With a take-away pizza box in hand, Annabel let herself into the house and dropping her keys down on the sideboard, headed straight for the kitchen. She didn’t just feel hungry; her stomach insisted her throat had been cut. Unlike the lucky individuals who lost their appetite when they were stressed or worried about something, for her, life’s trials and tribulations had the opposite effect. Turning to food for comfort was all well and good for those who could burn off the extra calories, which she couldn’t. This was the very reason she’d gained a few extra pounds after Tom had died. She looked down at her mid-riff and frowned. Pounds which she doubted she’d ever shift.

Annabel grabbed a slice of pizza and knew that she should be laying the table instead of eating straight from the box. But it was so easy, with just one for dinner, to let civilities like that slide; and being honest, she simply couldn’t be bothered. Savouring every mouthful of gooey melted cheese, juicy tomato, and spicy peperoni, she wondered if there was any point in cooking at all with just her to cater for, particularly when food like this tasted so good.

Annabel began to mull over the day’s incident with Dan. She didn’t really believe him to be a stalker. Even so, bumping into him like that had been enough to bring her to her senses. She supposed she’d just have to find another way to get pregnant, although, thanks to her finances, goodness knew how.

If all else failed, she knew she still had the adoption route to consider. Although, the reason she’d discarded it to start with was because she didn’t hold out much hope. In her view, if her own doctor deemed her unsuitable when it came to motherhood, why would Social Services be any different? Naturally they had their checks to do, children couldn’t be awarded to just anyone. However, jumping through every hoop imaginable felt a tad scary, especially when the odds were stacked against her. Annabel thought it sad; all those children out there, just as desperate for a home as she was to give them one.

She stuffed the last of her pizza slice into her mouth, ready to make herself a cup of coffee. With so much going on in her head, it was as if her brain began to hurt and she didn’t want to think about it anymore.

Her ears pricked at the sound of her mobile ringing, giving her just the diversion she needed. She rummaged in her handbag in an attempt to find it. Pulling out her phone, she checked the number on display but didn’t recognise who it belonged to. ‘Probably a salesman,’ she said. Talking to some stranger about double glazing or why she should change electricity companies wasn’t quite the relief Annabel had been hoping for; putting the handset to one side, she decided to let it ring out.

Surprisingly, the phone bleeped indicating a voicemail. Her eyes narrowed as she took in the flashing light. In Annabel’s experience, sales people never left messages and curious as to the caller’s identity, she reached for her phone once more. As she clicked to listen, there seemed to be a slight pause in the recording before a male voice began to speak, and even then its owner sounded unsure. Annabel’s eyes widened and her stomach lurched as, a few words in, it dawned on her who the voice actually belonged to. Shit! What do I do now? she thought, this being the last person she expected to hear from.

‘Are you mad?’ a woman suddenly called out.

Bugger! Much to her frustration, she recognised this voice too.

Footsteps marched down the hall and, cursing her sister’s not so impeccable timing, she told herself there was nothing she could do about the message now; she’d have to deal with it later.

‘What kind of question is that?’ she replied, shutting her phone down just as Rebecca barged into the room.

‘Well?’ said Rebecca, adamantly awaiting a response.

Despite being caught off guard, Annabel was more than accustomed to Rebecca letting herself in. She often dropped by for a cuppa. Unfortunately, she was also acquainted with her occasional outbursts. However, taking in her sister’s annoyed expression, Annabel had to admit they weren’t usually as extreme as this. ‘And I thought it customary to say hello when you entered someone else’s house?’ she said.

‘Don’t you play the innocent with me,’ her sister carried on.

Having no clue as to what she was referring to, Annabel couldn’t help but sigh. Out of the two of them, Rebecca had always been the more hot-blooded. Lately though, her moodiness had been taking over. Whatever was going on, Annabel wished she’d just sort it out; after the day she’d had, she felt way too tired to play these games.

‘Tea? Coffee?’ she asked, refusing to get drawn in. ‘The kettle’s just boiled.’

Annabel got on with making the drinks, giving her sister a minute to calm down. Coffee poured, she handed her a cup and indicated to the table, suggesting that they take a seat. Annabel could see from Rebecca’s pursed lips that she still wasn’t happy. Then again, she never did like being told what to do. Still, hanging her bag on the back of a chair, at least she did as instructed; even if it was reluctantly.

‘So do you want to tell me what all this is about?’ said Annabel, sitting opposite. ‘Or am I to guess?’

‘I saw Katy earlier,’ she began. ‘She told me about this ridiculous idea of yours.’

Annabel’s shoulders slumped. She’d known all along what Rebecca’s reaction would be, she’d purposefully kept her out of things. Something Katy should have realised, considering her friend knew the woman almost as well as she did.

‘Really,’ she said.

‘Only because she’s concerned, although I don’t know why you didn’t come to me in the first place. I am your sister, your older sister.’

Here we go again.

She’d never understood why being the oldest had always been so important to Rebecca. Why she seemed to think it made her wiser somehow, that she always knew best; a view that, at times like this, Annabel couldn’t accept. It was one of the reasons their relationship often felt so strained. Rebecca seemed to think her position as the oldest meant she should be the first to have, or experience, anything. And although she knew deep down it wasn’t really the case, Annabel’s less charitable side often found itself wondering if her sister was just jealous; jealous because she hadn’t been the one to be widowed first.

‘How could you dream of doing something like this?’

Again, Annabel sighed. It was a question Rebecca shouldn’t need to ask. Having enjoyed the honour of motherhood for quite some time now, she of all people knew what Annabel was missing out on. ‘I’d have thought if anyone could understand it would be you,’ she said. ‘You’re a mother yourself, of three at the last count.’

‘Yes, but that’s different.’

Annabel bristled. It was one thing her sister having an opinion, but quite another to be so righteous about it.

‘Why?’ she asked. ‘Because your husband’s alive to complete the perfect family unit, whereas mine isn’t?’ Annabel knew she sounded harsh, but she couldn’t help it. As far as she was concerned, her sister had started this.

She watched Rebecca shift in her seat.

‘That’s not fair,’ she replied.

Annabel almost laughed. The way her life had panned out, she couldn’t have agreed more.

‘Do you think I want to be in this position? Do you think if I had a choice, I’d want to raise a child on my own?’

She thought about how different things would be if Tom was still here. For one, she certainly wouldn’t be getting a scolding like this. But he wasn’t here, was he? And although Annabel wouldn’t wish her pain on anyone, let alone her own sister, she’d never stopped wanting to know why, out of everyone on the planet, she’d been chosen to suffer like this. Why, out of everyone out there, her husband had to be the one to die? The two of them had made plans, they had a future. They were supposed to grow old together.

She looked her sister straight in the eye. ‘Not everyone’s as lucky as you are, Rebecca. And yes, you’re right, it’s not fair. Life isn’t. Welcome to my world.’

‘Annabel, please. The last thing I want to do is upset you.’

‘Really? Then why come charging in here like this in the first place? It’s not as if my reproductive system is any of your business.’

‘Of course it’s my business,’ said Rebecca. ‘You’re my little sister. And if I think you’re about to make some big mistake, it’s my duty to say something. Having a child isn’t a bed of roses, you know. It’s hard enough when there are two parents involved.’

Annabel knew that they were never going to see eye to eye on the matter, and gave up. After all, what was the point? The way Rebecca was going on, anyone would think her brain cells had been buried alongside her husband. Having already gone over all the issues, not only once but numerous times, she could really do without the lecture. Besides, whatever Rebecca had to say, she knew she’d probably already heard it from Katy.

Refusing to discuss it any further, she got up from the table and put her cup in the sink. She knew Rebecca meant well, but the last thing she wanted was an argument. They were just so different and in so many ways. Admittedly, it was hard for either of them to understand the other at the best of times, let alone over something like this.

‘Then you’ll be pleased to know I’ve decided against getting pregnant,’ she said, just wanting to move the conversation on. ‘At least for the time being.’

‘Yes, Katy mentioned that too,’ replied Rebecca, the relief in her voice more than evident.

Annabel stiffened, wondering what the woman was playing at. If she already knew about her change of heart then why create all this fuss to begin with?

‘You always were a bit impetuous,’ Rebecca continued. ‘At least on this occasion you’re starting to see sense.’

Annabel spun round and told herself that some people just didn’t know when to shut up. Her sister’s words hung in the air between them, yet Rebecca still didn’t seem to realise she’d gone too far.

‘What do you mean, impetuous?’ Annabel asked.

Annabel marched over to the cupboard, pulled out a hefty file and slammed it down on the table. ‘Does this look like impetuous to you?’ She opened the file and began turning one page after another, revealing print out after print out, each of them explaining all there was to know about this fertility treatment and that fertility treatment. Pulling out another big folder, she again turned page after page, this time on child rearing. ‘Well does it?’

She watched her sister look from the files, to her and back again.

‘Look, I’m sorry. I just …’

‘What? See me as an imbecile?’

‘No, it’s …’

‘Stop!’ Annabel cut her off. ‘I think you’ve said enough already, don’t you?’

Finally, her sister fell silent and Annabel slammed the files shut. She took a second to calm herself down. ‘I’d like you to leave now,’ she eventually said. ‘For both our sakes.’

Rebecca reluctantly rose to her feet and began gathering her belongings, but Annabel refused to feel bad. The woman had no right to come into her home and interfere like this. Her sister paused, as if yet again trying to say something, however, Annabel threw her a glare warning her not to. Thankfully, this time she got the message and, without uttering another word, left the room. Glad to see the back of her, Annabel just stood there, holding on to her annoyance.

She waited to hear the front door shut before allowing herself to relax. But even then, she knew it was only just, she still felt furious. ‘How dare she come around here making such value judgements,’ she said. ‘Who does she think she is? My bloody keeper?’

She stared at the files on the table, and thought about the hours upon hours she’d put into her research. ‘Impetuous, my arse!’

Annabel grabbed Rebecca’s mug off the table and was ready to put it in the sink with her own, however she caught sight of her phone sitting on the side. She stopped in her tracks and realised she had the perfect opportunity to really give her sister what for. ‘I’ll show you,’ she said, as she put the cup back down and headed straight for her mobile.

She clicked the button to listen to her voicemail and the more she heard the more her determination grew.

‘You think I’m impetuous,’ she said. ‘Then I’ll give you impetuous.’

She smiled and feeling very pleased with herself, indeed, clicked ‘return call’.