Dear World,
It’s me again, Cora.
My patient left today. You know the one I was telling you about? It’s something I should have been ready for. After all, that’s what I do, right?
I take care of sick people, and eventually, they move on—in one way or another.
Some hurt more than others.
Last month, I was taking care of an elderly woman with cancer. She had come in with an infection, and one shift, she was doing well, but the next, she was gone.
I never got to say good-bye.
I got to say good-bye to Dean. That’s his name, remember?
He asked me out.
I probably shouldn’t write that.
But he asked me out with such hope in his eyes.
My wedding ring hung from the chain around my neck like a heavy weight around my heart.
That great big bear of a man with the sad eyes and the gentle soul.
God, how I wish I could have said yes.
How I wish I could have explained to him everything that was going on in my life.
The canceled plans with my parents.
The angered husband.
The bruised cheek and the pound of makeup it had taken to cover it up.
But I couldn’t.
I can’t.
I can’t tell anyone.
Especially not any of you, which is why this will never be posted.
Ever.
Thankfully, by some act of God, we made it to our flight on time. The fact that it was thirty minutes delayed probably had something to do with it. That, and we’d made it from Nags Head to Norfolk Airport in record time.
With our early morning flight, staying in a closer hotel would have been ideal, but the idea of staying anywhere near Virginia Beach, which bordered Norfolk, was out of the question.
I knew it was silly. It wasn’t like I’d married into the mob, and Blake had men combing the city for me. But I wouldn’t start the trip out by stepping into my past, especially since I was currently avoiding his texts. All ten of them.
Thankfully, Dean understood, and I thought he sort of agreed, too, considering his nostrils did this sort of flaring thing whenever I mentioned Blake’s name.
So, we’d stayed in North Carolina and made the short drive into Virginia in the wee hours of the morning, avoiding most of the traffic and sliding into our seats on the aircraft at the last possible moment.
“Are these TVs?” Lizzie asked the moment we got on board.
“Yep,” Dean said, puffing his chest like he was some sort of plane aficionado when I knew for a fact that he’d only flown a grand total of three times—one being the emergency trip to the hospital after the ferryboat explosion.
“Maybe we can find you something interesting to watch. I’m sure they have a documentary or maybe the history—” Dean suggested.
“I want to watch My Little Pony!” she announced, already flipping through the channels like a pro.
He looked over at me, his face taking on this blank kind of expression.
“Still a kid”—I shrugged—“remember?”
“Gotcha. Ponies for the win.”
The rest of the plane ride was fairly uneventful and short. Dean and I spent some time reading quietly until he nudged me, something obviously bothering him.
“What the hell is a Potterhead?” he asked.
I laughed, wondering how long this particular term had been bothering him. Good thing I hadn’t sprung any more on him. If there was a fandom, ranging from Marvel to Star Trek to The Lord of the Rings, someone in my family was obsessed with it.
I pulled up the first book on my phone, the one I’d read over and over. If it were a physical copy, it’d have tattered pages and a worn cover. I actually had one of those, but it was Lizzie’s now.
“Oh,” he said. “You mean, Harry Potter. Why didn’t you just say that? I’ve seen the movies,” he said very matter-of-factly.
I just sat there, dumbfounded.
“I’m glad you brought this up before we landed; otherwise, there might have been bloodshed in the house of Carpenter. There is a difference between seeing the movies and being a Potterhead.”
His eyebrows rose in confusion. “Okay, I’m lost again.”
And he would be until I properly showed him the ways of my people.
The minute we were off the plane, I dragged him into one of those magazine stores in the airport and bought him the first book in the series, handing it over to him like the precious treasure it was.
“Read it,” I pressed. “You’ll thank me.”
His eyebrows rose once again as he looked down at me. “This is that other side of you, isn’t it? The one I’m gonna have to love, no matter what?”
I smirked as we headed toward baggage claim. “Yep. Wishing you’d stayed back home?”
He squeezed my hand as he looked down at the new reading material I’d just bought him. “Oh no,” he said, giving Lizzie a wink. “I’m all in.”
“You’ll like it,” Lizzie said.
“You’ve read it?”
She nodded. “Last year.”
He just shook his head like he should have known.
We made it down to baggage claim, stopping only one more time for a potty break for Lizzie. By the time we made it to the carousel, our few bags were the only ones left making the rotation. Dean jogged forward and pulled them off one at a time.
“I’m not even going to feel bad that I enjoyed every minute of that. Were you always this muscly?” I said after blatantly checking him out. I’d adjusted my voice to what I liked to call my Lizzie-proof voice. It was the volume I used when talking about things less than appropriate.
So, that was about fifty percent of what I’d been saying to Dean lately.
“A little more so than before,” Dean answered with a wicked grin.
I leaned in closer, doing my best attempt at flirting. “And no one snatched you up?”
“Well, I mean, they tried, but I was waiting for the perfect woman.”
I blushed, something I’d been doing a lot.
Grabbing my hand as we turned toward the door, he suddenly stopped. “So, are your parents meeting us here or outside? What’s the deal? Are we taking a taxi, and they’re just waiting for us at their house?”
Oh boy, here goes nothing.
My lips pressed together as my face turned red for an entirely different reason. I looked up, as if searching for divine intervention. “I didn’t tell them we were coming,” I said quickly, the words rushing out of my mouth so fast, I didn’t think he’d processed them for several seconds afterward.
“What?”
I grimaced with the nervous, sick feeling I got whenever something started to go south in our relationship.
Would he get mad?
What happened when he did?
Oh God, what was I doing?
“Hey,” he said, touching my shoulder, “you okay?”
I swallowed hard as our eyes met. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I just—how do you explain, you know? I didn’t know how to tell them”—I waved my hands around, encompassing him and me—“this. And I was scared, if I did—”
“You’d chicken out,” he said, finishing my sentence.
I just nodded, feeling like the coward I was.
“It’s okay,” he said, taking my hand as he offered the elbow of his prosthesis to Lizzie.
She laughed, gladly wrapping her tiny arm around it.
“Everyone loves a surprise, right?”
Tears stung my eyes as he escorted us out of the Austin–Bergstrom Airport.
“And, besides, no one gets mad at the guy with the fake arm,” he said, giving me a wink. “It’s going to be great. Promise.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat as the familiar Austin heat hit me. I breathed it in, the dry, warm air and the subtle smell of oil in the breeze.
I was home at last.
I knew every street corner and turn like the back of my hand. But none of that mattered. I doubted I could have driven that day if my life depended on it. Thank God for Dean and GPS.
I sat back in the passenger seat, watching my childhood pass by me in that car window. The gas station where I’d scraped my knee, running away from Brenda Parker, the fourth grade bully. The ice cream parlor where I’d had my eighth birthday party. The Italian restaurant where my prom date, Larson, had taken me before the big dance.
A lot had changed. Houses had popped up where there had been nothing but wide, open spaces. Businesses had closed, and new ones had opened up in their places. But a lot had stayed the same, too, and I could see that little girl I remembered, her pigtails intact as she raced down the streets, trying to outrun stupid Brenda and her gang of misfits.
God, I’d hated that girl.
“You okay?” Dean asked, probably noticing I hadn’t spoken since we left the airport.
“Yeah.” I smiled weakly. “Just a lot of memories. And I’m nervous.”
My breathing became weak as we drove away a short distance from town. Although I claimed Austin as my hometown when asked by mostly anyone, it wasn’t entirely accurate. In truth, my family hailed from a small bedroom community about thirty minutes outside of Austin called Elgin. While my parents, both professors at the University of Texas, loved the eclectic oddness of Austin, at heart, they were small-town people. They had always wanted that for my brother and me, growing up. A place we could feel safe and secure.
“Do your parents live in the country?”
“Well, kind of,” I said. “They like to think they do. But I mean, it’s all kinds of country once you get out of Austin. They live on a small acreage, just a few but enough for them to grow vegetables and even have a few animals. They like to pretend they’re farmers. Well, farmers with a handful of chickens and a goat named C-3PO.”
He grinned as we made one of the last turns. “So, how do you want to do this?” Dean asked.
I looked up, seeing the familiar, long driveway my parents had lovingly lined with live oak trees when I was a child. They’d grown since the last time I was here.
Everything had.
“Do you want to go in alone and then have us follow after? Or maybe just you and Lizzie for a bit?” Dean was rambling as we pulled up to the house.
A single tear fell down my cheek.
I looked up at it.
The old farmhouse had gotten a coat of fresh white paint, the wraparound porch gleaming in the afternoon sun. Mom’s decorating obsession hadn’t gone anywhere, her autumn wreath firmly in place on the front door as well as several hay bales on either side with an assortment of pumpkins.
“My father would always make fun of her for those decorations.” I found myself smiling. “The minute September 1 rolled around, she would cover the whole house in pumpkins and leaves.”
“Looks like she’s still doing it,” Dean said.
My gaze followed his. There, at the far end of the porch, was my mother, fussing over a basket of mums. She must have felt my eyes on her because, in that moment, she looked up and froze.
I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. All I knew was I needed to see her. I needed my Mom. To hold her and tell her a million times over how sorry I was.
Without thinking, I leaped from the car, running for the woman who’d loved me without reason, cared for me without end, and been my greatest inspiration growing up. Tears were staining my cheeks, pouring down my face, as we closed the gap.
“Cora!” she cried as her arms wrapped tightly around me at first. Then, like she still didn’t believe I was there, standing in front of her, she patted me down—my hair, the curve of my shoulders, and finally my face. “You’re here,” she said, her voice thick with emotions. “You’re finally here.”
“Yeah, Mom.” I smiled. “Sorry it took so long.”
While she was still cupping my cheeks, like she used to do when I was little, I saw her gaze flicker to someone over my shoulder.
Or someones rather.
“Lizzie,” she whispered. “She’s so big.”
There was a mixture of wonder and sadness in her voice. I couldn’t help but feel responsible for the sadness.
I should have come sooner.
I should have been braver.
“There’s a lot I need to tell you,” I said, looking up at the old farmhouse where I’d grown up. “Is Dad around?”
She smiled, taking my hand, as I motioned for Lizzie and Dean. “Yes, he’s preparing his lectures for the week, but I’m pretty sure he’d be willing to take a break.” She gave me a warm smile and a wink. “Why don’t we go find him?”
My heart picked up again as Lizzie ran up to us, taking my other free hand, while Dean walked behind us. I knew my mother was curious about the man who was definitely not my husband, but she didn’t ask any questions.
Instead, she looked down at her granddaughter, who was being unusually shy today, and asked, “Do you like chickens?”
We stepped up onto the porch and toward the front door, and I could already see the wheels turning in Lizzie’s head.
“Yes,” she answered.
Dean and I looked at each other and smiled, waiting for it.
“Did you know that chickens are omnivores? That means, they eat plants and animals. Kind of like humans. Although there’s a kid at school, Dalton, who says he’s a vegetarian, so I guess not all humans.”
My mom’s eyebrow rose, a sort of mixed expression of surprise and adoration washing over her face. She looked up at me, and I simply shrugged.
“I did know that. Our chickens sometimes eat the mice and lizards that roam around the barn.”
Lizzie looked up at me as her eyes lit up. “You have chickens?”
“Yep,” my mom answered as we walked inside. “And a goat!”
“Wow, can we go see—”
“Cora.”
There, in the hallway where I’d learned to walk, was my father. He looked nearly the same as I remembered him. Same goofy outwardly appearance, wearing a Guardians of the Galaxy T-shirt and jeans that had probably been bought when I was in high school. He had a pencil tucked behind his ear and a smile on his face.
“Hi, Daddy,” I whispered.
His eyes looked down toward Lizzie, and I could almost see his heart swell several sizes. He briefly looked to Dean before moving back to me.
“Did you see the Christmas special?” he asked, grinning.
My mom made a sound in the back of her throat and threw her hands up in the air as she headed for the kitchen, mumbling something under her breath about, “…been apart for years, and that’s what he asks.”
“Yes.” I grinned back.
“And?”
“Brilliant,” I replied.
Just like I had known he would, he laughed, opening his arms wide. I ran right into them.
As I was engulfed in my father’s hug, I heard Dean say to Lizzie, “What Christmas special?”
“Doctor Who,” Lizzie informed him. “Mommy watched it after I went to bed because she thinks I’m not old enough.”
“Not old enough?” my dad bellowed as I turned toward my band of misfits, his arm still wrapped firmly around my shoulders. “You’re never too young for the Doctor.”
I gave him a sideways glance that told him I seriously disagreed. “And, when she has nightmares over Cybermen and Weeping Angels, who will she be waking up at night, Dad?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Oh well, it’s good for the character. Teaches bravery.” He gave Lizzie a wink, causing her to giggle. “Now, come on. Let’s go see what Nana has for us in the kitchen.” He pulled me close and whispered in my ear, “And maybe you can explain who your friend is?”
I nodded as Dean was dragged into the kitchen ahead of us.
Well, here goes nothing.
After my several attempts and false starts while sitting around the kitchen table, Dean saved me.
“You know, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a goat up close,” he said after we all finished cups of iced tea in near perfect silence. “Do you mind if Lizzie and I go roam the property for a bit?”
The collective sigh of relief was palpable.
“No, of course not,” my parents both said in unison.
As I gave him a smile that said so many things but mostly thank you, Lizzie hopped off her chair, happy to be going outside, and headed for the back door. I watched as my parents curiously eyed Dean. I didn’t blame them. I’d been so wrapped up in emotions after my arrival, I hadn’t even introduced him.
So, not only did they not know what he was doing, they also didn’t even know what to call him. They would soon. They would know everything soon.
I took a deep breath, my fingers clenching the empty glass in front of me, still cold from my tea. I opened my mouth, finally prepared to own up to all my sins and—
“We know you’re divorced,” my dad said, halting my words.
I looked up at him, a mixture of shock and surprise coursing through me. “What?”
He let out a frustrated sigh. “We’ve known something was up for a while. We’re not that stupid, Cora. How many times can one house be remodeled?”
I turned away, the guilt rising in my throat.
“But we kept hoping you’d come to us,” my mother stressed before adding, “It’s a hard job, being a parent, but it’s an even harder job, being a parent of an adult. You’re expected to care just as much but do very little. And when your child moves away? It’s even harder. We knew you were struggling in your marriage. I could read between the lines of those fake blog posts, hear the pain in your voice when you called, but every time I asked you if everything was okay, you assured me it was.”
“I know,” I said, feeling my lip quiver with emotion. “I’m so sorry.”
“No,” she said. “We’re sorry. We should have done more, but again, we don’t know how to do this. When you were younger, we could just send you to your room until you fessed up.”
A halfhearted laugh fell from my lips. “How much simpler life was back then.”
“After your last call, I went online and found the divorce records,” my dad said. “We were making plans to come visit you next month.”
“Really?”
They both smiled, a warmth spreading over me that I hadn’t felt in years.
“I missed you both so much.”
“We missed you, too, kiddo. And we’re sorry we let you down. From now on, we’re going to be in your business all the time, like those helicopter parents I see the first week of classes, who follow their kids into my lectures,” my dad joked.
I laughed, happy tears falling down my cheeks.
“Yes,” my mom agreed. “Starting with the handsome stranger with the soulful eyes.”
Leave it to my mom, the creative writing professor, to add the touch of flair to Dean’s description.
“Well, he must be important if she’s brought him all the way home,” Dad said.
“That, and she’s blushing.”
“Would you guys stop it?” I laughed. “His name is Dean, and yes, he’s important. Very. Things with Blake…” I hesitated, unsure of how much I wanted to say. “Let’s just say, they weren’t good. I lost a lot of trust when it came to relationships. So much so, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to try again. But Dean makes it easy, so easy that I don’t even have to try. I never question the trust between us. It’s just always been there since the beginning.”
A moment of silence passed between my parents as they looked at each other before turning back to me.
“Okay, but serious question.”
I bit my lip as my father stared me down.
“Does he like Battlestar Galactica?”
My mom threw her hands up once again as I burst into laughter.
“What?” he said. “If I’m going to get a shot at another son-in-law, can’t I at least ask? None of you will watch the fracking show with me.”
I let out a giant breath as my eyes squeezed shut.
God, how I’d missed this place.