I didn’t sleep all night; no surprise there. High alert was an understatement. I cleaned my entire house from top to bottom, did laundry that had needed to be done for over a month and cooked more bacon than I could eat in a week. Finally, I found myself sitting at my kitchen table, staring off into the dew covered back yard with three fingers of whiskey on ice at seven in the morning.

Fuck it. I’ve done worse.

Waiting on a call that wasn’t going to come for hours, I didn’t know what else to do. There was no way that we were

going to get answers overnight, and that fucking killed me.

I was typically an extremely quiet man and for the most part I kept to myself. I did what I had to do for myself and my club and kept my fucking mouth shut about it. Ever since the day my mother died, the Unacceptables had been my only family and I was extremely grateful to all of them for bringing me out of the ashes, excepting me without question, unwaveringly standing by me—I did the same for all of them. I didn’t know what else there was in the world and couldn’t have cared less about that fact—I was proud of be a one-percenter in every aspect of that title.

“Holt, you know there is no going back from this one, right?” Rave asked as he helped me load the drug dealer’s limp body into the back of his blacked-out van in the middle of the night.

“What else was I supposed to do?” I asked as the weight of the corpse made the back axle whine. The cool night air wrapped around me as I sighed, leaning on the back of the vehicle.

“You should have just let us handle it. We’ve dealt with worse and it would have been better than you getting blood on your hands so young. You’re not alone, kid. We’re a family and we look out for our own. Just remember that the next time you get that nagging twinge of revenge nipping at the back of your brain.” Rave sank down next to me, watching as my hands trembled.

“I’m sorry.” I looked over to where Abel and Odin were scrubbing the garage floor to get as much of the blood out of the concrete as possible.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. If I were you, I probably would have done the same damn thing. An eye for an eye and all that bullshit.” Rave’s declaration made me feel a heck of a lot better, probably more than it should have.

“I snapped. I think I blacked out for most of it.” I bowed my head as I wiped my bloody hands on the front of my fading jeans.

“Get up, kid. We need to get this body out of here before a neighbor calls the cops to report a suspicious vehicle out on the street.” He closed the back doors of the vehicle, handing me my first cigarette. “This will help those nerves a bit.”

“Thanks.” I choked on my first puff, making Rave laugh.

“You’ll get used to it.”

“Yeah, all in due time, right?” I tried to hold the white cancer stick as comfortably as he did but failed miserably.

“I don’t mean the smokes, son. I mean all of it. You’ve entered into a dark, unforgiving world today. You need to be prepared for that and keep your head on straight. If you were my kid, I’d kick your ass for even hanging out with Abel in the first place.” He spit on the ground before lighting up another stick.

“What do you mean? He’s a really good guy.” I felt an overwhelming need to defend my friend.

“I never said he wasn’t. I love that damn kid like he was my flesh and blood, but he was always going to follow in his old man’s footsteps. I would never want that for any child of mine. It’s too fucked up and far too dangerous.”

I broke out of my daze of remembrance when knocking thundered through my house. Jumping to my feet, the safety off on my Beretta, I slowly made my way to the front door from the back of the house. I wasn’t taking chances. If someone had the nerve to show up at my place that early in the morning, for any damn reason, they were going to be met with the barrel of my gun no matter what.

Forcefully, throwing the door open, I looked at the spitting image of a younger me. It was eerie as fuck.

“Who the hell are you?” I barked with my gun trained right between the kid’s eyes.

He didn’t flinch. Nonchalantly, he put his hands up a little and looked me dead in the eye. “My name is Ryder Walsh. I think I’m your son.”

“The fuck you are.” Honestly, looking at him, I was questioning it but to my knowledge, I wasn’t a father. “I don’t have a son.”

“My mother is Pauline Houser,” he explained.

Fuck. Of course she is.

I lowered my weapon, paused and took a deep breath in through gritted teeth.

“How old are you?” I questioned, sharply.

“Nineteen.”

I quickly did the math in my head. Damn it all to hell.

“Come in,” I reluctantly demanded, holding open the door for him.

“Want a beer?” Abel asked as he leaned into the fridge in his dank, poorly lit basement, which I was now squatting in.

“Definitely,” I responded.

Abel’s girlfriend and her friend were on their way over to listen to the new Led Zeppelin album that I had just lifted. I was nervous as all hell. Colleen had been wanting to hook me up with her friend since she started dating Abel, and I’d finally given in. It wasn’t lost on me that I was a punk fifteen-year-old and I was hanging out with seniors, but for some reason they never treated me like a kid. I was their equal in every sense of the word. Abel had even started teaching me how to drive his bike. I figured part of it was because they felt sorry for me. At first I was a scrawny freshman getting his ass beat on a daily basis, and then I was an orphan with blood on his hands. If I were in their shoes, I would have felt sorry for me and pitty was the worst thing in the damn world.

Colleen giggled as she bounced down the stairs, hand in hand with her friend. They were both wearing tight bellbottom jeans with strapless, tight fitting tops. The way their clothes hugged their curves and their boobs, it looked like they were about to explode out of the thin fabric.

“Hi, boys,” Colleen tutted as she pulled her friend onto the couch next to her.

“What it is, ladies?” Abel sank onto the armrest next to his girl after handing them both cans of beer.

“Holt, this is the chick I’ve been wanting you to meet, Pauline.” Colleen motioned to her friend.

“It’s nice to meet you.” I was barely able to talk. I was captivated. Ice blue eyes pierced me from across the room, beaming from a slender, pale face that was framed with jet black, flowing hair. Her smile was adorable. Her body was incredible. I was hooked.

“Likewise,” she cooed.

The night went on with Abel and Colleen pawing at each other in the old recliner in the corner of the room.

“So, what do you think of ‘The Rain Song’?” I asked as Pauline sat staring off into space, engrossed in the music.

“It’s far out.” She flashed a toothy grin, scooting closer to me.

“You know, this song was composed at Page’s home studio, including the entire arrangement and the vocal melody. He was inspired to write the song after George Harrison complained that Led Zeppelin never does any ballads.” I wanted to die a thousand deaths. How much more of a fruit could I fucking be?

“That’s really nifty,” she said with a giggle. “I like a guy that knows his music history.”

“You’re nifty.” There it is. Now I am the biggest dork to have ever lived.

“You’re cute.” She slid over even more. Now she was practically sitting on my lap, and I was frozen in place. “Is that your bed over there?”

I nodded shyly.

“Wanna show it to me?”

I poured myself more whiskey, offering some to Ryder, but he declined.

“So, your momma told you I’m your old man?” I sank into a wooden chair at my kitchen table.

He sat across from me—broad chested, hardened jaw, narrowed eyes. I felt like I was looking directly into my own damn reflection.

“Yes. She said you were much younger than her and when her parents sent her away to have me, she didn’t want to ruin your already fucked-up life.” He never broke eye contact while he explained. It felt like a challenge, as if we were playing chess and he was waiting for my countermove. I had to give it to Ryder—he was straight to the point, and that was one thing I could respect the hell out of.

“Well, she wasn’t wrong. When your mom and I were going steady back in high school, my life was one step away from batshit crazy, and I wasn’t even old enough to drive yet.” I chewed on the inside of my lip as I tried to wrap my head around the reality of the situation. How could I be one of those ne'er-do-well dads who never knew he was a father? I hated people like that. Just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach.

“She said she wrote you a letter telling you about me when I was around ten but you never responded.” He broke this glare, staring at his hands in defeat.

“Never got it.” I shrugged. It was true. No such letter had ever made it to my doorstep.

“Figures.” He rolled his eyes. “Mom always did have a knack for lying.”

“How’s your mom doin’, anyhow?” I honestly had always wondered what happened to her. She was the only woman I’d ever loved, and one day she had just vanished. It was soul crushing to a teenaged boy who was love drunk and pussy whipped.

“She could be better. We don’t really speak much, to be honest. That’s why I wanted to come find you.” The words rolled easily off his tongue but there was an edge to them that broke my heart.

“You in some kind of trouble or something?” I scoffed at him.

“No, sir.” He straightened up quickly, returning his eye contact.

“Then why all of a sudden, out of the damn blue, did you decide today was the day to come pay a guy you have never met, who may or may not be your father, a damn visit at seven in the fucking morning?”

“I know I’m your son.” His voice was unwavering as his declaration tainted the heavy air.

“And how in the fuck are you so positive?”

“Well, genetics. You can’t tell me I don’t look like you. I’ve seen pictures, and I’m a dead ringer for you in high school. I think that’s part of the reason why Mom hated me so much as I was growing up—I was a reminder of the guy who ruined her life. We both have one dimple in our right cheek, eye color is the exact same, and so is our hair. I’d say it’s a safe bet there’s a cleft in your chin hiding under that graying beard. Genes don’t lie, unless my mom was sleeping with your twin at the same time.”

Damn, he’s good.

“So what now?” I asked, staring at my son in disbelief. It was a lot to take in for the amount of alcohol I had consumed over the course of the night and the lack of sleep I was running on.

“Fuck if I know.”