Chapter Four
Janie
“Dinner was so delicious.” I faked a smile at Anabel as we walked back to the apartment. I felt uneasy and didn’t quite know how to express how I felt. Dinner had been weird. Nate had spent most of the evening ignoring all of us and pounding beers. I also noticed that he’d flirted with the waitress and another tourist that had been sitting at the table next to us. Anabel and Dylan had gotten into a long boring discussion related to North Korea and some treaty I’d never heard of. I felt so guilty that I was so ignorant that I’d tried to change the subject. It had worked and Dylan had started talking to me, but neither Anabel or Nate had looked pleased that all of Dylan’s attention had turned to me. I’d thought Anabel would have been happy that I seemed to be getting under Nate’s skin, but she hadn’t returned any of my smiles at the table. “Didn’t you think so?”
“Yeah, it was okay.” She nodded, her expression blank, her mind obviously a million miles away.
“What’s going on, Anabel?” I asked her as we were walked behind the guys. “You barely spoke all night.”
“Nothing is wrong.” She shrugged. “I’m just tired.”
“I noticed you talking to Dylan,” I said softly, trying to hide my annoyance at the obvious lie. “Do you like him?”
“What? Of course not.” Her face swung to mine, her expression passionate. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Not that you even want him, but whatever. He’s yours.” She looked away from me and started walking faster, so that she was ahead of me.
“He’s not mine.” I sighed as I picked up my pace to keep up with her. “You know that.”
“No, Janie. I don’t know that. I don’t think you know that either. It seems to me that you don’t really know what you want.” She glanced over at me. “You say you’re here to get Nate because you love him, but you still seem to want to have Dylan all over you.”
“What?” I exclaimed, almost too loudly. Was she joking? She knew I didn’t really want Dylan. That this was part of the plan to make Nate jealous and man up. “What is going on here? Have I entered the twilight zone? Why are you and Nate both being funny?” I grabbed her arm.
“Maybe it’s not me and Nate that have the problem, Janie. Maybe it’s you,” she sputtered as she pulled away from me.
“Wow.” My jaw dropped at her words. I’d never seen Anabel like this. Never. And we’d been through a lot. Yet, she had never spoken to me like this. So exasperated and so annoyed with me. “I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I don’t mean to be a burden.”
“You’re not a burden.” Anabel’s face crumpled. “Look I’m sorry. I’m just tired.”
“If this has to do with Dylan. It’s okay. I saw you guys kind of flirting,” I said softly, once again trying to broach the subject.
“He was flirting with you as well,” she snapped. “And what does it matter anyway? We’re here for you. So you can finally get over, Nate. Or get him to realize he has feelings for you if he can ever pull his head out of his ass.” She was almost shouting. “Anyways, whatever, whichever guy you end up with will be fine, I’m sure.”
“Wow, tell me how you really feel,” I said feeling sad. “I didn’t mean to make this all about me, Anabel.”
“You’re not.” She sighed. “Look I’m sorry. I need a drink.” She gave me a small smile. “And I think I’m about to get my period. You know how my pms goes.”
“Yeah.” I nodded and gave her a small smile back, but for some reason that didn’t comfort me. Anabel was really upset and it was my fault. Maybe I was a selfish friend. Maybe I was too immature. When was the last time we’d really focused on Anabel and her love life? I’d always thought it was because she was too mature and had her act together. But maybe it was because we were always focused on me and my hair-brained schemes. At least that was how it had always been in college. I’d fall for some guy and convince Anabel to help me get him in some way. Anabel had been a good sport throughout all of this, but maybe she was having her own issues. Maybe she wanted love as well. “If you like Dylan, you can go for him you know. I don’t mind,” I said softly and I watched as she just shook her head at me and then ran up to the guys.
***
“Shall we play a game?” Anabel threw her head back and started laughing. I stared at her in shock. I’d never seen her this drunk or loud.
“What sort of game?” I asked her suspiciously, hoping she wasn’t going to say spin the bottle or kiss or dare.
“I don’t know. What do you want to play, Janie? Chess?” She started laughing even louder. “Did you know that Janie pretended to like chess in college so she could meet Nate?” She turned to Dylan with a raised eyebrow.
“No, I didn’t know that.” He shook his head and looked over at me. “But I’d like to know more.”
“Oh, I will tell you everything,” Anabel said. “Janie saw Nate one day in the library and decided she just had to have him. She thought he was so cute.”
“Anabel.” I stared at her, my voice high. “No one wants to hear this story.”
“I want to hear this story,” Nate said with a grin as he lightly touched my leg. We were sitting next to each other on one of the couches and he was awfully close to me. “I’ve never heard this story.”
“Nate.” I made a face at him. “You know I pretended to like chess.”
“Yes, I knew that part, but I didn’t know the rest.”
“You don’t need to know the rest.” I could feel my face growing red. This was more embarrassing than I thought it was going to be.
“Aw, come on Janie.” Anabel grinned. “He deserves to know everything. Plus, it was ages ago. You’ve grown up now.”
“Wait a minute.” Dylan put a hand up. “You guys used to be an item?” He looked back and forth between me and Nate and something suddenly clicked in his mind and he started laughing. “I thought I was screwed up, but you guys, wow, you guys take the cake.”
“Huh?” I asked him in confusion.
“Nothing.” He looked chagrined and he just stared at Nate. “Dude, you’re fucked-up.”
“Why is he fucked-up?” I asked wanting to know what he was thinking about and talking about.
“You’ll find out.” He laughed and then turned back to Anabel. “But please, please finish this story.”
“There’s not really that much to say.” Anabel looked at me sheepishly and mouthed I’m sorry. I just shrugged at her. What was I going to say now?
“Basically, I had the hots for him and lied about how good I was at chess and joined the chess club,” I said quickly. “And voila, that’s the story.”
“Somehow I think there’s more to the story than that, but I’m not going to push it,” Dylan said and then he jumped up. “Anyone want another beer?”
“Yeah, you can get me one.” Nate nodded and then looked at me. “You want one?”
“Why not?” I said. “I might as well catch up with all you drunkards,” I said only half-joking.
“Now that we all know one of your secrets, I think it’s only fair that Nate share one of his secrets,” Dylan said with a wicked grin.
“What secrets can Nate possibly have?” Anabel scoffed. “Wait, don’t tell me. He has a secret baby out there somewhere?”
“You don’t do you?” I held my breath as I looked at him.
“What?” He looked at me with a sardonic stare that made his face look even more handsome. “I can’t believe you’re even asking me that, Janie. How could you think for a second that I have a secret child?”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “It wasn’t me that said that.”
“I don’t have a secret child, Janie.”
“I know.”
“Do you really?” He started laughing. “Did you really think I had a love child out there somewhere?”
“I don’t know. I mean of course not.” I sighed and then looked at Dylan. “So what’s the big secret?”
“Nate is a writer.”
“What?” I wasn’t sure that I’d heard him correctly. “What do you mean a writer?”
“I mean he likes to write short stories.”
“I didn’t know that.” I turned to Nate and searched his face. “Is this true or was that another joke?”
“It’s true.” He nodded. “I write short stories. Big deal. Many people write short stories.”
“I didn’t know that,” I said again, all of a sudden feeling sad. How did I not know that he wrote short stories? He was one of my best friends. I thought we shared everything with each other. Why hadn’t he told me? I nibbled on my own lip and all of a sudden a thousand doubts hit me again. How could I think I was in love with him if I didn’t even really know him?
“It’s not something I share,” he said softly. “I don’t write that much.”
“What about that story you wrote about the kiwi’s,” Dylan said and I could feel my stomach churning again. How did Dylan know this stuff and I didn’t?
“That wasn’t supposed to be shared.” Nate glared and sighed. “I wrote this flash fiction piece and entered it into a competition. Some of my friends found out about it.”
“He won the contest,” Dylan exclaimed. “Come on then, Nate. Let’s hear it.”
“No one wants to hear it.”
“I want to hear it,” I said softly, gazing at him. “Please.”
“It’s sappy and not that good.” He shook his head. “I’d rather not.”
“Please, Nate.” I gave him my puppy dog eyes. “I want to hear about kiwi fruit.”
“It’s not about kiwi fruit.” He laughed.
“Dylan just said it’s about kiwis.”
“The birds.”
“Oh.” I thought for a moment. “I didn’t know there was a kiwi bird.”
“Now you do.”
“Oh, Nate, please.” I grabbed his fingers impulsively. “Please.”
“Okay. Let me think.” He looked thoughtful and I could see his blue eyes sparkling. “Let’s make a deal.”
“What’s the deal?”
“You’ll go for a swim with me afterward.”
“What now?”
“Yeah,” he said with a wide grin. “To remind us of old times.”
“Oh.” My face turned beet red. “I’m not going to skinny dip,” I whispered at him and he just winked at me.
“I’m curious to hear this story as well.” Anabel sat forward. “Though I’m not going for a nighttime swim.”
“I’ll join you guys,” Dylan said with a grin. “I’d even go naked. Sure you don’t want to come, Anabel?”
“Dylan!” Anabel giggled. “Don’t be bad.”
“I could never be bad.” He winked at her and I could feel my body stilling. What the hell was going on here? I didn’t care that they were flirting with each other, but this wasn’t really helping my game with Nate. He was in no way going to be jealous of Dylan now that he could see Dylan was into Anabel.
“I don’t need you two to come. Just Janie,” Nate said with a small smile. He clasped my hand in his as I tried to pull it away. “So you’ll come with me, Janie?”
“Fine.” I stuck my tongue out at him. “This story had better be good.”
“I can’t promise that.” He laughed and then jumped up. “Hold on, I have to get my laptop. I have the story saved in my Dropbox account.
“Yay.” I curled my legs up on the couch and lie back slightly. I grinned at Nate as he came back into the room with his laptop and sat back down next to me.
“So this is a bit angsty.” He made a face. “I apologize in advance.”
“You don’t do angsty,” I said, but I looked over at him eagerly. “I’m listening.”
“Okay,” he said. “Here goes. I called it ‘Mayday of the Kiwis.’”
“Cool,” I said and then closed my mouth as he started talking. “Mayday, Mayday,” he started and then stopped. “I can’t read this out loud,” he groaned. “I’m too embarrassed. Here, take my laptop and read it.” He handed me his laptop and I immediately started reading the document on the screen.
Mayday, Mayday. There’s been some sort of accident near the Silky Peaks. Calling all cars to respond. Mayday, Mayday.
Dear Jenny,
It was nice to get your letter the other day. I’ve not had one of those in years. Well since the accident I’ve had about ten, but yours was the nicest. So I had to respond. That night was crazy. To be honest the beginning was pretty much the end. Or if you look at it another way the end was the beginning. I don’t really know anymore. It was on a Thursday evening, quite near dusk that my curiosity got the best of me. It was late; the moon was full and bright. Its luminosity was a bright white, stark in contrast against the midnight blue sky. There were a few stars sprinkled around and a lone bird was flying back and forth above me as I walked down to the riverbank. I heard the kiwi before I saw it. The noise it made scared me as I walked along, my head full of thoughts and dreams. I jumped in fright and tripped on some small rocks that were covering the dirt road. I sat on the ground for a few seconds and laughed to myself. Only I could trip in fear from a small bird that I didn’t even see. I sat there for a few seconds to see if I would hear the nocturnal animals again. But I only heard my dog, Andy. Andy whimpered next to me in distress. He didn’t know what to do. Frankly, I didn’t know what to do either, but that’s just between us. Hope to hear from you again.
Kiwi
Hello Kiwi,
I’m glad you liked my letter enough to respond. When I heard about your accident I just had to write. I think you’re awfully brave to have climbed up that mountain late at night. I’m not sure I could have done it, even with my golden lab, Ella, and she’s just a wonder. And she loves the outdoors. In my defense her legs are more agile than mine though.
I do try to keep active as possible. I think that’s important, in fact, Sunday’s are spent up at my grandfather’s lakeside cabin and I have to admit that those are Ella’s and my favorite days. I’ve been going there since I was a young girl and now I feel like I know the landscape like the back of my hand. Frankly, I do know it better than the back of my hand. I know the path from the cabin down to the lake. All two hundred and thirty-five steps. I know the opposite path as well. The one that takes you into the woods. I know when the owls are out, looking to mate. I know when the deer are running from guns. It’s their footsteps that stop me from getting shot.
Was the moon very white that night? Were there shooting stars? I often think that my greatest wish would be to see a shooting star. Ironic that I’d have to see it before I could make my wish. Oh well, one can dream.
Why do you call yourself Kiwi? I thought your name was Dave?
Jenny
Jenny,
The moon was as luminescent as I could imagine it being. In my mind’s eye it was full and bright. Though Lisa, my caregiver, says that it was a quarter moon that night with low visibility. I guess I wouldn’t have been able to have seen the stars after all.
Andy is a golden lab as well, but I suppose most Seeing Eye dogs are. Ella sounds like a beauty. Andy doesn’t really like the outdoors or the woods. It makes him nervous. I’m not sure if his nerves are for me or for him. He’s even more nervous than Lisa and that’s saying something.
I saw a shooting star once; when I was a young boy. It was magical. I felt like I was living in some alternate reality. Can you imagine what it must feel like to shoot through the sky? Faster than a bird. Faster than a plane. The ability to move quickly and see everything. I must admit that I was then and I still am quite jealous of shooting stars. Quite jealous, indeed. To be a star would almost be better than being able to fly.
Kiwi
Kiwi,
I have to admit that I’ve never wondered what it would be like to be a shooting star. Though I have wondered what it would be like to be a bird. There’s this saying I heard once from my dad, if you’re afraid to fall, you’ll never fly. I’ve thought about it often, as I’m often scared and afraid. Even now. I’ve always thought if I was a bird, I wouldn’t be afraid of falling or flying across the sky. Did it feel like you were flying when you fell?
Jenny
P.S. You still didn’t tell me why you call yourself Kiwi.
Mayday, Mayday. Requesting backup. We’ve found two dogs. Calling for a rescue team.
Dear Jenny,
They call me Kiwi because they think that I think I can do anything, and they like to remind me of the fact that I can’t fly.
Kiwi
Kiwi,
Let’s prove them wrong.
Jenny
Dispatch, this is Officer Jones. Two bodies have been found at the bottom of the mountain. Deceased. Send for the ambulance. One male. One female. Hands interlocked. Smiles on faces. No foul play. Looks like they jumped together. A backpack with a radio was found at the top. Dogs are in good condition. We’ve been in contact with their relatives. Emergency contacts are unavailable, but grandkids for both are on the way to the hospital.
“Wow.” I looked up at Nate with tears in my eyes. “That was beautiful. Really beautiful.”
“Thanks, but it wasn’t that great. I know that.”
“No, it was really deep. It was short, but really intense. It made me sad. Did Jenny and Dave jump?”
“No spoilers, Janie. I want to read it,” Anabel said, her eyes barely open. “But now, I’m going to bed. I’m about to pass out.” She stood up and stretched. “Night guys.”
“Night,” We all chorused together and I watched as she headed to her room.
“I think I’m going to head to bed as well.” Dylan stood up and yawned. I watched as he ran his hands through his golden-blond hair and wondered how I had ever been attracted to him; especially when compared to Nate. I’d just been fooling myself. There was only one man for me. Though it made me feel stupid for even having invited Dylan on this trip. I barely knew the man. I was a real fool and an idiot. Who got caught up with some guy just because he looked hot on a dating app and flirted with her? Yeah, he’d made me feel good about myself, but was that all I needed to feel good about myself? Was I really dependent on having a guy like me?