Chapter One
Janie
“So, I cannot believe that I’m going along with this hair-brained scheme of yours.” I gave Anabel a side look as we walked onto the plane. I could not quite believe that the day had finally come. All of our plans and schemes were finally about to go down. I was going to have my chance to finally make Nate mine. I almost groaned aloud as I thought about what I was about to put myself through. I still wasn’t sure if it was a good idea or not. Yes, I was in love with Nate. I always had been. I wanted him to be in love with me too. That was the hard part. I knew he was attracted to me. I knew he wanted a hookup. But now I wanted more. This was my opportunity to see, once and for all, if he could and would give me more. I swallowed hard as the enormity of the situation hit me. This was going to be all or nothing.
“You better Belize it.” She grinned, and I rolled my eyes at her. “Belize it, believe it, get it?” She started laughing at her own joke, and I was grateful that she was being goofy for once. I needed something to distract me from what I was about to do.
“Ha-ha, you’re so unique and funny.” I couldn’t stop myself from laughing, though my stomach was churning. “I cannot believe that we are going to spend a week in Belize and that today has finally come. This is unbelizeable.” I giggled as I continued the joke.
“Ambergis Cay here I come.” Anabel sounded and looked excited. Maybe even more so than I was, but then she didn’t have the stress of trying to convince the love of her life that she was the one. “This is going to be amazing. Sun, sand, water, and booze.”
“Why do I feel like we’ve switched roles?” I shook my head at her as we made our way to our seats. “You’re the eager one, and I’m the nervous one.”
“The student has become the teacher, and the teacher has become the student, I think?” Anabel said. “Or something like that.”
“Ugh,” I groaned and plopped down next to the window. “You’re the bitch.” I giggled as I pointed to the middle seat that I was definitely not going to sit in.
“Ugh,” she moaned. “You better hope that a little kid or a mom with a baby doesn’t sit down next to me. That would be so annoying. I will get you if that happens. You know I hate sitting in the middle.”
“Me too.” I laughed, though it was more from nerves than the situation. Then I started to think about the plan for Belize again and I started to feel rumbles in my stomach. “Oh my God, Anabel, was this a mistake? Maybe we should get off of the plane and go home? What am I doing?”
“Nah, there is no way we are getting off of this plane.” She shook her head. “This way you figure out what Nate really wants right? And then you can go forward with your life accordingly.”
“But hasn’t he already told me what he wants?” I made a face at her. He’d already rejected me once. Did I really want to or need to go through this again?
“Maybe he has told you in his own way. I mean he was a jerk in college.” Anabel looked thoughtful. “But then he needs to stop playing games with you. He can’t be trying to hook up with you still and yet saying he only wants to be friends.”
“But isn’t that the point of a hookup or being friends with benefits?”
“You guys are not friends with benefits, and he knows you don’t have the personality or temperament for that sort of relationship.”
“But I did tell him I wanted to hook up.” I was trying to give Nate the benefit of the doubt. “Maybe he thinks I’m cool with that now.”
“No way. He’d be a fool to think that.” She shook her head. “He’s one of your best friends. He should know better than that.”
“I guess.” I sighed. “And what about Dylan? I feel a bit weird having him come on this trip as well.” I made a face at her. “Am I a player? Or even worse, a user?”
“You’re not a user, girl. And you could never be a player. He’s the weirdo for accepting.” Anabel shook her head as she consoled me. “If there is someone I don’t feel sorry for, it’s Dylan.”
“Anabel.” I laughed uncomfortably. “I just feel like this isn’t the best idea. This is one of the craziest endeavors I’ve ever been a part of and it’s not even my idea. Does that make me even crazier?”
“Maybe.” She grinned at me. “But all the pieces have come together easily.”
“I know. I can’t quite believe it.” I sat back in the chair and closed my eyes for a few seconds. “It really does feel surreal that we’re on our way to Belize.”
“What I can’t believe is how quickly Nate pulled this trip together. Didn’t he just ask you like a week ago if you wanted to go to Belize?”
“Yeah.” I made a face. “I haven’t even seen Dylan again and I’m shocked that he said he would come. Everything has been so crazy and rushed.”
“I have to admit I’m shocked as well,” Anabel agreed with me. “What could Nate have said to get him to come? And why would he even want Dylan to come?”
“No idea.” I shook my head. “Though I told Nate the only way I’d even consider this vacation was if you and Dylan could come as well. He wasn’t happy, but he said okay.”
“Oh, Janie.” She laughed out loud. “If only he knew how badly you needed this vacation to go through.”
“I didn’t need it to go through.” I made a face at her. “I would have been perfectly happy if it hadn’t gone through.”
“Uh huh.”
“You know that. This was your idea. Not mine.”
“I know.” She gave me a small smile. “And I do wonder if I’m crazy as well. However, I think this is best for you.”
“Best for me?” I asked and wondered why she thought that. Though, I already kind of knew the answer.
“You’re so confused about this whole situation and I know you, Janie. You can spend years obsessing. I don’t want you to spend years obsessing over Nate or Dylan. Not again. Not now. If either one of them is meant to be with you, then let’s find out and if not, it’s time to move on.”
“I don’t really want Dylan though. I don’t even know him.” I sighed. “I want Nate.”
“I agree and I’m glad you said that.” Anabel made a face. “I swore to myself that I wasn’t going to say this, but Dylan almost seems worse than Nate and you know how I feel about Nate.” She made a puking sound and I rolled my eyes.
“Oh, Anabel.” I giggled nervously. “You really don’t like Dylan huh?”
“He seems too eager. Almost desperate. And I don’t like how he’s a friend of Nate’s and didn’t tell you. That seems so shady to me.”
“Then it’s shady on both of their parts.”
“Exactly!” she exclaimed. “They’re both shady.” She pointed at me and shook her head.
“Tell me again, why you think this is a good idea if you don’t like either guy?” I asked her thoughtfully. “Is this some sort of tough love situation on your part?”
“Yes and no.” She sighed. “I do want you to be happy and I do think that Nate could be the one for you; if he ever grows up. He cares about you, but he’s an asshole and he needs to stop being a kid. I hate that he thinks he can just have you when he wants you. That sucks, Janie. And I’m kind of mad at you too.”
“Why are you mad at me? What did I do?” I pouted at her. “He’s the one that uses me. Not the other way around.”
“But you let him, Janie. You let him get away with it. It’s so frustrating. Sometimes when you tell me the things that he says or does, it makes me want to throttle you.”
“You want to throttle me?” I put my hands up. “Do I have to call the police of the FBI here?” I stuck my tongue out at her to try and lighten the mood.
“Maybe.” She wrinkled her nose at me. “I don’t know what to say, Janie. These guys are douches. I don’t know why you want to be with a douchebag, but let’s just see how this goes.”
“Tell me how you really feel.” It was my turn to sigh now. “Don’t you think I know that these guys aren’t the best? I can’t help how I feel. Especially about Nate. Oh, Anabel, he has my heart. I just have the feels for him. It’s so hard to explain, but he just makes me feel things that I’ve never felt in my life before. When I’m close to him, it’s like an electrical wire starts burning in my stomach. I’ve never had that feeling before.”
“Ugh.” She made a face. “But he’s such a user. He is not worthy of your love. Look how he treated you in college.”
“But that’s the point of this plan, right? Make him jealous? Make him really think about if he wants to be with me or not.”
“And you know what happens if it’s a not, right?” Anabel put her hand on my arm. “You have to tell him goodbye.”
“Yeah, adios, muchacho. Or whatever the saying is, I forget.” I sighed. “Though the goodbye won’t be forever. I don’t want to lose him from my life for forever.”
“Hmmm.” Anabel rolled her eyes. “Maybe not forever, but for a long time. You can’t have him in your life right now, Janie. Not as a friend. Not when you want him for more. Not when you never really got over him. If he doesn’t want to commit to you, you have to let his ass go. And I mean for a really long time. So you can finally meet ‘the one.’”
“I thought he was the one,” I started to explain. “I wanted him so badly to see it as well.”
“Yeah, I know.” She gave me a smile. “You’re a true romantic, Janie. Maybe you’ve watched too many rom-coms and read too many romance books because real life doesn’t work that way, hun. Once a douchebag, always a douchebag in my book.”
“But you have to have some faith, Anabel. Sometimes guys can change.”
“Yeah and sometimes pigs can fly.” She shook her head at me and then closed her eyes. “I’m going to try and get a nap in before we land. Wake me up if any delicious food is delivered. Or if we get free drinks.”
“We’re in economy.” I laughed. “There are no free drinks and since when has the food ever been delicious on a plane?”
“Don’t burst my bubble.” She giggled. “You never know.”
“I do know.” I laughed. “Trust me. I know.” I turned to look out the window then and sighed. What was I doing? Was it a smart idea to go on a vacation with my best friend and two guys I kind of had a thing for? Two guys that knew each other. Anabel’s plan had seemed so great in the beginning. Go on this trip. Flirt with Dylan. Make Nate jealous. Make him see he really wanted to be with me. And if not, then I’d let him know that if he wanted me, he had to step up to the plate. That was the plan coming into this trip, but now, now it seemed like a really bad idea. What if he didn’t like me like that? What if he didn’t want to commit? Then I’d have to walk away from the friendship. That made my head hurt and my heart ache. I couldn’t imagine Nate not being in my life. He was my everything. Though I was loathed to admit it, he almost meant more to me than Anabel. I felt like a traitor for even thinking that. I suppose that was what love did to a person. And I knew that I was still in love with him. After that night in my bedroom, I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I wanted him. In more ways than one. I wanted him in my heart. Yet, I also wanted him in my bed. I wanted to touch him and hold him and feel him. I wanted to stare at his handsome face and hold his handsome body against mine. I wanted to feel his hardness pushing into me. I shifted on the seat slightly as I thought about being with him again. Shit, I was horny. I felt a little guilty and naughty and weary all at the same time. Was this a good idea? I’d wanted Nate before and he’d broken my heart. He’d walked out of my life. He’d chosen another girl. Could I face that again? Did I really want to push my luck? If he liked me, wouldn’t he have asked me out already? I bit down on my lower lip. Maybe I shouldn’t go ahead with this. Maybe we could all just enjoy this holiday in Belize and then go home. That would be good. Yes, no need to rock the boat right now. What would come of it? Nothing good. Nothing good at all. I just had to figure out how to tell Anabel that the plan had changed. I wasn’t going to push my luck.
“You’re not backing out of this, Janie,” Anabel mumbled from the seat next to me. I looked over at her to see if she was staring at me, but no, her eyes were closed. She had somehow read my mind without even looking at me. “Nope, not going to happen,” she said as she sat back with her eyes still closed. “You’re going through with this and it will be the best thing that happened in your life. No matter the outcome. Trust me!” she said, and with that, I closed my eyes as well and tried to think about something else. I didn’t have to make up my mind tonight. I could wait until we landed and met up with the men. Then I could figure out what I wanted to do. Then I could decide whether or not I really and truly wanted to make Nate mine. Though my heart already knew the answer. I just wasn’t quite ready to accept the truth yet. I just wasn’t brave enough to risk losing all hope forever.