deeper with him, I nod and say, “I’ll see you at the table.”
His grip tightens just enough to keep me there, but not enough to make me nervous. He says, “I’m here for a few days. Maybe we can spend some time together.”
“Why?”
He shrugs. “Why not?”
“I’m married, Sebastian.”
“I didn’t ask to have sex with you,” he says with a wink. “Unless that’s still an option, then I’m asking.”
My back hits the wall as I back away. Stunned by his crudeness, I say, “There’s no option whatsoever.”
“He sure does have a lot of control over you. Does he make your business decisions as well?”
I glare at him, then turn to leave.
With a loud laugh, he says, “I’m teasing you… I only meant two associates discussing business over lunch or a drink.”
I look back toward the tables and reply, “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because we won’t be working together anymore,” I state flatly.
“He’s really possessive of you.” He releases my arm.
When my eyes meet his again, I say, “He has that right. Just like he had the right to be upset over your inappropriate comments in New York.”
“I don’t blame him, but don’t blame me for trying.”
“What were you trying to gain by saying that?”
He looks around and the way he shifts appears to be more of a swagger, his arrogance coming out. “He’s smothering you and you don’t even see it.”
“Actually it might be the reverse. It’s me who can’t seem to live without him.”
Sebastian seems to ponder this before speaking. “You’re an amazing woman, Holli. I hope you don’t forget that.”
“I won’t. Neither will my husband.” I walk back to the table.
When I sit down, Tracy says, “You’re flushed. Are you feeling all right?”
“No, actually. I’m not. I think I should leave.”
“The waiter’s coming with the food though.” My bowl of soup is set down in front of me. Tracy adds, “Maybe you need to eat something. I know you get cranky when you’re hungry.”
“Maybe that’s it,” I reply absently.
I must look worse than I think because her hand touches mine and she whispers, “Are you okay?”
“Does Sebastian have a girlfriend?” I ask.
Gracie is quick to answer with an amused grin, “Sebastian has many girlfriends.”
“I hear my name,” Sebastian says, coming from behind me and sitting down.
Tracy says, “We were talking about your photos—”
“And your girlfriends,” interrupts Gracie.
His eyes flash to mine. “Interesting, but for the record, I don’t have a girlfriend.”
I pick up my spoon and start eating, needing this awkward tension to be gone. Tracy chimes in, “So, Holli, we were thinking out of the twelve here that three of these are top contenders for billboard, print ad, and packaging. What are your thoughts?”
I kick into business mode, and reply, “I think they’re stunning. They’re sexy and intense. Gracie did an incredible job.”
Gracie muses, “I had great models. I’m glad we captured everything you were going for the first time.”
Keeping my eyes on her and away from the man burning holes in me, I say, “Me too.”
A lot of dinner is spent with Sebastian’s words rolling through my head on repeat. I glance over several times, but look away just as fast. I don’t get him. I don’t understand his need to pursue something he’ll never have. But it goes back once again to what Danny said about him. It’s not about me. It’s about acquiring something unattainable. The chase.
When dinner is done, the ladies talk about ordering dessert and more drinks, but I’m done. I’ve had enough discomfort for one night. “I think I’m gonna head out. Two glasses of wine is enough for me.”
Tracy leans back. “I’m gonna hang out a bit longer. Adam said he would come get me if I wanted him to.”
I stand and hug Gracie, then Tracy. “Be safe and don’t party too hard.”
“I won’t,” she says. By how she’s giggling she might already be past that point.
Appearing to be the perfect gentleman, Sebastian stands and says, “I’ll walk you out.”
“That’s okay. My car’s with valet.”
He walks around quickly to pull my chair the rest of the way out. His tone is straight, but polite. He’s driving me crazy with his different moods. “No worries. It’s my pleasure.”
He’s persistent. “Okay,” I reply, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.
On the way out, he asks, “I really do hope we get the chance to work together again, Holli?”
“We have no reason to work together again.”
Conspiratorially, he leans close to my ear and whispers, “Then we’ll have to come up with one.”
“Like I said before, Sebast—”
I’m grabbed and he leans in to kiss me, but I turn just in time for his lips to land on my cheek. Pushing off of him, my hand goes flying toward his face. “Sebastian, don’t!”
But he blocks me just before I land the slap. Taking my arm, he moves it down and with a smirk on his face, he says, “Sorry. I just find you so damn irresistible.”
Irritation bubbles over and I jerk my arm away, then snap, “Is it me or the fact that I’m married that you find so irresistible?”
“You, Holli. All you.”
I close my eyes and shake my head. When I reopen them, I demand, “You can’t do this. This flirting or whatever it is. It won’t work on me, so just stop. Okay?”
With his arrogance on full display in his grin, he says, “Okay.” Backing up toward the door, he adds, “But man, we would have been great together.”
I give my ticket stub to the valet guy while Sebastian disappears into the restaurant. My stomach feels unsettled and I lean against the wall to wait for my car. Danny was right about him. Sebastian Lassiter can’t take a hint or a flat out rejection.
As soon as I get in the car, my phone connects to the Bluetooth and I notice I missed a call from Dalton. Looking at the time, I think he might be done with his show, so I call. After four rings my call goes to voicemail. Disappointment replaces my earlier discomfort as I drive home.
Walking into the house, I drop my keys on the table and my purse on the floor. I slip off my shoes and walk to the back doors and slide them open. It’s a beautiful night. The moon is big and bright reflecting off the pool. Flickers of light dance across the surface as I sit on the edge and dangle my feet in the warm water. When I lie back I can see forever tonight. Every star seems to have escaped the clouds, smog, and the city lights to show me the world outside my thoughts.
A ringing disrupts the tranquility. I hope it’s Dalton, so I run back inside to answer it. “Hey,” I answer out of breath after I see his name on the screen.
Dalton’s voice is scratchy moving into hoarse. “Hey.”
“How was the show?”
“Good.” He sounded like he was going to say more, but instead there’s an uncomfortable pause. I hear him breathing, shuffling around, but not saying anything. The butterflies in my stomach stall with concern. Just when I’m about to speak he says, “Hey Holliday?”
“Yes?” I whisper, feeling the need to match his more serious tone.
“If anything bad ever happens—”
“Don’t talk like that, Dalton.”
“Just hear me out. If anything bad… just know, you were the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Gulping heavily, I keep my reply in the present, trying to keep him here with me. “You are the best thing to ever happen to me.” Trying to soothe my emotional state, I ask, “What happened tonight? Do you want to talk about it?”
“Life is too fucking short for our own good.”
I move back outside and resume my spot under a blanket of stars to calm my trembling heart. “You’re scaring me.”
“No need to be scared. Just thoughts I’ve been having.” I hear him blow, sounding like he’s exhaling cigarette smoke.
“Are you smoking again?”
“I am.” It should comfort me that he doesn’t even bother to lie, but it doesn’t when it comes to this.
“Why?”
“Because I’m weak.”
“No, you’re strong. So much stronger than you know.”
“I’m weak without you.”
“You need to remember I’m always with you just like you said you’re always with me.” I hear him blow out again before what sounds like a squeaky chair being pushed to it’s limits. I ask, “Where are you right now?”
“My hotel balcony.”
“Is the night as clear as it is here?”
“No, but I can see some stars.”
“I wonder if they’re the same ones I see.”
“Our bodies are stardust in the air. I left you when you should have been the one to dare. Your beauty haunts me for the stars can’t compare. The morning light gave us a new reason to care.”
I close my eyes and inhale his words, letting them engulf me wholly. Dalton sounds tired as if that took all the effort he could afford to give. “That’s beautiful. Lyrics?”
“It’s a song I’ve been working on.”
“I’d love to hear the melody.”
“It’s not fleshed out.”
“I don’t mind.”
There’s another light screeching noise and then I hear his door slide open. “I’ll play it for you.”
Going inside while he retrieves his guitar, I head upstairs and lie in the middle of our bed, and get comfortable. When the first notes plays, I silently lie in the dark, the notes drifting through me. His voice is rough, but caressing as he blends with the melody. I find security in this, the deepest of emotions bleed through his guitar for only my ears across three-thousand miles.
I’m cold, so I shuffle under and snuggle the blanket around me. This is peace and comfort. With my eyes closed and my mind still heavy from sleep, I lie there listening. He asks, “Want me to sing you to sleep?”
In my mind, I can see the way he tilts his head when he smiles at me, the spark in his eyes when he looks at me, and hear him over the phone, his voice calming our storm.
This is the man I fell madly in love with.
“I’d like that.” And even though he’ll never see it, I smile as his melody becomes the blood in my veins and the lyrics the beat to my heart.