Chapter Thirty-Seven
Emma
I have the foresight to grab clothes for Aiden, remembering they took him in boxers and his undershirt. The deputy takes them, but they just sit on the corner of his desk. He tells me to have a seat. They make me wait at the jail while they process Aiden’s paperwork.
“Why is it taking so long? He’s innocent. It was a false arrest.” I scream the accusations at Deputy Franks, my fist pounding on his desk with every sentence.
“Just procedure, ma’am.”
“I will bring down a lawsuit so heavy this whole fucking town will drown. Get him out here now.”
Deputy Franks lips twitch. I think he’s going to arrest me, but instead he stands and takes the clothes off his desk. It seems like I’m there forever. Finally, they bring Aiden out.
My heart pounds when I take in Aiden’s black eye. He shakes his head when he sees me. It’s almost as if he’s disappointed. But I don’t dwell on it, because my focus shifts to Franks. Good man my ass. “What did you do to him?” I spit at the deputy.
He sighs. “He was out of control. I had to restrain him.”
Aiden turns to the man. “It takes a big man to hit another when he’s got his hands cuffed behind his back.”
“I don’t know what kind of drugs you’re on, Aiden.” He hands Aiden a plastic bag. “Judging from the way you’ve buffed up, it’s probably steroids. They make people do crazy things.”
There is something sinister in Aiden’s smile. His eyes are red and swollen. Did they fucking mace him?
“It must kill you that they never made you sheriff after Harlan went away. You’re always gonna be the stupid sidekick, Franks. All your fucking life.”
The man returns the smile, as if they are having a normal conversation. “Thank you for visiting our lovely town, but I think it’s time for both of you to leave.”
“Good riddance, Franks.”
Aiden is limping a little. “What did they do to you?”
“Get in the car, Emma,” he says, his hand pressing against my lower back urging me forward.
“This is brutality. They can’t do this.”
“Will you just fucking listen to me for once? Get your ass in the fucking car. You’re driving.”
Okay, so this isn’t the reaction I expected.
I get in the driver’s seat. He stares at me.
“Emma, do you know how far fifty miles is?”
“Yes.”
He points to me and the building. “You think there is fifty miles between you and Linx?”
“Aiden, what the fuck is wrong with you? We don’t talk to each other like this.” He puts his head in his hands and worry takes over my anger. “You okay? Are you in pain?” The way he’s carrying himself I can see he’s wounded a lot worse than he lets on.
“I’ll live. Why did they drop the charges? Harlan would never do that.”
“I convinced him to.”
“What? Why the fuck would you do that?”
“Because I thought it would be the fastest way. Looking at how much they did to you in such a short time, I made the right decision.”
“What did he say to you, Emma?” I shake my head, not wanting to go there again. Aiden grips my arms. “Tell me.”
“A lot of awful things, but I didn’t believe any of them. You really need to stop yelling at me now.”
“You should not have done it.”
I bang my hands on the steering wheel. “You needed my help.”
“Yeah, and I told you exactly what to do to help. Nowhere on that list was you talking to Harlan.”
“I couldn’t leave you. You don’t abandon the person you love. You do everything you can to save them.”
I wanted to tell him I loved him so many times, but this is not really the place or time I’d have picked. But it’s out there now. His breathing quickens, the statement hanging heavy in the air between us.
I repeat it. “I love you, Aiden.”
He’s silent.
“I don’t expect you to say it back. I just needed you to know.”
“Well, now I know, and I wasn’t planning to say it back. Drive the car. Don’t stop until we’re two hundred miles from here.” His eyes narrow. “You think you can handle that?”
“Fuck you, Aiden.” I turn the ignition and speed out of Linx. Whatever disease is in this town has infected him. I refuse to let him push me away.
The whole drive is silent. Part of me wants to scream at him. The other part just wants to hug him. But his shield is in full force, preventing either act. The silence suffocates me.
We make it a hundred miles before I pull off the expressway.
“What are you doing?”
“We’re running low on fuel.”
Instead of a gas station, I pull into a motel parking lot.
“This is as far as I go, Aiden. I’m tired and scared.”
“You scared of me?”
“I told you once before. I am not scared of you. I am scared for you.” I unbuckle myself and open the door. “I’m going to check us in.” I expect him to argue with me. Hell, I pray he’s not going to squeal out of the parking lot. When I come out of the office, I breathe a sigh of relief he’s still there.
He is strong and courageous, but he’s wounded in every way a person can be. I try to keep that thought in the forefront of my mind.
The room smells stale and dusty, but it’s warm and dry. He brings in the luggage. He rifles through his bag, pulling out the remainder of the bottle of rum we shared on my birthday. It’s still half-full. It feels like I’ve aged a decade since then.
“So, you’re just gonna get drunk?”
“That’s the plan.” He flops on the other bed and swigs it.
I sit on the edge. My hand moves slowly. He flinches at my touch. “You need to wash out your eyes.”
“I can see just fine.”
“What is wrong with you, Aiden? This isn’t you.”
He slams the bottle on the side table. “What exactly did Harlan tell you, Cooper?”
I shake my head, not wanting to repeat the vile lies. “Please,” he says, in almost a whisper. “I want to know.”
“He said you drove my mother away. You killed your dog. He said you’d harm me. But I didn’t believe any of it.”
Aiden’s laugh is bitter. “Why not? How could you not? He convinced a whole fucking town. Hell, even I believed I was psychotic at one point. What made you immune to it?”
“I see you, Aiden. I’ve always seen you. I’d be blind not to see how good you are with dogs. How hard it is for you to have the same connection with people. But you try. You jump into fights that are not yours to defend someone you don’t even know. You did the same when you joined the Marines. You run until you fall because your demons still exist. You climb mountains because you want to conquer something. You even protected my perceptions by covering up your past.”
He’s quiet for a while. “Emma, I am not what Harlan claims, but I am not the man you see, either. I am not good for you.”
“No!” I wrap my arms around myself and close my eyes tight.
“I told you I wouldn’t go back to Linx. But it wasn’t the town or people. Hell, it wasn’t even Harlan. I’m not the weak boy he pushed around anymore. But there was a very good reason I never wanted to go back.”
“What reason?”
“If I ever saw my father again I had no doubts I would kill him.” A chill travels down my spine. “When I watched him drowning, I enjoyed it.” He pounds a fist against his chest. “I am not the kind of man you deserve.”
“It doesn’t matter what you thought you would do. It only matters what you did. When it came down to it, you didn’t kill him. You saved his life.”
“Cooper, you really think that’s what I was doing? Saving him?” He brings his face close to mine. “He was too heavy for you. He would have dragged you down. I jumped in to save you. You. Not him. I knew you would fight me if I left him. I figured the only way to keep you safe was to save him. That’s what I did.”
“You gave him CPR.”
“I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for you. I would have watched him die.”
I shake my head. “Aiden…”
He cuts me off. “The way I spoke to you back at the police station when I belittled and insulted you? That is me, too. I hate myself for it. I won’t ever put you through it again. It’s time to walk away.”
“That man took everything from you. You think I’d judge you? There is nothing unnatural about it. You snapped at me. I can’t say it didn’t hurt like hell. You better never do it again. But I forgive you.”
“Please, Emma, listen to me. We are not going work out. It’s too intense between us.”
“It is,” I agree. “But we’re not going to burn out, baby. We’ll just keep getting stronger as long as we’re together.”
“You’re not good for me, either.”
The statement stings. I don’t have the energy for this, but I will fight with everything I have to convince him. To drag him from whatever dark place claims him now. I caress his face. He shifts away from me as if I’ve burned him. “Why are you doing this to us?”
He stands and crosses the room.
The television in the next room flips on, blaring into the silence.
“I was fooling myself when I planned a future with you. Just because we’re not together, doesn’t mean I can’t help you. I still have a chunk of money from the trust. It’s enough to set you up anywhere you want to go. I’ll fund your college. Where do you want to go?”
I lift my head toward him. “Butte Falls, Oregon.”
He drags a hand through his hair. “Then you can have it. I want you to be happy. Mac will love to have you. The dogs love you.” Hope balloons inside my chest until he stabs it away. “It’s time for me to move on, anyway.”
He’s willing to give up the life he’s carved out for himself to me? But not share it with me? Although every bone aches, I’m suddenly not tired. I close the gap between us. “I don’t want your fucking money, Aiden. I don’t want Butte Falls without you.”
He ignores my rant. “Tomorrow I’ll drive you to the closest airport.”
“You can stop now.”
“Stop what?”
“I know you’re not bluffing, but you are lying to me. You do love me.” I throw my hands in the air. “All this—this is because you think on some very deep level you are like him or will become him.”
“You’re off base, Cooper. That’s not it.”
I put my hand under his shirt and run my fingers down each scar. He sucks in a deep breath and winces, but he doesn’t push me way. “It is. It’s your greatest fear. But that evil doesn’t exist in you, Aiden. It never has. You are not your father.”
He grabs my wrist and holds it. “Don’t be stupid. Stop digging in shallow waters. I just don’t love you. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. Accept it and move on.”
I damn up all my emotions before the floodgates release. “Fucking liar. You’re not your father.” I scream it. He takes a step back and I take step forward.
“Stop saying that.”
“I’ll say it until you believe it.” I grab his shirt. I raise my voice so it booms over the television. “You’re not your father.” I flatten my hands against his chest. His hearts pounds right through his shirt. “You’re not your father.” The tears come then, my voice heavy with emotion, but I keep going. “You’re not him. You’re not your fucking father.”
He bends toward me. “God, just shut up. You hear me? Shut up, you stupid, beautiful girl. I hate you.”
I shake my head. “You love me. You’re not your father.”
He pulls me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me. His body shakes all around me. I hold him tight. “Please shut up, Emma.”
“I won’t. You’re not your father. You’re not your father.” I say it over and over, knowing the words are getting to him. “You’re not your father.”
“God, forgive me.” It’s a whisper, perhaps a prayer, but he says it quietly.
“Aiden?”
“He’s not my father, Emma. He’s yours.”