Dan let himself into the cubicle and closed the door behind him. He dropped the toilet lid and went to sit down. He let out a heavy sigh and wondered what was wrong with him. Yes, he felt disappointed that Annabel wasn’t pregnant, a feeling that both surprised and confused him. But it was more than that. He almost laughed at himself. Most men he knew would be in their element in the company of a woman like Maeve.

Up to now, their time together had been pleasant enough and he had to admit that Maeve had lived up to her reputation, being every inch the lovely girl his mother had described. They’d chatted, albeit awkwardly at times, and had even managed to find a few things in common other than their mothers’ friendship. Moreover, his own mum hadn’t exaggerated when she’d said how stunning his date was. Of course, thanks to her view regarding blondes, he’d expected the long, fair hair, but with a name like Maeve he hadn’t really anticipated the looks to go with it. As it turned out, she had to be one of the most gorgeous women he’d ever set eyes on and so far, seemed to have the personality to match. So why wasn’t he feeling it? He asked himself. Why was there no spark?

He realised his predicament was all his own fault. He should have taken his mum’s advice sooner. If he had, for all anyone knew he and Maeve could’ve been well on their way to wedded bliss by now. On the other hand, they could have learned about each other’s insurmountable foibles and decided to call it a day. Either way, life would certainly have been simpler and he definitely wouldn’t be sitting in a public toilet right now. He took in his enclosure, and, not for the first time, he wished he hadn’t made that stupid promise.

Maybe the pressure of the situation had gotten to him. After all, if ever a man needed love at first sight Dan knew it was him. He could almost hear the ticking clock in the background, reminding him he didn’t have to just like Maeve he had to fall in love with her. ‘Cheers, Mum,’ he said. The whole situation was insane.

He felt almost resentful and couldn’t believe how easily his mother had conned him into giving her his word. He couldn’t believe her determination to pretend all was well in the world – a condition that was obviously catching. Dan had spent the whole evening avoiding the subject of his mother’s health, trying to deceive himself into thinking he was here through choice. The façade couldn’t last though, he knew that; for his mother or for himself. Now he’d agreed to this date he had a decision to make and fast. He just felt scared that, if he did commit to Maeve, then that would be it. His mum’s reason for living would be gone and, as a result, she’d simply give up.

Then again, he reassured himself, she could remain stoic to the very end. His mother never could stand sickness. Even when he had chicken pox as a child she refused to show any sympathy, the relentless itching apparently all in his mind. ‘What’s a few spots?’ he remembered her saying, dragging him to school regardless. She even insisted the other parents would thank her for it; with him in the schoolyard they could get yet another childhood illness out of the way.

As far as his mother was concerned, it was what went on in the mind and not the body that mattered. A bit of positive thinking could get anyone through anything. ‘Not this time though, eh, Mum,’ he said, reality showing its face once more. That sparkle of hers was fading with each passing day whether she chose to openly admit it or not.

He recalled the bottles of Oramorph he’d found in the bathroom cupboard while he was looking for a fresh tube of toothpaste. They were the last thing he’d expected to come across. The bottles were unopened and stuck at the back, just reading the labels made him feel nauseous. His mum had obviously tried to hide them and, in respecting her wishes, he never let on to her that he knew they were there. Instead, they became a sort of comforter. Their daily presence allowed him to believe that his mum’s condition wasn’t worsening. Since her arrest though, the bottles had disappeared – along with his sense of security. If only she’d listened to him and not gone to Amsterdam that day. If she’d stayed home, her body’s fighting spirit might have stayed too.

He thought about his promise again, about why his mum had made him make it. Yes, he understood her reasoning; she wanted to die safe in the knowledge that he wasn’t alone. But did she really expect to be replaced so easily? Swapped for someone else? Because when he stripped everything back, that was what this all felt like.

Tears welled in his eyes and he quickly wiped them away. ‘Why do you have to take her?’ he asked. He looked up to the heavens. ‘When there are so many absolute bastards out there to choose from?’ He waited for an answer, it didn’t arrive.

He took his phone out of his pocket and began scrolling through his contacts until Annabel’s details appeared on the screen. With his thumb poised ready to hit call, just seeing her name felt reassuring, let alone the prospect of hearing her voice. Resisting the urge, he suddenly put the phone away again and taking a deep breath, he told himself he had to be strong.

He took a second to gather his composure and standing up, headed straight for the sink. Dan turned on the cold tap and began sloshing his face. He knew he should get a move on as Maeve would be wondering where he was by now. He imagined her checking her watch, and let out a burst of mock laughter. If he did want to get to know the woman better, the last thing he needed was for her to think he had toileting issues.

However, as he stared at his reflection Dan couldn’t help but continue to just stand there. Rooted to the spot, it was as if his feet refused to move. Tears returned to his eyes and with his breath suddenly catching in his throat, he couldn’t bring himself to stop them. He gripped the sink, his shoulders started to heave as he broke down completely and, finally succumbing to the agonising pain of his mother’s dying, he let the tears and the sobs just keep coming.

* * *

‘I’m ready for this,’ said Katy.

‘Me too,’ replied Annabel, taking a seat. ‘I’ve been saving myself all day.’

She glanced around the restaurant hoping the change of scenery would take her mind off recent events. Not that she’d told Katy about the pregnancy test. The last thing she wanted was pity.

She smiled at the waiter as he approached to hand over their menus; he returned the gesture with a wink before going on his way. She blushed, wondering what was going on. She seemed to be attracting a lot of male attention lately, although she couldn’t think why.

‘Did you see that?’ asked a suddenly wide-eyed Katy, thankfully for Annabel at least having the decency to wait until he was out of earshot.

‘What?’

‘Him.’ Katy indicated towards the waiter. ‘Talk about fancying you.’

‘Rubbish,’ Annabel replied. As if she wasn’t embarrassed enough. ‘You’re imagining things.’

‘I am not,’ said Katy. ‘And you know I’m not. Why else would you sit there so red-faced? Although I shouldn’t really be surprised, men have always looked at you like that. You’ve just never noticed before.’

Annabel laughed and shook her head. In her view, the menu deserved more attention than this ridiculous conversation. She began scanning its contents, trying to decide what to have. Being so hungry, it all sounded good. From the Rabbit Rillette to the Wild Boar and Mushroom, she’d have tried everything listed given half the chance. Unlike her friend, she noted, who hadn’t even looked at her menu yet.

Annabel could feel her friend’s eyes boring into her. ‘What now?’ she asked.

‘Nothing,’ Katy replied.

Deciding to take her at her word, Annabel hoped that, now, the conversation could move on.

‘Anyway, speaking of who fancies who,’ she said. ‘How are things with Oliver?’ Annabel watched her friend’s whole face light up at the mere mention of his name.

‘Absolutely wonderful,’ she replied. ‘I don’t know what it is about that man, but he makes me so happy. Honestly, just the thought of him and I come over all tingly.’

‘Sounds like he could be the one,’ said Annabel, although going off her friend’s track record she’d believe it when she saw it.

Now it was her friend’s turn to blush.

‘Oh my gosh, Katy, he isn’t. Is he?’

‘Maybe,’ she replied. With a satisfied smile, Katy finally picked up her menu.

Her friend’s sudden silence on the matter told Annabel that was all she was going to get on the Oliver front, for now. Not that she minded as such, Katy would reveal all when she was good and ready. On the plus side, it meant they might actually be able to eat at last.

‘I saw Rebecca today,’ said Katy.

Or maybe not, thought Annabel, as her stomach started to seriously rumble.

‘She told me about the other day’s incident.’

As much as her friend tried to sound matter of fact, Annabel felt a lecture coming on.

‘I’m sure she did,’ she said. She wondered if she should be good and order the beetroot salad or be greedy and go for a hearty rump steak. ‘And how was she?’

‘How do you think?’

Annabel stopped reading and recalled events She might have been too high on adrenaline at the time to take in Rebecca’s words, but that hadn’t stopped her seeing the fury written all over her sister’s face. ‘Still mad at me, no doubt?’

‘Well what do you expect? She could have killed you. Imagine, her own flesh and blood.’

Annabel rolled her eyes. Talk about melodramatic. Although she should’ve known Katy would take Rebecca’s side. She’d been doing that a lot lately. ‘She’s the one who came hurtling round the corner, when everyone knows pedestrians have right of way.’

‘Pedestrians?’ said Katy. ‘Annabel, you weren’t on foot. You were in the middle of the road on a skateboard.’

Annabel let out a child-like giggle. ‘I know and you should have seen me, I was like the wind. Honestly, it was so much fun.’

‘Your poor sister didn’t think so. And what if it had turned out for the worse?’

Annabel still didn’t see what all the fuss was about. As far as she was concerned, everyone was so serious these days. Anyone would think she had no right to enjoy herself. ‘But it didn’t, did it?’ she said, refusing to see anything but the funny side.

‘I don’t know what’s so amusing,’ said Katy. ‘There’s a reason they build skate parks, you know. Anyway, Rebecca thinks you’ve changed lately and after hearing about what you’ve been up to, I’m starting to agree.’

Annabel began to lose her appetite. ‘I’ve changed? Have you noticed what’s happened to her? She seems so worked up all the time, definitely more than usual and as much as she blames me for whatever’s going on, there has to be more to it.’

‘Then you should talk to her,’ said Katy. ‘Find out what’s going on.’

‘You think I haven’t tried?’

‘Then try again.’

Annabel knew she was right. Things were getting so strained between the two of them, someone had to do something. ‘I will,’ she said, although she didn’t exactly look forward to the prospect. Rebecca had been so furious on that skateboarding night that she’d stormed off in yet another huff. The likelihood of which meant she still had plenty to say on the subject. And as well as trying to get to the bottom of her sister’s problems, the porn magazine issue still hadn’t been resolved. It was safe to say that when the two of them did finally sit down together, they were going to have one hell of a conversation.

The waiter began to hover and Annabel signalled that they weren’t yet ready to order. She returned her attention to the menu.

‘You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?’ said Katy.

Annabel stopped reading again. What on earth was her friend talking about now? ‘Excuse me?’ she said.

‘Dan. You’re sleeping with him.’

Annabel stared at her friend incredulous. ‘I most certainly am not,’ she said. Fed up with having to defend her actions when it came to her sister, she shouldn’t have to do the same with her best friend.

‘I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me,’ said Katy.

Annabel bristled. ‘I didn’t tell you, because there’s nothing to tell.’ To say she thought tonight was going to be fun, things weren’t quite panning out that way.

‘But that doesn’t mean you don’t want to though, does it?’

The evening of their almost kiss popped into Annabel’s head; his strong hands, firm chest and tempting lips. She tried to re-focus on what to have for dinner but felt herself flush red.

‘I knew it!’ said Katy. ‘I knew there was something going on the minute you suggested we come here.’

Annabel looked around the restaurant. ‘What’s this place got to do with anything?’ As far as she could recall, this was the first time she’d ever stepped foot through the door.

‘Not the place itself,’ said Katy. ‘The fact that we’re here at all.’

Annabel still couldn’t follow.

‘Yes, we might meet for lunch, but when was the last time we did anything of an evening?’

Now her friend really was talking rubbish. ‘A few weeks ago, actually,’ said Annabel. ‘When I first met Dan, remember?’

‘Oh, you know what I mean. That was for a specific reason.’

‘What, so the two of us catching up over a nice meal isn’t reason enough?’ Annabel made a mental note to never invite her friend out to dinner again. Especially if this is what she got for her trouble.

‘No, as a matter of fact,’ said Katy. ‘It isn’t. I mean, can you even remember when we last did something like this? Because I can, it was before Tom died.’

Annabel set her menu down. Was her friend trying to spoil the night? This might be the first time in a while that they’d visited a restaurant of an evening, but that didn’t mean she could come over all psychologist on her. As for Dan, he really was just a sperm donor, nothing more, nothing less. Granted, a sperm donor who happened to be introducing a bit of fun into her life and yes, there’d been a bit of confusion along the way. But what she and Dan got up to was no one else’s business. As far as Annabel was concerned, business separate to the rest of her life; it was everyone else trying to merge the two.

‘I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a relationship with Dan,’ Katy carried on.

‘Which we’re not,’ said Annabel.

‘God knows it’s about time you got back into the dating game.’

‘We’re not dating.’

‘And it’s obvious that you like the man.’

Annabel gave up. Her friend was clearly away with the fairies. Yes, she liked Dan. He brought out a side of her she’d long since forgotten about. In the silliest of ways imaginable she was enjoying herself again and it felt good, like she was re-joining the land of the living. Admittedly, there was no denying Dan was easy on the eye, but that didn’t mean she was ready to betray her husband. Surely her inability to even kiss him proved that?

Her mind began to wander as she thought about the kindness Dan had shown. He had so much to deal with at the moment, yet he still found time to think of her. As soon as it was over she’d forgotten about their Bucket List conversation, but he hadn’t. She wondered what man did that. What man put his own worries to one side to think of someone like her? Annabel smiled. Dan, that’s who.

‘I just want you to be careful,’ said Katy. ‘I don’t want you getting hurt.’

‘Hurt?’ she replied. ‘Katy, you don’t know what you’re talking about.’ If anything, Annabel felt confident of the complete opposite. Dan didn’t just turn up with his skateboard that night, he re-affirmed his commitment to her pregnancy plan. Something he did again a few days later, when they’d gone through the rigmarole of a pregnancy test. ‘In fact, you’re concerns are so misplaced,’ she said. ‘I’m even planning a shopping trip.’

‘A shopping trip?’

‘Yes. Obviously not for anything extravagant like a pram or a cot just yet.’

Katy looked horrified. ‘I should think not,’ she said.

The expression on her friends face was priceless, but Annabel didn’t care. She knew baby shopping was supposed to be a no, no until after she was pregnant, but how else could she prove to Katy that she was worrying over nothing.

‘But a few baby grows and scratch mittens, wouldn’t go amiss,’ she carried on. ‘You know the kind of things I mean, all the stuff that’s too cute to resist.’ While Katy continued to look at her like she’d lost the plot, Annabel began to imagine the rows and rows of teensie-weensie baby clothes to choose from. Now she’d given herself permission to buy, she actually felt quite excited at the prospect. ‘You’re welcome to come with me,’ she added. ‘It’ll be great fun.’

‘Annabel, I think you need to back up a bit,’ said Katy. Rather than being put at ease, her fears were clearly growing.

‘Why?’ she asked. ‘I’m going to need these things sooner or later, so I may as well get them now.’

Katy indicated to something over Annabel’s shoulder and Annabel turned, wondering what she was looking at. She spotted Dan, she felt her spirits lift. Now her friend could find out for herself what a great guy he was.

She waved in an attempt to catch his attention, but he didn’t see her and, disappointed, she had no choice but to watch him continue on his way, completely oblivious to her presence. Tempted to call out his name, she suddenly felt her heart sink. No wonder he hadn’t noticed her, taking a seat at another table he already had company. Not just any company though, thought Annabel. She noticed his dinner date, a long haired and, by the looks of it, a long legged, blonde, she suddenly found herself lost for words.

‘That’s why,’ said Katy.